10. Ka-tī ê pēⁿ ka-tī i
Káu-goe̍h 26
Góa kàu chhù ê sî, Pam chhiú the̍h Farmer Rich ê email, khiā tī mn̂g-kha kháu.
Farmer Rich = o͘-ku.
Ín-iōng chi̍t pō͘-hūn:
Taⁿ, lán lâi kóng, lín boeh the̍h só͘ iau-kiû ê chîⁿ chhòng siáⁿ. Lín kám ē kā lâu lo̍h-lâi chò tāi-ha̍k kàu-io̍k ki-kim? Lín bē. Tâu-chu tī pâng-tē-sán? Bē. Hō͘ lín ū ki-hoe ia̍h-chí chèng-choh, lín kā hiat-ê pó-kùi ê chí (chîⁿ) phah-sńg tiāu. Taⁿ boeh án-nóa? Ū-lâng án-ne tián súi. Hmh, góa bô kám-kak he súi. Tang-sî lâng khai-sí ài tián hong-sîn? Goán kàu-hōe ê chû-siān-ka chai sàn-chhiah ê tiâu-kiāⁿ. O.K., án-ne mā hó. Góa khòaⁿ, chin kín lín tō ē tī lín tau tú tio̍h sàn-chhiah ê chōng-hóng. Ka-tī ê pēⁿ ka-tī i, che sī góa boeh pàng chûn-chiúⁿ hō͘ siā-hōe sū-gia̍p ê sî, éng-éng ē-kì-tit ê kim-kù. Só͘-tì, góa tio̍h kóng m̄. Lín í-keng kiâⁿ kàu chhim chúi, taⁿ tio̍h ka-tī kiâⁿ chhut-lâi, kō͘ che lâi kà-sī gín-á (kap lín ka-tī), án-ne kú-tn̂g lâi, tùi lín kap gín-á lóng ū hó-chhù.
Kú-kú ê tiām-chēng.
Pam: Thiⁿ ah. Che kám m̄-sī chhin-chhiūⁿ lán ka-tī?
M̄-chai yi ê ì-sù. A̍h sī, góa chai, m̄-koh bô tông-ì. A̍h sī, góa tông-ì, m̄-koh hi-bāng yi bô kóng chhut-lâi. Sī án-nóa boeh kóng? Kóng chhut-lâi sī hū-bīn ê, hō͘ goán tùi ka-tī kám-kak bái.
Góa kóng, hoān-sè lán tio̍h thán-pe̍k Eva só͘ chò ê, hi-bāng Greenway ē jiâu-sià.
Pam kóng, mài, mài: Kin-á-ji̍t chiūⁿ-bāng. Pàng cháu SK = tāng-chōe (!). Góa siūⁿ in bē khí-sò͘ 8 hòe gín-á, m̄-koh mā ū khó-lêng. Lán nā sêng-jīn, che ē ji̍p Eva ê kì-lo̍k? Eva su-iàu lâng hú-tō? Eva ē kám-kak: Góa sī pháiⁿ gín-á? Khai-sí kiâⁿ pháiⁿ-lō͘, kap pháiⁿ-kiáⁿ chò-hóe, khòaⁿ-soe jīm-hô sêng-chiū? Bē tit hoat-hui chiâm-lêng, lóng sī in-ūi sè-hàn só͘ hoān ê chi̍t-ê chhò-gō͘?
Mài.
Bē-sái mō͘-hiám.
Gín-á chhut-sì liáu, Pam kap góa hòng-khì it-chhè (siàu-liân sî ê lí-hêng, mō͘-hiám tt ê bāng-sióng), boeh chò hó pē-bú. Chi̍t-lō͘ seng-oa̍h pêng-tām. Chhiong-móa sin-khó͘. Sǹg bē liáu ê àm-mê, ūi-tio̍h tāi-chì bōe-liáu, tio̍h thoa sin-miā piàⁿ mê kang. Tiāⁿ-tiāⁿ sàm thâu-bīn + hi lè-lè, saⁿ-khò͘ ū gín-á sái-jiah a̍h thò͘-leng ê jiah, kî-tiong chi̍t-lâng kek chhiò-bīn hiòng iáu chi̍t-lâng ê kamera, m̄-koh sim teh cho/teh khì, thâu-chang chhàng, in-ūi thì-thâu kùi, kó͘-pán ê ba̍k-kiàⁿ liu lo̍h phīⁿ, in-ūi bô sî-kan khì tiâu-chéng ba̍k-kiàⁿ.
Iá taⁿ, keng-kòe só͘-ū chiah-ê, chit-ê siōng sè-hàn-ê tio̍h khai-sí kòe chi̍t-ê khó-lêng ū o͘-tiám kì-lo̍k ê seng-oa̍h?
He bô hoat-seng.
Pam hām góa thó-lūn, tông-ì: tio̍h chhiūⁿ chia̍h-chōe ê lâng, tī kó͘-chá, in kā chōe chia̍h lo̍h. A̍h sī chia̍h ū-chōe ê lâng sí-khì ê sin-khu? Bē kì-tit chia̍h-chōe ê lâng sī án-nóa chò. M̄-koh, Pam hām góa tông-ì: boeh chhiūⁿ chia̍h-chōe ê lâng án-ne, goān-ì ūi pó-hō͘ Eva hoān-chhò, bô-koán tāi-kè, bē-sái hō͘ kéng-chhat chai, su-iàu ê sî sīm-chì ûi-hoat (!).
Tú-chiah khì tōa-thiaⁿ khòaⁿ gín-á. Thomas hām Ferber teh khùn. Che bē-sái tit. Eva hām Lilly chò-hóe khùn. Che mā bē-sái tit. Eva, yi sī chit-tiûⁿ chai-lān ê kin-goân, khùn kah ná eⁿ-á.
Kám-kak siūⁿ boeh kiò-chhéⁿ Eva, kā lám, kā kóng, sui-bóng goán bô tông-ì yi ê só͘-chò, yi éng-oán sī goán ê koai gín-á, éng-oán sī goán ê pó-pòe.
Bô án-ne chò.
Eva su-iàu hioh-khùn.
Tī Lilly ê toh-á téng: sī Lilly tng-teh chò ê, ha̍k-hāu "Siōng Kah-ì ê Mi̍h" oa̍h-tāng hit-kang ê hái-pò. Hái-pò = ta̍k-ê SK ê siòng-phìⁿ, ke yin kok-ka ê tē-tô͘, ke hián-jiân sī Lilly hóng-būn yin ta̍k-ê ê kò͘-sū (!). Gwen (Moldova) = chin kian-kiông, in-ūi sī Moldova ê siàu-liân: iōng pùn-sò tui khioh ê bak hoeh chhn̂g-kin + tiān-khì tape /thè-pù/ chò kha-kiû, jiân-āu, lī-iōng bak-hoeh chhn̂g-kin kiû keng-kòe chē-chē liān-si̍p, chha chi̍t-tiám-á ji̍p Olympic tūi (!). Betty (Phillipin) ū chi̍t-ê chă-kiáⁿ, siû-chúi ê sî, ū-sî phak tī hái-ku ê khak téng-bīn. Lisa (Somalia) Ū chi̍t-kái khòaⁿ tio̍h chi̍t-chiah sai-á tī A-chek ê "mini hòe-chhia" ê chhù-téng. Tami (Laos) ū chi̍t-chiah chúi-gû thióng-bu̍t, kha-pôaⁿ hō͘ chúi-gû ta̍h kòe, taⁿ Tami tio̍h chhēng te̍k-pia̍t ê ê-á. "Sim-sek Tāi": yin ê miâ (Betty, Tami, tt) m̄-sī chin miâ. Chiah-ê = SK ê miâ, sī Greenway tī yin kàu-ūi ê sî kā yin hō ê. "Tami" = Januka = "khoài-lo̍k ê ji̍t-kng." "Betty" = Nenita = "ū hok-khì ê ài-jîn." "Gwen" = Evgenia. (M̄-chai yi ê miâ ê ì-sù.) "Lisa" = Ayan = "khoài-lo̍k ê lí-hêng-chiá."
Bī-lâi ê tho̍k-chiá, e-àm góa kui-sim teh siūⁿ SK.
Taⁿ yin tī tó-ūi? Yin ná boeh lī-khui?
Tō sī siūⁿ bē thong.
Phe lâi ah, ka-têng khèng-chiok, chă gín-á lâu ba̍k-sái, kian-kiông khoán hêng-lí, siūⁿ, Tio̍h khì, góa sī ka-têng ê ûi-it hi-bāng. Kek ióng-kám ê bīn, tah-eng ha̍p-iok oân-sêng, yi it-tēng sûi tńg-lâi. Lāu-bú kám-kak, lāu-pē kám-kak: Lán bē-sái hō͘ yi khì. M̄-koh, in tio̍h hō͘ yi khì. In pit-su án-ne chò.
Kui-chng ê lâng pôe chă gín-á kiâⁿ kàu hóe-chhia thâu/bus [básuh] chām/tō͘-chûn kháu? Ba̍k-sái lâu bē lī, chhim-chêng kóng bē liáu. Hóe-chhia/bus/tō͘-chûn lī-khui liáu, yi chhim-chêng koh khòaⁿ sì-kho͘-liàn-tńg ê soaⁿ/khe/chhái-chio̍h tiûⁿ/chhun-sià, it-chhè ê it-chhè, its kàu taⁿ yi só͘ chai ê sè-kài, kā ka-tī án-ne kóng, M̄-bian kiaⁿ, lí ē tò-tńg lâi, + sèng-lī tńg lâi, chah tōa-tōa tē ê lé-mi̍h, tt, tt.
Iá taⁿ neh?
Bô chîⁿ, bô chèng-kiāⁿ. Siáng lâi pak-tiāu mikro-sòaⁿ? Siáng ē hō͘ yi thâu-lō͘? Boeh chhōe thâu-lō͘, tio̍h chò thâu-chang, am-khàm Chhah-ji̍p Tiám ê hûn-jiah. Tang-sî yi chiah koh khòaⁿ tio̍h kò͘-hiong + chhù-lāi lâng? Yi ná boeh án-ne chò? Yi ná boeh phò-hāi it-chhè, lī-khui goán ê tiâⁿ? Goân-pún ē-tàng kap goán hó-hó chò-hóe kiâⁿ. Yi tàu-té sī boeh tui-kiû siáⁿ-mi̍h ah? Yi sī boeh iau-kiû gōa-chē, soah tio̍h chò chit-chióng choa̍t-bōng ê kí-tāng?
Tú-chiah khì thang-á hia.
Tiâⁿ nih khang-khang ê kè-á, tī goe̍h-kng-ē khòaⁿ khí-lâi koài-koài.
Kì hō͘ ka-tī: Khà hō͘ Greenway, kiò in kā he bái kô͘-kô͘ ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ the̍h cháu.
[Soah]
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10. Ka-tī ê 病 ka-tī 醫
九月 26
我到厝 ê 時, Pam 手提 Farmer Rich ê email, 徛 tī 門跤口.
Farmer Rich = 烏龜.
引用一部份:
今, 咱來講, 恁欲提所要求 ê 錢創啥. 恁敢會 kā 留落來做大學教育基金? 恁袂. 投資 tī 房地產? 袂. 予恁有機會掖 chí 種作, 恁 kā hiat-ê 寶貴 ê chí (錢) 拍損掉. 今欲按怎? 有人 án-ne 展媠. Hmh, 我無感覺彼媠. Tang 時人開始愛展風神? 阮教會 ê 慈善家知散赤 ê 條件. O.K., án-ne mā 好. 我看, 真緊恁 tō 會 tī 恁兜拄著散赤 ê 狀況. Ka-tī ê 病 ka-tī 醫, 這是我欲放船槳予社會事業 ê 時, 往往會記得 ê 金句. 所致, 我著講毋. 恁已經行到深水, 今著 ka-tī 行出來, kō͘ 這來教示囡仔 (kap 恁 ka-tī), án-ne 久長來, 對恁 kap 囡仔攏有好處.
久久 ê 恬靜.
Pam: 天 ah. 這敢毋是親像咱 ka-tī?
毋知她 ê 意思. A̍h 是, 我知, 毋過無同意. A̍h 是, 我同意, 毋過希望她無講出來. 是按怎欲講? 講出來是負面 ê, 予阮對 ka-tī 感覺䆀.
我講, 凡勢咱著坦白 Eva 所做 ê, 希望 Greenway 會饒赦.
Pam 講, 莫, 莫: 今仔日上網. 放走 SK = 重罪 (!). 我想 in 袂起訴 8 歲囡仔, 毋過 mā 有可能. 咱若承認, 這會入 Eva ê 記錄? Eva 需要人輔導? Eva 會感覺: 我是歹囡仔? 開始行歹路, kap 歹囝做伙, 看衰任何成就? 袂得發揮潛能, 攏是因為細漢所犯 ê 一个錯誤?
莫.
袂使冒險.
囡仔出世了, Pam kap 我放棄一切 (少年時 ê 旅行, 冒險 tt ê 夢想), 欲做好爸母. 一路生活平淡. 充滿辛苦. 算袂了 ê 暗暝, 為著代誌未了, 著拖身命拚暝工. 定定鬖頭面 + 虛 lè-lè, 衫褲有囡仔屎跡 a̍h 吐奶 ê 跡, 其中一人激笑面向猶一人 ê kamera, 毋過心 teh 糟/teh 氣, 頭鬃聳, 因為剃頭貴, 古板 ê 目鏡溜落鼻, 因為無時間去調整目鏡.
Iá 今, 經過所有 chiah-ê, 這个上細漢 ê 著開始過一个可能有烏點記錄 ê 生活?
彼無發生.
Pam 和我討論, 同意: 著像食罪 ê 人, tī 古早, in kā 罪食落. A̍h 是食有罪 ê 人死去 ê 身軀? 袂記得食罪 ê 人是按怎做. 毋過, Pam 和我同意: 欲像食罪 ê 人 án-ne, 願意為保護 Eva 犯錯, 無管代價, 袂使予警察知, 需要 ê 時甚至違法 (!).
拄才去大廳看囡仔. Thomas 和 Ferber teh 睏. 這袂使得. Eva 和 Lilly 做伙睏. 這 mā 袂使得. Eva, 她是這場災難 ê 根源, 睏 kah ná 嬰仔.
感覺想欲叫醒 Eva, kā 攬, kā 講, 雖罔阮無同意她 ê 所做, 她永遠是阮 ê 乖囡仔, 永遠是阮 ê 寶貝.
無 án-ne 做.
Eva 需要歇睏.
Tī Lilly ê 桌仔頂: 是 Lilly tng-teh 做 ê, 學校 "上佮意 ê 物" 活動彼工 ê 海報. 海報 = 逐个 SK ê 相片, 加姻國家 ê 地圖, 加顯然是 Lilly 訪問姻逐个 ê 故事 (!). Gwen (Moldova) = 真堅強, 因為是 Moldova ê 少年: 用糞埽堆抾 ê 沐血床巾 + 電氣 tape /thè-pù/ 做跤球, 然後, 利用沐血床巾球經過濟濟練習, 差一點仔入 Olympic 隊 (!). Betty (Phillipin) 有一个 chă 囝, 泅水 ê 時, 有時仆 tī 海龜 ê 殼頂面. Lisa (Somalia) 有一改看著一隻獅仔 tī 阿叔 ê "mini 貨車" ê 厝頂. Tami (Laos) 有一隻水牛寵物, 跤盤予水牛踏過, 今 Tami 著穿特別 ê 鞋仔. "心適代": 姻 ê 名 (Betty, Tami, tt) 毋是真名. Chiah-ê = SK ê 名, 是 Greenway tī 姻到位 ê 時 kā 姻號 ê. "Tami" = Januka = "快樂 ê 日光." "Betty" = Nenita = "有福氣 ê 愛人." "Gwen" = Evgenia. (毋知她 ê 名 ê 意思.) "Lisa" = Ayan = "快樂 ê 旅行者."
未來 ê 讀者, 下暗我規心 teh 想 SK.
今姻 tī 佗位? 姻那欲離開?
就是想袂通.
批來 ah, 家庭慶祝, chă 囡仔流目屎, 堅強款行李, 想, 著去, 我是家庭 ê 唯一希望. 激勇敢 ê 面, 答應合約完成, 她一定隨轉來. 老母感覺, 老爸感覺: 咱袂使予她去. 毋過, in 著予她去. In 必須 án-ne 做.
規庄 ê 人陪 chă 囡仔行到火車頭/bus [básuh] 站/渡船口? 目屎流袂離, 深情講袂了. 火車/bus/渡船離開了, 她深情 koh 看四箍輾轉 ê 山/溪/採石場/村舍, 一切 ê 一切, its 到今她所知 ê 世界, kā ka-tī án-ne 講, 毋免驚, 你會倒轉來, + 勝利轉來, 扎大大袋 ê 禮物, tt, tt.
Iá 今 neh?
無錢, 無證件. Siáng 來剝掉 mikro 線? Siáng 會予她頭路? 欲揣頭路, 著做頭鬃, 掩崁插入點 ê 痕跡. 當時她才 koh 看著故鄉 + 厝內人? 她那欲 án-ne 做? 她那欲破害一切, 離開阮 ê 埕? 原本會當 kap 阮好好做伙行. 她到底是欲追求啥物 ah? 她是欲要求偌濟, 煞著做這種絕望 ê 舉動?
拄才去窗仔 hia.
埕 nih 空空 ê 架仔, tī 月光下看起來怪怪.
記予 ka-tī: 敲予 Greenway, 叫 in kā 彼䆀糊糊 ê 物件提走.
[煞]
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10.
SEPTEMBER 26th
When I got home, Pam standing in doorway w/ e-mail from Farmer Rich.
Farmer Rich = bastard.
Will quote in part:
Let us now speak of what you intend to do with the requested money. Will you be putting it aside for a college fund? You will not. Investing in real estate? No. Given a chance to plant some seeds, you flushed those valuable seeds (dollars) away. And for what? A display some find pretty. Well, I do not find it pretty. Since when are people on display a desirable sight? Do-gooders in our church cite conditions of poverty. O.K., that is fine. But it appears you will soon have a situation of poverty within your own walls. And physician heal thyself is a motto I have oft remembered when tempted to put my oar in relative to some social cause or another. So am going to say no. You people have walked yourselves into some deep water and must now walk yourselves out, teaching your kids (and selves) a valuable lesson from which, in the long term, you and yours will benefit.
Long silence.
Pam: Jesus. Isn’t this just like us?
Do not know what she means. Or, rather, do know but do not agree. Or, rather, agree but wish she would not say. Why say? Saying is negative, makes us feel bad about selves.
I say maybe we should just confess what Eva did, hope for mercy from Greenway.
Pam says no, no: Went online today. Releasing SGs = felony (!). Does not feel they would prosecute eight-year-old, but still. If we confess, this goes on Eva’s record? Eva required to get counselling? Eva feels: I am bad kid? Starts erring on side of bad, hanging out with rough crowd, looking askance at whole notion of achievement? Fails to live up to full potential, all because of one mistake she made when little girl?
No.
Cannot take chance.
When kids born, Pam and I dropped everything (youthful dreams of travel, adventure, etc.) to be good parents. Has not been exciting life. Has been much drudgery. Many nights, tasks undone, have stayed up late, exhausted, doing tasks. On many occasions, dishevelled + tired, baby poop and/or vomit on our shirt or blouse, one of us has stood smiling wearily/angrily at camera being held by other, hair shaggy because haircuts expensive, unfashionable glasses slipping down noses because never was time to get glasses tightened.
And now, after all that, our youngest to start out life w/ potential black mark on record?
That not happening.
Pam and I discuss, agree: must be like sin-eaters who, in ancient times, ate sin. Or bodies of sinners? Ate meals off bodies of sinners who had died? Cannot exactly recall what sin-eaters did. But Pam and I agree: are going to be like sin-eaters in sense of, will err on side of protecting Eva, keep cops in dark at all cost, break law as req’d (!).
Just now went down hall to check on kids. Thomas sleeping w/ Ferber. This not allowed. Eva in bed w/ Lilly. This not allowed. Eva, source of all mayhem, sleeping like baby.
Felt like waking Eva, giving Eva hug, telling Eva that, though we do not approve of what she did, she will always be our girl, will always be apple of our eye(s).
Did not do.
Eva needs rest.
On Lilly’s desk: poster Lilly was working on for “Favorite Things Day” at school. Poster = photo of each SG, plus map of home country, plus stories Lilly apparently got during interview (!) with each. Gwen (Moldova) = very tough, due to Moldovan youth: used bloody sheets found in trash + duct tape to make soccer ball, then, after much practice with bloody-sheet ball, nearly made Olympic team (!). Betty (Philippines) has daughter, who, when swimming, will sometimes hitch ride on shell of sea turtle. Lisa (Somalia) once saw lion on roof of her uncle’s “mini-lorry.” Tami (Laos) had pet water buffalo, water buffalo stepped on her foot, now Tami must wear special shoe. “Fun Fact”: their names (Betty, Tami, et al.) not their real names. These = SG names, given by Greenway at time of arrival. “Tami” = Januka = “happy ray of sun.” “Betty” = Nenita = “blessed-beloved.” “Gwen” = Evgenia. (Does not know what her name means.) “Lisa” = Ayan = “happy traveller.”
SGs very much on my mind tonight, future reader.
Where are they now? Why did they leave?
Just do not get.
Letter comes, family celebrates, girl sheds tears, stoically packs bag, thinks, Must go, am family’s only hope. Puts on brave face, promises she will return as soon as contract complete. Her mother feels, father feels: We cannot let her go. But they do. They must.
Whole town walks girl to train station/bus station/ferry stop? More tears, more vows. As train/bus/ferry pulls away, she takes last fond look at surrounding hills/river/quarry/shacks, whatever, i.e., all she has ever known of world, saying to self, Be not afraid, you will return, + return in victory, w/ big bag of gifts, etc., etc.
And now?
No money, no papers. Who will remove microline? Who will give her job? When going for job, must fix hair so as to hide scars at Insertion Points. When will she ever see her home + family again? Why would she do this? Why would she ruin all, leave our yard? Could have had nice long run w/ us. What in the world was she seeking? What could she want so much, that would make her pull such desperate stunt?
Just now went to window.
Empty rack in yard, looking strange in moonlight.
Note to self: Call Greenway, have them take ugly thing away. ♦
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//
Published in the print edition of the October 15, 2012, issue.
George Saunders won the 2017 Man Booker Prize for “Lincoln in the Bardo.” He is the author of, most recently, “A Swim in a Pond in the Rain.”
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