6. 伊當然會來...

6. I tong-jiân ē lâi...

Slade Tt khiā tio̍h ǹg ē, khòaⁿ yi piⁿ-á hit-ê kiu-kiu ê sió sin-khu. Yi ê sim-hóe í-keng hoa, sim-lāi hòⁿ-kî, ka-tī ná ē siūⁿ-kóng, kā pêng-iú chhòng chit-lō bô bo̍k-tek ê siong-hāi ē ū siáⁿ-mih boán-chiok-kám. M̄-koh yi tio̍h ūi ka-tī chhōe lí-iû.

"Lí lí-kái hoⁿh? Góa í-keng hoat-hiān -- só͘-í góa hūn lí, chiok hūn lí. Góa chai lí ài tio̍h Delphin -- só͘-í góa ē kiaⁿ; kiaⁿ lí, kiaⁿ lí kō͘ tiām-tiām ê hong-sek, lí ê tiⁿ-bi̍t... lí ê... hmh, góa m̄-ài lí kă chó͘-gāi, tō sī án-ne niā-niā. Kúi lé-pài tō hó, kàu góa tùi i ū sìn-sim. Só͘-í in-ūi bo̍k-bêng ê hóe-khì, góa siá hit-tiuⁿ phe... Góa mā m̄-chai sī án-chóaⁿ taⁿ góa teh kóng che."

"Góa siūⁿ," Ansley Tt ûn-ûn-á kóng, "sī in-ūi lí it-ti̍t lóng teh oàn-hūn góa."

"Hoān-sè sī án-ne. A̍h sī in-ūi góa boeh kā kui-ê tāi-chì ùi sim-thâu pàng lo̍h." Yi thêng-khùn chi̍t-ē. "Góa chin hoaⁿ-hí lí kā phe húi-tiāu. Tong-jiân góa pēng bô siūⁿ boeh kā lí hāi sí."

Ansley Tt koh hām-lo̍h tiām-chēng, iá Slade Tt, àⁿ tī yi ê téng-koân, kám-kak chi̍t-chūn ê ko͘-toaⁿ, kám-kak sit-khì lâng kap lâng tiong-kan kau-liû ê un-loán. "Lí siūⁿ-kóng góa sī chi̍t-ê koài-bu̍t?"

"Góa mā m̄-chai... He sī góa chiap tio̍h ûi-it ê phe, iá lí kóng, he m̄-sī i siá ê."

"Ah, lí iáu-sī teh kòa-ì i!" 

"Góa kòa-ì ê sī hit-tōaⁿ kì-tî," Ansley Tt kóng.

Slade Tt iáu sī ǹg ē khòaⁿ yi. Yi ká-ná hō͘ chit-ê taⁿ-kek piàn khah sè-hàn ah -- bē su, koh khiā khí-lâi ē ná chhiūⁿ thô͘-hún án-ne hō͘ hong chhoe khì. Khòaⁿ tio̍h che, Slade Tt ê chhò͘-ì hut-leh iū giâ khí-lâi. Kúi-nî lâi, chit nn̄g-ê cha-bó͘ lóng oa̍h tī hit-tiuⁿ phe téng-koân. Yi sī ài i gōa chhim ah, chiah ē hiah pó-sioh í-keng hòa-chò hu ê ûi-it kì-tî! Chi̍t-tiuⁿ í-keng kap yin pêng-iú tēng-hun ê cha-po͘-lâng ê phe. Yi chiah sī koài-bu̍t lah, kám m̄-sī ah?

"Lí siūⁿ chīn pān-hoat boeh kā i ùi góa chia chhiúⁿ-cháu, kám m̄-sī? M̄-koh, lí sit-pāi ah; i iáu sī góa ê. Tāi-chì tō sī án-ne."

"Tio̍h, tō sī án-ne."

"Góa tān-goān góa bô kā lí kóng. Góa m̄-chai lí ê hoán-èng sī án-ne; góa siūⁿ-kóng lí ē kám-kak chin hó-sńg. Ná lí só͘ kóng, he sī kú-kú í-chêng ê tāi-chì; lí mā tio̍h hō͘ góa chi̍t-ê kong-tō, lí tio̍h chai, góa bô lí-iû ē siūⁿ-kóng lí tùi he ē hiah-nī jīn-chin. Góa ná ū khó-lêng ah, in-ūi nn̄g kò-goe̍h liáu-āu lí tō hām Horace Ansley kiat-hun ah? Lí tú ē-tàng ùi pēⁿ-chhn̂g lo̍h-lâi, lín lāu-bú tō kā lí sak kàu Florence, kā lí kè chhut-khì. Lâng-lâng lóng tio̍h chi̍t-kiaⁿ -- ta̍k-ê kî-koài ná ē hiah-nī kín; m̄-koh góa siūⁿ-kóng góa chai. Góa siūⁿ, lí án-ne chò sī in-ūi hùn-khài -- in-ūi án-ne lí tō ē-tàng kóng, lí cháu pí góa hām Delphin koh khah kín. Gín-á chóng ū chit-lō koài lí-iû khì pān chióng-chióng tōa tāi-chì. Lí hiah kín tō kiat-hun, hō͘ góa siong-sìn, lí m̄-bat chin-chiàⁿ kòa-ì he."

"Tio̍h. Góa siūⁿ lí ē-sái án-ne siūⁿ," Ansley Tt tông-ì.

Chheng-lóng ê thian-khong í-keng bô-pòaⁿ-si ê kim-sek. Phú-kng khàm lo̍h-lâi, hut-jiân hō͘ Chhit Soaⁿ-lūn (Seven Hills) àm khì. Sì-kè ê teng-hóe khai-sí thàng-kòe kha-ē chhiū-châng ê ki-hio̍h teh siám-sih. Hong-liâng ê lō͘-tâi ū-sî kha-pō͘-siaⁿ lâi-lâi khì-khì -- cháu-toh ùi lâu-thui kháu ê mn̂g khòaⁿ chhut-khì, iū-koh phâng phâng-pôaⁿ, chhan-kin kap chiú-poe chhut-hiān. Toh-á koh pâi hó, í-á pâi chiàⁿ. Chi̍t-kōaⁿ sè-liap tiān-hóe tī gōa-kháu khai-sí sih. Chi̍t-ê chhēng hong-i ê chho͘-ióng cha-bó͘ hut-jiân chhut-hiān, kō͘ phòa Italia-gí mn̄g, kám ū-lâng khòaⁿ tio̍h yi pa̍k ân yi hit-pún kū Baedeker lí-hêng chí-lâm ê kiù-tòa. Yi kō͘ koái-á tī yi chia̍h-tàu ê toh-kha thok, ū kúi-ê cháu-toh kòe-lâi tàu saⁿ-kāng.

Slade Tt hām Ansley Tt chē ê chit-ê kak-lo̍h iáu-sī àm-sàm bô-lâng. Kú-kú chi̍t-khùn nn̄g-lâng lóng bô kóng-ōe. Lo̍h-bóe, Slade Tt khui-chhùi: "Góa siūⁿ, góa án-ne chò sī teh kún-sńg-chhiò..."

"Kún-sńg-chhiò?"

"Hmh, lí mā chai-iáⁿ, ū-sî chă-gín-á chin chân-jím, iû-kî sī loân-ài tiong ê chă-gín-á. Góa iáu ē-kì-tit hit-àm góa ka-tī chhiò kui-mê, siūⁿ tio̍h lí o͘-àm tiong tī hia tán, phiah khui ū-kng ê ūi, chù-ì teh thiaⁿ, siūⁿ pān-hoat boeh ji̍p-khì -- tong-jiân, āu-lâi thiaⁿ-kóng lí phòa-pēⁿ, góa mā chin kan-khó͘."

Ansley Tt chin kú bô tín-tāng. Chit-má yi bān-bān oa̍t ǹg yi ê tông-phōaⁿ. "M̄-koh góa bô tán. It-chhè i lóng an-pâi hó-sè. I í-keng tī hia. Lâng sûi pàng goán ji̍p-khì," yi kóng. 

Slade Tt àⁿ-àⁿ ê sin-khu sûi tiô khí-lâi. "Delphin tī hia! Lâng pàng lín ji̍p-khì! Ah, chit-má lí teh kóng pe̍h-chha̍t!" yi hiong-kông piàng ōe.

Ansley Tt ê siaⁿ-im lú lâi lú chheng, mā chhiong-móa kiaⁿ-gî. "M̄-koh, i khak-si̍t tī hia. Tong-jiân i ē lâi..." 

"Ē lâi? I ná ē chai lí boeh khì hia? Lí it-tēng sī chhàu-tōaⁿ!"

Ansley Tt tiû-tû chi̍t-ē, ná-chhiūⁿ sī teh siūⁿ. "M̄-koh góa ū kā hôe-phe. Góa kā kóng góa boeh khì hia. Chū án-ne, i tō lâi ah."

Slade Tt siang-chhiú hàiⁿ kàu bīn-chêng. "Oh, Thiⁿ ah -- lí kā hôe-phe! Góa bô siūⁿ tio̍h lí kā hôe-phe..."

"He tō kî-koài, lí to siá-phe ah, ná ē bô siūⁿ tio̍h che."

"Sī ah. Góa khì kah chheⁿ-mê khì."

Ansley Tt khiā khí-lâi, kā phôe-chháu ê ûi-kin khiú chhut-lâi. "Chia khí kôaⁿ ah. Lán siōng-hó lâi cháu... Góa kám-kak tùi lí chin pháiⁿ-sè." yi kóng, ná iōng ûi-kin pau ām-kún.

Chiah-ê ì-gōa ê ōe hō͘ Slade Tt siū tio̍h tōa-tōa ê chhiong-kek. "Sī ah; lán siōng-hó lâi cháu." Yi siu hó yi ê thê-pau kap tōa-i. "Góa m̄-chai, sī án-chóaⁿ, lí kám-kak tùi góa pháiⁿ-sè."

Ansley Tt khiā tio̍h khòaⁿ khì hn̄g-hn̄g hit-ê Pí-bú-tiûⁿ àm-phú ê hêng-iáⁿ. "Hmh -- sī in-ūi hit-àm góa bô su-iàu tán."

Slade Tt hoat-chhut chi̍t-ê bô pêng-chēng ê chhiò siaⁿ. "Tio̍h, tī hit-tiám, góa su lí ah. M̄-koh, góa siūⁿ, góa mā bô su-iàu him-siān lí. Chit kúi-nî í-lâi kàu taⁿ. Chóng-kóng, góa tit-tio̍h i, kap i chò-hóe 25-tang. Iá lí neh, siáⁿ to bô tit-tio̍h, kan-ta hit-tiuⁿ m̄-sī i siá ê phe."

Ansley Tt iū-koh tiām-tiām. Lo̍h-bóe yi kín chi̍t-pō͘ kiâⁿ ǹg lō͘-tâi ê mn̂g, oa̍t-sin tńg-lâi, bīn tùi yin tông-phōaⁿ.

"Góa tit-tio̍h Babara," yi kóng, tō khai-sí kiâⁿ tī Slade Tt thâu-chêng ǹg lâu-thui khì.

- -

6. 伊當然會來...

Slade Tt 徛著 ǹg 下, 看她邊仔彼个勼勼 ê 小身軀. 她 ê 心火已經 hoa, 心內好奇, ka-tī 那會想講, kā 朋友創 chit-lō 無目的 ê 傷害會有啥物滿足感. M̄-koh 她著為 ka-tī 揣理由.

"你理解 hoⁿh? 我已經發現 -- 所以我恨你, 足恨你. 我知你愛著 Delphin -- 所以我會驚; 驚你, 驚你 kō͘ 恬恬 ê 方式, 你 ê 甜蜜... 你 ê... hmh, 我毋愛你 kă  阻礙, tō 是 án-ne niā-niā. 幾禮拜 tō 好, 到我對伊有信心. 所以因為莫名 ê 火氣, 我寫彼張批... 我 mā 毋知是按怎今我 teh 講 che."

"我想," Ansley Tt 勻勻仔講, "是因為你一直 lóng teh 怨恨我."

"凡勢是 án-ne. A̍h 是因為我欲 kā 規个代誌 ùi 心頭放落." 她停睏一下. "我真歡喜你 kā 批毀掉. 當然我並無想欲 kā 你害死."

Ansley Tt koh 陷落恬靜, iá Slade Tt, àⁿ tī 她 ê 頂懸, 感覺一陣 ê 孤單, 感覺失去人 kap 人中間交流 ê 溫暖. "你想講我是一个怪物?"

"我 mā 毋知... He 是我接著唯一 ê 批, iá 你講, he 毋是伊寫 ê."

"Ah, 你猶是 teh 掛意伊!" 

"我掛意 ê 是彼段記持," Ansley Tt 講.

Slade Tt 猶是 ǹg 下看她. 她 ká-ná 予這个打擊變較細漢 ah -- 袂輸, koh 徛起來會 ná 像塗粉 án-ne 予風吹去. 看著 che, Slade Tt ê 醋意忽 leh 又夯起來. 幾年來, 這兩个查某 lóng 活 tī 彼張批頂懸. 她是愛伊偌深 ah, 才會 hiah 保惜已經化做 hu ê 唯一記持! 一張已經 kap 姻朋友訂婚 ê 查埔人 ê 批. 她才是怪物 lah, 敢毋是 ah?

"你想盡辦法欲 kā 伊 ùi 我 chia 搶走, 敢毋是? M̄-koh, 你失敗 ah; 伊猶是我 ê. 代誌 tō 是 án-ne."

"著, tō 是 án-ne."

"我但願我無 kā 你講. 我毋知你 ê 反應是 án-ne; 我想講你會感覺真好耍. Ná 你所講, 彼是久久以前 ê 代誌; 你 mā 著予我一个公道, 你著知, 我無理由會想講你對 he 會 hiah-nī 認真. 我那有可能 ah, 因為兩個月了後你 tō 和 Horace Ansley 結婚 ah? 你拄會當 ùi 病床落來, 恁老母 tō kā 你捒到 Florence, kā 你嫁出去. 人人 lóng 著一驚 -- 逐个奇怪那會 hiah-nī 緊; m̄-koh 我想講我知. 我想, 你 án-ne 做是因為憤慨 -- 因為 án-ne 你 tō 會當講, 你走比我和 Delphin koh 較緊. 囡仔總有 chit-lō 怪理由去辦種種大代誌. 你 hiah 緊 tō 結婚, 予我相信, 你 m̄-bat 真正掛意 he."

"著. 我想你會使 án-ne 想," Ansley Tt 同意.

清朗 ê 天空已經無半絲 ê 金色. 殕光崁落來, 忽然予七山崙 (Seven Hills) 暗去. 四界 ê 燈火開始迵過跤下樹叢 ê枝葉 teh 閃爍. 荒涼 ê 露台有時跤步聲來來去去 -- 走桌 ùi 樓梯口 ê 門看出去, 又 koh 捀捀盤, 餐巾 kap 酒杯出現. 桌仔 koh 排好, 椅仔排正. 一捾細粒電火 tī 外口開始爍. 一个穿風衣 ê 粗勇查某忽然出現, kō͘ 破 Italia 語問, 敢有人看著她縛絚她彼本舊 Baedeker 旅行指南 ê 糾帶. 她 kō͘ 枴仔 tī 她食晝 ê 桌跤 thok, 有幾个走桌過來鬥相共.

Slade Tt 和 Ansley Tt 坐 ê 這个角落猶是暗毿無人. 久久一睏兩人 lóng 無講話. 落尾, Slade Tt 開喙: "我想, 我 án-ne 做是 teh 滾耍笑..."

"滾耍笑?"

"Hmh, 你 mā 知影, 有時 chă 囡仔真殘忍, 尤其是戀愛中 ê chă 囡仔. 我猶會記得彼暗我 ka-tī 笑規暝, 想著你烏暗中 tī hia 等, 避開有光 ê 位, 注意 teh 聽, 想辦法欲入去 -- 當然, 後來聽講你破病, 我 mā 真艱苦."

Ansley Tt 真久無振動. Chit-má 她慢慢越 ǹg 她 ê 同伴. "M̄-koh 我無等. 一切伊 lóng 安排好勢. 伊已經 tī hia. 人隨放阮入去," 她講. 

Slade Tt àⁿ-àⁿ ê 身軀隨趒起來. "Delphin tī hia! 人放恁入去! Ah, chit-má 你 teh 講白賊!" 她兇狂 piàng 話.

Ansley Tt ê 聲音 lú 來 lú 清, mā 充滿驚疑. "M̄-koh, 伊確實 tī hia. 當然伊會來..." 

"會來? 伊那會知你欲去 hia? 你一定是臭彈!"

Ansley Tt 躊躇一下, ná 像是 teh 想. "M̄-koh 我有 kā 回批. 我 kā 講我欲去 hia. 自 án-ne, 伊 tō 來 ah."

Slade Tt 雙手幌到面前. "Oh, 天 ah -- 你 kā 回批! 我無想著你 kā 回批..."

"He tō 奇怪, 你 to 寫批 ah, 那會無想著 che."

"是 ah. 我氣 kah 青盲去."

Ansley Tt 徛起來, kā 皮草 ê 圍巾搝出來. "Chia 起寒 ah. 咱上好來走... 我感覺對你真歹勢." 她講, ná 用圍巾包頷頸.

Chiah-ê 意外 ê 話予 Slade Tt 受著大大 ê 衝擊. "是 ah; 咱上好來走." 她收好她 ê 提包 kap 大衣. "我毋知, 是按怎, 你感覺對我歹勢."

Ansley Tt 徛著看去遠遠彼个比武場暗殕 ê 形影. "Hmh -- 是因為彼暗我無需要等."

Slade Tt 發出一个無平靜 ê 笑聲. "著, tī 彼點, 我輸你 ah. M̄-koh, 我想, 我 mā 無需要欣羨你. 這幾年以來到今. 總講, 我得著伊, kap 伊做伙 25 冬. Iá 你 neh, 啥 to 無得著, 干焦彼張毋是伊寫 ê 批."

Ansley Tt 又 koh 恬恬. 落尾她緊一步行 ǹg 露台 ê 門, 越身轉來, 面對姻同伴.

"我得著 Babara," 她講, tō 開始行 tī Slade Tt 頭前 ǹg 樓梯去.

- -

6.

Mrs. Slade stood looking down on the small bowed figure at her side. The flame of her wrath had already sunk, and she wondered why she had ever thought there would be any satisfaction in inflicting so purposeless a wound on her friend. But she had to justify herself.

"You do understand? I'd found out--and I hated you, hated you. I knew you were in love with Delphin--and I was afraid; afraid of you, of your quiet ways, your sweetness... your... well, I wanted you out of the way, that's all. Just for a few weeks; just till I was sure of him. So in a blind fury I wrote that letter... I don't know why I'm telling you now."

"I suppose," said Mrs. Ansley slowly, "it's because you've always gone on hating me."

"Perhaps. Or because I wanted to get the whole thing off my mind." She paused. "I'm glad you destroyed the letter. Of course I never thought you'd die."

Mrs. Ansley relapsed into silence, and Mrs. Slade, leaning above her, was conscious of a strange sense of isolation, of being cut off from the warm current of human communion. "You think me a monster!"

"I don't know... It was the only letter I had, and you say he didn't write it"

"Ah, how you care for him still!"

"I cared for that memory," said Mrs. Ansley.

Mrs. Slade continued to look down on her. She seemed physically reduced by the blow--as if, when she got up, the wind might scatter her like a puff of dust. Mrs. Slade's jealousy suddenly leaped up again at the sight. All these years the woman had been living on that letter. How she must have loved him, to treasure the mere memory of its ashes! The letter of the man her friend was engaged to. Wasn't it she who was the monster?

"You tried your best to get him away from me, didn't you? But you failed; and I kept him. That's all."

"Yes. That's all."

"I wish now I hadn't told you. I'd no idea you'd feel about it as you do; I thought you'd be amused. It all happened so long ago, as you say; and you must do me the justice to remember that I had no reason to think you'd ever taken it seriously. How could I, when you were married to Horace Ansley two months afterward? As soon as you could get out of bed your mother rushed you off to Florence and married you. People were rather surprised--they wondered at its being done so quickly; but I thought I knew. I had an idea you did it out of pique--to be able to say you'd got ahead of Delphin and me. Kids have such silly reasons for doing the most serious things. And your marrying so soon convinced me that you'd never really cared."

"Yes. I suppose it would," Mrs. Ansley assented.

The clear heaven overhead was emptied of all its gold. Dusk spread over it, abruptly darkening the Seven Hills. Here and there lights began to twinkle through the foliage at their feet. Steps were coming and going on the deserted terrace--waiters looking out of the doorway at the head of the stairs, then reappearing with trays and napkins and flasks of wine. Tables were moved, chairs straightened. A feeble string of electric lights flickered out. A stout lady in a dustcoat suddenly appeared, asking in broken Italian if anyone had seen the elastic band which held together her tattered Baedeker. She poked with her stick under the table at which she had lunched, the waiters assisting.

The corner where Mrs. Slade and Mrs. Ansley sat was still shadowy and deserted. For a long time neither of them spoke. At length Mrs. Slade began again: "I suppose I did it as a sort of joke--"

"A joke?"

"Well, girls are ferocious sometimes, you know. Girls in love especially. And I remember laughing to myself all that evening at the idea that you were waiting around there in the dark, dodging out of sight, listening for every sound, trying to get in--of course I was upset when I heard you were so ill afterward."

Mrs. Ansley had not moved for a long time. But now she turned slowly toward her companion. "But I didn't wait. He'd arranged everything. He was there. We were let in at once," she said.

Mrs. Slade sprang up from her leaning position. "Delphin there! They let you in! Ah, now you're lying!" she burst out with violence.

Mrs. Ansley's voice grew clearer, and full of surprise. "But of course he was there. Naturally he came--"

"Came? How did he know he'd find you there? You must be raving!"

Mrs. Ansley hesitated, as though reflecting. "But I answered the letter. I told him I'd be there. So he came."

Mrs. Slade flung her hands up to her face. "Oh, God--you answered! I never thought of your answering.... "

"It's odd you never thought of it, if you wrote the letter."

"Yes. I was blind with rage."

Mrs. Ansley rose, and drew her fur scarf about her. "It is cold here. We'd better go.... I'm sorry for you," she said, as she clasped the fur about her throat.

The unexpected words sent a pang through Mrs. Slade. "Yes; we'd better go." She gathered up her bag and cloak. "I don't know why you should be sorry for me," she muttered.

Mrs. Ansley stood looking away from her toward the dusky mass of the Colosseum.

"Well--because I didn't have to wait that night."

Mrs. Slade gave an unquiet laugh. "Yes, I was beaten there. But I oughtn't to begrudge it to you, I suppose. At the end of all these years. After all, I had everything; I had him for twenty-five years. And you had nothing but that one letter that he didn't write."

Mrs. Ansley was again silent. At length she took a step toward the door of the terrace, and turned back, facing her companion.

"I had Barbara," she said, and began to move ahead of Mrs. Slade toward the stairway.

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