4. Samantha 猶未報到

4. Samantha iáu-bōe pò-tò

"Hiah-ê hàu-tai chhân-hn̂g sī sáⁿ?" In-ūi tàu hīⁿ-ki, i kóng kah chiok tōa-siaⁿ.

Ivan kā hīⁿ-ki ùi i ê thâu-khak sak khui. "Lí ê chia̍h-mi̍h sī ùi hia lâi ê," i kā kóng. "Nā-bô, lí siūⁿ-kóng sī ùi tó-ūi lâi ê?"

Jason khòaⁿ khí-lâi sêng in lāu-pē, m̄-koh khòaⁿ tio̍h khah jiû-hô, khah lok-sōng, che sī in-ūi nî-lêng hām i ū thâu-chang, i ê thâu-chang iû-iû, tn̂g kah khàm tio̍h ba̍k-chiu. Góa m̄-chai i ná ē ū hoat-tō͘ iū ut-chut, iū oa̍h-thiàu -- che sī i ê horúmon kap Clearasil bīn-song só͘ ín-khí ê. Tī tiān-thui nih, góa kám-kak ē tio̍h, i teh khòaⁿ góa ê heng-khám. Tiān-thui mn̂g khui, góa chiah kòe-sim. Goán tâng-chê kiâⁿ kòe cháu-lông. Lana í-keng thè goán kā thò-pâng ōaⁿ chò nn̄g-keng sio-liâm ê pâng-keng. Ivan chhōa Jason khì i ê pâng-keng, kā mn̂g koaiⁿ hó. Goán ê pâng-keng sī bê-lâng ê nâ-sek chú-tiāu. Nâ-sek ê chhn̂g-toaⁿ. Nâ-sek ê tē-thán.

"Tī Fresno kòe chi̍t-ê romántik ê chiu-boa̍t." Ivan ná kóng ná kā góa khiú óa, "kan-ta lán saⁿ-ê."

Goán chiah kiat-hun la̍k kò goe̍h, só͘-í Ivan tiāⁿ-tiāⁿ án-ne chò, kā góa khiú óa, téng-téng. Tong-jiân góa kah-ì án-ne; góa kah-ì i ê thì-chhiu-chúi. Sui-bóng tī chit-ê sî-chūn, góa khah bô him-sióng Ivan, koh-khah koan-sim chi̍t-ê siūⁿ-hoat: góa boeh kā tián hō͘ Samantha khòaⁿ. Oh, Thiⁿ ah. Khòaⁿ góa ū gōa chèng-siông? Gōa chán, gōa hó-gia̍h, gōa ún-tēng, gōa chèng-siông? Bô khok mn̂g, Jason chông ji̍p-lâi goán ê pâng-keng, thiàu chiūⁿ goán ê bîn-chhn̂g. I chhēng iû-éng-khò͘, sán-sán ê kha-chiah-phiaⁿ ū kúi lia̍p-á thiāu-á-chí. I ná niau-á án-ne nòa kha-chiah-phiaⁿ. "Lín sió-mōe seⁿ-chò ū sêng lí bô?"

"Chiâⁿ sêng. Yi ê thâu-mo͘ pêng-siông sī bô kāng ê." Tong-jiân góa bô kóng goán ê leng. Góa ê khah tōa. Góa bat chò kòe chhiú-su̍t.

"He, Pă, lí kám bē kám-kak án-ne chin koài?"

"Bē."

"Góa kám-kak chin koài."

Ivan kek chi̍t-ê lán-lán ê kháu-khì. "Oke, Jason, sī án-nóa lí kám-kak án-ne chin koài?"

"Hmh, lí chhōa yi. Hoān-sè lí ē hō͘ yin sió-mōe bê tio̍h. Hoān-sè lí ē siūⁿ boeh bong yi ê kha-chhng, tō ná-chhiūⁿ lí chhiâng-chāi ài bong Amanda ê kha-chhng kāng-khoán."

"Tiām khì!" Ivan hoah siaⁿ. "Kín lī-khui. Khì iû-éng-tî." I kā Jason kóaⁿ chhut-khì, tōa-la̍t koaiⁿ keh-keng ê mn̂g.

I put-kò sī boeh ín-khí lí ê chù-ì, góa án-ne kā ka-tī kóng, m̄-koh góa bô kóng hō͘ Ivan thiaⁿ. Góa bô boeh ūi chit-ê sió koài-bu̍t chò tiong-lâng. Ivan ùi kong-sū-pau the̍h chhut chi̍t-kóa khang-khòe, chē lo̍h chi̍t-tè í-á. Chit chōa lō͘, i m̄-sī kan-ta lâi thit-thô -- he bô sêng Ivan. I tī Fresno ū seng-lí ài chò, hām chi̍t-kóa kheh-hō͘, a̍h chi̍t-kóa kiàn-bu̍t, a̍h chi̍t-kóa kim-chîⁿ ê kau-e̍k. Ivan bē-giàn kā góa kái-soeh in kong-si ê ūn-chok ki-chè. Goán kám-kak án-ne sió-khóa romántik, bē-su i sī teh thè o͘-siā-hōe chò sit-thâu. I teh tha̍k bûn-kiāⁿ ê sî, góa koh chi̍t-pái khà tiān-ōe khì teng-kì-tâi. Bô, tan-nn̄g siang-seⁿ-á Samantha 173 iáu-bōe pò-tò. Iáu-bōe.

*

4. Samantha 猶未報到

"Hiah-ê 孝呆田園是啥?" 因為鬥耳機, 伊講 kah 足大聲.

Ivan kā 耳機 ùi 伊 ê 頭殼捒開. "你 ê 食物是 ùi hia 來 ê," 伊 kā 講. "若無, 你想講是 ùi 佗位來 ê?"

Jason 看起來成 in 老爸, m̄-koh 看著較柔和, 較 lok-sōng, 這是因為年齡和伊有頭鬃, 伊 ê 頭鬃油油, 長 kah 崁著目睭. 我毋知伊那會有法度又鬱卒, 又活跳 -- 這是伊 ê horúmon kap Clearasil 面霜所引起 ê. Tī 電梯 nih, 我感覺會著, 伊 teh 看我 ê 胸坎. 電梯門開, 我才過心. 阮同齊行過走廊. Lana 已經替阮 kā 套房換做兩間相黏 ê 房間. Ivan chhōa Jason 去伊 ê 房間, kā 門關好. 阮 ê 房間是迷人 ê 藍色主調. 藍色 ê 床單. 藍色 ê 地毯.

"Tī Fresno 過一个 romántik ê 週末." Ivan ná 講 ná kā 我搝倚, "干焦咱三个."

阮才結婚六個月, 所以 Ivan 定定 án-ne 做, kā 我搝倚, 等等. 當然我佮意 án-ne; 我佮意伊 ê 剃鬚水. 雖罔 tī 這个時陣, 我較無欣賞 Ivan, koh 較關心一个想法: 我欲 kā 展予 Samantha 看. Oh, 天 ah. 看我有偌正常? 偌讚, 偌好額, 偌穩定, 偌正常? 無硞門, Jason 傱入來阮 ê 房間, 跳上阮 ê 眠床. 伊穿游泳褲, 瘦瘦 ê 尻脊骿有幾粒仔柱仔子. 伊 ná 貓仔 án-ne nòa 尻脊骿. "恁小妹生做有成你無?"

"誠成. 她 ê 頭毛平常是無仝 ê." 當然我無講阮 ê 奶. 我 ê 較大. 我 bat 做過手術.

"He, Pă, 你敢袂感覺 án-ne 真怪?"

"袂."

"我感覺真怪."

Ivan 激一个懶懶 ê 口氣. "Oke, Jason, 是 án-nóa 你感覺 án-ne 真怪?"

"Hmh, 你娶她. 凡勢你會予 yin 小妹迷著. 凡勢你會想欲摸她 ê 尻川, tō ná 像你常在愛摸 Amanda ê 尻川仝款."

"恬去!" Ivan 喝聲. "緊離開. 去游泳池." 伊 kā Jason 趕出去, 大力關隔間 ê 門.

伊不過是欲引起你 ê 注意, 我 án-ne kā ka-tī 講, m̄-koh 我無講予 Ivan 聽. 我無欲為這个小怪物做中人. Ivan ùi 公事包提出一寡 khang-khòe, 坐落一塊椅仔. 這逝路, 伊毋是干焦來 thit-thô -- he 無成 Ivan. 伊 tī Fresno 有生理愛做, 和一寡客戶, a̍h 一寡建物, a̍h 一寡金錢 ê 交易. Ivan 袂癮 kā 我解說 in 公司 ê 運作機制. 阮感覺 án-ne 小可 romántik, 袂輸伊是 teh 替烏社會做穡頭. 伊 teh 讀文件 ê 時, 我 koh 一擺敲電話去登記台. 無, 單卵雙生仔 Samantha 173 猶未報到. 猶未.

*

4.

"What's with all the stupid farms?" Due to the CD player, Jason is yelling.

Ivan stretches the headphones away from his head. "That's where your food comes from," he tells him. "Where did you think?"

Jason looks like his dad, but softer, moppish, due to his age and also the fact that he has hair -- which is greasy and falls into his eyes. I don't know how he manages to be simultaneously sullen and hyper -- it's some trick he does with hormones and Clearasil. In the elevator, I can feel him staring at my breasts. I'm relieved when the doors open. We all tromp down the hall. Lana has managed to exchange our suite for two adjoining rooms. Ivan ushers Jason into his room and shuts his door. Our room sports an intriguing blue theme. Blue bedspread. Blue carpet.

"A romantic weekend in Fresno," says Ivan, pulling me close, "just the three of us."

We've only been married six months so Ivan does a lot of this, pulling me close and so forth. I like it, of course; I love his aftershave. Though at this moment I find myself less appreciative of Ivan and more focused on an idea: I want to show him off to Samantha. Oh God. See how normal I am? See how nice and rich and stable and normal? Without a knock, Jason barrels through the door and jumps onto our bed. He's wearing his swim trunks, and his skinny back is dotted with acne. He rolls onto his back in a kittenish way. "Does your sister look like you?"

"Pretty much. Her hair is usually different." I don't say anything about our breasts, of course. Mine are bigger. I had an operation.

"Hey Dad, don't you think that's weird?"

"No."

"I think it's weird."

Ivan adopts a weary tone. "Okay Jason, why do you think it's weird?"

"Well, you married her. Maybe you'll be attracted to her sister. Maybe you'll want to grab her ass like you're always grabbing Amanda's."

"Enough!" shouts Ivan. "Get out of here. Go to the pool." He chases Jason out and slams the door to the adjoining room.

He just wants your attention, I say to myself, but I don't say it to Ivan. I'm not about to intercede on the little monster's behalf. Ivan takes some work out of his briefcase and settles into a chair. He hasn't come along on this trip just for pleasure -- that wouldn't be like Ivan. He has some business to do in Fresno, some deal with some client or some building or some pile of money. Ivan doesn't bother to explain the mechanics of his firm's doings to me. I find this slightly romantic, as if he's working for gangsters. While he skims his papers I give the registration desk one more call. No, Monozygotic Samantha 173 has not checked in. Not yet.

*