6. Lín cha-po͘-lâng án-nóa sioh?
Chhia-tīn í-kang khai-sí sió-khóa teh tín-tāng. Góa ùi piⁿ-kiàⁿ khòaⁿ tio̍h chi̍t-tâi otobái, hut chin kín, se̍h lâi se̍h khì koh chhi̍h lá-pah, góa teh tán thiaⁿ i lòng tio̍h góa ê chhia ê siaⁿ. M̄-koh, i bô lòng tio̍h. Su-ki ū tì an-choân-bō, hō͘ chài--ê kan-ta sī kā thâu-khoe gia̍h tī thâu-khak téng -- he lāi-bīn phàu-mî ê chhàu-bī ē chhòng pháiⁿ yi ê thâu-chang -- gia̍h chin óa, só͘-í chi̍t-ē khòaⁿ tio̍h kau-thong kéng-chhat tī thâu-chêng sûi tō ē-tàng kā lop loeh. Goán ài-jîn ū chi̍t-kái kóng che sī jīn-miā. I í-keng sàng ta̍k-ê oân-kang chi̍t-téng an-choân-bō, m̄-koh tōa-pō͘-hūn khiâ otobái iáu sī bô tì. Chêng chi̍t-kang, góa oat kòe Ogunlana Lō͘ ê sî, chi̍t-tâi otobái, su-ki bô tì bō, bông-bo̍k chhiau-sok, khì lòng tio̍h góa; su-ki kō͘ chéng-thâu-á ùn chhùi-nōa boah góa chhia-piⁿ hō͘ i lù tio̍h ê siong-hûn. "A-î, pháiⁿ-sè oh! Chhia bô tāi-chì," i kóng, tō kè-sio̍k i ê lō͘-têng.
Góa chhiò chhut-lâi. Chū-chiông góa lī-iōng chia̍h-tàu sî-kan lī-khui kang-chok, sái-chhia khì goán ài-jîn in chhù, góa í-keng saⁿ lé-pài bô chhiò ah. Góa khì khoán só͘-ū góa ê saⁿ, góa ê chheh, kap góa ê sé-tn̄g iōng-phín, chài tńg góa ê kong-gū, thiám kah hi lè-lè, iân-lō͘ khòaⁿ he Lagos ná ē bái kah hiah bô-chêng, chhù ná iá-chháu án-ne loān puh.
Tī hit saⁿ lé-pài, siōng-pan ê sî, góa chin chió kóng-ōe. Goán pān-kong-sek hut-jiân chin bē koàn-sì, léng-khì chóng-sī siuⁿ léng. Óa lāi-hái sió-tìn ê Oba Tiān-hā, teh iau-kiû koh khah chē ê chîⁿ; i ê tìn gī-hōe siá chi̍t-tiuⁿ phe, kóng, chǹg-chéⁿ-khang teh bùn o͘-sek ê chúi. Goán láu-pán tiàu-chi̍p siuⁿ chē hōe-gī.
"Lán lâi kî-tó kám-un," chi̍t-kái hōe-gī liáu, i án-ne kóng.
"Sī án-nóa lán boeh tī kang-chok tiûⁿ-só͘ kî-tó?" góa mn̄g. "Sī án-nóa lí tio̍h ka-siat lán lóng sī Ki-tok-tô͘?"
I khòaⁿ khí-lâi kiaⁿ chi̍t-tiô. I chai-iáⁿ góa m̄-bat chham-ka kòe, m̄-bat kóng "Amen," m̄-koh góa mā m̄-bat chhut-siaⁿ kóng che.
"Chham-ka kám-siā Chú, m̄-sī kiông-pek ê," i kóng, jiân-āu i kāng khùi kè-sio̍k kóng, "Hōng Iâ-so͘ ê miâ!"
"Amen!" kî-thaⁿ ê lâng chê siaⁿ kóng.
Góa oa̍t-sin boeh lī-khui hōe-gī-sek.
"Bōe-sī cháu," goán tông-sū Gerald sè-siaⁿ kă kóng. "Akin chah i ê seⁿ-ji̍t ke-nn̄g-ko lâi ah."
Góa khiā tī hōe-gī-sek gōa-kháu, it-ti̍t kàu kî-tó kiat-sok, goán chiah ūi Akin chhiùⁿ "Seⁿ-ji̍t Khoài-lo̍k." I ê ke-nn̄g-ko khòaⁿ sī góa kah-ì ê phok-sò͘ ê hit-chióng, tāi-khài sī ùi Sweet Sensation bé ê, hit-chióng ū-sî ē ū nn̄g-khak iù-á. Goán láu-pán kiò i hō͘ góa a̍h Chikwado lâi ho̍k-bū pun ke-nn̄g-ko.
"Sī án-nóa goán tio̍h lâi pun ke-nn̄g-ko?" góa mn̄g. "Ta̍k-kái ū-lâng sàng ke-nn̄g-ko lâi, m̄-sī Chikwado tō sī góa tio̍h ho̍k-bū. Gerald, lí lâi ho̍k-bū pun ke-nn̄g-ko. A̍h sī lí, Emeka, in-ūi lí siōng siàu-liân."
In lia̍h góa khòaⁿ. Chikwado kín-kín khiā khí-lâi, khai-sí chhiat ke-nn̄g-ko. "Lín mài kòa-ì yi," yi tùi ta̍k-ê kóng, m̄-koh ba̍k-chiu khòaⁿ goán láu-pán. "Yi ē án-ne piáu-hiān, sī in-ūi yi kin-á-ji̍t bô chia̍h khí-siáu ê io̍h."
Āu-lâi, yi kā góa kóng: "Lí ná ē piáu-hiān kah án-ne? Ū siáⁿ būn-tê ah? Lín cha-po͘-lâng án-nóa sioh?"
Ū chi̍t-ē-á, góa siūⁿ boeh kā yi kóng góa ê kám-kak: ká-ná góa ê phôe-hu ū-ê ūi hiàu khí-lâi, pit khì, koh lak lo̍h, chhun chi̍t-ūi chi̍t-ūi ê sin-bah thiàⁿ kah góa m̄-chai án-nóa hó. Góa siūⁿ boeh kā yi kóng, góa sī gōa chia̍p khòaⁿ chhiú-ki-á, sui-bóng i í-keng kià nn̄g-kái bô-la̍t ê té-sìn, kóng i bô bêng-pe̍k sī án-nóa góa lī-khui, jiân-āu tō siáⁿ to bô ah; kóng góa kì kah chin chheng-chhó, ū-kàu chheng-chhó, he i iōng lâi chhit ba̍k-kiàⁿ ê sip chóa-kin ê phang-bī. Góa bô kā yi kóng, in-ūi góa khak-tēng, yi ē kóng chhut yi ê sió kim-kù, chhin-chhiūⁿ kóng "Khòaⁿ tio̍h hóe, lí nā kā bong, lí ē hō͘ thǹg tio̍h." M̄-koh, tán góa ùi tiān-náu gia̍h-thâu, khòaⁿ tio̍h yi ná khòaⁿ góa, ná kō͘ chhiú phah thâu, phah, phah, phah, yi ê piáu-chêng iáu sī ū un-jiû, ná chhiūⁿ tông-chêng ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ. Yi ê thâu-chang-pīⁿ sī chi̍t-chióng sin hong-keh, siuⁿ tn̂g, siuⁿ ké, ū âng-ho ê kng-tiám, hō͘ lâng siūⁿ tio̍h pân-gî sok-ka ang-á ê thâu-chang. M̄-koh he sī chi̍t-ê sêng-si̍t; he sī Chikwado ka-tī ê, iá jeep lāi-té hit-ê cha-bó͘ m̄-sī ka-tī ū hit-thâu Brazil thâu-chang.
Chi̍t-ê siàu-liân cha-po͘ gín-á óa-kīn góa ê chhia, chhiú the̍h sap-bûn-chúi ê phùn-koàn kap chhit-pò͘. Góa khui góa ê hō͘-chúi-koeh lâi chó͘-tòng i, m̄-koh i iáu-sī phùn góa ê cha̍h-hong po-lê. Góa cheng-ka hō͘-chúi-koeh ê sok-tō͘. Hit-ê gín-á kā góa gîn chi̍t-ē, tō sóa khì góa āu-piah ê chhia. Hut-jiân, góa ū chi̍t-ê chhóng-pōng, siūⁿ boeh chhut-khì kā pa. Ū chi̍t-ē-á, góa ê ba̍k-chiu bông khì. Góa siūⁿ boeh pa ê, sū-si̍t-siōng sī hit-ê cha-bó͘. Góa oa̍t-kòe khòaⁿ yi ê jeep, in-ūi yi tng-teh khòaⁿ pa̍t-ūi, góa tō chhi̍h lá-pah. Góa thàm chhut chhia-thang.
"Lí ū siáⁿ būn-tê? Lí ná it-ti̍t lia̍h góa khòaⁿ? Góa khiàm lí sioh?" góa tōa-siaⁿ hoah.
Chhia-tīn khai-sí tín-tāng. Góa siūⁿ-kóng yi mā ē kā chhia-thang iô lo̍h. Yi ká-ná boeh thàm óa chhia-thang, koh oa̍t cháu, kek chi̍t-ê khin-khin ê bî-chhiò, thâu gia̍h thêng-thêng; góa khòaⁿ tio̍h he jeep chui-kín sok-tō͘, sái hiòng kiô-téng khì.
[Soah]
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6. 恁查埔人 án-nóa sioh?
車陣已經開始小可 teh 振動. 我 ùi 邊鏡看著一台 otobái, 拂真緊, 踅來踅去 koh 揤喇叭, 我 teh 等聽伊挵著我 ê 車 ê 聲. M̄-koh, 伊無挵著. 司機有戴安全帽, 予載 ê 干焦是 kā 頭盔攑 tī 頭殼頂 -- 彼內面泡棉 ê 臭味會創歹她 ê 頭鬃 -- 攑真倚, 所以一下看著交通警察 tī 頭前隨 tō 會當 kā lop loeh. 阮愛人有一改講這是認命. 伊已經送逐个員工一頂安全帽, m̄-koh 大部份騎 otobái 猶是無戴. 前一工, 我斡過 Ogunlana 路 ê 時, 一台 otobái, 司機無戴帽, 盲目超速, 去挵著我; 司機 kō͘ 指頭仔搵喙瀾抹我車邊予伊 lù 著 ê 傷痕. "阿姨, 歹勢 oh! 車無代誌," 伊講, tō 繼續伊 ê 路程.
我笑出來. 自從我利用食晝時間離開工作, 駛車去阮愛人 in 厝, 我已經三禮拜無笑 ah. 我去款所有我 ê 衫, 我 ê 冊, kap 我 ê 洗盪用品, 載轉我 ê 公寓, 忝 kah 虛 lè-lè, 沿路看 he Lagos 那會䆀 kah hiah 無情, 厝 ná 野草 án-ne 亂 puh.
Tī 彼三禮拜, 上班 ê 時, 我真少講話. 阮辦公室忽然真袂慣勢, 冷氣總是 siuⁿ 冷. 倚內海小鎮 ê Oba 殿下, teh 要求 koh 較濟 ê 錢; 伊 ê 鎮議會寫一張批, 講, 鑽井空 teh 濆烏色 ê 水. 阮老板召集 siuⁿ 濟會議.
"咱來祈禱感恩," 一改會議了, 伊 án-ne 講.
"是 án-nóa 咱欲 tī 工作場所祈禱?" 我問. "是 án-nóa 你著假設咱攏是基督徒?"
伊看起來驚一趒. 伊知影我 m̄-bat 參加過, m̄-bat 講 "Amen," m̄-koh 我 mā m̄-bat 出聲講這.
"參加感謝主, 毋是強迫 ê," 伊講, 然後伊仝氣繼續講, "奉耶穌 ê 名!"
"Amen!" 其他 ê 人齊聲講.
我越身欲離開會議室.
"未是走," 阮同事 Gerald 細聲 kă 講. "Akin 扎伊 ê 生日雞卵糕來 ah."
我徛 tī 會議室外口, 一直到祈禱結束, 阮才為 Akin 唱 "生日快樂." 伊 ê 雞卵糕看是我佮意 ê 樸素 ê 彼種, 大概是 ùi Sweet Sensation 買 ê, 彼種有時會有卵殼幼仔. 阮老板叫伊予我 a̍h Chikwado 來服務分雞卵糕.
"是 án-nóa 阮著來分雞卵糕?" 我問. "逐改有人送雞卵糕來, 毋是 Chikwado tō 是我著服務. Gerald, 你來服務分雞卵糕. A̍h 是你, Emeka, 因為你上少年."
In 掠我看. Chikwado 緊緊徛起來, 開始切雞卵糕. "恁莫掛意她," 她對逐个講, m̄-koh 目睭看阮老板. "她會 án-ne 表現, 是因為她今仔日無食起痟 ê 藥."
後來, 她 kā 我講: "你那會表現 kah án-ne? 有啥問題 ah? 恁查埔人 án-nóa sioh?"
有一下仔, 我想欲 kā 她講我 ê 感覺: ká-ná 我 ê 皮膚有 ê 位 hiàu 起來, pit 去, koh lak 落, 賰一位一位 ê 新肉疼 kah 我毋知 án-nóa 好. 我想欲 kā 她講, 我是偌 chia̍p 看手機仔, 雖罔伊已經寄兩改無力 ê 短信, 講伊無明白是 án-nóa 我離開, 然後 tō 啥 to 無 ah; 講我記 kah 真清楚, 有夠清楚, 彼伊用來拭目鏡 ê 濕紙巾 ê 芳味. 我無 kā 她講, 因為我確定, 她會講出她 ê 小金句, 親像講 "看著火, 你若 kā 摸, 你會予燙著." M̄-koh, 等我 ùi 電腦攑頭, 看著她 ná 看我, ná kō͘ 手拍頭, 拍, 拍, 拍, 她 ê 表情猶是有溫柔, ná 像同情 ê 物件. 她 ê 頭鬃辮是一種新風格, siuⁿ 長, siuⁿ 假, 有紅熇 ê 光點, 予人想著便宜塑膠尪仔 ê 頭鬃. M̄-koh 彼是一个誠實; 彼是 Chikwado ka-tī ê, iá jeep 內底彼个查某毋是 ka-tī 有彼頭 Brazil 頭鬃.
一个少年查埔囡仔倚近我 ê 車, 手提 sap-bûn 水 ê 噴罐 kap 拭布. 我開我 ê 雨水刮來阻擋伊, m̄-koh 伊猶是噴我 ê 閘風玻璃. 我增加雨水刮 ê 速度. 彼个囡仔 kā 我睨一下, tō 徙去我後壁 ê 車. 忽然, 我有一个衝碰, 想欲出去 kā 巴. 有一下仔, 我 ê 目睭濛去. 我想欲巴 ê, 事實上是彼个查某. 我越過看她 ê jeep, 因為她 tng-teh 看別位, 我 tō 揤喇叭. 我探出車窗.
"你有啥問題? 你那一直掠我看? 我欠你 sioh?" 我大聲喝.
車陣開始振動. 我想講她 mā 會 kā 車窗搖落. 她 ká-ná 欲探倚車窗, koh 越走, 激一个輕輕 ê 微笑, 頭攑騰騰; 我看著 he jeep 催緊速度, 駛向橋頂去.
[煞]
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6.
The traffic had started to move a little. I saw an okada in my side mirror, coming too fast, swerving and honking, and I waited to hear the crunch as it hit my car. But it didn’t. The driver was wearing a helmet, while his passenger merely held hers over her head—the smelly foam inside would have ruined her hair—close enough so that she could slip it on as soon as she saw a lastma official ahead. My lover once called it fatalism. He had given free helmets to all his staff, but most of them still got on an okada without one. The day before, an okada, the driver bareheaded and blindly speeding, had hit me as I turned onto Ogunlana Drive; the driver stuck his finger into his mouth and ran it over the scratch on the side of my car. “Auntie, sorry oh! Nothing happen to the car,” he said, and continued his journey.
I laughed. I had not laughed in the three weeks since I had left work at lunchtime and driven to my lover’s house. I had packed all my clothes, my books, and my toiletries and gone back to my flat, consumed as I went by how relentlessly unpretty Lagos was, with houses sprouting up unplanned like weeds.
During those three weeks, I had said little at work. Our office was suddenly very uncomfortable, the air-conditioning always too cold. His Royal Highness, the Oba of the town near the lagoon, was asking for more money; his town council had written a letter saying that the borehole was spewing blackish water. My boss was calling too many meetings.
“Let us give thanks,” he said after one of the meetings.
“Why should we be praying in the workplace?” I asked. “Why must you assume that we are all Christians?”
He looked startled. He knew that I never joined in, never said “Amen,” but I had never been vocal about it.
“It is not by force to participate in thanking the Lord,” he said, and then in the same breath continued, “In Jesus’ name!”
“Amen!” the others chorused.
I turned to leave the meeting room.
“Don’t go,” my co-worker Gerald whispered to me. “Akin brought his birthday cake.”
I stood outside the meeting room until the prayer ended, and then we sang “Happy Birthday” to Akin. His cake looked like the unpretentious kind I liked, probably from Sweet Sensation, the kind that sometimes had bits of forgotten eggshells in it. Our boss asked him to give me or Chikwado the cake to serve.
“Why do we always have to serve the cake?” I asked. “Every time somebody brings in a cake, it is either Chikwado serves it or I serve it. You, Gerald, serve the cake. Or you, Emeka, since you are the most junior.”
They stared at me. Chikwado got up hurriedly and began to slice the cake. “Please, don’t mind her,” she said to everyone, but her eyes were on our boss. “She is behaving like this because she did not take her madness medicine today.”
Later, she said to me, “Why have you been behaving somehow? What’s the problem? Did something happen with your man?”
For a moment, I wanted to tell her how I felt: as though bits of my skin had warped and cracked and peeled off, leaving patches of raw flesh so agonizingly painful I did not know what to do. I wanted to tell her how often I stared at my phone, even though he had sent two feeble texts saying he did not understand why I’d left and then nothing else; and how I remembered clearly, too clearly, the scent of the moist tissues he used to clean his glasses. I didn’t tell her, because I was sure she would deliver one of her petty wisdoms, like “If you see fire and you put your hand in fire, then fire will burn you.” Still, there was a softness in her expression, something like sympathy, when I looked up from my computer screen and saw her watching me while her hand went slap, slap, slap on her head. Her weave was a new style, too long and too wiggy, with reddish highlights that brought to mind the hair of cheap plastic dolls. Yet there was an honesty about it; Chikwado owned it in a way that the woman in the jeep did not own her Brazilian hair.
A young boy approached my car, armed with a spray bottle of soapy water and a rag. I turned on my wipers to discourage him, but he still squirted my windscreen. I increased the wiper speed. The boy glared at me and moved on to the car behind me. I was seized with a sudden urge to step out and slap him. For a moment, my vision blurred. It was really the woman I wanted to slap. I turned to her jeep and, because she had looked away, I pressed my horn. I leaned out of my window.
“What is your problem? Why have you been staring at me? Do I owe you?” I shouted.
The traffic began to move. I thought she would roll down her window, too. She made as if to lean toward it, then turned away, the slightest of smiles on her face, her head held high, and I watched the jeep pick up speed and head to the bridge. ♦
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//
Published in the print edition of the September 20, 2010, issue.
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie has published three novels, including “Americanah,” which is being made into a television series.
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