C16 Seh | 雪

Snow /by Ann Beattie
http://9899.pbworks.com/w/page/30954759/%22Snow%22%20by%20Ann%20Beattie

Seh | 雪

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Góa ē-kì-tit hit-ê hân-léng ê àm-mê, lí hiaⁿh chi̍t-pé chhâ ji̍p-lâi, tán lí pàng-khui siang-chhiú ê sî, chi̍t-chiah hoe-le̍k-chhí thiàu chhut-lâi. I tng-teh chông kòe kheh-thiaⁿ ê sî, lí án-ne kóng: "Lí kiò-sī, lí lâi chia boeh chhòng siáⁿ?" I cháu kòe chheh-pâng, koh thêng-kha tī chêng-mn̂g, bē-su i chin se̍k-sāi chit-keng chhù. Che tùi jīm-hô lâng lóng lân-tit siong-sìn, tî-hui, hoān-sè kā tòng-chò chi̍t-siú si ê tê-châi. 

Lán lâi chit-keng chhù ê tē-it lé-pài, tō sī teh chhiau-chhōe chit-keng chhù ê pì-bi̍t, chhin-chhiūⁿ kóng, piah-chóa ē-bīn sī siáⁿ-khoán ê piah-chóa. Chàu-kha piah-chóa ê tô͘-àn sī phú-kim-sek ê pêⁿ-kè, chi-chhî chhiūⁿ phin-phóng hiah tōa hiah îⁿ ê chí-sek pô-tô. Lán kā piah chhat chò n̂g-sek ê sî, góa siūⁿ tio̍h lâu tī ē-bīn ê chi̍t-kóa pô-tô chat-á, tō àm-siūⁿ he tîn ē soan chhut-lâi, tō ná-chhiūⁿ ū-ê si̍t-bu̍t ē kian-kiông tu̍h-phòa jīm-hô mi̍h-kiāⁿ án-ne. Lo̍h tōa seh hit-ji̍t, lí tio̍h khì thuh hêng-tō ê seh, chhōe bô lí ê bō-á, tō mn̄g góa, án-chóaⁿ kā mô͘-kin pa̍k tī lí ê thâu-khak -- thâu-khak pa̍k mô͘-kin ê lí, khòaⁿ tio̍h tō ná chi̍t-ê seh-kok ê siáu ông. 

Lâng-lâng him-siān lán chò-hóe ê chú-tiuⁿ, iā tō sī lī-khui siâⁿ-chhī, khì chng-kha. Chin chē lâng lâi thàm-hóng, tī piah-lô͘ piⁿ, in goān-ì kóng-chhut chē-chē kî-miāu ê kò͘-sū; kóng chi̍t-ê gín-á tú-hó khiā tī hit-ê só͘-chāi, ais-krím chhia khui mn̂g ê sî, sià lo̍h kui-ā pah ki ê ki-á-peng; kóng chi̍t-ê lâng khiā tī soa-po͘, soa siám-sih tī ji̍t-kng-ē, ū chi̍t-ê ūi te̍k-pia̍t kim-liāng, i oan-io lo̍h-khì, khioh tio̍h chi̍t-kha soān-chio̍h chhiú-chí. In kóng chiah-ê kî-miāu ê tāi-chì, kám sī in siūⁿ kóng, lán mā ē chiâⁿ-chò chi̍t-kiāⁿ kî-miāu? 

Taⁿ, góa siūⁿ, in hoān-sè sī ioh kóng, án-ne bô khó-lêng. He tō chhiūⁿ hō͘ gín-á chi̍t-cho͘ sio tah-phòe ê ti̍h-á hām ti̍h-á hiah-nī bô hi-bōng. Ē-kì-tit bô, hit-àm chhut-khì tī chháu-po͘, kūi tī seh nih, taⁿ-thâu khòaⁿ thiⁿ, khòaⁿ hong sàu lo̍h-lâi chi̍t-phìⁿ chi̍t-phìⁿ ê pe̍h? He khòaⁿ tio̍h ná-chhiūⁿ sè-kài tian-tò péng, lán sī teh khòaⁿ chi̍t tōa phiàn Anne Lú-ông hoe-piⁿ ê khòng-iá. Jiân-āu, tōa-teng koaiⁿ-tiāu, lán sī sái kòe sin lo̍h ê seh ê tē-it tâi chhia. Gōa-bīn ê sè-kài khòaⁿ tio̍h ná-chhiūⁿ sī ji̍t-sî.

Lí só͘ kì--ê bô kāng-khoán. Lí kì kóng, kôaⁿ sī chi̍t kai-tōaⁿ chi̍t kai-tōaⁿ lâi, kóng, chi̍t-àm chi̍t-àm ùi goe̍h-niû siah-tiāu chi̍t sio khiau ê kng, it-ti̍t kàu lí bô koh kiaⁿ-gî thiⁿ-téng o͘-o͘, kóng, hoe-le̍k-chhí cháu khì o͘-àm ê ūi bih khí-lâi, m̄-sī ti̍t-chiap cháu kàu ē-tit tô-miā ê mn̂g-kháu. Lán ê lâng-kheh kóng ê kò͘-sū, it-poaⁿ lâng mā sī án-ne kóng. Ū chi̍t-àm, kà góa án-chóaⁿ kóng-kó͘, lí án-ne kóng, "Jīm-hô ê seng-oa̍h, lí nā mài thê-khí i ê tōa pō͘-hūn, khòaⁿ khí-lâi lóng chin hì-kio̍k-hòa."

Nā án-ne, hì-kio̍k tī chia: bô gōa-kú chêng, góa sái-chhia tńg hit-keng chhù. He sī 4 goe̍h, Allen í-keng sí ah. Sui-bóng ū hiah-chē lâng-kheh, chhù-piⁿ Allen iáu sī lán tī pháiⁿ ji̍t-chí ê hó pêng-iú. Góa hām in bó͘ chē tī in ê kheh-thiaⁿ, thàu-kòe po-lê mn̂g khòaⁿ āu-bóe tiâⁿ, hia ū Allen ê iû-éng-tî, kôaⁿ-thiⁿ khàm ê o͘-sek sok-ka iáu pho͘ tī téng-bīn. Lo̍h-kòe hō͘, lo̍h-hō͘ ê sî, lú lâi lú chē hō͘-chúi chū-chi̍p tī sok-ka-pò͘, lo̍h-bóe tō ek chhut-lâi chúi-nî tē. Hit-kang góa lī-khui ê sî, góa sái-chhia keng-kòe lán éng-kòe ê chhù. Saⁿ/sì lúi hoan-âng-hoe khui tī chêng-tiâⁿ -- kan-ta kúi chhok-á pe̍h-pe̍h, bô kui-phiàn ê seh. Góa ūi chiah chió seh kám-kak pháiⁿ-sè. In kap kòe-khì bē pí-tit.

Che sī chi̍t-ê chiàu lí só͘ kóng, kò͘-sū tio̍h án-chóaⁿ kóng ê hong-sek, lâi kóng ê kò͘-sū: Bó͘-lâng tōa-hàn, loân-ài, hām yin ài-jîn tī chng-kha kòe chi̍t-ê kôaⁿ-thiⁿ. Tong-jiân, che sī siōng kán-té ê iàu-tiám, thó-lūn mā bô-hāu. He tō ká-ná seh iáu teh kín lo̍h, kā chiáu-á chhī-liāu ià tī thô͘-kha kāng-khoán bô ì-gī. Tī siōng tōa ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ to phah m̄-kìⁿ ê sî, siáng ē kî-thāi sió mi̍h-kiāⁿ lâu lo̍h-lâi? Lán lâng chóng-sī bē-kì-tit kú-tn̂g ê sòe-goa̍t, kan-ta ē-kì-tit té-chām ê sî-khek. Bió-cheng a̍h kì-hō lâu lo̍h-lâi kui-la̍p tāi-chì: iû-éng-tî téng-bīn ê o͘-pò͘. Ài, siōng-té ê hêng-sek, piàn-chò chi̍t-ê jī. Góa tùi só͘-ū hit-tōaⁿ sî-kan ê kì-tî sī chi̍t-ê kôaⁿ-thiⁿ. Seh. Sīm-chì kàu taⁿ, kóng "seh," góa ê chhùi-tûn tín-tāng, in tō chim tio̍h khong-khì.

Bô thê-khí hit-ki seh-thio, i ká-ná it-ti̍t lóng tī hia, thio lán e̍h-e̍h ê lō͘ -- chi̍t-tiâu hoeh-kńg chheng ah, m̄-koh lán tiong-kan bô-lâng ē-tàng kóng-chhut sim tī tó-ūi.

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我會記得彼个寒冷 ê 暗暝, 你挔一把柴入來, 等你放開雙手 ê 時, 一隻花栗鼠跳出來. 伊 tng-teh 傱過客廳 ê 時, 你 án-ne 講: "你叫是, 你來遮欲創啥?" 伊走過冊房, koh 停跤 tī 前門, 袂輸伊真熟似這間厝. 這對任何人 lóng 難得相信, 除非, 凡勢 kā 當做一首詩 ê 題材. 

咱來這間厝 ê 第一禮拜, tō 是 teh 搜揣這間厝 ê 祕密, 親像講, 壁紙下面是啥款 ê 壁紙. 灶跤壁紙 ê 圖案是殕金色 ê 棚架, 支持像 phin-phóng hiah 大 hiah 圓 ê 紫色葡萄. 咱 kā 壁漆做黃色 ê 時, 我想著留 tī 下面 ê 一寡葡萄節仔, tō 暗想 he 藤會旋出來, tō ná 像有 ê 植物會堅強 tu̍h 破任何物件 án-ne. 落大雪彼日, 你著去 thuh 行道 ê 雪, 揣無你 ê 帽仔, tō 問我, 按怎 kā 毛巾縛 tī 你 ê 頭殼 -- 頭殼縛毛巾 ê 你, 看著 tō ná 一个雪國 ê 痟王. 

人人欣羨咱做伙 ê 主張, 也就是離開城市, 去庄跤. 真濟人來探訪, tī 壁爐邊, in 願意講出濟濟奇妙 ê 故事; 講一个囡仔拄好徛 tī 彼个所在, ais-krím 車開門 ê 時, 瀉落幾若百支 ê 枝仔冰; 講一个人徛 tī 沙埔, 沙閃爍 tī 日光下, 有一个位特別金亮, 伊彎腰落去, 抾著一跤璇石手只. In 講 chiah-ê 奇妙 ê 代誌, 敢是 in 想講, 咱 mā 會成做一件奇妙? 

今, 我想, in 凡勢是臆講, án-ne 無可能. 彼 tō 像予囡仔一組相搭配 ê 杯仔和碟仔 hiah-nī 無希望. 會記得無, 彼暗出去 tī 草埔, 跪 tī 雪 nih, taⁿ 頭看天, 看風掃落來一片一片 ê 白? 彼看著 ná 像世界顛倒反, 咱是 teh 看一大遍 Anne 女王花邊 ê 曠野. 然後, 大燈關掉, 咱是駛過新落 ê 雪 ê 第一台車. 外面 ê 世界看著 ná 像是日時.

你所記 ê 無共款. 你記講, 寒是一階段一階段來, 講, 一暗一暗 ùi 月娘削掉一小 khiau ê 光, 一直到你無 koh 驚疑天頂烏烏, 講, 花栗鼠走去烏暗 ê 位覕起來, 毋是直接走到會得逃命 ê 門口. 咱 ê 人客講 ê 故事, 一般人 mā 是 án-ne 講. 有一暗, 教我按怎講古, 你 án-ne 講, "任何 ê 生活, 你若莫提起伊 ê 大部份, 看起來 lóng 真戲劇化."

若 án-ne, 戲劇 tī 遮: 無偌久前, 我駛車轉彼間厝. 彼是 4 月, Allen 已經死 ah. 雖罔有 hiah 濟人客, 厝邊 Allen 猶是咱 tī 歹日子 ê 好朋友. 我和 in 某坐 tī in ê 客廳, 透過玻璃門看後尾埕, 遐有 Allen ê 游泳池, 寒天崁 ê 烏色塑膠猶鋪 tī 頂面. 落過雨, 落雨 ê 時, lú 來 lú 濟雨水聚集 tī 塑膠布, 落尾 tō 溢出來水泥地. 彼工我離開 ê 時, 我駛車經過咱往過 ê 厝. 三四蕊番紅花開 tī 前埕 -- 干焦幾簇仔白白, 無規遍 ê 雪. 我為 chiah 少雪感覺歹勢. In kap 過去袂比得.

這是一个照你所講, 故事著按怎講 ê 方式, 來講 ê 故事: 某人大漢, 戀愛, 和姻愛人 tī 庄跤過一个寒天. 當然, 這是上簡短 ê 要點, 討論 mā 無效. 彼 tō ká-ná 雪猶 teh 緊落, kā 鳥仔飼料掖 tī 塗跤仝款無意義. Tī 上大 ê 物件 to 拍毋見 ê 時, siáng 會期待小物件留落來? 咱人總是袂記得久長 ê 歲月, 干焦會記得短站 ê 時刻. 秒鐘 a̍h 記號留落來歸納代誌: 游泳池頂面 ê 烏布. 愛, 上短 ê 形式, 變做一个字. 我對所有彼段時間 ê 記持是一个寒天. 雪. 甚至到今, 講 "雪," 我 ê 喙唇振動, in tō 唚著空氣.

無提起彼支雪挑, 伊 ká-ná 一直 lóng tī 遐, 挑咱狹狹 ê 路 -- 一條血管清 ah, 毋過咱中間無人會當講出心 tī 佗位.

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I remember the cold night you brought in a pile of logs and a chipmunk jumped off as you lowered your arms. "What do you think you're doing in here?" you said, as it ran through the living room. It went through the library and stopped at the front door as though it had knew the house well. This would be difficult for anyone to believe, except perhaps as the subject of a poem. /

Our first week in the house was spent scraping, finding some of the house's secrets, like wallpaper under wallpaper. In the kitchen, a pattern of white-gold trellises supported purple grapes as big and round as ping-pong balls. When we painted the walls yellow, I thought of the bits of grape that remained underneath and imagined the vine popping though, the way some plants can tenaciously push though anything. The day of the big snow, when you had to shovel the walk and couldn't find your cap and asked me how to wind a towel so that it would stay on your head--you, in the white towel turban, like a crazy king of snow. /

People liked the idea of our being together, leaving the city for the country. So many people visited, and the fireplace made all of them want to tell amazing stories; the child who happened to be standing on the right corner when the door of the ice cream truck came open and hundreds of popsicles crashed out; the man standing on the beach, sand sparkling in the sun, one bit glinting more than the rest, stooping to find a diamond ring. Did they talk about amazing things because they thought we'd turn into one of them? /

Now I think they probably guessed it wouldn't work. It was as hopeless as giving a child a matched cup and saucer. Remember the night out on the lawn, knee deep in snow, chins pointed at the sky as the wind whirled down all that whiteness? It seemed that the world had been turned upside down, and we were looking into an enormous feild of Queen Anne's lace. Later, headlights off, our car was the first to ride through the newly fallen snow. The world outside the car looked solarized.

You remember it differently. You remember that the cold settled in stages, that small curve of light was shaved from the moon night after night, until you were no longer surprised the sky was black, that the chipmunk ran to hide in the dark, not simply to a door that led to its escape. Our visitors told the same stories people always tell. One night, giving me a lesson in story telling, you said, "Any life will seem dramatic if you omit mention of most of it."

This, then, for drama: I drove back to that house not long ago. It was April, and Allen had died. In spite of all the visitors, Allen, next door, had been the good friend in bad times. I sat with his wife in their living room, looking out the glass doors to the backyard, and there was Allen's pool, still covered with black plastic that had been stretched across it for winter. It had rained, and as the rain fell, the cover collected more and more water until it finally spilled onto the concrete. When I left that day, I drove past what had been our house. Three or four crocuses were blooming in the front -- just a few dots of white, no field of snow. I felt embarassed for them. They couldn't compete.

This is a story, told the way you say stories should be told: Somebody grew up, fell in love, and spent a winter with her lover in the country. This, of course, is the barest outline, and futile to discuss. It's as pointless as throwing birdseed on the ground while snow still falls fast. Who expects small things to survive when even the largest get lost? People forget years and remember moments. Seconds and symbols are left to sum things up: the black shroud over the pool. Love, in its shortest form, becomes a word. What I remember about all that time is one winter. The snow. Even now, saying "snow," my lips move so that they kiss the air.

No mention has been made of the snowplow that seemed always to be there, scraping snow off our narrow road -- an artery cleared, though neither of us could have said where the heart was.

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