2. Yi ê sí sī in-ūi sim-chōng-pēⁿ
Tán yi hòng-khì ka-tī ê sî, yi he sió-khóa khui-khui ê chhùi-tûn khin-khin nauh chi̍t-ê gí-sû. Tī chhoán-khùi tang-tiong, yi chi̍t-piàn koh chi̍t-piàn kóng: "chū-iû, chū-iû, chū-iû!" Tòe hit-ê gí-sû, he khang-khang ê gán-sîn hām khióng-pò͘ ê piáu-chêng í-keng lī-khui yi ê ba̍k-chiu. in iū-koh lêng-oa̍h, bêng-liāng. Yi sim-thiàu piàn kín, lâu-tāng ê hoeh hō͘ yi múi chi̍t-chhùn ê sin-khu un-loán koh khin-sang.
Yi bô thêng-khùn lo̍h-lâi mn̄g, yi kám sī hō͘ ná iau-mô͘ ê hoaⁿ-hí lia̍h-tio̍h ah. Chheng-chhó koh ko-sióng ê ì-sek, hō͘ yi ē-tàng khin-khin pàng-khui hit-ê siūⁿ-hoat.
Yi chai-iáⁿ yi ē koh khàu, tán yi koh khòaⁿ tio̍h hit-siang siān-liông, un-jiû ê chhiú áu tī sí-bông; hit-ê éng-éng kō͘ ài ê gán-sîn khòaⁿ yi ê bīn, ngē-chiāⁿ, phú-pe̍h, sí-khì. M̄-koh, yi khòaⁿ chhiau-kòe hit-ê thòng-khó͘ ê sî-khek, bī-lâi tn̂g ló-ló ê sòe-goa̍t choa̍t-tùi sī sio̍k tī yi. Só͘-í yi chhun-chhut koh thián-khui siang-chhiú hoan-gêng in.
Tī bī-lâi ê sòe-goa̍t, yi bô su-iàu ūi pa̍t-lâng oa̍h; yi boeh ūi ka-tī oa̍h. Bē koh ū kiông-tāi ê ì-chì ah-kòe yi ê ì-chì, bô koh ū hit-chióng bông-bo̍k ê kian-chhî, hō͘ lâm-lâm lú-lú kiò-sī ū khoân-lī kō͘ kò-jîn ì-chì kiông-pek pa̍t-lâng. M̄-koán sī hó-ì a̍h pháiⁿ-ì, tī chit-ê té-chām ê khé-bêng sî-khek, yi jīn-ûi hit-chióng hêng-ûi bē khah su hoān-chōe.
Put-jî-kò, yi bat ài kòe i -- ū-sî. Éng-éng yi pēng bô ài i. Taⁿ lóng bô iàu-kín ah lah! Ài-chêng, chit-ê bô kái-tap ê sîn-pì, tàu-té sǹg siáⁿ-hòe ah, taⁿ bīn-tùi tit-tio̍h chū-ngó͘ chú-tiuⁿ, hō͘ yi hut-jiân bêng-pe̍k, che chiah sī yi chûn-chāi ê siōng-tōa tōng-le̍k!
"Chū-iû! Sin-khu kap lêng-hûn ê chū-iû!" yi kè-sio̍k án-ne khin-siaⁿ kóng.
Josephine kūi tī só tio̍h ê mn̂g chêng, chhùi-tûn tùi só-sî khang, khún-kiû hō͘ yi ji̍p-lâi. "Louise, khui-mn̂g! Góa kiû lí; kín khui-mn̂g -- lí ē hāi ka-tī phòa-pēⁿ. Lí teh chhòng-siáⁿ, Louise? Khòaⁿ thiⁿ-kong ê bīn, chhiáⁿ khui-mn̂g."
"Lí kiâⁿ-khui lah. Góa bē kā ka-tī pìⁿ kah phòa-pēⁿ." Bē; yi tng-teh ùi hit-sìⁿ khui-khui ê thang-á ho̍k chi̍t-thiap sèⁿ-miā ê sian-tan.
Yi ê sióng-siōng í-keng chông hiòng bī-lâi ê ji̍t-chí. Chhun-thiⁿ ê sî-chūn, joa̍h-thiⁿ ê sî-chūn, sio̍k tī yi ê kok-chióng sî-chūn. Yi kín-sok thò͘-chhut chi̍t-ê kî-tó, ǹg-bāng sèⁿ-miā kú-tn̂g. Put-kò sī cha-hng, nā siūⁿ tio̍h sèⁿ-miā kú-tn̂g yi tō khí ùi-kôaⁿ.
Lo̍h-bóe, yi khiā khí-lâi, in-ūi a-chí ê khún-kiû kā mn̂g khui khui. Yi ê ba̍k-chiu nih, ū jia̍t-chêng ê sèng-lī, put-ti put-kak, yi kā ka-tī tòng-chò Sèng-lī lú-sîn. Yi lám a-chí ê io, siang-lâng tâng-chê lo̍h lâu-thui. Richards khiā tī lâu-kha tán yin.
Ū-lâng kō͘ só-sî teh khui thâu-chêng mn̂g. Ji̍p-lâi ê sī Brently Mallard, sió-khóa ū lí-hêng ê hûn-jiah, lāu-sîn chāi-chāi, kōaⁿ i ê kha-báng kap hō͘-sòaⁿ. I it-ti̍t lī sū-kò͘ hiān-tiûⁿ hn̄g-hn̄g, sīm-chì m̄-chai ū sū-kò͘. I khiā tiām tio̍h chi̍t-kiaⁿ, khòaⁿ tio̍h Josephine teh tōa-siaⁿ kiò, koh khòaⁿ tio̍h Richards kín-kín cha̍h-tn̄g in bó͘ ê sī-sòaⁿ.
M̄-koh, Richards í-keng siuⁿ bān ah.
Tán i-seng lâi ê sî, kóng, yi ê sí sī in-ūi sim-chōng-pēⁿ -- hoaⁿ-hí kah sí.
(Soah)
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2. 她 ê 死是因為心臟病
等她放棄家己 ê 時, 她彼小可開開 ê 喙唇輕輕 nauh 一个語詞. Tī 喘氣當中, 她一遍 koh 一遍講: "自由, 自由, 自由!" 綴彼个語詞, 彼空空 ê 眼神和恐怖 ê 表情已經離開她 ê 目睭. in 又閣靈活, 明亮. 她心跳變緊, 流動 ê 血予她每一寸 ê 身軀溫暖 koh 輕鬆.
她無停睏落來問, 她敢是予 ná 妖魔 ê 歡喜掠著 ah. 清楚 koh 高尚 ê 意識, 予她會當輕輕放開彼个想法.
她知影她會 koh 哭, 等她 koh 看著彼雙善良, 溫柔 ê 手拗 tī 死亡; 彼个往往 kō͘ 愛 ê 眼神看她 ê 面, 硬 chiāⁿ, 殕白, 死去. 毋過, 她看超過彼个痛苦 ê 時刻, 未來長 ló-ló ê 歲月絕對是屬 tī 她. 所以她伸出 koh 展開雙手歡迎 in.
Tī 未來 ê 歲月, 她無需要為別人活; 她欲為家己活. 袂 koh 有強大 ê 意志壓過她 ê 意志, 無閣有彼種盲目 ê 堅持, 予男男女女叫是有權利 kō͘ 個人意志強迫別人. 毋管是好意 a̍h 歹意, tī 這个短站 ê 啟明時刻, 她認為彼種行為袂較輸犯罪.
不而過, 她捌愛過伊 -- 有時. 往往她並無愛伊. 今攏無要緊 ah lah! 愛情, 這个無解答 ê 神祕, 到底算啥貨 ah, 今面對得著自我主張, 予她忽然明白, 這才是她存在 ê 上大動力!
"自由! 身軀 kap 靈魂 ê 自由!" 她繼續 án-ne 輕聲講.
Josephine 跪 tī 鎖著 ê 門前, 喙唇對鎖匙空, 懇求予她入來. "Louise, 開門! 我求你; 緊開門 -- 你會害家己破病. 你 teh 創啥, Louise? 看天公 ê 面, 請開門."
"你行開 lah. 我袂 kā 家己變甲破病." 袂; 她 tng-teh ùi 彼扇開開 ê 窗仔服一帖性命 ê 仙丹.
她 ê 想像已經傱向未來 ê 日子. 春天 ê 時陣, 熱天 ê 時陣, 屬 tī 她 ê 各種時陣. 她緊速吐出一个祈禱, ǹg 望性命久長. 不過是昨昏, 若想著性命久長她 tō 起畏寒.
落尾, 她徛起來, 因為阿姊 ê 懇求 kā 門開開. 她 ê 目睭 nih, 有熱情 ê 勝利, 不知不覺, 她 kā 家己當做勝利女神. 她攬阿姊 ê 腰, 雙人同齊落樓梯. Richards 徛 tī 樓跤等姻.
有人 kō͘ 鎖匙 teh 開頭前門. 入來 ê 是 Brently Mallard, 小可有旅行 ê 痕跡, 老神在在, 捾伊 ê kha-báng kap 雨傘. 伊一直離事故現場遠遠, 甚至毋知有事故. 伊徛恬著一驚, 看著 Josephine teh 大聲叫, koh 看著 Richards 緊緊閘斷 in 某 ê 視線.
毋過, Richards 已經 siuⁿ 慢 ah.
等醫生來 ê 時, 講, 她 ê 死是因為心臟病 -- 歡喜甲死.
(煞)
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2.
When she abandoned herself a little whispered word escaped her slightly parted lips. She said it over and over under her breath: “free, free, free!” The vacant stare and the look of terror that had followed it went from her eyes. They stayed keen and bright. Her pulses beat fast, and the coursing blood warmed and relaxed every inch of her body.
She did not stop to ask if it were or were not a monstrous joy that held her. A clear and exalted perception enabled her to dismiss the suggestion as trivial.
She knew that she would weep again when she saw the kind, tender hands folded in death; the face that had never looked save with love upon her, fixed and gray and dead. But she saw beyond that bitter moment a long procession of years to come that would belong to her absolutely. And she opened and spread her arms out to them in welcome.
There would be no one to live for during those coming years; she would live for herself. There would be no powerful will bending hers in that blind persistence with which men and women believe they have a right to impose a private will upon a fellow-creature. A kind intention or a cruel intention made the act seem no less a crime as she looked upon it in that brief moment of illumination.
And yet she had loved him—sometimes. Often she had not. What did it matter! What could love, the unsolved mystery, count for in the face of this possession of self-assertion which she suddenly recognized as the strongest impulse of her being!
“Free! Body and soul free!” she kept whispering.
Josephine was kneeling before the closed door with her lips to the keyhold, imploring for admission. “Louise, open the door! I beg; open the door—you will make yourself ill. What are you doing, Louise? For heaven’s sake open the door.”
“Go away. I am not making myself ill.” No; she was drinking in a very elixir of life through that open window.
Her fancy was running riot along those days ahead of her. Spring days, and summer days, and all sorts of days that would be her own. She breathed a quick prayer that life might be long. It was only yesterday she had thought with a shudder that life might be long.
She arose at length and opened the door to her sister’s importunities. There was a feverish triumph in her eyes, and she carried herself unwittingly like a goddess of Victory. She clasped her sister’s waist, and together they descended the stairs. Richards stood waiting for them at the bottom.
Some one was opening the front door with a latchkey. It was Brently Mallard who entered, a little travel-stained, composedly carrying his grip-sack and umbrella. He had been far from the scene of the accident, and did not even know there had been one. He stood amazed at Josephine’s piercing cry; at Richards’ quick motion to screen him from the view of his wife.
But Richards was too late.
When the doctors came they said she had died of heart disease—of joy that kills.
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//
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