Cosmopolitan /by Akhil Sharma
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/1997/01/cosmopolitan/376761/
Cosmopolitan
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1. Shaw Tt lâi chhi̍h mn̂g-lêng
Chá-khí 10-tiám chhut-á, Shaw Tt (Thài-thài) kiâⁿ kòe Gopal Maurya ê chháu-tiâⁿ lâi in tau. Hit-kang sī pài-6, Gopal tī phòng-í téng khùn khì. Chhù nih àm bong-bong. I tú thiaⁿ tio̍h mn̂g-lêng ê sî, lêng-á siaⁿ piàn-chò bîn-bāng ê chi̍t-pō͘-hūn. Chū-chiông in bó͘ tòe cha-bó͘-kiáⁿ mā lī-khui i ê seng-oa̍h 4 kò-goe̍h í-lâi, kan-ta i tòa tī chhù, he lêng-á siaⁿ soah piàn-chò bîn-bāng, hō͘ i kám-kak chiâⁿ hàm-kó͘. Shaw Tt koh chhi̍h chi̍t-kái mn̂g-lêng. Gopal chhéⁿ lâi, thâu hîn-hîn koh sim cho-cho, tōa-pō͘-hūn ê chá-khí i lóng sī chit-chióng chêng-hêng. I kan-ta chhēng lāi saⁿ-khò͘ kap boe̍h-á, m̄-koh i ê thán-á in-ūi lâu-kōaⁿ piàn léng-léng.
I khiā khí-lâi, kín-kín kàu mn̂g-kháu. I thàng-kòe khòaⁿ-khang khòaⁿ chhut-khì. Thiⁿ, kng koh chheng. Shaw khi-sin khiā tī mn̂g chêng chi̍t-chhioh, ká-ná teh khòaⁿ i chháu-tiâⁿ kòe hit-pêng ê yi ê chhù. Yi é-é ah, âng thâu-chang, chhēng hún-âng ūn-tōng saⁿ, phú-sek bān-cháu khò͘.
"Sió tán! Sió tán chi̍t-ē, Shaw Tt!" i tōa-siaⁿ hoah, koh cháu tńg thiaⁿ nih chhōe gōa-khò͘ kap siatchuh. Kng-sòaⁿ àm-hun, i soah chhōe bô. I ná tī phòng-í ē-bīn kap āu-bīn bong, ná khòaⁿ tē-pán siōng sòaⁿ phún-phún ê saⁿ-khò͘, koh ná hoân-ló Shaw Tt ē m̄-khéng tán koh í-keng kiâⁿ-lo̍h kha-khám. I m̄-chai kám ū sî-kan thang khì khui-teng khah hó chhōe. Che tō sī tián-hêng ê, hō͘ i tī chá-khí-sî khí iûⁿ-hîn ê chêng-hêng.
Shaw Tt hām Gopal chò chhù-piⁿ í-keng nn̄g-nî, m̄-koh Gopal kan-ta tī kòe-lō͘ ê sî hām yi sio-tú saⁿ/sì pái. I ùi in bó͘ hia chai-iáⁿ, Shaw Tt sī in chă-kiáⁿ tha̍k ê ko-tiong ê hú-tō-oân. I mā chai-iáⁿ yi í-keng lī-hun 10-nî ah. Yin ang sī chi̍t-ê chhùi-khí kiáu-chèng-su, í-keng lī-khui yi ah. Shaw Tt poaⁿ-kòe 5|6 kái chhù, m̄-koh lóng bô hn̄g kòe téng-kái tòa ê ūi kúi mai. Yi bé Gopal keh-piah hit-keng kài-boa̍h-sek ê sió chhù tō sī chit-chióng bô an-tēng chêng-hêng ê chi̍t pō͘-hūn. Sui-bóng i m̄-sī thó-ià Shaw Tt, Gopal tùi yin chhù hiàu-khak ê iû-chhat kap ùi yin tau chhia-tō phòa tamaka hoat-chhut ê iá-chháu chin khùn-jiáu, ká-ná ē khan-liân i ê chhù piàn khah àu-kū. Pòaⁿ-mê chiah lī-khui yin tau ê kok-chióng chhia-lióng hō͘ i kám-kak yi chin hòng-tōng. M̄-koh tī chit-kang chá-khí, Gopal goān-ì pàng bē-kì chiah-ê, lâi kau-ōaⁿ chi̍t-ê sīm-chì sió-sió ê iú-gî.
Gopal chhōe tio̍h i ê saⁿ-khò͘ ah, kín kā lom hó, ná kiâⁿ tńg-khì khui-mn̂g. Kng-sòaⁿ kap léng khong-khì chhèng ji̍p-lâi, thê-chhéⁿ i chù-ì piáu-chêng. Gopal seⁿ-chò sè-hàn, bīn-kut iù koh koân, ba̍k-chiu-mo͘ tn̂g-tn̂g. I it-hiòng ū chū-sìn ka-tī ê bīn-māu, mā chù-tiōng chhēng-chhah. Taⁿ i tam-sim ê sī, he phú chhùi-chhiu sap-á kap tn̂g thâu-chang ē hō͘ i khòaⁿ khí-lâi chin lak-soe.
"Halo, Maurya Ss," Shaw Tt kóng, ná khòaⁿ i koh thàng kòe i khòaⁿ ji̍p àm-àm ê chhù, iū-koh khòaⁿ i. Ji̍t-thâu chiò tī yi ê āu-bīn. Thiⁿ nâ kah phú-pe̍h. "Lí hó bô?" yi khin-siaⁿ mn̄g.
"Oh, Shaw Tt," Gopal kóng, i ê siaⁿ chho͘-chho͘, "góa tú tio̍h chi̍t-kóa pháiⁿ tāi-chì." I bô siūⁿ boeh kóng siuⁿ ti̍t-chiap. I hoa̍h chhut mn̂g lâi.
Chêng-mn̂g khui ji̍p hiân-koan, ùi hia ē-tàng chheng-chheng chhó͘-chhó khòaⁿ tio̍h tōa-thiaⁿ kap Gopal tú-chiah tó ê phòng-í. I chhiat-to̍h tiān-hóe. Chiàⁿ-chhiú pêng sī chàu-kha. Formica îⁿ-toh hām kūi-tâi téng ū eng-ia. Shaw Tt ká-ná hō͘ chit-ê chêng-hêng kiaⁿ chi̍t-tiô. Kòe chi̍t-ē-á, yi kóng, "Góa ū thiaⁿ lâng kóng khí." Yi thêng chi̍t-ē, sûi koh pó͘-chhiong kóng, "Chin ûi-hām, Maurya Ss. He tiāⁿ-tio̍h chin chia̍h-la̍t. Lí m̄-bián kám-kak pháiⁿ-sè; He m̄-sī lí ê m̄-tio̍h."
"Chhiáⁿ chē," Gopal kóng, ná pí chàu-kha toh-piⁿ ê chi̍t-tè í-á. I siūⁿ boeh kō͘ kau-tâm kap yi tîⁿ, kā yi lâu kúi tiám-cheng. I siūⁿ boeh kā yi kóng, ko͘-toaⁿ hō͘ i hoàn-sióng boeh kiò kiù-hō͘ chhia, thang-hó ū lâng bong koh bak, a̍h sī ū chi̍t-chūn i khai-sí kú-kú tī Indo /ìn-tō͘/ cha̍p-hòe tiàm lin-long se̍h, tō ná chhiūⁿ hiah-ê bē-hiáu kóng Eng-gí ê lāu-lâng. Che sī chi̍t-ê gōa-nī-á súi koh hó ê cha-bó͘ ah, i án-ne siūⁿ.
Shaw Tt khiā tī pâng-keng tiong-ng, sì-bīn khòaⁿ. Yi sió-khóa pûi-pûi, phīⁿ-khang khòaⁿ tio̍h îⁿ-liàn-liàn, m̄-koh yi ê pe̍h-sek Reebok ūn-tōng-ê hō͘ Gopal khòaⁿ yi sī chhiong-móa chheng-chhun kap sûn-chin. "Góa it-ti̍t teh siūⁿ boeh kòe-lâi. Pháiⁿ-sè lah, góa bô án-ne chò."
"He bô iàu-kín lah, Shaw Tt," Gopal kóng, khiā tī óa chàu-kha tiān-ōe ê piah-piⁿ. "Kám ū lâng ē-tàng chhòng siáⁿ? M̄-koh, góa chin hoaⁿ-hí, taⁿ lí lâi ah." I teh siūⁿ boeh koh kóng siáⁿ. Ūi tio̍h thang iân-tn̂g chò-hóe ê sî-kan, Gopal kiâⁿ kàu peng-siuⁿ, mn̄g yi boeh lim siáⁿ-mi̍h bô.
"Bián lah, to-siā," yi kóng.
"Liú-teng chiap, lingo chiap, a̍h pô-tô, ông-lâi, pa̍t-á. Góa mā ū chi̍t-kóa jia̍t-tài punch chiú." i kè-sio̍k kóng, ná kā peng-siuⁿ ê mn̂g khiú khui-khui, ká-ná boeh chèng-bêng i bô kóng pe̍h-chha̍t.
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1. Shaw Tt 來揤門鈴
早起 10 點出仔, Shaw Tt (太太) 行過 Gopal Maurya ê 草埕來 in 兜. 彼工是拜 6, Gopal tī 膨椅頂睏去. 厝 nih 暗摸摸. 伊拄聽著門鈴 ê 時, 鈴仔聲變做眠夢 ê 一部份. 自從 in 某綴查某囝 mā 離開伊 ê 生活 4 個月以來, 干焦伊蹛 tī 厝, 彼鈴仔聲煞變做眠夢, 予伊感覺誠譀古. Shaw Tt koh 揤一改門鈴. Gopal 醒來, 頭眩眩 koh 心慒慒, 大部份 ê 早起伊攏是這種情形. 伊干焦穿內衫褲 kap 襪仔, 毋過伊 ê 毯仔因為流汗變冷冷.
伊徛起來, 緊緊到門口. 伊迵過看空看出去. 天, 光 koh 清. Shaw Tt khi 身徛 tī 門前一尺, 敢若 teh 看伊草埕過彼爿 ê 她 ê 厝. 她矮矮 ah, 紅頭鬃, 穿粉紅運動衫, 殕色慢走褲.
"小等! 小等一下, Shaw Tt!" 伊大聲喝, koh 走轉廳 nih 揣外褲 kap siatchuh. 光線暗昏, 伊煞揣無. 伊 ná tī 膨椅下面 kap 後面摸, ná 看地板上散翸翸 ê 衫褲, koh ná 煩惱 Shaw Tt 會毋肯等 koh 已經行落跤坎. 伊毋知敢有時間通去開燈較好揣. 這就是典型 ê, 予伊 tī 早起時起羊眩 ê 情形.
Shaw Tt 和 Gopal 做厝邊已經兩年, 毋過 Gopal 干焦 tī 過路 ê 時和她相拄三四擺. 伊 ùi in 某 hia 知影, Shaw Tt 是 in chă 囝讀 ê 高中 ê 輔導員. 伊 mā 知影她已經離婚 10 年 ah. 姻翁是一个喙齒矯正師, 已經離開她 ah. Shaw Tt 搬過 5|6 改厝, 毋過攏無遠過頂改蹛 ê 位幾 mai. 她買 Gopal 隔壁彼間芥末色 ê 小厝 tō 是這種無安定情形 ê 一部份. 雖罔伊毋是討厭 Shaw Tt, Gopal 對姻厝 hiàu 殼 ê 油漆 kap ùi 姻兜車道破 tamaka 發出 ê 野草真困擾, ká-ná 會牽連伊 ê 厝變較漚舊. 半暝才離開姻兜 ê 各種車輛予伊感覺她真放蕩. 毋過 tī 這工早起, Gopal 願意放袂記 chiah-ê, 來交換一个甚至小小 ê 友誼.
Gopal 揣著伊 ê 衫褲 ah, 緊 kā lom 好, ná 行轉去開門. 光線 kap 冷空氣 chhèng 入來, 提醒伊注意表情. Gopal 生做細漢, 面骨幼 koh 懸, 目睭毛長長. 伊一向有自信家治 ê 面貌, mā 注重穿插. 今伊擔心 ê 是, 彼殕喙鬚屑仔 kap 長頭鬃會予伊看起來真落衰.
"Halo, Maurya Ss," Shaw Tt 講, ná 看伊 koh 迵過伊看入暗暗 ê 厝, 又閣看伊. 日頭照 tī 她 ê 後面. 天藍 kah 殕白. "你好無?" 她輕聲問.
"Oh, Shaw Tt," Gopal 講, 伊 ê 聲粗粗, "我拄著一寡歹代誌." 伊無想欲講 siuⁿ 直接. 伊伐出門來.
前門開入玄關, ùi hia 會當清清楚楚看著大廳 kap Gopal 拄才倒 ê 膨椅. 伊切 to̍h 電火. 正手爿是灶跤. Formica 圓桌和櫃台頂有坱埃. Shaw Tt 敢若予這个情形驚一趒. 過一下仔, 她講, "我有聽人講起." 她停一下, 隨 koh 補充講, "真遺憾, Maurya Ss. 彼定著真食力. 你毋免感覺歹勢; 彼毋是你 ê 毋著."
"請坐," Gopal 講, ná 比灶跤桌邊 ê 一塊椅仔. 伊想欲 kō͘ 交談 kap 她纏, kā 她留幾點鐘. 伊想欲 kā 伊講, 孤單予伊幻想欲叫救護車, 通好有人摸 koh 沐, a̍h 是有一陣伊開始久久 tī Indo /ìn-tō͘/ 雜貨店 lin-long 踅, tō 若像 hiah-ê 袂曉講英語 ê 老人. 這是一个 gōa-nī-á 媠 koh 好 ê 查某 ah, 伊 án-ne 想.
Shaw Tt 徛 tī 房間中央, 四面看. 她小可肥肥, 鼻空看著圓輾輾, 毋過她 ê 白色 Reebok 運動鞋予 Gopal 看她是充滿青春 kap 純真. "我一直 teh 想欲過來. 歹勢 lah, 我無 án-ne 做."
"彼無要緊 lah, Shaw Tt," Gopal 講, 徛 tī 倚灶跤電話 ê 壁邊. "敢有人會當創啥? 毋過, 我真歡喜, 今你來 ah." 伊 teh 想欲 koh 講啥. 為著通延長做伙 ê 時間, Gopal 行到冰箱, 問她欲啉啥物無.
"免 lah, 多謝," 她講.
"柳丁汁, lingo 汁, a̍h 葡萄, 王梨, 菝仔. 我 mā 有一寡熱帶 punch 酒." 伊繼續講, ná kā 冰箱 ê 門搝開開, 敢若欲證明伊無講白賊.
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1.
A LITTLE after ten in the morning Mrs. Shaw walked across Gopal Maurya's lawn to his house. It was Saturday, and Gopal was asleep on the couch. The house was dark. When he first heard the doorbell, the ringing became part of a dream. Only he had been in the house during the four months since his wife had followed his daughter out of his life, and the sound of the bell joined somehow with his dream to make him feel ridiculous. Mrs. Shaw rang the bell again. Gopal woke confused and anxious, the state he was in most mornings. He was wearing only underwear and socks, but his blanket was cold from sweat.
He stood up and hurried to the door. He looked through the peephole. The sky was bright and clear. Mrs. Shaw was standing sideways about a foot from the door, and appeared to be staring out over his lawn at her house. She was short and red-haired and wore a pink sweatshirt and gray jogging pants.
"Hold on! Hold on, Mrs. Shaw!" he shouted, and ran back into the living room to search for a pair of pants and a shirt. The light was dim, and he had difficulty finding them. As he groped under and behind the couch and looked among the clothes crumpled on the floor, he worried that Mrs. Shaw would not wait and was already walking down the steps. He wondered if he had time to turn on the light to make his search easier. This was typical of the details that could baffle him in the morning.
Mrs. Shaw and Gopal had been neighbors for about two years, but Gopal had met her only three or four times in passing. From his wife he had learned that Mrs. Shaw was a guidance counselor at the high school his daughter had attended. He also learned that she had been divorced for a decade. Her husband, a successful orthodontist, had left her. Since then Mrs. Shaw had moved five or six times, though rarely more than a few miles from where she had last lived. She had bought the small mustard-colored house next to Gopal's as part of this restlessness. Although he did not dislike Mrs. Shaw, Gopal was irritated by the peeling paint on her house and the weeds sprouting out of her broken asphalt driveway, as if by association his house were becoming shabbier. The various cars that left her house late at night made him see her as dissolute. But all this Gopal was willing to forget that morning, in exchange for even a minor friendship.
Gopal found the pants and shirt and tugged them on as he returned to open the door. The light and cold air swept in, reminding him of what he must look like. Gopal was a small man, with delicate high cheekbones and long eyelashes. He had always been proud of his looks and had dressed well. Now he feared that the gray stubble and long hair made him appear bereft.
"Hello, Mr. Maurya," Mrs. Shaw said, looking at him and through him into the darkened house and then again at him. The sun shone behind her. The sky was blue dissolving into white. "How are you?" she asked gently.
"Oh, Mrs. Shaw," Gopal said, his voice pitted and rough, "some bad things have happened to me." He had not meant to speak so directly. He stepped out of the doorway.
The front door opened into a vestibule, and one had a clear view from there of the living room and the couch where Gopal slept. He switched on the lights. To the right was the kitchen. The round Formica table and the counters were dusty. Mrs. Shaw appeared startled by this detail. After a moment she said, "I heard." She paused and then quickly added, "I am sorry, Mr. Maurya. It must be hard. You must not feel ashamed; it's no fault of yours."
"Please, sit," Gopal said, motioning to a chair next to the kitchen table. He wanted to tangle her in conversation and keep her there for hours. He wanted to tell her how the loneliness had made him fantasize about calling an ambulance so that he could be touched and prodded, or how for a while he had begun loitering at the Indian grocery store like the old men who have not learned English. What a pretty, good woman, he thought.
Mrs. Shaw stood in the center of the room and looked around her. She was slightly overweight, and her nostrils appeared to be perfect circles, but her small white Reebok sneakers made Gopal see her as fleet with youth and innocence. "I've been thinking of coming over. I'm sorry I didn't."
"That's fine, Mrs. Shaw," Gopal said, standing near the phone on the kitchen wall. "What could anyone do? I am glad, though, that you are visiting." He searched for something else to say. To extend their time together, Gopal walked to the refrigerator and asked her if she wanted anything to drink.
"No, thank you," she said.
"Orange juice, apple juice, or grape, pineapple, guava. I also have some tropical punch," he continued, opening the refrigerator door wide, as if to show he was not lying.
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