⑫. 伊想講你是我

12. I siūⁿ-kóng lí sī góa

Tong-jiân lah. Ta̍k-ê lóng siūⁿ-kóng goán kāng-khoán. Góa ná tio̍h kî-thāi Ivan ū sáⁿ bô-kāng? Goán mā siūⁿ-kóng goán sī kāng-khoán ê. Tō sī án-ne, góa chiah kan-ta ē-tàng jím-siū sì-nî chi̍t-pái ê kìⁿ-bīn. Sáng goān-ì khòaⁿ tio̍h ka-tī ê sin-hūn khì hō͘ i ê ki-in thè-sin thun-chia̍h lo̍h-khì? Góa ê kám-kak tong-jiân koh-khah hāi. Ûi-it tit-tio̍h hó-chhù ê, khòaⁿ khí-lâi sī gián-kiù jîn-oân. In ē-tàng liáu-kái, goán sī-m̄-sī lóng ū tōa-chi̍h, sī-m̄-sī lóng tio̍h io-chhioh-gâm; in ē-tàng liáu-kái goán sī-m̄-sī lóng kè hō͘ o͘-bah-té ê chúi-tiān-kang a̍h kah-ì phah phin-phóng. In ká-ná chin khak-tēng, siang-seⁿ-á ū tēⁿ tio̍h sin-hūn pì-bi̍t ê sòaⁿ-soh: goán sè-pau nih tîⁿ-se̍h kap tháu-pàng ê DNA sòaⁿ-tiâu só͘ óa-khò ê sī sáⁿ, kap goán ùi sè-kài siu-chi̍p tio̍h ê sī sáⁿ? Kevin hām in pêng-iú teh siūⁿ-boeh gián-kiù hō͘ goán chiâⁿ-chò goán ka-tī ê sī sáⁿ -- m̄-sī goán pún-sin, m̄-sī siang-seⁿ-á. Goán sī koài-thai. In boeh chai-iáⁿ, goán tùi chèng-siông lâng ê ì-gī sī sáⁿ. Chèng-siông lâng ná ē lī-hun, phòa-pēⁿ, thó-ià kam-chhó, kī-choa̍t chìn-hêng bó͘-chióng sèng-hêng-ûi? He sī ki-in-tek a̍h khoân-kéng-tek? Ká-ná sò͘-kì éng-éng ē-tàng kā lán kóng, sī án-nóa lán ê kám-kak ē sī án-ne.

Góa tiám chi̍t-poe ím-liāu, tó lo̍h chi̍t-tè theⁿ-í. Kòe chi̍t-khùn liáu-āu, Samantha chhut-hiān. Yi chhu Jason ê lián-pang, hit-chiah hapa káu tī piⁿ-á jek-leh cháu. Khó-liân ê Diego. Góa m̄-chai chhī yi boeh chhòng sáⁿ, m̄-koh m̄-sī iōng lâi cháu-sio-jek. Jason tī yin āu-piah sió-pō͘ cháu. I he khàm-tio̍h mo͘-sui ê bīn, khòaⁿ khí-lâi bô-sáⁿ kāng-khoán.

"Lí khòaⁿ góa ê siatchuh!" i kí ka-tī heng-chêng, téng-bīn ū "CHÍ-TĒNG KÀ-SÚ" kúi-ê tōa-jī, sī thǹg-ìn khí-lih ê. Góa lia̍h tio̍h i bīn-siōng ê te̍k-tiám: i teh chhiò.

Samantha ùi lián-pang thiàu lo̍h-lâi, chē tī góa ê piⁿ-á. "Só͘-ū hū-kīn ê kū-hòe-tiàm lóng hō͘ lâng siūⁿ-bē-kàu. Goán chhōe tio̍h siōng-chán ê mi̍h." Yi chhun-chhiú ji̍p chi̍t-ê sok-ka tē-á, the̍h-chhut chi̍t-niá chheⁿ-sek ê bowling-kiû saⁿ. Āu-bīn ìn SEVENTH DAY ADVENTIST DENTISTS (Kitok Koh-oa̍h An-sit-ji̍t Hōe Khí-kho).

"Che chiâⁿ hó-sńg."

"Boeh ài bô? Che sī bô-lâng ū ê."

"Boeh." Góa khì hō͘ ka-tī kiaⁿ tio̍h, in-ūi thong-siông Samantha chiah ē chhēng kū-hòe-tiàm ê saⁿ. M̄-koh chit-niá góa m̄ pàng i khì. "Góa thiaⁿ-kóng lí kìⁿ kòe goán ang."

"Ah hah."

“I siūⁿ-kóng lí sī góa."

"Sī án-ne oh?" Samantha khòaⁿ-tio̍h ná chin tio̍h-kiaⁿ.

"Lí ū kā kóng bô?"

Yi khòaⁿ-tio̍h ná chia̍h-tio̍h sáⁿ sng ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ: he sī goán kóng pe̍h-chha̍t ê sî kek ê bīn. "Góa siūⁿ, bô."

"He sī chi̍t-ê 'sī a̍h m̄-sī' ê būn-tê."

Samantha ná tī góa piⁿ-á ê theⁿ-í tó lo̍h-lâi, ná teh kńg Diego ê bóe koh kā pàng-khui. Jason khiú chi̍t-tè í-á chē tī yi sin-piⁿ. I kō͘ chông-pài ê piáu-chêng khòaⁿ yi. I kóng: "Heh, Pă!"

Teh pha̍k ji̍t-thâu ê Ivan, ná khùn ná chhéⁿ, kan-ta i-i ū-ū chhut-siaⁿ.

"Samantha chhōa góa khì chi̍t-keng chhan-thiaⁿ, góa chia̍h chheⁿ bah-oân!"

"He sī Armenia chhan-thiaⁿ." yi kái-soeh kóng.

"Goán mā chhī Diego chia̍h--kóa."

"Yi kah-ì chia̍h." Samantha chhēng bikini téng-sin hām phah-thih-á khò͘. Yi ê phôe-hu ná chhiūⁿ png-á-chhiū thn̂g-chiuⁿ ê chang-sek, chhiú-kut kap keng-kah-thâu lóng ū kin-bah. Góa siūⁿ yi it-ti̍t lóng ū teh khì kiān-sin-pâng.

"Lí bē-sái chia̍h chheⁿ-bah." Ivan ê ba̍k-chiu iáu sī kheh-kheh. "Lí ē tio̍h koléra."

"Samantha mā ū chia̍h."

*

12. 伊想講你是我

當然 lah. 逐个 lóng 想講阮仝款. 我那著期待 Ivan 有啥無仝? 阮 mā 想講阮是仝款 ê. Tō 是 án-ne, 我才干焦會當忍受四年一擺 ê 見面. Sáng 願意看著 ka-tī ê 身份去予伊 ê 基因替身吞食落去? 我 ê 感覺當然 koh 較害. 唯一得著好處 ê, 看起來是研究人員. In 會當了解, 阮是毋是 lóng 有大舌, 是毋是 lóng 著腰尺癌; in 會當了解阮是毋是 lóng 嫁予烏肉底 ê 水電工 a̍h 佮意拍 phin-phóng. In ká-ná 真確定, 雙生仔有捏著身份祕密 ê 線索: 阮細胞 nih 纏踅 kap 敨放 ê DNA 線條所倚靠 ê 是啥, kap 阮 ùi 世界收集著 ê 是啥? Kevin 和 in 朋友 teh 想欲研究予阮成做阮 ka-tī ê 是啥 -- 毋是阮本身, 毋是雙生仔. 阮是怪胎. In 欲知影, 阮對正常人 ê 意義是啥. 正常人那會離婚, 破病, 討厭甘草, 拒絕進行某種性行為? 彼是基因 tek a̍h 環境 tek? Ká-ná 數據 éng-éng 會當 kā 咱講, 是 án-nóa 咱 ê 感覺會是 án-ne.

我點一杯飲料, 倒落一塊撐椅. 過一睏了後, Samantha 出現. 她趨 Jason ê 輪枋, 彼隻 hapa 狗 tī 邊仔 jek-leh 走. 可憐 ê Diego. 我毋知飼她欲創啥, m̄-koh 毋是用來走 sio-jek. Jason tī yin 後壁小步走. 伊 he 崁著毛蓑 ê 面, 看起來無啥仝款.

"你看我 ê siatchuh!" 伊指 ka-tī 胸前, 頂面有 "指定駕駛" 幾个大字, 是燙印起 lih ê. 我掠著伊面上 ê 特點: 伊 teh 笑.

Samantha ùi 輪枋跳落來, 坐 tī 我 ê 邊仔. "所有附近 ê 舊貨店 lóng 予人想袂到. 阮揣著上讚 ê 物." 她伸手入一个塑膠袋仔, 提出一領青色 ê bowling 球衫. 後面印 SEVENTH DAY ADVENTIST DENTISTS (基督閣活安息日會齒科).

"這誠好耍."

"欲愛無? 這是無人有 ê."

"欲." 我去予 ka-tī 驚著, 因為通常 Samantha 才會穿舊貨店 ê 衫. M̄-koh 這領我毋放伊去. "我聽講你見過阮翁."

"Ah hah."

“伊想講你是我."

"是 án-ne oh?" Samantha 看著 ná 真著驚.

"你有 kā 講無?"

她看著 ná 食著啥酸 ê 物件: 彼是阮講白賊 ê 時激 ê 面. "我想, 無."

"彼是一个 '是 a̍h 毋是' ê 問題."

Samantha ná tī 我邊仔 ê 撐椅倒落來, ná teh 捲 Diego ê 尾 koh kā 放開. Jason 搝一塊椅仔坐 tī 她身邊. 伊 kō͘ 崇拜 ê 表情看她. 伊講: "Heh, Pă!"

Teh 曝日頭 ê Ivan, ná 睏 ná 醒, 干焦 i-i ū-ū 出聲.

"Samantha chhōa 我去一間餐廳, 我食生肉丸!"

"彼是 Armenia 餐廳." 她解說講.

"阮 mā 飼 Diego 食寡."

"她佮意食." Samantha 穿 bikini 頂身和拍鐵仔褲. 她 ê 皮膚 ná 像楓仔樹糖漿 ê 棕色, 手骨 kap 肩胛頭 lóng 有筋肉. 我想她一直 lóng 有 teh 去健身房.

"你袂使食生肉." Ivan ê 目睭猶是瞌瞌. "你會著 koléra."

"Samantha mā 有食."

*

12.

Of course. Everyone thinks we're the same. Why should I expect Ivan to be any different? We even think we're the same. That's why we can only stand to see each other once every four years. Who wants to watch her identity be swallowed by her genetic double? I certainly feel the poorer for it. The only people who seem to profit are the researchers. They get to learn whether we both stutter or get cancer of the pancreas; they get to learn whether we both marry swarthy plumbers or enjoy table tennis. They seem so sure that twins hold clues to the mystery of identity: what depends upon threads of DNA winding and unwinding in our cells, and what do we glean from the world? Kevin and his friends are trying to study what makes each of us us -- but not us per se, not the twins. We're the freaks. They want to know what we mean for normal people. Why do normals divorce, sicken, hate licorice, refuse to perform certain sexual acts? Is it genetics or environment? As if the data could ever tell us why we feel the way we feel.

I order a drink and settle into a chaise. After a while, Samantha shows up. She's riding Jason's skateboard, with the pug laboring at her side. Poor Diego. I don't know what she was bred for, but it wasn't running. Jason trots along behind them. Under his curtain of bangs, his face looks different.

"Check out my shirt!" He points at his chest where the words DESIGNATED DRIVER stretch across in big, iron-on letters. I grasp what it is about his face: he's smiling.

Samantha jumps off the skateboard and plops down beside me. "All these thrift stores around here are unbelievable. We found the greatest stuff." She reaches into a plastic bag and pulls out a green bowling shirt. On the back it says SEVENTH DAY ADVENTIST DENTISTS.

"That's really funny."

"Want it? It's one of a kind."

"Yes." I'm surprised by myself, because usually Samantha is the one who wears the thrift store shirts. But I can't pass this one up. "I hear you met my husband."

"Uh huh."

"He thought you were me."

"He did?" Samantha looks surprised.

"Did you tell him that?"

She looks like she's tasted something sour: this is our lying face. "I don't think so."

"It's a yes or no question."

Samantha is leaning back next to me on the chaise, curling and uncurling Diego's tail. Jason has pulled up a chair beside her. He gazes at her with adoration. He says: "Hey Dad!"

Ivan, sunbathing and half-asleep, grunts.

"Samantha took me to this restaurant where we ate balls of raw meat!"

"It's Armenian," she explains.

"We fed some to Diego."

"She liked it." Samantha is wearing a bikini top and jeans. She's as brown as maple syrup and has muscles all up and down her arms and shoulders. I guess she's been going to the gym.

"You shouldn't eat raw meat." Ivan's eyes are still closed. "You'll get cholera."

"Samantha did it."

*