3. Rusty hō͘ ka-tī ê pì-bi̍t só͘ khùn-jiáu
I ê ba̍k-chiu thêng tī thâu-chêng ê lō͘, m̄-koh i hoān-sè mā ū oa̍t-thâu, khòaⁿ i ê kha, i ê chhiah-kha, i ê chi̍h sió-khóa thó͘-thó͘, ná chhiūⁿ i ê si nih hit-chiah khó-liân ê káu án-ne. In-ūi i bô khòaⁿ tio̍h he chhut-hiān. M̄-chai sī siáⁿ: chi̍t-oân tamaka, peng-pha̍uh, a̍h sī sîn ê kûn-thâu-bó? -- i bô khòaⁿ tio̍h. Hiông-hiông, tòng-hong po-lê ùi tò-pêng ē-bīn kàu chiàⁿ-pêng téng-koân ê tùi-kak khí chi̍t-ê pit-sûn, che sī i lâu lo̍h-lâi ê ûi-it chèng-kì. I tôaⁿ khui liáu, Rusty sit-khì khòng-chè, hō͘ in kui-ê chhiong chhut kong-lō͘.
*
Tī i kā in mama kóng i kah-ì cha-po͘ gín-á hit lé-pài, in papa sêng-jīn i hām chi̍t-ê Hó͘-bó ū bô-chèng-tong ê hêng-ûi.
Rusty kiaⁿ chi̍t-tiô.
M̄-sī in-ūi ū tāi-chì hoat-seng, sī in-ūi kúi-ā nî lâi, i it-ti̍t tī in papa kap Hó͘-bó Tūi sin-piⁿ, m̄-bat hoâi-gî kòe siáⁿ-mih tāi-chì. Chū-chiông piáu-hiān chhut bô siáⁿ ūn-tōng thian-hūn, Rusty ê jīm-bū tō sī tòe in papa, khì kok-chióng pí-sài, kì-lo̍k sò͘-kì, ké-kúi koan-sim. In pē-bú ūi i hoân-ló, i chò tāi-chì ê hong-sek ná chhiūⁿ chă gín-á, m̄-koh in bô án-ne kóng bêng. In kā he kóng chò hòⁿ-kî." Rusty 17 hòe ê sî, in papa kian-chhî i tio̍h khì khó chit-gia̍p kà-sú chip-chiàu, koh kā su-ki ka-ji̍p i tī Hó͘-bó Tūi ê chit-bū chheng-toaⁿ nih. Hō͘ i ì-gōa ê sī, pit-chhì hām kà-sú nn̄g-hāng khó-chhì i lóng ū thong-kòe. Chū án-ne, tī ko-jī hit-nî, i chài Hó͘-bó Tūi tī chiu ni̍h sì-kè se̍h; in papa tō hām chi̍t-ê Hó͘-bó tī i bīn-chêng teh sio phah-tiān.
Hit-nî, Rusty hō͘ ka-tī ê pì-bi̍t só͘ khùn-jiáu. Hit-lâng kiò Robert, m̄-koh ta̍k-ê kiò i Sparse (la-hi), in-ūi i chin sán. I sī o͘-lâng, kòa ba̍k-kiàⁿ, chi̍h ná kim-si-chhiok hiah âng. Sparse ê pē-bú hoat-hiān in ê tāi-chì, sàng i khì Memphis hām chi̍t-ê A-î tòa chò-hóe. Rusty tōa-tōa sit-chì, tō kā in mama thán-pe̍k, kóng-chhut it-chhè. Tú khai-sí, in mama kóng yi bô siong-sìn ū tông-sèng-loân chit-lō tāi-chì. Rusty kā kóng, i tō sī chi̍t-ê sū-si̍t ah, m̄-koh in lóng chai yi ê ì-sù. Yi tō kiàn-gī kóng, chit-ê tāi-chì mài hō͘ pa̍t-lâng chai.
Só͘-í, chi̍t-àm, Rusty ê pē-bú kiò i kàu kheh-thiaⁿ khai-káng, i siūⁿ-kóng chai-iáⁿ goân-in: In mama khut-ho̍k, tāi-chì hō͘ in papa chai-iáⁿ ah lah. M̄-koh, m̄-sī án-ne: I oân-choân m̄-tio̍h. Sū-si̍t-siōng, i tōa-tōa chhò-gō͘. Tōa pō͘-hūn lóng sī in mama teh kóng. Kóng chi̍t-kóa sū-si̍t. Sè-chiat: In papa chò che chò he, taⁿ tāi-chì boeh piak-khang ah. Rusty thiaⁿ ū hiah-ê ōe-kù, m̄-koh bô liáu-kái ōe ê ì-sù.
"Tó chi̍t-ê?"
Rusty in papa tú khai-sí m̄ kóng, lo̍h-bóe i kóng chhut ê sî, hit-ê miâ Rusty mā m̄-chai sī siáng. In-ūi chāi i, yin khah sêng sī hòe-bu̍t, m̄-sī kiû-tūi, khah sêng sī kiû-tūi, m̄-sī kò-jîn, i chiông-lâi m̄-bat hoân-ló yin kiò siáⁿ-mih miâ.
"Siáⁿ lâng?"
Rusty in papa kóng, "Tâu-chhiú."
"Oh." Taⁿ i chai ah. "Khòng-khòng."
"Siáⁿ?" in mama kóng. "Lí kóng siáⁿ-mih?"
"He bô tiōng-iàu."
Yi sa yi ê phiò-pau-á, chông chhut-khì. In thiaⁿ tio̍h chhia ùi chhia-tō sái chiūⁿ ke-lō͘.
"Yi ē tò-tńg lâi," Rusty ê papa kóng.
Rusty bô chin siong-sìn.
"Papa, tio̍h, góa sī tông-sèng-loân."
"Siáⁿ? M̄-tio̍h. Siáⁿ?"
"Sī lah."
"Lí khak-tēng?"
Rusty tìm-thâu.
"Hmmm." In papa kiâⁿ khì chàu-kha, ūi ka-tī tò 3-cháiⁿ ê Crown Royal wiski.
Keh-kang chá-khí, Rusty khòaⁿ tio̍h in mama tī phòng-í, teh tò Virginia Slim ê hun-sái kàu Tab kóng-á nih. "Lín papa," yi kóng. "I í-keng liu-cháu ah."
"Khì tó-ūi?"
Yi m̄-chai, a̍h sī yi chai, m̄-koh yi bô kóng.
*
I ê ba̍k-kiàⁿ kòng lak lo̍h-lâi, i ê siatchuh liah phòa. I ê phīⁿ siōng phái-ūn, khì chiⁿ tio̍h handóluh. I it-ti̍t lâu tī pòaⁿ hun-bê chōng-thài. Kan-ta ē-tàng ì-sek tio̍h kàu-liān siàng tī lâu-thui khut. Thâu-khí-seng, kàu-liān hián-tit hiong-kông, bô chhiūⁿ siū-siong. I ùi ji̍p-kháu pê chhut-lâi, kè-sio̍k mē Hó͘-bó Tūi sī chi̍t-tīn àu-bâ, Rusty sī pùn-sò su-ki. Koh lâi, i ê ba̍k-chiu lin-long se̍h. I ê kha ùi ē-bīn gia̍h khí-lâi, i koh poa̍h-tó tī lâu-thui-khut. Hó͘-bó tūi-oân kín chông hiòng i, 12-Hō chhut-siaⁿ chí-hui kî-thaⁿ ê lâng.
Kāng hit sî-chūn, Rusty chīⁿ tio̍h tâng ê bī. Hoeh ùi phīⁿ-khang lâu kàu chhùi-tûn. Bô-kóng bô-tàⁿ, 45-Hō kō͘ ūi-seng mî-tiâu that i ê phīⁿ. I siūⁿ boeh khiā khí-lâi, 8-Hō kā i koh tháⁿ tó. Yi kō͘ chhiú-tiān chhiō i ê ba̍k-chiu-jîn, soan-pò͘ kóng i siū-tio̍h náu-chìn-tōng. I kám-kak bô-sū, siūⁿ boeh án-ne kóng, m̄-koh 8-Hō thè i kóng, m̄-thang liáu khùi-la̍t -- yin mama sī hō͘-sū, yi bat tāi-chì, chai bô? I ê kha chhiú lóng iáu ē-sái-tit. Bô gōa-siong, bô o͘-chheⁿ. Bān-bān, khak-khak si̍t-si̍t, sè-kài koh hôe-ho̍k tńg-lâi, i khai-sí liáu-kái chi̍t-kóa tāi-chì. Kî-tiong chi̍t-hāng, bus chhiâ chi̍t-ê kak-tō͘, ji̍p-khì-cha̍h (入氣閘, grille) chiⁿ tī chúi-kau, kui-ê thâu teh puh-ian. Lēng-gōa chi̍t-hāng, Hó͘-bó Tūi hun chò nn̄g-cho͘. Chi̍t-cho͘ teh chiàu-kò͘ i, lēng-gōa hit-cho͘ chiàu-kò͘ kàu-liān.
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3. Rusty 予家治 ê 祕密所困擾
伊 ê 目睭停 tī 頭前 ê 路, 毋過伊凡勢 mā 有越頭, 看伊 ê 跤, 伊 ê 赤跤, 伊 ê 舌小可吐吐, ná 像伊 ê 詩 nih 彼隻可憐 ê 狗 án-ne. 毋知是啥: 一丸 tamaka, 冰雹, a̍h 是神 ê 拳頭母? -- 伊無看著. 雄雄, 擋風玻璃 ùi 倒爿下面到正爿頂懸 ê 對角起一个 pit-sûn, 這是伊留落來 ê 唯一證據. 伊彈開了, Rusty 失去控制, 予 in 規个衝出公路.
*
Tī 伊 kā in mama 講伊佮意查埔囡仔彼禮拜, in papa 承認伊和一个虎母有無正當 ê 行為.
Rusty 驚一趒.
毋是因為有代誌發生, 是因為幾若年來, 伊一直 tī in papa kap 虎母隊身邊, m̄-bat 懷疑過啥物代誌. 自從表現出無啥運動天份, Rusty ê 任務 tō 是綴 in papa, 去各種比賽, 記錄數據, 假鬼關心. In 爸母為伊煩惱, 伊做代誌 ê 方式 ná 像 chă 囡仔, 毋過 in 無 án-ne 講明. In kā 彼講做好奇." Rusty 17 歲 ê 時, in papa 堅持伊著去考職業駕駛執照, koh kā 司機加入伊 tī 虎母隊 ê 職務清單 nih. 予伊意外 ê 是, 筆試和駕駛兩項考試伊攏有通過. 自 án-ne, tī 高二彼年, 伊載虎母隊 tī 州 ni̍h 四界踅; in papa tō 和一个虎母 tī 伊面前 teh 相拍電.
彼年, Rusty 予家治 ê 祕密所困擾. 彼人叫 Robert, 毋過逐个叫伊 Sparse (la-hi), 因為伊真瘦. 伊是烏人, 掛目鏡, 舌 ná 金絲雀 hiah 紅. Sparse ê 爸母發現 in ê 代誌, 送伊去 Memphis 和一个阿姨蹛做伙. Rusty 大大失志, tō kā in mama 坦白, 講出一切. 拄開始, in mama 講她無相信有同性戀 chit-lō 代誌. Rusty kā 講, 伊 tō 是一个事實 ah, 毋過 in 攏知她 ê 意思. 她 tō 建議講, 這个代誌莫予別人知.
所以, 一暗, Rusty ê 爸母叫伊到客廳開講, 伊想講知影原因: In mama 屈服, 代誌予 in papa 知影 ah lah. 毋過, 毋是 án-ne: 伊完全毋著. 事實上, 伊大大錯誤. 大部份攏是 in mama teh 講. 講一寡事實. 細節: In papa 做這做彼, 今代誌欲煏空 ah. Rusty 聽有 hiah-ê 話句, 毋過無了解話 ê 意思.
"佗一个?"
Rusty in papa 拄開始毋講, 落尾伊講出 ê 時, 彼个名 Rusty mā 毋知是 siáng. 因為在伊, 姻較成是貨物, 毋是球隊, 較成是球隊, 毋是個人, 伊從來 m̄-bat 煩惱姻叫啥物名.
"啥人?"
Rusty in papa 講, "投手."
"Oh." 今伊知 ah. "Khòng-khòng."
"啥?" in mama 講. "你講啥物?"
"彼無重要."
她捎她 ê 票包仔, 傱出去. In 聽著車 ùi 車道駛上街路.
"她會倒轉來," Rusty ê papa 講.
Rusty 無真相信.
"Papa, 著, 我是同性戀."
"啥? 毋著. 啥?"
"是 lah."
"你確定?"
Rusty tìm 頭.
"Hmmm." In papa 行去灶跤, 為家治倒 3 指 ê Crown Royal wiski.
隔工早起, Rusty 看著 in mama tī 膨椅, teh 倒 Virginia Slim ê 薰屎到 Tab 管仔 nih. "恁 papa," 她講. "伊已經溜走 ah."
"去佗位?"
她毋知, a̍h 是她知, 毋過她無講.
*
伊 ê 目鏡摃 lak 落來, 伊 ê siatchuh 裂破. 伊 ê 鼻上歹運, 去櫼著 handóluh. 伊一直留 tī 半昏迷狀態. 干焦會當意識著教練摔 tī 樓梯窟. 頭起先, 教練顯得兇狂, 無像受傷. 伊 ùi 入口爬出來, 繼續罵虎母隊是一陣漚媌, Rusty 是糞埽司機. Koh 來, 伊 ê 目睭 lin-long 踅. 伊 ê 跤 ùi 下面攑起來, 伊 koh 跋倒 tī 樓梯窟. 虎母隊員緊傱向伊, 12 號出聲指揮其他 ê 人.
仝彼時陣, Rusty 舐著銅 ê 味. 血 ùi 鼻空流到喙唇. 無講無呾, 45 號 kō͘ 衛生棉條窒伊 ê 鼻. 伊想欲徛起來, 8 號 kā 伊 koh 挺倒. 她 kō͘ 手電炤伊 ê 目睭仁, 宣布講伊受著腦震動. 伊感覺無事, 想欲 án-ne 講, 毋過 8 號替伊講, 毋通了氣力 -- 姻 mama 是護士, 她捌代誌, 知無? 伊 ê 跤手攏猶會使得. 無外傷, 無烏青. 慢慢, 確確實實, 世界 koh 回復轉來, 伊開始了解一寡代誌. 其中一項, bus 斜一个角度, ji̍p-khì-cha̍h (入氣閘, grille) 櫼 tī 水溝, 規个頭 teh puh 煙. 另外一項, 虎母隊分做兩組. 一組 teh 照顧伊, 另外彼組照顧教練.
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3.
His eyes stayed ahead of him on the road, but he might as well have been turned around, ogling the foot, the naked foot, with his tongue hanging out like that woebegone dog in the coach’s poem. Because he never saw it coming. Whatever it was — a chunk of asphalt, hail, god’s own right fist? A diagonal crack slicing from the bottom left to the top right of the windshield was the only evidence it left behind of itself. After it ricocheted off, Rusty lost control and sent them careering off the road.
*
The week after he had told his mom he liked boys, his dad confessed to inappropriate behavior with one of the Lady Tigers.
Rusty was stunned.
Not because it had happened, but because he had been around his dad and the Lady Tigers for years and hadn’t suspected a thing. After he showed no talent for sports, Rusty was tasked with being his dad’s lackey, going with him to all the games, keeping stats, pretending to care. His parents were worried about him, the way he did things like a girl, though that’s not exactly how they put it. “Curious,” they called it. When Rusty turned seventeen, his dad insisted he try earning a commercial driver’s license and add chauffeur to his list of duties for the Lady Tiger’s ball club. To his surprise, he passed both the written and driving portions of the test. So he spent his junior year carting the Lady Tigers around the state all while his dad had been sparking with one of them right under his nose.
Rusty had been distracted by his own secrets that year. His name was Robert, but everybody called him Sparse because he was so thin. He was black and wore glasses and had a tongue as red as a canary. When Sparse’s parents found out about them, they sent him to live with an aunt in Memphis, and Rusty had been so depressed he confided in his mom, telling her everything. His mom said at first that she didn’t believe in homosexuals. Rusty told her he was real enough all right, but they both knew what she meant. She suggested that they keep this between them.
So when Rusty’s parents had called him into the living room one evening for a conversation, he assumed he knew the reason. His mom had caved. His dad knew. But no: He was all wrong. In fact, he probably couldn’t be more wrong. His mom did most of the talking. Very factual. The details: His dad had done this and this, and now this was going to happen. Rusty recognized the words but couldn’t comprehend the language.
“Which one?”
Rusty’s dad wouldn’t say at first, and when he finally told him, the name meant little to Rusty. Because they were more pack than team and more team than individual people, he never bothered to learn their names.
“Who?”
Rusty’s dad said, “The pitcher.”
“Oh.” He knew then. “Double zero.”
“What?” His mom said. “What did you say?”
“It’s not important.”
She grabbed her purse and stormed outside. They heard the car pull out of the driveway into the street.
“She’ll be back,” Rusty’s dad said.
Rusty had his doubts.
“Dad, right, so I’m gay.”
“What? No. What?”
“Yeah.”
“You sure?” Rusty nodded.
“Hmmm.” His dad walked into the kitchen and poured himself three fingers of Crown Royal.
The next morning Rusty found his mom on the couch, dipping the ashes of her Virginia Slim into an empty can of Tab. “Your father,” she said. “He’s skedaddled.”
“Where to?”
She didn’t know, or if she did, she wasn’t telling.
*
His glasses had been knocked off, his shirt torn. His nose had taken the worst of it, smashing against the wheel. He remained semiconscious throughout. Conscious enough to realize the coach had been thrown into the stairwell. At first, the coach appeared more flustered than hurt. He clambered out of the entranceway and proceeded to call the Lady Tigers a bunch of bitches and Rusty a shit for a driver. Then his eyes rolled. His feet came out from under him, and he tumbled back down into the stairwell. The Lady Tigers rushed toward him, Number 12 barking orders to everyone else.
Meanwhile, Rusty tasted copper. Blood was eking from his nostrils into his lips. Without asking, Number 45 plugged his nose with tampons. When he tried to stand, Number 8 pushed him back down. She shined a small flashlight into his pupils and declared him to be concussed. He felt okay and tried to say so, but Number 8 said for him not to waste his breath — her mom was a nurse and she knew things, okay? His arms and legs worked. No cuts or bruises. Slowly, surely, the world settled down around him, and he began to understand a few things. For one, the bus rested at a slight angle, its grille buried in the gully of a ditch, the whole front end leaking smoke. For another, the Lady Tigers had divided into two groups. One to see about him, and the other to tend to the coach.
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