O. Tī Al Jolson 埋 ê 墓園 - 1. 兩个袂輸姊妹

In the Cemetery Where Al Jolson is Buried /by Amy Hempel

http://fictionaut.com/stories/amy-hempel/in-the-cemetery-where-al-jolson-is-buried.pdf

Tī Al Jolson Tâi ê Bōng-hn̂g | Tī Al Jolson 埋 ê 墓園

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1. Nn̄g-ê bē-su chí-mōe

"Kóng kóa góa bē-kì-tit mā bô iàu-kín ê tāi-chì," yi kóng. "Kóng kóa bô lō͘-iōng ê mi̍h, nā bô tō mài kóng."

Góa khai-sí kóng ah. Góa kā yi kóng thâng-thōa poe tī hō͘ tiong ê tāi-chì, bē hō͘ hō͘-chúi tih tio̍h, in bē ak tâm khì. Góa kóng, tī Bí-kok, bô lâng pí Bing Crosby khah tāi-seng ū lo̍k-im-ki. Góa kā yi kóng, goe̍h-niû seⁿ-chò ná chhiūⁿ kin-chio -- lán khòaⁿ i seⁿ-chò îⁿ-îⁿ, in-ūi lán khòaⁿ ê sī i ê kha-chhng-thâu.

Kamera hō͘ góa kám-kak bē chū-chāi, góa thêng lo̍h-lâi. Hit-ê kamera an tī thian-pông ǹg goán -- gîn-hâng mā iōng hit-chiòng kamera hip chha̍t-thau. Goán ê iáⁿ-siōng ē tī Ka-hō͘ Pēⁿ-pâng hō͘ hō͘-sū khòaⁿ.

"Kè-sio̍k kóng lah, sió-chiá," yi kóng. "Lí liâm-mi tō koàn-sì ah."

Góa ū koan-chiòng. Góa kè-sio̍k kóng. Yi kám chai Tammy Wynette í-keng kái-piàn yi ê koa-lō͘? Chin-ê. Taⁿ yi chhiùⁿ "Chi-chhî Lín Pêng-iú"? Paul Anka mā án-ne ah, góa kóng. I chhiùⁿ "Lí Boeh Ū Lán ê Gín-á." I í-keng ià-siān só͘-ū ê lú-khoân chú-gī àu-bâ.

"Koh lâi neh?" yi kóng. "Lí iáu ū siáⁿ-mi̍h bô?"

Oh, ū.

Tùi yi, góa chóng-sī ū siáⁿ-mih pa̍t-hāng ê.

"Lí kám chai, in kà tē-it chiah o͘ seng-seng kóng-ōe ê sî, yi ē kóng pe̍h-chha̍t? In mn̄g yi kóng, he toh-á sī siáng pìⁿ ê, yi kō͘ chhiú-sè pí piàⁿ-sàu--ê ê miâ. In koh kā yi pek-mn̄g ê sî, yi kóng, pháiⁿ-sè lah, si̍t-chè siōng sī gián-kiù kè-ōe ê thâu-ke. M̄-koh, yi í-keng chò lāu-bú, góa ioh, yi tiāⁿ-tio̍h ū yi ê lí-iû."

"Oh, án-ne hó," yi kóng. "Chi̍t-ê gū-giân kò͘-sū."

"O͘ seng-seng ê kò͘-sū iáu bōe soah," góa kóng. "M̄-koh he ē hō͘ lí siong-sim."

"Mài, án-ne tō hó," yi kóng, lia̍h chhùi-am jiàu chi̍t-ē.

Goán khòaⁿ khí-lâi ná hó ê pháiⁿ-tô͘. M̄-koán hó-pháiⁿ, góa iáu bē koàn-sì kòa chhùi-am. Góa put-sî khì bong, Thiⁿ ah, chhut-khùi sio-sio hit-ê ūi. Yi í-keng koàn-sì ah. yi kan-ta kòa téng-bīn hit-tiâu tòa niā-niā. Kî-thaⁿ ê tòa-á -- í-keng chāi-chhiú ah -- yi kā in pàng lēng-lēng.

Chit só͘-chāi, goán kā hō-chò Marcus Welby Pēⁿ-īⁿ. Tō sī tī só͘-ū hiah-ê chiat-bo̍k ê khí-thâu khòaⁿ tio̍h ê, ū chang-chhiū ê, hit-tòng pe̍h-sek kiàn-bu̍t. Sui-bóng sī chi̍t-keng Hollywood ê pēⁿ-īⁿ, si̍t-chè siōng, sī koh khah óa sai kúi-ā mai. Tī kiàⁿ-thâu gōa, ke-lō͘ tùi-bīn hia, ū chi̍t-ê hái soa-po͘.

*

Yi kā góa kài-siāu hō͘ chi̍t-ê hō͘-sū, kóng góa sī Tē-it-hó Pêng-iú. Án-ne piáu-sī, goán hui-siông hui-siông chhin, iá yin mā chin chhin, its* hō͘-sū kap goán pêng-iú mā chin chhin. [* its = iā-tō-sī]

"Góa bat kā yi kóng, lán tiāⁿ-tiāⁿ chò-hóe lim Canada Dry khì-chúi, kō͘ án-ne ké-kúi lán sī tī Canada."

"Lán án-ne ū-kàu hàm," góa kóng.

"Lín nn̄g-ê bē-su sī chí-mōe," hō͘-sū kóng.

Góa sio-su, yin it-tēng teh kî-koài, sī án-nóa góa hiah kú chiah lâi kàu chit-ê bê-lâng ê só͘-chāi? M̄-koh, yin kám ū án-ne mn̄g?

Yin bô mn̄g.

Nn̄g kò goe̍h, sái-chhia ài gōa kú ah?

Góa ē-tàng chò ê kái-soeh sī -- Góa ū chi̍t-ê pêng-iú, i bat ū chi̍t-kái hioh-joa̍h tī sí-thé-keng kang-chok. I bat kā góa kóng chi̍t-kóa tāi-chì. Góa ìn-siōng siōng chhim ê, m̄-sī siōng khióng-pò͘ ê, sī ē-bīn chit-ê. Ū chi̍t-ê lâng sūn 101 kong-lō͘ lo̍h-lâm, lòng chhia. I bô hūn khì. M̄-koh i ê chhiú-kut liù kah chhun chi̍t-ki tâm kô͘-kô͘ ê kut -- i chi̍t-ē khòaⁿ tio̍h án-ne -- i sûi khì hō͘ kiaⁿ sí.

Góa si̍t-si̍t kóng, i sí khì ah.

Só͘-í góa m̄-káⁿ kīn khòaⁿ sí-bông ê tāi-chì. M̄-koh, taⁿ góa tng-teh án-ne chò -- hi-bōng góa ē-tàng tō͘ kòe chit-ê lân-koan.

*

Yi iāⁿ khí hit-niá joa̍h-thiⁿ thán-á, hiàn chhut chi̍t-ki góa bô ài khòaⁿ ê kha-kut. Tî liáu án-ne, lí nā khòaⁿ yi, lí tō liáu-kái yi hit-ê sin-khu sî-sî su-iàu nn̄g ê lâng chiàu-kò͘ ê tō-lí.

"Góa siūⁿ tio̍h chi̍t-kóa tāi-chì," yi kóng. "Cha-àm góa siūⁿ he. Góa jīn-ûi, chia ū chi̍t-ê chin-si̍t koh chek-khek ê su-iàu, lí chai lah," yi kóng, "chhin-chhiūⁿ kóng, lí ka-tī bô hoat-tō͘ ê sî, tio̍h ài ū pa̍t-lâng lâi thè lí chò. Su-iàu ê sî, lí sûi kiò in lâi -- chhin-chhiūⁿ kóng, tī chin kín-kip ê sî."

Yi the̍h-khí chhn̂g piⁿ ê tiān-ōe, kā tiān-ōe sòaⁿ tîⁿ tī ām-kún.

"Hé," yi kóng, "kàu liáu chīn-pōng ê sî."

Yi koh kè-sio̍k, ná chhiūⁿ teh iûⁿ-hîn siáⁿ. M̄-koh góa m̄-chai sī siáⁿ-mi̍h.

"Góa bē kì-tit," yi kóng. "Kübler-Ross kóng ê, tī Kī-choa̍t koh lâi hit-hāng sī siáⁿ?"

Chāi góa khòaⁿ, koh lâi sī Siū-khì. Jiân-āu Thò-hia̍p, Ah-ut téng-téng. M̄-koh, góa kā góa ioh ê lâu tī sim-lāi."

"Ûi-it ê būn-tê sī," yi kóng, "ná ē bô Koh-oa̍h? Thiⁿ ah, góa siūⁿ boeh àn-chiàu chheh só͘ siá ê khì chò. M̄-koh, yi ê chheh bô siá tio̍h Koh-oa̍h."

*

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1. 兩个袂輸姊妹

"講寡我袂記得 mā 無要緊 ê 代誌," 她講. "講寡無路用 ê 物, 若無 tō 莫講."

我開始講 ah. 我 kā 她講蟲豸飛 tī 雨中 ê 代誌, 袂予雨水滴著, in 袂沃澹去. 我講, tī 美國, 無人比 Bing Crosby 較代先有錄音機. 我 kā 她講, 月娘生做 ná 像 kin 蕉 -- 咱看伊生做圓圓, 因為咱看 ê 是伊 ê 尻川頭.

Kamera 予我感覺袂自在, 我停落來. 彼个 kamera 安 tī 天篷 ǹg 阮 -- 銀行 mā 用彼種 kamera hip 賊偷. 阮 ê 影像會 tī 加護病房予護士看.

"繼續講 lah, 小姐," 她講. "你 liâm-mi tō 慣勢 ah."

我有觀眾. 我繼續講. 她敢知 Tammy Wynette 已經改變她 ê 歌路? 真 ê. 今她唱 "支持恁朋友"? Paul Anka mā án-ne ah, 我講. 伊唱 "你欲有咱 ê 囡仔." 伊已經厭僐所有 ê 女權主義漚 bâ.

"Koh 來 neh?" 她講. "你猶有啥物無?"

Oh, 有.

對她, 我總是有啥物別項 ê.

"你敢知, in 教第一隻烏猩猩講話 ê 時, 她會講白賊? In 問她講, he 桌仔是 siáng pìⁿ ê, 她 kō͘ 手勢比拚掃--ê ê 名. In koh kā 她逼問 ê 時, 她講, 歹勢 lah, 實際上是研究計畫 ê 頭家. M̄-koh, 她已經做老母, 我臆, 她定著有她 ê 理由."

"Oh, án-ne 好," 她講. "一个寓言故事."

"烏猩猩 ê 故事猶未煞," 我講. "M̄-koh he 會予你傷心."

"莫, án-ne tō 好," 她講, 掠喙掩 jiàu 一下.

阮看起來 ná 好 ê 歹徒. 毋管好歹, 我猶未慣勢掛喙掩. 我不時去摸, 天 ah, 出氣燒燒彼个位. 她已經慣勢 ah. 她干焦掛頂面彼條帶 niā-niā. 其他 ê 帶仔 -- 已經在手 ah -- 她 kā in 放冗冗.

這所在, 阮 kā 號做 Marcus Welby 病院. Tō 是 tī 所有 hiah-ê 節目 ê 起頭看著 ê, 有棕樹 ê, 彼棟白色建物. 雖罔是一間 Hollywood ê 病院, 實際上, 是 koh 較倚西幾若 mai. Tī 鏡頭外, 街路對面 hia, 有一个海沙埔.

*

她 kā 我介紹予一个護士, 講我是第一好朋友. Án-ne 表示阮非常非常親, iá 姻 mā 真親, its* 護士 kap 阮朋友 mā 真親. [* its = iā-tō-sī]

"我 bat kā 她講, 咱定定做伙啉 Canada Dry 汽水, kō͘ án-ne 假鬼咱是 tī Canada."

"咱 án-ne 有夠譀," 我講.

"恁兩个袂輸是姊妹," 護士講.

我相輸, 姻一定 teh 奇怪, 是 án-nóa 我 hiah 久才來到這个迷人 ê 所在? M̄-koh, 姻敢有 án-ne 問?

姻無問.

兩個月, 駛車愛偌久 ah?

我會當做 ê 解說是 -- 我有一个朋友, 伊 bat 有一改歇熱 tī 死體間工作. 伊 bat kā 我講一寡代誌. 我印象上深 ê, 毋是上恐怖 ê, 是下面這个. 有一个人順 101 公路落南, 挵車. 伊無昏去. M̄-koh 伊 ê 手骨 liù kah 賰一支澹糊糊 ê 骨 -- 伊一下看著 án-ne -- 伊隨去予驚死.

我實實講, 伊死去 ah.

所以我毋敢近看死亡 ê 代誌. M̄-koh, 今我 tng-teh án-ne 做 -- 希望我會當度過這个難關.

*

她颺起 hit 領熱天毯仔, 現出一支我無愛看 ê 跤骨. 除了 án-ne, 你若看她, 你 tō 了解她彼个身軀時時需要兩个人照顧 ê 道理.

"我想著一寡代誌," 她講. "昨暗我想 he. 我認為, chia 有一个真實 koh 即刻 ê 需要, 你知 lah," 她講, "親像講, 你 ka-tī 無法度 ê 時, 著愛有別人來替你做. 需要 ê 時, 你隨叫 in 來 -- 親像講, tī 真緊急 ê 時."

她提起床邊 ê 電話, kā 電話線纏 tī 頷頸.

"Hé," 她講, "到了盡磅 ê 時."

她 koh 繼續, ná 像 teh 羊眩啥. M̄-koh 我毋知是啥物.

"我袂記得," 她講. "Kübler-Ross 講 ê, tī 拒絕 koh 來彼項是啥?"

在我看, koh 來是受氣. 然後妥協, 壓鬱等等. M̄-koh, 我 kā 我臆 ê 留 tī 心內."

"唯一 ê 問題是," 她講, "那會無 Koh 活? 天 ah, 我想欲按照冊所寫 ê 去做. M̄-koh, 她 ê 冊無寫著 Koh 活."

*

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1.

"Tell me things I won't mind forgetting," she said. "Make it useless stuff or skip it."

I began. I told her insects fly through rain, missing every drop, never getting wet. I told her no one in America owned a tape recorder before Bing Crosby did. I told her the shape of the moon is like a banana—you see it looking full, you're seeing it end-on.

The camera made me self-conscious and I stopped. It was trained on us from a ceiling mount—the kind of camera banks use to photograph robbers. It played us to the nurses down the hall in Intensive Care.

"Go on, girl," she said. "You get used to it."

I had my audience. I went on. Did she know that Tammy Wynette had changed her tune? Really. That now she sings "Stand by Your Friends"? That Paul Anka did it too, I said. Does "You're Having Our Baby." That he got sick of all that feminist bitching.

"What else?" she said. "Have you got something else?"

Oh, yes.

For her I would always have something else.

"Did you know that when they taught the first chimp to talk, it lied? That when they asked her who did it on the desk, she signed back the name of the janitor. And that when they pressed her, she said she was sorry, that it was really the project director. But she was a mother, so I guess she had her reasons."

"Oh, that's good," she said. "A parable."

"There's more about the chimp," I said. "But it will break your heart."

"No, thanks," she says, and scratches at her mask.

We look like good-guy outlaws. Good or bad, I am not used to the mask yet. I keep touching the warm spot where my breath, thank God, comes out. She is used to hers. She only ties the strings on top. The other ones—a pro by now—she lets hang loose.

We call this place the Marcus Welby Hospital. It's the white one with the palm trees under the opening credits of all those shows. A Hollywood hospital, though in fact it is several miles west. Off camera, there is a beach across the street.

*

She introduces me to a nurse as the Best Friend. The impersonal article is more intimate. It tells me that they are intimate, the nurse and my friend.

"I was telling her we used to drink Canada Dry ginger ale and pretend we were in Canada."

"That's how dumb we were," I say.

"You could be sisters," the nurse says.

So how come, I'll bet they are wondering, it took me so long to get to such a glamorous place? But do they ask?

They do not ask.

Two months, and how long is the drive?

The best I can explain it is this—I have a friend who worked one summer in a mortuary. He used to tell me stories. The one that really got to me was not the grisliest, but it's the one that did. A man wrecked his car on 101 going south. He did not lose consciousness. But his arm was taken down to the wet bone—and when he looked at it—it scared him to death.

I mean, he died.

So I hadn't dared to look any closer. But now I'm doing it—and hoping that I will live through it.

*

She shakes out a summer-weight blanket, showing a leg you did not want to see. Except for that, you look at her and understand the law that requires two people to be with the body at all times.

"I thought of something," she says. "I thought of it last night. I think there is a real and present need here. You know," she says, "like for someone to do it for you when you can't do it yourself. You call them up whenever you want—like when push comes to shove."

She grabs the bedside phone and loops the cord around her neck.

"Hey," she says, "the end o' the line."

She keeps on, giddy with something. But I don't know with what.

"I can't remember," she says. "What does Kübler-Ross say comes after Denial?"

It seems to me Anger must be next. Then Bargaining, Depression, and so on and so forth. But I keep my guesses to myself.

"The only thing is," she says, "is where's Resurrection? God knows, I want to do it by the book. But she left out Resurrection."

*

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