9. Góa boeh hō͘ lí kìⁿ goán ang
Góa jím-put-chū giâ ke-bó͘-phôe. Kui-sì-lâng góa lóng thiaⁿ lâng kóng yi ê chhòng-chō-le̍k.
"Oke. Nā án-ne, góa sī hit-ê bô-liâu ê lâng, á yi sī thiàu chhái-tòa-bú ê."
"Ki-pún-tek sī án-ne."
Góa ē-kì-tit góa teh su-khó chit-ê būn-tê ê sî, Kevin ná teh pō͘ kui-me ê thô͘-tāu koh ná khòaⁿ pâng-keng. I seⁿ-chò é-é, chhiú sè-sè, gín-á bīn. Lâu chhùi-chhiu sī chi̍t-ê hó pō͘-sò͘, m̄-koh he mā bô hoat-tō͘ am-khàm i ê gián-kiù-seng khì-chit. Chiú-pó í-keng hoat khah hō͘ i.
"Ká-sú goán sī ko͘ chi̍t-lâng, ē án-nóa? Ki-in sio-kāng, m̄-koh goán kan-ta ū chi̍t-lâng, bô lēng-gōa hit-ê thang hoán-èng. Chit-ê lâng ē seⁿ-chò án-nóa?"
"Che tō sī hoat-seng tī kî-thaⁿ ê lâng ê tāi-chì," Kevin kóng. "M̄-koh lín sī siang-seⁿ-á."
"Tio̍h," góa kóng. "Góa sī te̍k-pia̍t ê."
- - -
Samantha hām góa khui-chhia tńg-lâi chhī-khu, bô kóng-ōe, m̄-koh yi it-ti̍t khàu, khàu chi̍t-chūn-á. Yi kā chhia se̍h kàu konkuli ji̍t-jia ē-bīn, chē tī handolu āu-bīn, ba̍k-chiu âng-âng, kim-kim khòaⁿ gî-pió-pôaⁿ.
"Lí boeh ji̍p-lâi bô?"
"Khó-lêng khah-bān leh." Yi iáu-sī kā chhiú khǹg tī hapa káu ê thâu-khak. Káu-á kō͘ neh-neh ê phīⁿ-khang teh chhoán. Góa m̄-chai, yi kám ē khek-ho̍k chit-ê būn-tê. Góa mā m̄-chai, tī yi ê kui-sì-lâng, yi kám bat khek-ho̍k kòe jīm-hô mi̍h-kiāⁿ.
"Chit-má bô sek-ha̍p chhī thióng-bu̍t," góa kā kóng.
"Bô, bô iàu-kín lah." Samantha chhiú iô chi̍t-ē.
"Lâi goán pâng-keng. Góa boeh hō͘ lí kìⁿ goán ang."
"Lí kiat-hun ah?"
"Tio̍h, tong-jiân. Góa nā chai-iáⁿ án-nóa liân-lo̍k lí, góa tō ē iau-chhiáⁿ lí."
"Lí kiat-hun ah? Thiⁿ ah. Ūi sáⁿ-mih?"
"Ài-chêng," góa kóng, m̄-koh thiaⁿ-tio̍h mā bô sáⁿ chèng-khak.
Samantha it-ti̍t teh phok hit-chiah hapa káu-á. Káu-á khòaⁿ khí-lâi ū 10 hòe ah. Che hō͘ góa siūⁿ boeh kā tēⁿ--sí.
"Lí boeh chai-iáⁿ, sī án-nóa góa boeh kā hō-chò Diego bô?"
"Kóng lâi thiaⁿ."
"In-ūi yi ba̍k-chiu thuh-thuh, tōa-kho͘, koh sī kiōng-sán chú-gī-chiá, tō ná Diego Rivera."
"Lí ná chai-iáⁿ yi sī kiōng-sán chú-gī-chiá?"
"Âng-sek ê khan-tòa. Á yi í-chêng ū chū-iû."
Hit-àm, góa hō͘ Ivan lám tio̍h, tó tī bîn-chhn̂g thiaⁿ lí-koán ê po-lê thang khi-khi kho̍k-kho̍k. Góa m̄-chai Samantha sī án-nóa ah. Yi lóng bô lâi chhōe góa.
- - -
Chi̍t-kù ōe tùi lí nā sī chin a̍h tōa-bīn sī chin, lí tō kā ū T ê kho͘-á ōe o͘; he ōe nā sī ké a̍h tōa-bīn m̄-sī chin, lí tō kā ū F ê kho͘-á ōe o͘; he ōe nā tùi lí bô sek-iōng, lí tō bián tī tap-kǹg chò kì-hō.
1. Góa kah-ì cha-po͘-khoán ê cha-bó͘.
2. Góa nā ē-tàng bián hù-chîⁿ tō ji̍p-khì khòaⁿ tiān-iáⁿ, koh khak-tēng bē hông hoat-hiān, góa khó-lêng ē án-ne chò.
3. Góa ê thâu-khak-téng ū-sî kám-kak hàng-hàng.
4. Góa nā sī kì-chiá, góa chin kah-ì pò-tō hì-kio̍k ê sin-bûn.
5. M̄ goān thoa ê bé tio̍h kā kòng a̍h kā that.
6. Góa chù-ì góa pàng ê sái ê sek, che chin chū-jiân.
7. Góa ê sèng-khì-koan ū būn-tê.
*
9. 我欲予你見阮翁
我忍不住夯雞母皮. 規世人我 lóng 聽人講她 ê 創造力.
"Oke. 若 án-ne, 我是彼个無聊 ê 人, á 她是跳彩帶舞 ê."
"基本 tek 是 án-ne."
我會記得我 teh 思考這个問題 ê 時, Kevin ná teh 哺規 me ê 塗豆 koh ná 看房間. 伊生做矮矮, 手細細, 囡仔面. 留喙鬚是一个好步數, m̄-koh he mā 無法度掩崁伊 ê 研究生氣質. 酒保已經發卡予伊.
"假使阮是孤一人, 會 án-nóa? 基因相仝, m̄-koh 阮干焦有一人, 無另外彼个通反應. 這个人會生做 án-nóa?"
"這 tō 是發生 tī 其他 ê 人 ê 代誌," Kevin 講. "M̄-koh 恁是雙生仔."
"著," 我講. "我是特別 ê."
- - -
Samantha 和我開車轉來市區, 無講話, m̄-koh 她一直哭, 哭一陣仔. 她 kā 車踅到 konkuli 日遮下面, 坐 tī handolu 後面, 目睭紅紅, 金金看儀錶盤.
"你欲入來無?"
"可能較慢 leh." 她猶是 kā 手囥 tī hapa 狗 ê 頭殼. 狗仔 kō͘ neh-neh ê 鼻空 teh 喘. 我毋知, 她敢會克服這个問題. 我 mā 毋知, tī 她 ê 規世人, 她敢 bat 克服過任何物件.
"Chit-má 無適合飼寵物," 我 kā 講.
"無, 無要緊 lah." Samantha 手搖一下.
"來阮房間. 我欲予你見阮翁."
"你結婚 ah?"
"著, 當然. 我若知影 án-nóa 連絡你, 我 tō 會邀請你."
"你結婚 ah? 天 ah. 為啥物?"
"愛情," 我講, m̄-koh 聽著 mā 無啥正確.
Samantha 一直 teh 撲彼隻 hapa 狗仔. 狗仔看起來有 10 歲 ah. 這予我想欲 kā 捏死.
"你欲知影, 是 án-nóa 我欲 kā 號做 Diego無?"
"講來聽."
"因為她目睭 thuh-thuh, 大箍, koh 是共產主義者, tō ná Diego Rivera."
"你那知影她是共產主義者?"
"紅色 ê 牽帶. Á 她以前有自由."
彼暗, 我予 Ivan 攬著, 倒 tī 眠床聽旅館 ê 玻璃窗 khi-khi kho̍k-kho̍k. 我毋知 Samantha 是 án-nóa ah. 她 lóng 無來揣我.
- - -
一句話對你若是真 a̍h 大面是真, 你 tō kā 有 T ê 箍仔畫烏; he 話若是假 a̍h 大面毋是真, 你 tō kā 有 F ê 箍仔畫烏; he 話若對你無適用, 你 tō 免 tī 答卷做記號.
1. 我佮意查埔款 ê 查某.
2. 我若會當免付錢 tō 入去看電影, koh 確定袂 hông 發現, 我可能會 án-ne 做.
3. 我 ê 頭殼頂有時感覺 hàng-hàng.
4. 我若是記者, 我真佮意報導戲劇 ê 新聞.
5. 毋願拖 ê 馬著 kā 摃 a̍h kā 踢.
6. 我注意我放 ê 屎 ê 色, 這真自然.
7. 我 ê 性器官有問題.
*
9.
I reflexively cringed. I'd been hearing about her creativity my whole life.
"Okay. So I'm the boring one, and she's the scarf-dancer."
"Basically."
I remember thinking about this while Kevin chewed handfuls of bar peanuts and gazed around the room. He was short, with narrow hands and a baby face. The beard was a nice try, but even that couldn't deactivate his graduate-student air. The bartender had carded him.
"What if we had been one person? With our genetic sameness, but just one of us, without the other to react to. What would that person be like?"
"That's what happens to everyone else," Kevin said. "But you're a twin."
"Right," I said. "I'm special."
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Samantha and I drive back downtown without speaking, though she keeps crying for a while. She turns the car around under the concrete awning, then sits there behind the wheel, eyes red, staring at the instrument panel.
"Are you coming in?
"Maybe later." She keeps her hand on the pug dog's head. It's wheezing through its little stoved-in nose. I wonder if she'll ever get over this. I wonder if she's ever gotten over anything in her whole life.
"It's just not a good time for a pet right now," I tell her.
"No, that's fine." Samantha waves her hand.
"Call me in my room. I want you to meet my husband."
"You got married?"
"Yes, of course. I would have invited you if I'd known how to reach you."
"You got married? My God. Why?"
"Love," I say, but somehow it doesn't sound quite right.
Samantha keeps petting the pug. Something about her seems about ten years old. This makes me want to throttle her.
"Do you want to know why I'm naming her Diego?"
"Okay."
"Because she's bug-eyed and fat and a communist, like Diego Rivera."
"How do you know she's a communist?"
"The red leash. And she was free."
That night I lie in bed with Ivan's arms around me, listening to the hotel windows ticking. I don't know what happened to Samantha. She never called.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
If a statement is true or mostly true, as applied to you, blacken the circle marked T. If a statement is false or usually not true, blacken the circle marked F. If a statement does not apply to you, make no mark on the answer sheet.
1. I like mannish women.
2. If I could get into a movie without paying and be sure I was not seen I would probably do it.
3. The top of my head sometimes feels tender.
4. If I were a reporter I would very much like to report news of the theater.
5. Horses that don't pull should be beaten or kicked.
6. It's only natural for me to note the color of my bowel movements.
7. There is something wrong with my sex organs.
*
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