2. Chhiáⁿ ē-kì-tit siáng ū si̍t-bu̍t chhú-lí-ki
Kòe kúi-àm liáu-āu, góa tng-teh tha̍k chi̍t-pún iu-koan lāu-hòa ê cha̍p-chì. Lán lóng chai, Eskimo lâng kòe-khì kā lāu-lâng khǹg tī phû-peng tán sí. Sui-bóng án-ne, lāu-lâng mā kam-sim chiap-siū. Hiān-tāi khah liû-hêng ê chò-hoat sī, kā lâu-lâng kau-tài hō͘ boe kè ê cha-bó͘-kiáⁿ, hō͘ yi chiàu-kò͘ in ê pēⁿ-thiàⁿ, lâu-lâng nā bô chhùi-khí, iā tō ūi in kā koh tēng koh jūn ê hái-pà bah pō͘ nōa.
Hit-àm, góa bāng-kìⁿ ka-tī sī chi̍t-ê chhùi-khí ióng ê siàu-liân Eskimo cha-bó͘. Góa ê khang-khòe sī pō͘ nōa hái-pà bah, m̄-nā ūi góa ka-tī ê pē-bú, mā ūi goán a-chí yin tōa-ke-koaⁿ, ūi goán ko͘-pô Ida (tī bāng-tiong, yi ê thâu-chang sī âng ê), mā ūi yi hit-chiah tàu-kha-chhiú ê káu-á Yuk-Yuk pō͘. Tán góa cheng-sîn, góa ê ē-hâi teh thiàⁿ, góa siūⁿ-khí, hit-kang sī 12 goe̍h 17 ah. Góa nā bô kín kià lé-bu̍t hō͘ Martha, góa tio̍h kā yi hōe sit-lé.
Hit-àm tńg kàu chhù, góa tú hām Ted tī China-Siâⁿ lâng-kheh-lâng ê bē-hā-sek Moo-Shoo Ti-bak chhan-thiaⁿ chia̍h-àm liáu, góa sûi khà tiān-ōe hō͘ Martha.
"Lí bat chia̍h Moo-Shoo Ti-bah bô?" góa mn̄g.
"He ná chhiūⁿ pō͘-nōa ê si̍t-bu̍t. Góa bô kah-ì he," yi kóng.
Goán chí--á ná ē chóng-sī chai-iáⁿ góa chòe-kīn ê tāi-chì, koh tī góa bōe kong-pò͘ chìn-chêng tō seng phe-phêng?
"Lí kám chai, Eskimo lâng bô koh hō͘ pē-bó sí tī phû-peng téng ah? Tian-tò sī, in ūi bô chhùi-khí ê lāu-lâng pō͘ si̍t-bu̍t, án-ne chiàu-kò͘ in ê lāu-nî seng-oa̍h."
"Chit-hāng tāi-chì thong-siông lo̍h tī bōe chhut-kè ê cha-bó͘-kiaⁿ sin-siōng," yi pó͘-chhiong, bōe-kè ê cha-bó͘-kiáⁿ tō sī góa lah.
"Án-ne bô m̄-tio̍h! Pō͘ si̍t-bu̍t ê lâng tō sī góa."
Maartha ko̍k-ko̍k chhiò. Góa ū thiaⁿ-e Andy tī pōe-kéng kiò gín-á m̄-mó tī pe̍h tē-thán téng-bīn ōe-tô͘.
"Lí hām Ted kiâⁿ liáu chóaⁿ-iūⁿ?" yi mn̄g.
"I bô kah-ì kū-nî góa bé sàng--i ê hīⁿ-am."
"Kóng tio̍h lé-bu̍t," yi kóng, "góa kià chi̍t-ê chîⁿ-pau hō͘ lí, sī góa tī chi̍t-ê bîn-cho̍k tián-lám-hōe bé ê. He lâi chū China. Tō͘-iūⁿ sī chi̍t-chiah ah-á bih tī kē-chhiū-châng lāi, iá tò-pêng ê kiong-tiān tng-teh kí-pān iàn-hōe. Góa kám-kak he ū-kàu chhiò-khoe."
"Lí kám ū siūⁿ kòe," góa mn̄g yi, "tî-liáu lia̍h-chia̍h í-gōa, kám bô siáⁿ ū chhù-bī? Siūⁿ mánga khòaⁿ-māi leh. Cháu-lō͘-ke (road runner) tô-kòe kau-lông (coyote). Bugs Thò͘-á bih hō͘ Elmer Fudd chhōe. Ki-pún ê ōe-kù sī, 'Lí bē-sái chia̍h góa.'"
"Lí chiâⁿ chhim, Elaine," yi kóng. chū án-ne, góa chin kin tō kóng bye-bye.
Keh-kang, góa lâi kàu chi̍t-keng choan-bûn bē Franse chhiz hām tiám-sim ê sió-chia̍h-tiàm. Sim-koaⁿ iáu teh siūⁿ ūi sī-tōa pō͘ mi̍h-kiāⁿ ê Eskimo lâng, góa kin-pún bô hoat-tō͘ chò siáⁿ ū kè-ta̍t ê bé-bē. Lo̍h-bóe, góa bé nn̄g-pōng chìm kòe brandy ê eng-thô hō͘ Ted. Chí-iàu i bē kā kòa tī hīⁿ-á, góa khak-tēng i ē kah-ì che. Koh-lâi, bé hō͘ Martha. Góa khòaⁿ tio̍h kui soaⁿ siám-sih ê peh-sek si̍t-bu̍t chhú-lí-ki, ē-tàng géng, bôa, kiáu hām tháu-khùi, chhìn-chhái kóng kúi-ê kong-lêng. Góa chhiáⁿ tiàm-oân pau chi̍t-tâi, lāi-bīn khǹg chit-tiuⁿ khah-phìⁿ: "Tán lán bú--á su-iàu phû-peng ê sî, chhiáⁿ ē-kì-tit siáng ū si̍t-bu̍t chhú-lí-ki. Ài--lí ê, Elaine."
(Soah)
--
2. 請會記得 siáng 有食物處理機
過幾暗了後, 我 tng-teh 讀一本有關老化 ê 雜誌. 咱 lóng 知, Eskimo 人過去 kā 老人囥 tī 浮冰等死. 雖罔 án-ne, 老人 mā 甘心接受. 現代較流行 ê 做法是, kā 老人交代 hō͘ 未嫁 ê 查某囝, hō͘ 她照顧 in ê 病疼, 老人若無喙齒, 也著為 in kā tēng koh 韌 ê 海豹肉哺爛.
彼暗, 我夢見家己是一个喙齒勇 ê 少年 Eskimo 查某. 我 ê 工課是哺爛海豹肉, 毋但為我家己 ê 爸母, mā 為阮阿姊姻大家官, 為阮姑婆 Ida (tī 夢中, 她 ê 頭鬃是紅 ê), mā 為她彼隻鬥跤手 ê 狗仔 Yuk-Yuk 哺. 等我精神, 我 ê 下頦 teh 疼, 我想起, 彼工是 12 月 17 ah. 我若無緊寄禮物 hō͘ Martha, 我著 kā 她會失禮.
彼暗轉到厝, 我拄和 Ted tī China 城人 kheh 人 ê 地下室 Moo-Shoo 豬肉餐廳食暗了, 我隨敲電話 hō͘ Martha.
"你 bat 食 Moo-Shoo 豬肉無?" 我問.
"彼 ná 像哺爛 ê 食物. 我無佮意 he," 她講.
阮姊仔那會總是知影我最近 ê 代誌, koh tī 我未公布進前 tō 先批評?
"你敢知, Eskimo 人無 koh hō͘ 爸母死 tī 浮冰頂 ah? 顛倒是, in 為無喙齒 ê 老人哺食物, án-ne 照顧 in ê 老年生活."
"這項代誌通常落 tī 未出嫁 ê 查某囝身上," 她補充, 未嫁 ê 查某囝 tō 是我 lah.
"Án-ne 無毋著! 哺食物 ê 人 tō 是我."
Martha ko̍k-ko̍k 笑. 我有聽 e Andy tī 背景叫囡仔 m̄-mó tī 白地毯頂面畫圖.
"你和 Ted 行了怎樣?" 她問.
"伊無佮意舊年我送伊 ê 耳掩."
"講著禮物," 她講, "我寄一个錢包 hō͘ 你, 是我 tī 一个民族展覽會買 ê. 彼來自 China. 圖樣是一隻鴨仔覕 tī 低樹叢內, iá 倒爿 ê 宮殿 tng-teh 舉辦宴會. 我感覺 he 有夠笑詼."
"你敢有想過," 我問她, "除了掠食以外, 敢無啥有趣味? 想 mánga 看覓 leh. 走路雞 (road runner) 逃過郊狼 (coyote). Bugs 兔仔閃避 Elmer Fudd. 基本 ê 話句是, '你袂使食我.'"
"你誠深 neh, Elaine," 她講. 自 án-ne, 我真緊 tō 講 bye-bye.
隔工, 我來到一間專門賣 Franse chhiz 和點心 ê 小食品店. 心肝猶 teh 想為序大哺物件 ê Eskimo 人, 我根本無法度做啥有價值 ê 買賣. 落尾, 我買兩磅浸過 brandy ê 櫻桃 hō͘ Ted. 只要伊袂 kā 掛 tī 耳仔, 我確定伊會佮意 che. 閣來, 買 hō͘ Martha. 我看著規山閃爍 ê 白色食物處理機, 會當研, 磨, 攪和透氣, 凊采講幾个功能. 我請店員包一台, 內面囥這張卡片: "等咱母仔需要浮冰 ê 時, 請會記得 siáng 有食物處理機. 愛你 ê, Elaine."
(煞)
--
2.
A few nights later I'm reading a journal of aging. As we all know, the Eskimos used to leave their elderly to die on the ice floes. The old took it in good spirits, but even so. Now it's more popular to have the elderly move in with an unmarried daughter who not only cares for them in their illnesses, but if they have no teeth, chews the tough and gristley seal meat for them.
That night I dream I'm a young Eskimo woman with very strong teeth. My job is to chew seal meat not only for my own parents but for my sister's in-laws, my great Aunt Ida (who has red hair in my dream), and for her pet retriever, Yuk-Yuk. When I wake up, my jaws ache, and I remember that it's December seventeenth. If I don't send Martha a present soon, I'll have to send her an apology.
When I get home that night from dinner with Ted, this time Moo-Shoo Pork in a too-crowded basement in Chinatown, I call Martha.
"Did you ever eat Moo-Shoo Pork?" I ask.
"It looks like chewed food. I don't like it," she says.
How is it that my sister always knows my latest concerns and critiques them before they're announced?
"Did you know that Eskimos no longer let their parents die on ice floes? Rather, they chew the food for their toothless elders and care for them the rest of their lives."
"The job usually falls to the unmarried daughter," she adds, meaning me.
"That's right! I'd be the one chewing the food."
Martha chortles. I can hear Andy in the background telling the kids not to paint on the white rug.
"How are you and Ted?" she asks.
"He didn't like the earmuffs I gave him last year."
"Speaking of presents," she says, "I sent you a purse I got at an ethnic fair. It's from China. It shows a duck hiding in some rushes while a feast is taking place in a palace to the left. I thought it wonderfully humorous."
"Did you ever think," I ask her, "how nothing is funny except predation? Think of cartoons. The road runner eluding the coyote, Bugs Bunny hiding from Elmer Fudd. The punchline is, 'You can't eat me.' "
"You're deep, Elaine," she says. We say good-bye soon after.
The next day I'm in a little gourmet shop that spe cializes in French cheeses and dessert items. Still think ing of those Eskimo women chewing for their parents, I'm having trouble doing any worthwhile shopping. Finally, I buy Ted two pounds of brandied cherries. As long as he can't wear them on his ears, I feel certain he'll like them. Now for Martha. I look up at a shining mountain of white food processers, able to grind, puree, stir and aerate, to name a few verbs. I ask the clerk to wrap one and I enclose this card: "When mother needs an ice floe, remember who owns the food processer. Love, Elaine."
--
// 2022-8-1
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