5. Kō͘ che 名溫暖伊 ê 心

5. Kō͘ che miâ un-loán i ê sim

Kâu-san tōa-la̍t tìm-thâu. "Góa chai, góa put-kò sī chi̍t-chiah kē-téng ê kâu, m̄-koh góa chū-lâi bē chò bô thé-biān ê tāi-chì. Góa kā só͘-ài cha-bó͘ ê miâ piàn-chiâⁿ góa ê chi̍t pō͘-hūn -- án-ne góa tō ū-kàu ah. Góa tông-ì, án-ne ū kóa piàn-thài, m̄-koh che mā sī chi̍t-chióng oân-choân sûn-chhùi, Plato-sek ê hêng-ûi, Góa chí-sī tī lāi-sim, thau-thau-á tùi hit-ê miâ, phō chi̍t-ê tōa-tōa ê ài-ì. Ná-chhiūⁿ chi̍t-chūn un-jiû ê bî-hong chhoe tī chháu-tē téng-bīn."

"Hmm," góa kóng, ìn-siōng chhim. "lí sīm-chì ē-sái kóng, he sī romantic ài-chêng ê chòe-ko hêng-sek ah."

"Tông-ì. M̄-koh, he mā sī ko͘-to̍k ê chòe-ko hêng-sek. Ná-chhiūⁿ gîn-kak-á ū nn̄g-ê bīn. Chit nn̄g-ê ke̍k-toan sio-liâm, éng-oán pun bē-khui."

Goán ê kau-tâm kàu chia thêng lo̍h-lâi, kau-san hām góa tiām-tiām lim ka-tī ê bihlù, chia̍h kakipi kap jiû-hî koaⁿ. 

"Kīn-lâi lí kám ū koh thau lâng ê miâ bô?" góa mn̄g.

Kau-san iô-thâu. I cháng chhiú-kut téng ê kâu-mo͘, ká-ná boeh khak-jīn i chin-chiàⁿ sī chi̍t-chiah kâu. "Bô, kīn-lâi góa bô koh thau jīm-hô lâng ê miâ ah. Chū-chiông lâi kàu chit-ê tìn, góa í-keng koat-sim kái-tiāu hit-ê pháiⁿ hêng-ûi. Ka-chài án-ne, pún sió-kâu ê lêng-hûn mā tit-tio̍h bē-chió ê an-lêng. Góa kā hit chhit-ê cha-bó͘ ê miâ ná pó-pòe án-ne khǹg tī sim-koaⁿ té, kòe chi̍t-ê pêng-chēng, an-lêng ê seng-oa̍h."

"Thiaⁿ lí án-ne kóng, góa chin hoaⁿ-hí," góa kóng.

"Góa chai góa án-ne siuⁿ bē-kiàn-siàu, m̄-koh, góa siūⁿ boeh chai, lí kám khéng hó-sim thiaⁿ góa kóng góa tùi ài-chêng ê khòaⁿ-hoat."

"Tong-jiân," góa kóng.

Kâu-san ba̍k-chiu tōa-tōa la̍t nih kúi-ā ē. I he kāu-kāu ê ba̍k-chiu-mo͘ ná-chhiūⁿ iâ-chí chhiū-hio̍h tī bî-hong tang-tiong án-ne téng-ē iô-tāng. I chhim-chhim, bān-bān suh chi̍t-kháu khùi, ná-chhiūⁿ thiàu-hn̄g soán-chhiú khí-pō͘-cháu chìn-chêng ê hit-chióng suh-khùi.

"Góa siong-sìn, ài sī lán kè-sio̍k oa̍h lo̍h-khì só͘ bián-put-liáu ê lêng-goân. Chóng ū chi̍t-kang, hit-ê ài khó-lêng kiat-sok. A̍h-sī hit-ê ài khó-lêng bô koh ū lō͘-iōng. M̄-koh, sīm-chì ài bô koh chûn-chāi, a̍h-sī ài bô tit-tio̍h hôe-pò, lí mā ē-tàng kā ài kì tī sim-koaⁿ, kì-tit lí bat chhim-chhim ài tio̍h bó͘-lâng. He tō-sī chi̍t-chióng pó-kùi ê un-loán lâi-goân. Nā bô hit-ê jia̍t-goân, chi̍t-ê lâng ê sim -- kâu ê sim mā kāng-khoán -- tō ē piàn-sêng chi̍t-tè léng-khok, pha-hng ê iá-tē. Chi̍t-ê pha̍k bē-tio̍h ji̍t-thâu ê só͘-chāi, bô ki-hōe seng-tióng pêng-hô ê iá-hoe, a̍h hi-bāng ê chhiū-á. Tī chia, góa ê sim-koaⁿ nih, góa tin-sioh hit chhit-ê góa ài kòe ê súi cha-bó͘ ê miâ." Kâu-san kā chhiú-tê tah tī mô͘ chhàng-chhàng ê heng-chêng. "Góa kè-ōe iōng chiah-ê kì-tî chò góa ê sió lêng-goân, tī hân-léng ê àm-mê hiâⁿ lâi un-loán ka-tī, tō͘ kòe góa só͘ chhun bô chē ê jîn-seng."

Kâu-san iū ki-ki chhiò, khin-khin iô-thâu kúi-ā ē.

"Chit-chióng kóng-hoat koài-koài, sī bô?" i kóng. "Jîn-seng. Sui-bóng góa sī kâu, m̄-sī lâng. Heh heh!" 

Kàu 11 tiám pòaⁿ, goán chóng-sǹg lim oân nn̄g tōa-kan ê bihlù. "Góa tio̍h lâi khì," kâu kóng. "Góa ê kám-kak siuⁿ hó, khióng-kiaⁿ ū chhùi poe-poe. Chiâⁿ pháiⁿ-sè."

"Bē lah, góa kám-kak he sī chin chhù-bī ê kò͘-sū," góa kóng. Khó-lêng "chhù-bī" chit-ê sû mā bô kài thò-tòng. Góa ê ì-sù sī, hām kâu chò-hóe lim bihlù, khai-káng pun-sin tō-sī chi̍t-ê lân-tit ê keng-giām. Iû-kî sī chit-chiah kâu kah-ì Bruckner im-ga̍k, koh in-ūi sèng-io̍k (hoān-sè sī ài) tì-sú i thau cha-bó͘ ê miâ, "chhù-bī" iáu bô-kàu lâi hêng-iông che. Che sī góa thiaⁿ kòe siōng put-khó su-gī ê tāi-chì. M̄-koh, góa bô-ài koh kiáu-tāng kâu-san ê chêng-sū, chiah soán iōng chit-ê khah pêng-chēng, tiong-sèng ê sû.

Tī goán kóng àm-an ê sî, góa sat chi̍t-tiuⁿ chi̍t-chheng kho͘ ê ji̍t-phiò hō͘ kâu-san chò tip (sió-hùi). "Sió-khóa chîⁿ," góa kóng, "hō͘ lí bé kóa hó-liāu ka-tī chia̍h."

Khí-thâu, kâu-san m̄ siu, m̄-koh góa kian-chhî, chòe-āu i chiah chiap-siū. I kā phiò-á chih hó-sè, khǹg ji̍p ūn-tōng-khò͘ ê lak-tē-á nih.

"Lí lâng chin hó," i kóng. "Lí thiaⁿ góa kóng hàm-kó͘ ê seng-oa̍h kò͘-sū, chhiáⁿ góa lim bihlù, taⁿ koh chiah khóng-khài. Góa m̄-chai án-nóa kā lí soeh-siā."

 Kâu-san kā khang bihlù kan-á hām po-lê-poe siu tī phâng-pôaⁿ, chah chhut pâng-keng.

Keh-kang chá-khí, góa kiat-siàu lī-khui kheh-chàn, tńg khì Tokyo. Tī kūi-tâi, hit-ê bô thâu-mo͘ koh bô ba̍k-bâi ê koài lāu-lâng í-keng bô tī hia, hit-chiah phīⁿ ū būn-tê ê lāu niau mā bô khòaⁿ-e iáⁿ. Ōaⁿ chi̍t-ê tōa-kho͘, chho͘-ló͘ ê tiong-liân cha-bó͘; góa kóng góa tio̍h ke la̍p cha-àm kiò ê bihlù chîⁿ ê sî, yi kiông-tiāu kóng, góa ê siàu-toaⁿ nih bô hiah-ê ke-gia̍h ê hùi-iōng. "Goán chia kan-ta ū hoàn-bē-ki bē ê kóng-á bihlù."

 Koh chi̍t-pái, góa kám-kak khùn-he̍k. Góa kám-kak ká-ná hiān-si̍t kap hui-hiān-si̍t sûi-sî teh piàn-hòa. M̄-koh, tī góa thiaⁿ kâu-san kóng i ê seng-oa̍h kò͘-sū ê sî, góa khak-si̍t ū hām i chò-hóe lim nn̄g tōa-kan ê Sapporo bihlù.

Góa pún-chiâⁿ boeh kā tiong-liân cha-bó͘ thê-khí kâu-san ê tāi-chì, m̄-koh koh koat-tēng m̄ kóng. Hoān-sè hit-chiah kâu bô chin-chiàⁿ chûn-chāi, it-chhè lóng sī hoàn-sióng, sī thâu-khak chìm un-chôaⁿ siuⁿ kú só͘ sán-seng ê mi̍h. Mā ū khó-lêng, góa khòaⁿ tio̍h ê sī chi̍t-ê kî-koài ê hiān-si̍t ê bāng. Góa nā kā kóng "Lín ū chi̍t-ê sin-lô, i sī chi̍t-chiah ē-hiáu kóng-ōe ê kâu, sī bô?" tāi-chì khióng-kiaⁿ ē thut-chhôe, siōng-bái ê chêng-hêng sī, yi ē jīn-ûi góa sī siáu-ê. Chin khó-lêng hit-ê kâu-san sī pian-chè-gōa ê sin-lô, kheh-chàn bē-tàng kong-khai sêng-jīn i, bián-tit kiaⁿ-tāng tio̍h sòe-bū a̍h ūi-seng pō͘-mn̂g. 

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5. Kō͘ che 名溫暖伊 ê 心

猴山大力頕頭. "我知, 我不過是一隻低等 ê 猴, 毋過我自來袂做無體面 ê 代誌. 我 kā 所愛查某 ê 名變成我 ê 一部份 -- án-ne 我 tō 有夠 ah. 我同意, án-ne 有寡變態, 毋過這 mā 是一種完全純粹, Plato 式 ê 行為, 我只是 tī 內心, 偷偷仔對彼个名, 抱一个大大 ê 愛意. 若像一陣溫柔 ê 微風吹 tī 草地頂面."

"Hmm," 我講, 印象深. "你甚至會使講, 彼是 romantic 愛情 ê 最高形式 ah."

"同意. 毋過, 彼 mā 是孤獨 ê 最高形式. 若像銀角仔有兩个面. 這兩个極端相黏, 永遠分袂開."

阮 ê 交談到遮停落來, 猴山和我恬恬啉家己 ê bihlù, 食 kakipi kap 鰇魚乾. 

"近來你敢有 koh 偷人 ê 名無?" 我問.

猴山搖頭. 伊摠手骨頂 ê 猴毛, 敢若欲確認伊真正是一隻猴. "無, 近來我無閣偷任何人 ê 名 ah. 自從來到這个鎮, 我已經決心改掉彼个歹行為. 佳哉 án-ne, 本小猴 ê 靈魂 mā 得著袂少 ê 安寧. 我 kā 彼七个查某 ê 名 ná 寶貝 án-ne 囥 tī 心肝底, 過一个平靜, 安寧 ê 生活."

"聽你 án-ne 講, 我真歡喜," 我講.

"我知我 án-ne siuⁿ 袂見笑, 毋過, 我想欲知, 你敢肯好心聽我講我對愛情 ê 看法."

"當然," 我講.

猴山目睭大大力 nih 幾若下. 伊彼厚厚 ê 目睭毛若像椰子樹葉 tī 微風當中 án-ne 頂下搖動. 伊深深, 慢慢欶一口氣, 若像跳遠選手起步走進前 ê 彼種欶氣.

"我相信, 愛是咱繼續活落去所免不了 ê 能源. 總有一工, 彼个愛可能結束. 抑是彼个愛可能無閣有路用. 毋過, 甚至愛無閣存在, 抑是愛無得著回報, 你 mā 會當 kā 愛記 tī 心肝, 記得你捌深深愛著某人. 彼就是一種寶貴 ê 溫暖來源. 若無彼个熱源, 一个人 ê 心 -- 猴 ê 心 mā 仝款 -- 就會變成一塊冷酷, 拋荒 ê 野地. 一个曝袂著日頭 ê 所在, 無機會生長平和 ê 野花, a̍h 希望 ê 樹仔. Tī 遮, 我 ê 心肝 nih, 我珍惜彼七个我愛過 ê 媠查某 ê 名." 猴山 kā 手蹄搭 tī 毛聳聳 ê 胸前. "我計畫用 chiah-ê 記持做我 ê 小能源, tī 寒冷 ê 暗暝燃來溫暖家己, 度過我所賰無濟 ê 人生."

猴山又 ki-ki 笑, 輕輕搖頭幾若下.

"這種講法怪怪, 是無?" 伊講. "人生. 雖罔我是猴, 毋是人. Heh heh!" 

到 11 點半, 阮總算啉完兩大矸 ê bihlù. "我著來去," 猴講. "我 ê 感覺 siuⁿ 好, 恐驚有喙飛飛. 誠歹勢."

"袂 lah, 我感覺彼是真趣味 ê 故事," 我講. 可能 "趣味" 這个詞 mā 無蓋妥當. 我 ê 意思是, 和猴做伙啉 bihlù, 開講本身就是一个難得 ê 經驗. 尤其是這隻猴佮意 Bruckner 音樂, koh 因為性慾 (凡勢是愛) 致使伊偷查某 ê 名, "趣味" 猶無夠來形容這. 這是我聽過上不可思議 ê 代誌. 毋過, 我無愛 koh 攪動猴山 ê 情緒, 才選用這个較平靜, 中性 ê 詞.

Tī 阮講暗安 ê 時, 我塞一張一千箍 ê 日票予猴山做 tip (小費). "小可錢," 我講, "予你買寡好料家己食."

起頭, 猴山毋收, 毋過我堅持, 最後伊才接受. 伊 kā 票仔摺好勢, 囥入運動褲 ê 橐袋仔 nih.

"你人真好," 伊講. "你聽我講譀古 ê 生活故事, 請我啉 bihlù, 今 koh chiah 慷慨. 我毋知按怎 kā 你說謝."

 猴山 kā  空 bihlù 矸仔和玻璃杯收 tī 捀盤, 扎出房間.

隔工早起, 我結數離開客棧, 轉去 Tokyo. Tī 櫃台, 彼个無頭毛 koh 無目眉 ê 怪老人已經無 tī 遐, 彼隻鼻有問題 ê 老貓 mā 無看 e 影. 換一个大箍, 粗魯 ê 中年查某; 我講我著加納昨暗叫 ê bihlù 錢 ê 時, 她強調講, 我 ê 數單 nih 無 hiah-ê 加額 ê 費用. "阮遮干焦有販賣機賣 ê 管仔 bihlù."

 閣一擺, 我感覺困惑. 我感覺敢若現實 kap 非現實隨時 teh 變化. 毋過, tī 我聽猴山講伊 ê 生活故事 ê 時, 我確實有和伊做伙啉兩大矸 ê Sapporo bihlù.

我本成欲 kā 中年查某提起猴山 ê 代誌, 毋過 koh 決定毋講. 凡勢彼隻猴無真正存在, 一切攏是幻想, 是頭殼浸溫泉 siuⁿ 久所產生 ê 物. Mā 有可能, 我看著 ê 是一个奇怪 ê 現實 ê 夢. 我若 kā 講 "恁有一个辛勞, 伊是一隻會曉講話 ê 猴, 是無?" 代誌恐驚會脫箠, 上䆀 ê 情形是, 她會認為我是痟 ê. 真可能彼个猴山是編制外 ê 辛勞, 客棧袂當公開承認伊, 免得驚動著稅務 a̍h 衛生部門. 

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5.

The monkey nodded sharply. “I know I’m just a lowly monkey, but I never do anything unseemly. I make the name of the woman I love a part of me—that’s plenty for me. I agree it’s a bit perverted, but it’s also a completely pure, platonic act. I simply possess a great love for that name inside me, secretly. Like a gentle breeze wafting over a meadow.”

“Hmm,” I said, impressed. “I guess you could even call that the ultimate form of romantic love.”

“Agreed. But it’s also the ultimate form of loneliness. Like two sides of a coin. The two extremes are stuck together and can never be separated.”

Our conversation came to a halt here, and the monkey and I silently drank our beer, snacking on the kakipi and the dried squid.

“Have you stolen anyone’s name recently?” I asked.

The monkey shook his head. He grabbed some of the stiff hair on his arm, as if making sure that he was, indeed, an actual monkey. “No, I haven’t stolen anyone’s name recently. After I came to this town, I made up my mind to put that kind of misconduct behind me. Thanks to which, the soul of this little monkey has found a measure of peace. I treasure the names of the seven women in my heart and live a quiet, tranquil life.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” I said.

“I know this is quite forward of me, but I was wondering if you’d be kind enough to allow me to give my own opinion on the subject of love.”

“Of course,” I said.

The monkey blinked widely several times. His thick eyelashes waved up and down like palm fronds in the breeze. He took a deep, slow breath, the kind of breath a long jumper takes before he starts his approach run.

“I believe that love is the indispensable fuel for us to go on living. Someday that love may end. Or it may never amount to anything. But even if love fades away, even if it’s unrequited, you can still hold on to the memory of having loved someone, of having fallen in love with someone. And that’s a valuable source of warmth. Without that heat source, a person’s heart—and a monkey’s heart, too—would turn into a bitterly cold, barren wasteland. A place where not a ray of sunlight falls, where the wildflowers of peace, the trees of hope, have no chance to grow. Here in my heart, I treasure the names of those seven beautiful women I loved.” The monkey laid a palm on his hairy chest. “I plan to use these memories as my own little fuel source to burn on cold nights, to keep me warm as I live out what’s left of my own personal life.”

The monkey chuckled again, and lightly shook his head a few times.

“That’s a strange way of putting it, isn’t it?” he said. “Personal life. Given that I’m a monkey, not a person. Hee hee!”

It was eleven-thirty when we finally finished drinking the two large bottles of beer. “I should be going,” the monkey said. “I got to feeling so good I ran off at the mouth, I’m afraid. My apologies.”

“No, I found it an interesting story,” I said. Maybe “interesting” wasn’t the right word, though. I mean, sharing a beer and chatting with a monkey was a pretty unusual experience in and of itself. Add to that the fact that this particular monkey loved Bruckner and stole women’s names because he was driven to by sexual desire (or perhaps love), and “interesting” didn’t begin to describe it. It was the most incredible thing I’d ever heard. But I didn’t want to stir up the monkey’s emotions any more than was necessary, so I chose this more calming, neutral word.

As we said goodbye, I handed the monkey a thousand-yen bill as a tip. “It’s not much,” I said, “but please buy yourself something good to eat.”

At first the monkey refused, but I insisted and he finally accepted it. He folded the bill and carefully slipped it into the pocket of his sweatpants.

“It’s very kind of you,” he said. “You’ve listened to my absurd life story, treated me to beer, and now this generous gesture. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.”

The monkey put the empty beer bottles and glasses on the tray and carried it out of the room.

The next morning, I checked out of the inn and went back to Tokyo. At the front desk, the creepy old man with no hair or eyebrows was nowhere to be seen, nor was the aged cat with the nose issues. Instead, there was a fat, surly middle-aged woman, and when I said I’d like to pay the additional charges for last night’s bottles of beer she said, emphatically, that there were no incidental charges on my bill. “All we have here is canned beer from the vending machine,” she insisted. “We never provide bottled beer.”

Once again I was confused. I felt as though bits of reality and unreality were randomly changing places. But I had definitely shared two large bottles of Sapporo beer with the monkey as I listened to his life story.

I was going to bring up the monkey with the middle-aged woman, but decided against it. Maybe the monkey didn’t really exist, and it had all been an illusion, the product of a brain pickled by long soaks in the hot springs. Or maybe what I saw was a strange, realistic dream. If I came out with something like “You have an employee who’s an elderly monkey who can speak, right?” things might go sideways, and, worst-case scenario, she’d think I was insane. Chances were that the monkey was an off-the-books employee, and the inn couldn’t acknowledge him publicly for fear of alerting the tax office or the health department.

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