The Zebra Story Teller /by Spencer Holst
http://www.archipelago.org/vol3-1/holst.htm
Hoe-tiâu-bé Kóng-kó͘ | 花條馬講古
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Kó͘-chá kó͘-chá, chi̍t-chiah Siâm-lô niau, ké chò chi̍t-chiah sai, koh ē-hiáu kóng Hoe-tiâu-bé ōe ê gō͘-sì-saⁿ.
Hit-chióng ōe sī Afrika hoe-tiâu-bé hit-cho̍k teh kóng ê.
Tāi-chì lâi ah: Chi̍t-phit bû-ko͘ ê hoe-tiâu-bé kiâⁿ tī chhiū-nâ lāi, tùi-bīn kiâⁿ lâi ê sī hit-chiah sió-niau; in sio-tú.
"Halo, lí hó!" Siâm-lô niau kóng, kō͘ hoat-im piau-chún ê Hoe-thâiu-bé ōe. "Che tiāⁿ-tio̍h sī jû-khoài ê chi̍t-kang, kám m̄-sī? Ji̍t-thâu kng-iāⁿ-iāⁿ, chiáu-á chhiùⁿ-koa, kin-á-ji̍t ê sè-kài kám m̄-sī chi̍t-ê chin hó seng-oa̍h ê khó-ài só͘-chāi?"
Hoe-tiâu-bé thiaⁿ tio̍h chi̍t-chiah Siâm-lô niau ē-hiáu kóng Hoe-tiâu-bé ōe, hui-siông tio̍h kiaⁿ, ai-ah, i chù-tiāⁿ tio̍h hông kā pa̍k.
Chū án-ne, sió-niau tō kā i pa̍k, koh kā thâi sí, kā sí-thé khah hó ê pō͘-hūn thoa tńg ka-tī ê siū.
Chit-chiah niau kō͘ chit-chióng hong-sek, seng-kong phah-lia̍h hoe-tiâu-bé kúi-ā kò goe̍h, ta̍k-àm lóng chia̍h hoe-tiâu-bé bah, kō͘ he khah hó ê phôe, i koh chò ia̍h-á-kat nekutái hām khoah phôe-tòa, tòe Lāu Siâm-lô kiong-têng tūi-lo̍h ông-chú hit-sî ê sî-kiâⁿ.
I khai-sí kā in pêng-iú chhàu-tōaⁿ, kóng i sī chi̍t-chiah sai, koh chèng-bêng i ū phah-lia̍h hoe-tiâu-bé ê sū-si̍t.
Hoe-tiâu-bé ê iù-tì ê phīⁿ kā in kóng, chit hū-kīn chin-chiàⁿ bô sai. Hoe-tiâu-bé sí-bông ê àn-kiāⁿ hō͘ chē-chē hoe-tiâu-bé phiah-khui chit-ê tē-khu. In-ūi bê-sìn, in jīn-tēng chit-ê chhiū-nâ hoān-tio̍h sai ê kúi-hûn.
Chi̍t-kang, chi̍t-phit kóng-kó͘ ê hoe-tiâu-bé teh sàn-pō͘, i ê sim-lāi siám-kòe chi̍t-kóa kò͘-sū chêng-chiat, he ē-tàng gô͘-lo̍k kî-thaⁿ hoe-tiâu-bé, i ê ba̍k-chiu hut-jiân hoat-kng, i kóng, "Án-ne tō tio̍h lah! Góa boeh kóng chi̍t-chiah Siâm-lô niau o̍h kóng lán ê ōe ê kò͘-sū! Chiâⁿ hó ê siūⁿ-hoat! Che ē hō͘ lâng tōa-chhiò!"
Tú-tú hit-sî, hit-chiah Siâm-lô niau chhut-hiān tī i bīn-chêng, kóng, "Halo, lí hó! Kin-á-ji̍t sī hoaⁿ-hí ê chi̍t-kang, kám m̄-sī!"
Kóng-kó͘ ê hoe-tiâu-bé thiaⁿ-tio̍h niau kóng i ê ōe, kap hông pa̍k bô ha̍h, in-ūi i it-ti̍t teh siūⁿ hit-chân sū.
I chim-chiok kā khòaⁿ hit-chiah niau, mā m̄-chai sī án-chóaⁿ, to̍k-to̍k i khòaⁿ khí-lâi ê khoán hō͘ i bô kah-ì, só͘-í i kō͘ kha-tê kā that, tō kā that sí.
Che tō sī kóng-kó͘ lâng ê lō͘-iōng lah.
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古早古早, 一隻 Siâm-lô 貓, 假做一隻獅, koh 會曉講花條馬話 ê 五四三.
彼種話是 Afrika 花條馬彼族 teh 講 ê.
代誌來 ah: 一匹無辜 ê 花條馬行 tī 樹林內, 對面行來 ê 是彼隻小貓; in 相拄.
"Halo, 你好!" Siâm-lô 貓講, kō͘ 發音標準 ê 花條馬話. "這定著是愉快 ê 一工, 敢毋是? 日頭光焱焱, 鳥仔唱歌, 今仔日 ê 世界敢毋是一个真好生活 ê 可愛所在?"
花條馬聽著一隻 Siâm-lô 貓會曉講花條馬話, 非常著驚, ai-ah, 伊註定著 hông kā 縛.
自 án-ne, 小貓 tō kā 伊縛, koh kā 刣死, kā 死體較好 ê 部份拖轉家己 ê 岫.
這隻貓 kō͘ 這種方式, 成功拍掠花條馬幾若個月, 逐暗 lóng 食花條馬肉, kō͘ he 較好 ê 皮, 伊 koh 做蝶仔結 nekutái 和闊皮帶, 綴老 Siâm-lô 宮廷墮落王子彼時 ê 時行.
伊開始 kā in 朋友臭彈, 講伊是一隻獅, koh 證明伊有拍掠花條馬 ê 事實.
花條馬幼致 ê 鼻 kā in 講, 這附近真正無獅. 花條馬死亡 ê 案件予濟濟花條馬避開這个地區. 因為迷信, in 認定這个樹林犯著獅 ê 鬼魂.
一工, 一匹講古 ê 花條馬 teh 散步, 伊 ê 心內閃過一寡故事情節, 彼會當娛樂其他花條馬, 伊 ê 目睭忽然發光, 伊講, "Án-ne tō 著 lah! 我欲講一隻 Siâm-lô 貓學講咱 ê 話 ê 故事! 誠好 ê 想法! 這會予人大笑!"
拄拄彼時, 彼隻 Siâm-lô 貓出現 tī 伊面前, 講, "Halo, 你好! 今仔日是歡喜 ê 一工, 敢毋是!"
講古 ê 花條馬聽著貓講伊 ê 話, kap hông 縛無合, 因為伊一直 teh 想彼層事.
伊斟酌 kā 看彼隻貓, mā 毋知是按怎, to̍k-to̍k 伊看起來 ê 款予伊無佮意, 所以伊 kō͘ 跤蹄 kā 踢, tō kā 踢死.
這 tō 是講古人 ê 路用 lah.
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Once upon a time there was a Siamese cat who pretended to be a lion and spoke inappropriate Zebraic.
That language is whinnied by the race of striped horses in Africa.
Here now: An innocent zebra is walking in a jungle, and approaching from another direction is the little cat; they meet.
“Hello there!” says the Siamese cat in perfectly pronounced Zebraic. “It certainly is a pleasant day, isn’t it? The sun is shining, the birds are singing, isn’t the world a lovely place to live today!”
The zebra is so astonished at hearing a Siamese cat speaking like a zebra, why, he’s just fit to be tied.
So the little cat quickly ties him up, kills him, and drags the better parts of the carcass back to his den.
The cat successfully hunted zebras many months in this manner, dining on filet mignon of zebra every night, and from the better hides he made bow neckties and wide belts after the fashion of the decadent princes of the Old Siamese court.
He began boasting to his friends he was a lion, and he gave them as proof the fact that he hunted zebras.
The delicate noses of the zebras told them there was really no lion in the neighborhood. The zebra deaths caused many to avoid the region. Superstitious, they decided the woods were haunted by the ghost of a lion.
One day the storyteller of the zebras was ambling, and through his mind ran plots for stories to amuse the other zebras, when suddenly his eyes brightened, and he said, “That’s it! I’ll tell a story about a Siamese cat who learns to speak our language! What an idea! That’ll make ’em laugh!”
Just then the Siamese cat appeared before him, and said, “Hello there! Pleasant day today, isn’t it!”
The zebra storyteller wasn’t fit to be tied at hearing a cat speaking his language, because he’d been thinking about that very thing.
He took a good look at the cat, and he didn’t know why, but there was something about his looks he didn’t like, so he kicked him with a hoof and killed him.
That is the function of the storyteller.
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// 2022-7-11
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