4. Kiat-hun í-lâi, góa kan-ta cháu-su nn̄g-kái
I bô kóng siáⁿ, kā chhia hoat-tōng. Goán kàu-ūi ê sî, i thêng tī ûi-chhiûⁿ mn̂g-kháu. "Chhut-lâi ê sî lâi chia, góa khì thêng-chhia." i kóng.
"Chhiáⁿ hō͘ góa tī tiàm-mn̂g kháu lo̍h-chhia," góa kóng. Pa̍t-ê su-ki lóng sī án-ne chò, chiah khì chhōe thêng-chhia ūi.
"Chhut-lâi lâi chia." I iáu-sī bô khòaⁿ góa. Góa pak-lāi to̍h-hóe, kám-kak thǹg khak koh sit hoeh, phû tī khong-tiong; lo̍h-chhia ê sî, kám-kak bē tio̍h kha-ē ê tē-bīn. Tán góa ùi tîn-lia̍t tû kéng chi̍t-kóa bah-piáⁿ liáu, góa khà tiān-ōe hō͘ ài-jîn, kā kóng Emmanuel chin bô-lé, góa boeh chē taksi tńg khì.
"Emmanuel kóng lō͘ bô hó kiâⁿ," góa tńg kàu-tè ê sî, goán ài-jîn án-ne kóng, kháu-khì un-hô.
"Hit-lâng bú-jio̍k góa," góa kóng.
"Bē, i bē án-ne. Hoān-sè sī i bô liáu-kái lí."
Emmanuel tián-hiān chhut goán ài-jîn in bó͘ ê le̍k-liōng; i nā chai i ē hông chhoh, i tō bē hiah-nī bô-lé. Góa siūⁿ boeh kā hit-tē bah-piáⁿ phiaⁿ chhut thang-á.
"Lí tō sī án-ne chò, hō͘ lí ê su-ki thê-chhéⁿ lín chă pêng-iú chai-bat ka-tī ê tē-ūi, hoⁿh?" Góa siaⁿ-im chin chiam, góa ka-tī mā bô kah-ì án-ne. Koh khah bái ê sī, góa tio̍h-kiaⁿ hoat-hiān ba̍k-chiu teh lâu ba̍k-sái. Goán ài-jîn khin-khin kō͘ chhiú lám góa, bē-su góa sī gín-á teh tiuⁿ, mn̄g góa sī-m̄-sī ē-sái hō͘ i chi̍t-tè bah-piáⁿ.
"Lí í-keng chhōa kî-thaⁿ ê cha-bó͘ lâi chia ah, sī bô?" góa mn̄g, mā m̄-chai che ná ē kap pa̍t-ê cha-bó͘ ū khan-liân.
I iô thâu. "Bô, góa bô. Mài koh kóng che. Lán lâi chia̍h bah-piáⁿ, khòaⁿ tiān-iáⁿ."
Góa chhut-chāi i khì an-ùi, lám koh siâm, so koh jiû. Lo̍h-bóe, i kóng, "Lí chai, kiat-hun í-lâi, góa kan-ta cháu-su nn̄g-kái. Góa kap kî-thaⁿ ê cha-po͘ bô-kāng."
"Kóng kah bē-su lí jīn-ûi eng-kai tio̍h siúⁿ," góa kóng.
I ná teh chhiò. "Nn̄g-ê lóng chhiūⁿ lí." I thêng lo̍h-lâi, teh chhōe chi̍t-ê sû, chhōe tio̍h ê sî, i tō kóng kah chin hiáng-siū. "Hèng tak. Yin lóng chhiūⁿ lí án-ne hèng-tak."
Góa khòaⁿ i. I ná ē-sái khòaⁿ bē-chhut, ū-ê ōe i bô eng-kai kă kóng, ū-ê ōe góa kî-bōng kap i chò-hóe kóng? Che sī tiâu-kò͘-ì ê tèⁿ-chheⁿ, tiāⁿ-tio̍h sī án-ne. "Lí chit-ê su̍t-á," góa kóng.
"Siáⁿ-mih?"
Góa koh kóng chi̍t-piàn.
I khòaⁿ tio̍h ná chhiūⁿ hō͘ phang tèng tio̍h. "Chhut khì. Taⁿ tō lī-khui chit-keng chhù," i kóng, koh-lâi se̍h-se̍h liām, "Che bē-tàng chiap-siū."
Góa m̄-bat hông kóaⁿ chhut-mn̂g. Emmanuel chē tī chhia-khò͘ jia-iáⁿ ê chi̍t-tè í-á, bīn bô piáu-chêng, khòaⁿ góa chông hiòng góa ê chhia. Goán ài-jîn gō͘-kang bô khà tiān-ōe lâi, góa mā bô khà hō͘ i. Tán i lo̍h-bóe khà lâi ê sî, i ê tē-it kù ōe sī "Hōng-hông-bo̍k téng ū nn̄g-chiah pan-kah. Góa hi-bāng lí lâi khòaⁿ in."
"Lí piáu-hiān kah ná bô hoat-seng siáⁿ tāi-chì."
"Góa khà tiān-ōe lâi ah," i kóng, bē-su khà tiān-ōe tō sī hōe sit-lé. Āu-lâi, i kă kóng, hit-tong-sî góa nā khàu, nā bô kóng i sī su̍t-á, i tō ē piáu-hiān khah hó. Góa bô eng-kai tńg i hia -- hit-sî góa tō chai-iáⁿ.
Hit-ê cha-bó͘, iáu kim-kim khòaⁿ góa, tng-teh kóng tiān-ōe. Yi ê jeep sī o͘-sek kap gîn-sek, koh hi-kî kah lóng bô koah-hûn. Tī chit-ê siâⁿ-chhī -- otobái chi̍t-tâi chiap chi̍t-tâi, ná chhiūⁿ ē-tàng kiu sè lâi sek-ha̍p kok-chióng phāng án-ne, kín-sok tī chhia-tīn e̍h-e̍h ê phāng tiong-kan nǹg lâi nǹg khì -- he ná ū khó-lêng ah? Hoān-sè yi ê chhia nā hông lòng tio̍h, sûi-sî ū chi̍t-ê ki-kang ùi thiⁿ-téng lo̍h-lâi, kā lap-o siu-lí hó. Góa thâu-chêng hit-tâi chhia ê bóe-teng ū chi̍t-ê khiah; i khòaⁿ tio̍h kap chē-chē ē tih-iû ê chhia kāng-khoán, lo̍h-hō͘ ê sî, hō͘ lō͘-bīn piàn kah kui-phiàn iû-sé-sé. Góa ka-tī ê chhia mā sī kui-sin ê siong-hûn. Siōng tōa ê só͘-chāi sī lòng pháiⁿ ê bampà, he sī chi̍t kò goe̍h chêng hō͘ chi̍t-tâi taksi tī Kok-ông Lō͘ ê âng-teng chêng lòng tio̍h ê. Su-ki tiô lo̍h-lâi, siatchuh ê liú-á khui-khui, kui sin-khu kōaⁿ, khì phut-phut kā góa jiáng.
"Sam-pat cha-bó͘! Lí chin thó-lâng-ià neh. Lí ná ē án-ne tòng-tiām? O͘-pe̍h-lâi!"
Góa lia̍h i khòaⁿ, gāng tī hia, it-ti̍t kàu i sái cháu, án-ne góa chiah khai-sí siūⁿ, góa ē-sái án-nóa kóng, ē-sái án-nóa kā jiáng tò-tńg lâi.
"Lí nā ū kòa kiat-hun chhiú-chí, i tō bē hiah tōa-siaⁿ kā lí jiáng," Chikwado tī góa kā kóng ê sî, ná chhi̍h toh-téng tiān-ōe ê koh-khà botán, ná án-ne kóng. Tī si̍t-tn̂g, yi kā chit-kiāⁿ tāi-chì kā goán tông-sū kóng. Ah, ah, gōng-lâng! Tong-jiân i tōa-siaⁿ jiáng, in-ūi i chai, sī i ê m̄-tio̍h -- Lagos ê kui-kí tō sī án-ne. Só͘-í i siūⁿ-kóng i ē-hiáu làu Eng-gí. I sī ùi tó-ūi o̍h tio̍h ‘thó-lâng-ià’ chit-ê sû? Yin ná chip-chhùi, ná kóng yin ka-tī ê taksi su-ki ê kò͘-sū, āu-lâi, yin ê hùn-khài siau khì, tō khah sè-siaⁿ, koh hèng chhih-chhih khai-sí kóng tī Kiù-to̍k Kàu-tn̂g sin-lâi ê bo̍k-su pun hō͘ hū-lú ê hó-īn piáⁿ (好孕餅).
"Che tùi goán sió-mōe ū-hāu oh. Khí-seng, yi kìm-chia̍h nn̄g-kang, jiân-āu bo̍k-su tī yi chia̍h he piáⁿ chìn-chêng, ūi yi chò chi̍t-ê te̍k-pia̍t ê kiù-chō͘ kî-tó. Yi tio̍h tī tú-tú pòaⁿ-mê ê sî chia̍h he. Āu kò goe̍h, tō sī koh loeh hit kò goe̍h, yi ê goe̍h-keng tō bô lâi ah, tāi-chì tō sī án-ne," kî-tiong chi̍t-ê iáu tī Ibadan teh pō͘-hūn sî-kan chìn-siu sek-sū ha̍k-ūi ê kiam-chit oân-kang án-ne kóng.
"He kám sī chin-chiàⁿ ê piáⁿ?" lēng-gōa chi̍t-lâng mn̄g.
"Sī lah. M̄-koh tī chè-chō piáⁿ chìn-chêng, in ē seng chiok-hok hiah-ê goân-liāu. Sîn ē-tàng thàng-kòe jīm-hô mi̍h chò-kang neh, bebi. Góa bat thiaⁿ kòe, kóng, ū chi̍t-ê bo̍k-su sī iōng chhiú-kin-á."
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4. 結婚以來, 我干焦走私兩改
伊無講啥, kā 車發動. 阮到位 ê 時, 伊停 tī 圍牆門口. "出來 ê 時來 chia, 我去停車." 伊講.
"請予我 tī 店門口落車," 我講. 別个司機攏是 án-ne 做, 才去揣停車位.
"出來來 chia." 伊猶是無看我. 我腹內 to̍h 火, 感覺褪殼 koh 失血, 浮 tī 空中; 落車 ê 時, 感覺袂著跤下 ê 地面. 等我 ùi 陳列櫥揀一寡肉餅了, 我敲電話予愛人, kā 講 Emmanuel 真無禮, 我欲坐 taksi 轉去.
"Emmanuel 講路無好行," 我轉到地 ê 時, 阮愛人 án-ne 講, 口氣溫和.
"彼人侮辱我," 我講.
"袂, 伊袂 án-ne. 凡勢是伊無了解你."
Emmanuel 展現出阮愛人 in 某 ê 力量; 伊若知伊會 hông chhoh, 伊 tō 袂 hiah-nī 無禮. 我想欲 kā 彼袋肉餅抨出窗仔.
"你 tō 是 án-ne 做, 予你 ê 司機提醒恁 chă 朋友知捌 ka-tī ê 地位, hoⁿh?" 我聲音真尖, 我 ka-tī mā 無佮意 án-ne. Koh 較䆀 ê 是, 我著驚發現目睭 teh 流目屎. 阮愛人輕輕 kō͘ 手攬我, 袂輸我是囡仔 teh 張, 問我是毋是會使予伊一塊肉餅.
"你已經 chhōa 其他 ê 查某來 chia ah, 是無?" 我問, mā 毋知這那會 kap 別个查某有牽連.
伊搖頭. "無, 我無. 莫 koh 講這. 咱來食肉餅, 看電影."
我出在伊去安慰, 攬 koh 尋, 挲 koh 揉. 落尾, 伊講, "你知, 結婚以來, 我干焦走私兩改. 我 kap 其他 ê 查埔無仝."
"講 kah 袂輸你認為應該著賞," 我講.
伊 ná teh 笑. "兩个攏像你." 伊停落來, teh 揣一个詞, 揣著 ê 時, 伊 tō 講 kah 真享受. "興觸. 姻攏像你 án-ne 興觸."
我看伊. 伊那會使看袂出, 有 ê 話伊無應該 kă 講, 有 ê 話我期望 kap 伊做伙講? 這是刁故意 ê tèⁿ-chheⁿ, 定著是 án-ne. "你這个術仔," 我講.
"啥物?"
我 koh 講一遍.
伊看著 ná 像予蜂叮著. "出去. 今 tō 離開這間厝," 伊講, koh 來 se̍h-se̍h 念, "這袂當接受."
我 m̄-bat hông 趕出門. Emmanuel 坐 tī 車庫遮影 ê 一塊椅仔, 面無表情, 看我傱向我 ê 車. 阮愛人五工無敲電話來, 我 mā 無敲予伊. 等伊落尾敲來 ê 時, 伊 ê 第一句話是 "鳳凰木頂有兩隻斑鴿. 我希望你來看 in."
"你表現 kah ná 無發生啥代誌."
"我敲電話來 ah," 伊講, 袂輸敲電話 tō 是 hōe 失禮. 後來, 伊 kă 講, 彼當時我若哭, 若無講伊是術仔, 伊 tō 會表現較好. 我無應該轉伊 hia -- 彼時我 tō 知影.
彼个查某, 猶金金看我, tng-teh 講電話. 她 ê jeep 是烏色 kap 銀色, koh 稀奇 kah 攏無割痕. Tī 這个城市 -- otobái 一台接一台, ná 像會當勼細來適合各種縫 án-ne, 緊速 tī 車陣狹狹 ê 縫中間軁來軁去 -- 彼那有可能 ah? 凡勢她 ê 車若 hông 挵著, 隨時有一个技工 ùi 天頂落來, kā lap-o 修理好. 我頭前彼台車 ê 尾燈有一个隙; 伊看著 kap 濟濟會滴油 ê 車仝款, 落雨 ê 時, 予路面變 kah 規遍油洗洗. 我 ka-tī ê 車 mā 是規身 ê 傷痕. 上大 ê 所在是挵歹 ê bampà, 彼是一個月前予一台 taksi tī 國王路 ê 紅燈前挵著 ê. 司機趒落來, siatchuh ê 鈕仔開開, 規身軀汗, 氣 phut-phut kā 我嚷.
"三八查某! 你真討人厭 neh. 你那會 án-ne 擋恬? 烏白來!"
我掠伊看, 愣 tī hia, 一直到伊駛走, án-ne 我才開始想, 我會使 án-nóa 講, 會使 án-nóa kā 嚷倒轉來.
"你若有掛結婚手只, 伊 tō 袂 hiah 大聲 kā 你嚷," Chikwado tī 我 kā 講 ê 時, ná 揤桌頂電話 ê koh 敲 botán, ná án-ne 講. Tī 食堂, 她 kā 這件代誌 kā 阮同事講. Ah, ah, 戇人! 當然伊大聲嚷, 因為伊知, 是伊 ê 毋著 -- Lagos ê 規矩 tō 是 án-ne. 所以伊想講伊會曉 làu 英語. 伊是 ùi 佗位學著 ‘討人厭’ 這个詞? 姻 ná chip 喙, ná 講姻 ka-tī ê taksi 司機 ê 故事, 後來, 姻 ê 憤慨消去, tō 較細聲, koh 興 chhih-chhih 開始講 tī 救瀆教堂新來 ê 牧師分予婦女 ê hó-īn piáⁿ (好孕餅).
"這對阮小妹有效 oh. 起先, 她禁食兩工, 然後牧師 tī 她食 he 餅進前, 為她做一个特別 ê 救助祈禱. 她著 tī 拄拄半暝 ê 時食彼. 後個月, tō 是 koh loeh 彼個月, 她 ê 月經 tō 無來 ah, 代誌 tō 是 án-ne," 其中一个猶 tī Ibadan teh 部份時間進修碩士學位 ê 兼職員工 án-ne 講.
"彼敢是真正 ê 餅?" 另外一人問.
"是 lah. M̄-koh tī 製造餅進前, in 會先祝福 hiah-ê 原料. 神會當迵過任何物做工 neh, bebi. 我 bat 聽過, 講, 有一个牧師是用手巾仔."
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4.
He said nothing and started the car. When we arrived, he stopped at the gate. “Come out here, let me go and park,” he said.
“Please drop me at the entrance,” I said. Every other driver did that, before looking for a parking space.
“Come out here.” He still did not look at me. Rage rose under my skin, making me feel detached and bloodless, suspended in air; I could not sense the ground under my feet as I climbed out. After I had selected some meat pies from the display case, I called my lover and told him that Emmanuel had been rude and that I would be taking a taxi back.
“Emmanuel said the road was bad,” my lover said when I got back, his tone conciliatory.
“The man insulted me,” I said.
“No, he’s not like that. Maybe he didn’t understand you.”
Emmanuel had shown me the power of my lover’s wife; he would not have been so rude if he feared he might be reprimanded. I wanted to fling the bag of meat pies through the window.
“Is this what you do, have your driver remind your girlfriends of their place?” I was shrill and I disliked myself for it. Worse, I was horrified to notice that my eyes were watering. My lover gently wrapped his arms around me, as though I were an irrational child, and asked whether I would give him a meat pie.
“You’ve brought other women here, haven’t you?” I asked, not entirely sure how this had become about other women.
He shook his head. “No, I have not. No more of this talk. Let’s eat the meat pies and watch a film.”
I let myself be mollified, be held, be caressed. Later, he said, “You know, I have had only two affairs since I got married. I’m not like other men.”
“You sound as if you think you deserve a prize,” I said.
He was smiling. “Both of them were like you.” He paused to search for a word, and when he found it he said it with enjoyment. “Feisty. They were feisty like you.”
I looked at him. How could he not see that there were things he should not say to me, and that there were things I longed to have with him? It was a willed blindness; it had to be. He chose not to see. “You are such a bastard,” I said.
“What?”
I repeated myself.
He looked as though he had just been stung by an insect. “Get out. Leave this house right now,” he said, and then muttered, “This is unacceptable.”
I had never before been thrown out of a house. Emmanuel sat in a chair in the shade of the garage and watched stone-faced as I hurried to my car. My lover did not call me for five days, and I did not call him. When he finally called, his first words were “There are two pigeons on the flame tree. I’d like you to see them.”
“You are acting as if nothing happened.”
“I called you,” he said, as though the call itself were an apology. Later, he told me that if I had cried instead of calling him a bastard he would have behaved better. I should not have gone back—I knew that even then.
The woman, still staring at me, was talking on her cell phone. Her jeep was black and silver and miraculously free of scratches. How was that possible in this city where okada after okada sped through the narrow slices of space between cars in traffic as though motorcycles could shrink to fit any gap? Perhaps whenever her car was hit a mechanic descended from the sky and made the dent disappear. The car in front of me had a gash on its tail-light; it looked like one of the many cars that dripped oil, turning the roads into a slick sheet when the rains came. My own car was full of wounds. The biggest, a mangled bumper, was from a taxi that rammed into me at a red light on Kingsway Road a month before. The driver had jumped out with his shirt unbuttoned, all sweaty bravado, and screamed at me.
“Stupid girl! You are a common nuisance. Why did you stop like that? Nonsense!”
I stared at him, stunned, until he drove away, and then I began to think of what I could have said, what I could have shouted back.
“If you were wearing a wedding ring, he would not have shouted at you like that,” Chikwado said when I told her, as she punched the redial button on her desk phone. At the cafeteria, she told our co-workers about it. Ah, ah, stupid man! Of course he was shouting because he knew he was wrong—that is the Lagos way. So he thinks he can speak big English. Where did he even learn the word “nuisance”? They sucked their teeth, telling their own stories about taxi-drivers, and then their outrage fizzled and they began to talk, voices lowered and excited, about a fertility biscuit that the new pastor at Redemption Church was giving women.
“It worked for my sister oh. First she did a dry fast for two days, then the pastor did a special deliverance prayer for her before she ate the biscuit. She had to eat it at exactly midnight. The next month, the very next month, she missed her period, I’m telling you,” one of them, a contract staffer who was doing a master’s degree part time at Ibadan, said.
“Is it an actual biscuit?” another asked.
“Yes now. But they bless the ingredients before they make the biscuits. God can work through anything, sha. I heard about a pastor that uses handkerchiefs.”
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