3. Góa bô-ài chò sat-jîn-hoān
Ē-hâi ē, ām-kún-chu téng, óa tōa tōng-me̍h chia, koh boah kóa sap-bûn pho. Ū-kàu joa̍h!
Torres tiāⁿ-tio̍h chhiūⁿ góa án-ne teh lâu-kōaⁿ. M̄-koh i bô kiaⁿ-hiâⁿ. I sī tìn-chēng ê lâng, sīm-chì mā bô teh siūⁿ e-àm boeh án-nóa chhòng i ê hoān-lâng ê tāi-chì. Iá góa, kō͘ chit-ki thì-thâu-to ná khau i ê phôe-hu, ná pī-bián chhut-hoeh, múi chi̍t-ē lóng kín-sīn koh tiuⁿ-tî -- kui-ê su-sióng jû chháng-chháng.
Iáu-siū oh, tī chit sî-chūn i lâi góa ê tiàm! Góa sī kek-bēng hūn-chú, m̄-sī sat-jîn-hoān. Boeh thâi i ū-kàu kán-tan. I eng-kai sí. Kám chin-chiàⁿ án-ne? M̄-sī! Bô-lâng ta̍t-tit ūi pa̍t-ê chhì-khek ê hi-seng lâi sí. Án-ne chò ū siáⁿ hó-chhù? Bô. Pa̍t-lâng, koh-khah chē ê pa̍t-lâng it-ti̍t lâi, tē-it ê thâi tē-jī ê, chiah-ê koh thâi āu-piah ê, bô thêng bô khùn, it-ti̍t kàu hoeh lâu ná hái. Góa ē-sái koah i ê nâ-âu, kan-ta siah! siah! án-ne. I liân haiⁿ ê sî-kan to bô, ba̍k-chiu kheh-kheh, i liân thì-thâu-to ê siám-sih a̍h góa ba̍k-chiu ê siám-kng mā bô khòaⁿ tio̍h.
M̄-koh góa ná chhiūⁿ it-poaⁿ ê sat-jîn-hoān phi̍h-phi̍h chhoah. Ùi i ê nâ-âu, chi̍t-káng hoeh chiong ē lâu kàu moa-pò͘, lâu hiòng í-á, lâu lo̍h góa ê chhiú, lâu kàu thô͘-kha. He hoeh ē iân thô͘-kha lâu, sio-ho-ho, bē thêng-khùn, it-ti̍t lâu kàu ke-lō͘, ná chhiūⁿ chi̍t-tiâu sió-sió ê âng khe.
Góa siong-sìn, tōa-la̍t koh chhim-chhim kā koah, i bē kám-kak thiàⁿ. I kin-pún to bē ū siáⁿ kan-khó͘. Iá góa boeh án-nóa chhú-lí sí-thé? Boeh kā chhàng tī tó-ūi? Góa tio̍h cháu-lō͘, hòng-khì it-chhè, bih khì pa̍t-ūi, hn̄g-hn̄g ê só͘-chāi. M̄-koh in ē kin-chong, it-ti̍t kàu lia̍h tio̍h góa. "Torres Tūi-tiúⁿ ê bô͘-sat-chiá. Ūi i siu-bīn ê sî, i kā koah nâ-âu. Án-ne chò sī siáⁿ siáu-jîn-pō͘ ah!"
M̄-koh, mā ū pa̍t-lâng kóng, "Lán ê lâng ê ho̍k-siû-chiá. Ta̍t-tit kì-liām ê miâ" -- góa ê miâ lah. "I sī lán tìn ê thì-thâu-sai. Bô-lâng chai i ūi lán-ê sū-gia̍p teh hùn-tàu."
Nā án-ne, tàu-té sī tó chi̍t-hāng ah? sat-jîn-hoān a̍h eng-hiông? Góa ê miā-ūn kòa tī thì-thâu-to ê to-chhùi.
Góa ē-tàng sió-khóa oan góa ê chhiú-ba̍k, sió-khóa hē khah tōa la̍t tī to-chhùi, kā i ah-lo̍h. He phôe-hu ē ná si-pò͘ liah khui, ná chhiū-leng, ná hoah tō ê phôe-tòa. Bô pí lâng ê phôe-hu khah chíⁿ ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ, hoeh tō tī lāi-bīn, sûi-sî ē chōaⁿ chhut-lâi. Chit-ki thì-thâu-to bē sit-pāi. Che sī góa siōng hó ê to.
M̄-koh, góa bô-ài chò sat-jîn-hoān. M̄ lah, sian-siⁿ. Lí ji̍p-lâi sī boeh siu-bīn. Iá góa kō͘ kong-êng chò góa ê sit-thâu. Góa bô ài chhiú kō-hoeh. Kan-ta sap-bûn pho, bô-ài kî-thaⁿ mi̍h-kiāⁿ. Lí sī chi̍t-ê hêng-hêng-koaⁿ; góa put-kò sī chi̍t-ê thì-thâu-sai. Tō sī án-ne. Sûi-lâng kò͘ ka-tī ê sit-thâu.
Ē-hâi taⁿ í-keng siu chheng-khì, kng thāⁿ-thāⁿ, iu lut-lut. Hit-lâng khiā khí-lâi, hiòng kiàⁿ khòaⁿ ka-tī. I kō͘ chhiú so phôe-hu, kám-kak he ê chheng-iu, he ê chhiⁿ-chhioh.
"Ló͘-la̍t," i kóng. I kiâⁿ kàu saⁿ-kūi the̍h i ê phôe-tòa, i ê chhiú-chhèng, hām i ê bō-á. Góa tiāⁿ-tio̍h sī pe̍h sún-sún, góa kám-kak siatchuh kauh-kōaⁿ tâm lok-lok. Torres kā phôe-tòa tiâu-chéng hó-sè, kā chhèng-thò nih ê chhèng khiú ti̍t, chi̍t-kái koh chi̍t-kái seng kā thâu-chang so pêⁿ, chiah kā bō-á tì khí-lih. Ùi khò͘-tē-á, i gîm kúi-ê gîn-kak-á lâi hù siu-bīn chîⁿ. I khai-sí kiâⁿ hiòng mn̂g. Kàu mn̂g-kháu ê sî, i thêng chi̍t-ē, oa̍t-thâu tùi góa, kóng, "In kā góa kóng, lí ē thâi góa. Góa lâi khòaⁿ che kám sī chin. M̄-koh, thâi-lâng bô kán-tan. Góa chai, góa teh kóng siáⁿ."
(Soah)
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3. 我無愛做殺人犯
下頦下, 頷頸珠頂, 倚大動脈遮, koh 抹寡雪文泡. 有夠熱!
Torres 定著像我 án-ne teh 流汗. 毋過伊無驚惶. 伊是鎮靜 ê 人, 甚至 mā 無 teh 想下暗欲按怎創伊 ê 犯人 ê 代誌. Iá 我, kō͘ 這支剃頭刀 ná 剾伊 ê 皮膚, ná 避免出血, 每一下攏謹慎 koh 張持 -- 規个思想挐氅氅.
夭壽 oh, tī 這時陣伊來我 ê 店! 我是革命份子, 毋是殺人犯. 欲刣伊有夠簡單. 伊應該死. 敢真正 án-ne? 毋是! 無人值得為別个刺客 ê 犧牲來死. Án-ne 做有啥好處? 無. 別人, 閣較濟 ê 別人一直來, 第一个刣第二个, chiah-ê koh 刣後壁 ê, 無停無睏, 一直到血流 ná 海. 我會使割伊 ê 嚨喉, 干焦 削! 削! án-ne. 伊連哼 ê 時間 to 無, 目睭瞌瞌, 伊連剃頭刀 ê 閃爍 a̍h 我目睭 ê 閃光 mā 無看著.
毋過我 ná 像一般 ê 殺人犯咇咇掣. Ùi 伊 ê 嚨喉, 一港血將會流到幔布, 流向椅仔, 流落我 ê 手, 流到塗跤. He 血會沿塗跤流, 燒熇熇, 袂停睏, 一直流到街路, ná 像一條小小 ê 紅溪.
我相信, 大力 koh 深深 kā 割, 伊袂感覺疼. 伊根本 to 袂有啥艱苦. Iá 我欲按怎處理死體? 欲 kā 藏 tī 佗位? 我著走路, 放棄一切, 覕去別位, 遠遠 ê 所在. 毋過 in 會跟蹤, 一直到掠著我. "Torres 隊長 ê 謀殺者. 為伊修面 ê 時, 伊 kā 割嚨喉. Án-ne 做是啥小人步 ah!"
毋過, mā 有別人講, "咱 ê 人 ê 復仇者. 值得紀念 ê 名" -- 我 ê 名 lah. "伊是咱鎮 ê 剃頭師. 無人知伊為咱 ê 事業 teh 奮鬥."
若 án-ne, 到底是佗一項 ah? 殺人犯 a̍h 英雄? 我 ê 命運掛 tī 剃頭刀 ê 刀喙頂.
我會當小可彎我 ê 手目, 小可下較大力 tī 刀喙, kā 伊壓落. He 皮膚會 ná 絲布裂開, ná 樹奶, ná 砉刀 ê 皮帶. 無比人 ê 皮膚較茈 ê 物件, 血 tō tī 內面, 隨時會濺出來. 這支剃頭刀袂失敗. 這是我上好 ê 刀.
毋過, 我無愛做殺人犯. 毋 lah, 先生. 你入來是欲修面. Iá 我 kō͘ 光榮做我 ê 穡頭. 我無愛手滒血. 干焦雪文泡, 無愛其他物件. 你是一个行刑官; 我不過是一个剃頭師. 就是 án-ne. 隨人顧家己 ê 穡頭.
下頦今已經修清氣, 光 thāⁿ-thāⁿ, iu lut-lut. 彼人徛起來, 向鏡看家己. 伊 kō͘ 手挲皮膚, 感覺彼 ê 清幽, 彼 ê 鮮沢.
"勞力," 伊講. 伊行到衫櫃提伊 ê 皮帶, 伊 ê 手銃, 和伊 ê 帽仔. 我定著是白 sún-sún, 我感覺siatchuh kauh 汗澹漉漉. Torres kā 皮帶調整好勢, kā 銃套 nih ê 銃搝直, 一改 koh 一改先 kā 頭鬃挲平, 才 kā 帽仔戴起 lih. Ùi 褲袋仔, 伊扲幾个銀角仔來付修面錢. 伊開始行向門. 到門口 ê 時, 伊停一下, 越頭對我, 講, "In kā 我講, 你會刣我. 我來看這敢是真. 毋過, 刣人無簡單. 我知, 我 teh 講啥."
(煞)
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3.
A little more lather here under the chin, on the Adam’s apple, right near the great vein. How hot it is!
Torres must be sweating just as I am. But he is not afraid. He is a tranquil man, who is not even giving thought to what he will do to his prisoners this evening. I, on the other hand, polishing his skin with this razor but avoiding the drawing of blood, careful with every stroke—I cannot keep my thoughts in order.
Confound the hour he entered my shop! I am a revolutionary but not a murderer. And it would be so easy to kill him. He deserves it. Or does he? No! No one deserves the sacrifice others make in becoming assassins. What is to be gained by it? Nothing. Others and still others keep coming, and the first kill the second, and then these kill the next, and so on until everything becomes a sea of blood. I could cut his throat, so, swish, swish! He would not even have time to moan, and with his eyes shut he would not even see the shine of the razor or the gleam in my eye.
But I’m shaking like a regular murderer. From his throat a stream of blood would flow on the sheet, over the chair, down on my hands, onto the floor. I would have to close the door. But the blood would go flowing along the floor, warm, indelible, not to be staunched, until it reached the street like a small scarlet river.
I’m sure that with a good strong blow, a deep cut, he would feel no pain. He would not suffer at all. And what would I do then with the body? Where would I hide it? I would have to flee, leave all this behind, take shelter far away, very far away. But they would follow until they caught up with me. “The murderer of Captain Torres. He slit his throat while he was shaving him. What a cowardly thing to do!”
And others would say, “The avenger of our people. A name to remember”—my name here. “He was the town barber. No one knew he was fighting for our cause.”
And so, which will it be? Murderer or hero? My fate hangs on the edge of this razor blade.
I can turn my wrist slightly, put a bit more pressure on the blade, let it sink in. The skin will yield like silk, like rubber, like the strop. There is nothing more tender than a man’s skin, and the blood is always there, ready to burst forth. A razor like this cannot fail. It is the best one I have.
But I don’t want to be a murderer. No, sir. You came in to be shaved. And I do my work honorably. I don’t want to stain my hands with blood. Just with lather, and nothing else. You are an executioner; I am only a barber. Each one to his job. That’s it. Each one to his job.
The chin was now clean, polished, soft. The man got up and looked at himself in the glass. He ran his hand over the skin and felt its freshness, its newness.
“Thanks,” he said. He walked to the wardrobe for his belt, his pistol, and his cap. I must have been very pale, and I felt my shirt soaked with sweat. Torres finished adjusting his belt buckle, straightened his gun in its holster, and smoothing his hair mechanically, put on his cap. From his trousers pocket he took some coins to pay for the shave. And he started toward the door. On the threshold he stopped for a moment, and turning toward me, he said, “They told me you would kill me. I came to find out if it was true. But it’s not easy to kill. I know what I’m talking about.”
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// 2022-01-05
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