What I Have Been Doing Lately /by Jamaica Kincaid
https://moam.info/what-i-have-been-doing-lately_5a1774b51723ddde30180e2d.html
Góa Sī teh Chhòng-siàⁿ | 我是 teh 創啥
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1. Góa koat-tēng ǹg pak kiâⁿ
Góa chòe-kīn it-ti̍t teh chhòng-siáⁿ: Góa tó tī chhn̂g, mn̂g-lêng hiáng. Góa lo̍h-lâu. Kín. Góa khui mn̂g. Bô lâng tī hia. Góa ta̍h chhut-khì. Nā m̄-sī lo̍h sap-sap-á hō͘, tō sī khong-khì kāu eng-ia, eng-ia sip-sip. Góa chhun chi̍h, he hō͘-sap a̍h sip eng-ia chīⁿ-tio̍h ná kong-ha̍k-hāu ê ba̍k-chúi. Góa khòaⁿ ǹg pak. Góa khòaⁿ ǹg lâm. Góa koat-tēng boeh khai-sí ǹg pak kiâⁿ. Ná kiâⁿ ǹg pak, góa chù-ì tio̍h góa chhiah-kha. Ná kiâⁿ ǹg pak, góa khòaⁿ koân, khòaⁿ tio̍h kim-chheⁿ. Góa kóng "Tiāⁿ-tio̍h tit-boeh thiⁿ-kng ah." Góa khòaⁿ tio̍h chi̍t-chiah kâu tī chhiū-téng. Hit-châng chhiū bô hio̍h-á. Góa kóng, "Ah, kâu. Lí khòaⁿ he. Chi̍t-chiah kâu." Góa kiâⁿ m̄-chai gōa-kú, góa lâi kàu chi̍t-ê tōa chúi-bīn. Góa boeh kòe khì, m̄-koh góa bē-hiáu siû-chúi. Góa boeh kòe khì, m̄-koh tio̍h kúi-ā nî chiah ū hoat-tō͘ chō chi̍t-tâi chûn. Góa boeh kòe khì, m̄-koh m̄-chai góa tio̍h gōa kú chiah ū hoat-tō͘ chō chi̍t-chō kiô. Keng-kòe kúi-ā nî, jiân-āu ū chi̍t-kang, kám-kak ná sī án-ne, góa peh chiūⁿ góa ê chûn, kò chûn kòe. Tán góa kòe kàu hit-pêng, hit-sî sī tiong-tàu, góa ê iáⁿ té-té, lo̍h tī góa ê ē-kha. Góa óng chi̍t-tiâu ti̍t-ti̍t chhun óng-chêng ê sió-lō͘. Góa keng-kòe chi̍t-keng chhù, ū chi̍t-chiah káu chē tī gîm-chîⁿ-kha, m̄-koh, tán i khòaⁿ tio̍h góa kòe-lâi, i khòaⁿ ǹg pa̍t-ūi khì. Góa keng-kòe chi̍t-ê ǹg khong-tiong phau kiû ê cha-po͘ gín-á, m̄-koh tán hit-ê gín-á khòaⁿ tio̍h góa kòe-lâi, i khòaⁿ ǹg pa̍t-ūi khì. Góa kiâⁿ koh kiâⁿ, m̄-koh góa m̄-chai góa sī-m̄-sī kiâⁿ chin kú, in-ūi góa ê kha bô kám-kak ká-ná boeh lut--khì. Góa oa̍t-sin khòaⁿ góa lâu tī āu-bīn ê mi̍h, m̄-koh bô siáⁿ-mi̍h sī se̍k-sāi ê. M̄-sī ti̍t lō͘, góa khòaⁿ tio̍h soaⁿ-niá. M̄-sī hit-ê sńg kiû ê cha-po͘ gín-á, góa khòaⁿ tio̍h chi̍t-kóa koân koh khui-hoe ê chhiū-á. Góa khòaⁿ koân, thiⁿ bô hûn, ká-ná chin kīn, ká-ná sī chhù-lāi ê thian-pông, nā khiā tī í-á téng, góa ū khó-lêng kō͘ chéng-thâu-á bóe kā bong tio̍h. Góa koh oa̍t-sin, koh-chài khòaⁿ thâu-chêng. Chi̍t-ê chhim khang í-keng khui tī góa bīn-chêng. Góa khòaⁿ lo̍h-khì. Hit-ê khang chhim koh àm, góa khòaⁿ bē kàu té. Góa siūⁿ, Ē-té sī siáⁿ? chū án-ne, góa thiau-kang lak lo̍h-khì. Góa lak koh lak, lo̍h koh lo̍h, bē-su góa sī chi̍t-kha kū phôe-siuⁿ. Tī chhim-khang ê piⁿ-á, góa ē-tàng khòaⁿ tio̍h ū siá-jī, m̄-koh hoān-sè he sī gōa-kok gí, in-ūi góa tha̍k bē-lâi. Góa iáu teh lak, m̄-chai keng-kòe gōa kú. Ná teh lak ê sî, góa khai-sí hoat-hiān góa bô-ài chit-chióng lak-lo̍h ê kám-kak. Lak-lo̍h hō͘ góa kám-kak boeh thò͘, góa su-liām só͘-ū góa ài kòe ê lâng. Góa kóng, Góa bô-ài koh lak-lo̍h ah, án-ne góa hoán tò-tńg lâi. Góa koh khiā tī chhim khang ê kîⁿ. Góa khòaⁿ he chhim khang, góa kóng, Lí taⁿ ē-sái ha̍p khí-lâi ah, iá he tō ha̍p khí-lâi. Góa koh kiâⁿ chi̍t-kóa, m̄-chai kiâⁿ gōa hn̄g. Góa kan-ta chai-iáⁿ góa keng-kòe kúi-ā mê koh ji̍t, góa kan-ta chai góa keng-kòe lo̍h-hō͘ koh hó-thiⁿ, àm koh kng. Góa m̄-bat chhùi-ta, góa bē kan-khó͘. Ná khòaⁿ tē-pêng-sòaⁿ, góa ná kap ka-tī kún-sńg: tō kóng, "Tē-kiû chhùi-tûn po̍h," góa chhiò chhut-lâi.
Koh khòaⁿ tē-pêng-sòaⁿ, góa khòaⁿ tio̍h chi̍t-ê ko͘-to̍k ê sin-iáⁿ ǹg góa kiâⁿ lâi, m̄-koh góa bô tio̍h-kiaaⁿ, in-ūi góa khak-tēng he sī goán a-niâ. Tán góa khah óa hit-ê sin-iáⁿ, góa khòaⁿ chhut he m̄-sī a-niâ, m̄-koh góa iáu sī bô tio̍h-kiaⁿ, in-ūi góa khòaⁿ chhut he sī chi̍t-ê hū-jîn lâng.
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1. 我決定 ǹg 北行
我最近一直 teh 創啥: 我倒 tī 床, 門鈴響. 我落樓. 緊. 我開門. 無人 tī hia. 我踏出去. 若毋是落霎霎仔雨, tō 是空氣厚坱埃, 坱埃濕濕. 我伸舌, he 雨霎 a̍h 濕坱埃舐著 ná 公學校 ê 墨水. 我看 ǹg 北. 我看 ǹg 南. 我決定欲開始 ǹg 北行. Ná 行 ǹg 北, 我注意著我赤跤. Ná 行 ǹg 北, 我看懸, 看著金星. 我講 "定著得欲天光 ah." 我看著一隻猴 tī 樹頂. 彼叢樹無葉仔. 我講, "Ah, 猴. 你看 he. 一隻猴." 我行毋知偌久, 我來到一个大水面. 我欲過去, 毋過我袂曉泅水. 我欲過去, 毋過著幾若年才有法度造一台船. 我欲過去, 毋過毋知我著偌久才有法度造一座橋. 經過幾若年, 然後有一工, 感覺 ná 是 án-ne, 我 peh 上我 ê 船, 划船過. 等我過到彼爿, 彼時是中晝, 我 ê 影短短, 落 tī 我 ê 下跤. 我往一條直直伸往前 ê 小路. 我經過一間厝, 有一隻狗坐 tī 砛簷跤, 毋過, 等伊看著我過來, 伊看 ǹg 別位去. 我經過一个 ǹg 空中拋球 ê 查埔囡仔, 毋過等彼个囡仔看著我過來, 伊看 ǹg 別位去. 我行 koh 行, 毋過我毋知我是毋是行真久, 因為我 ê 跤無感覺 ká-ná 欲甪去. 我越身看我留 tī 後面 ê 物, 毋過無啥物是熟似 ê. 毋是直路, 我看著山嶺. 毋是彼个耍球 ê 查埔囡仔, 我看著一寡懸 koh 開花 ê 樹仔. 我看懸, 天無雲, ká-ná 真近, ká-ná 是厝內 ê 天篷, 若徛 tī 椅仔頂, 我有可能 kō͘ 指頭仔尾 kā 摸著. 我 koh 越身, 閣再看頭前. 一个深空已經開 tī 我面前. 我看落去. 彼个空深 koh 暗, 我看袂到底. 我想, 下底是啥? 自 án-ne, 我刁工 lak 落去. 我 lak koh lak, 落 koh 落, 袂輸我是一跤舊皮箱. Tī 深空 ê 邊仔, 我會當看著有寫字, 毋過凡勢 he 是外國語, 因為我讀袂來. 我猶 teh lak, 毋知經過偌久. Ná teh lak ê 時, 我開始發現我無愛這種 lak 落 ê 感覺. Lak 落予我感覺欲吐, 我思念所有我愛過 ê 人. 我講, 我無愛 koh lak 落 ah, án-ne 我反倒轉來. 我 koh 徛 tī 深空 ê 墘. 我看 he 深空, 我講, 你今會使合起來 ah, iá he tō 合起來. 我 koh 行一寡, 毋知行偌遠. 我干焦知影我經過幾若暝 koh 日, 我干焦知我經過落雨 koh 好天, 暗 koh 光. 我 m̄-bat 喙焦, 我袂艱苦. Ná 看地平線, 我 ná kap 家己滾耍: tō 講, "地球喙唇薄," 我笑出來.
Koh 看地平線, 我看著一个孤獨 ê 身影 ǹg 我行來, 毋過我無著驚, 因為我確定 he 是阮阿娘. 等我較倚彼个身影, 我看出 he 毋是阿娘, 毋過我猶是無著驚, 因為我看出 he 是一个婦人 lâng.
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1.
What I have been doing lately: I was lying in bed and the doorbell rang. I ran downstairs. Quick. I opened the door. There was no one there. I stepped outside. Either it was drizzling or there was a lot of dust in the air and the dust was damp. I stuck out my tongue and the drizzle or the damp dust tasted like government school ink. I looked north. I looked south. I decided to start walking north. While walking north, I noticed that I was barefoot. While walking north, I looked up and saw the planet Venus. I said “It must be almost morning.” I saw a monkey in the tree. The tree had no leaves. I said, “Ah, a monkey. Just look at that. A monkey.” I walked for I don’t know how long before I came to a big body of water. I wanted to get across it but I couldn’t swim. I wanted to get across it but it would take me years to build a boat. I wanted to get across it but it would take me I didn’t know how long to build a bridge. Years passed and then one day, feeling like it, I got into my boat and rowed across. When I got to the other side, it was noon and my shadow was small and fell beneath me. I set out on a path that stretched out straight ahead. I passed a house, and a dog was sitting on the verandah but it looked the other way when it saw me coming. I passed a boy tossing a ball in the air but the boy looked the other way when he saw me coming. I walked and I walked but I couldn’t tell if I walked a long time because my feet didn’t feel as if they would drop off. I turned around to see what I had left behind me but nothing was familiar. Instead of the straight path, I saw hills. Instead of the boy with his ball, I saw tall flowering trees. I looked up and the sky was without clouds and seemed near, as if it were the ceiling in my house and, if I stood on a chair, I could touch it with the tips of my fingers. I turned around and looked ahead of me again. A deep hole had opened up before me. I looked in. The hole was deep and dark and I couldn’t see the bottom. I thought, What’s down there?, so on purpose I fell in. I fell and I fell, over and over, as if I were an old suitcase. On the sides of the deep hole I could see things written, but perhaps it was in a foreign language because I couldn’t read them. Still I fell, for I don’t know how long. As I fell I began to see that I didn’t like the way falling made me feel. Falling made me feel sick and I missed all the people I had loved. I said, I don’t want to fall anymore, and I reversed myself. I was standing again on the edge of the deep hole. I looked at the deep hole and I said, You can close up now, and it did. I walked some more without knowing distance. I only knew that I passed through days and nights, I only knew that I passed through rain and shine, light and darkness. I was never thirsty and I felt no pain. Looking at the horizon, I make a joke for myself: I said, “The earth has thin lips,” and I laughed.
Looking at the horizon again, I saw a lone figure coming toward me, but I wasn’t frightened because I was sure it was my mother. As I got closer to the figure, I could see that it wasn’t my mother, but still I wasn’t frightened because I could see that it was a woman.
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