4. Siuⁿ 歡喜/無閒通寫!

4. Siuⁿ hoaⁿ-hí/bô-êng thang siá

Káu-goe̍h 15

Kai-sí. Kè-ōe bē iōng tit. Bē-hù kā chi-phio kau khì Discover. Tio̍h sî-kan chò kiat-sǹg.

Só͘-í bô pà.

Tio̍h siūⁿ kî-thaⁿ ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ, tī chàu-kha sió ka-têng party ê sî sàng hō͘ Lilly. A̍h sī chò Abú í-chêng bat chò ê pān-hoat, tī bô mi̍h-kiāⁿ ê sî, pau chi̍t-tiuⁿ tô͘-phìⁿ kap chi̍t-ê tap-èng ê chóa-tiâu. M̄-koh, kì hō͘ ka-tī: M̄-thang chò Abú chò ê kî-thaⁿ tāi-chì, gín-á boeh thó ê sî, ba̍k-chiu tńg pe̍h-jîn koh khì phut-phut, mn̄g gín-á sī-m̄-sī siūⁿ-kóng chîⁿ seⁿ tī chhiū-á téng.

Kì hō͘ ka-tī: Chhōe ū pà ê tô͘-phìⁿ ê kóng-kò, boeh iōng tī I.O.U. khiàm-tiâu. Goân-pún khǹg tī chheh-toh téng, m̄-koh taⁿ bô tī hia. Hoān-sè the̍h khì kì tiān-ōe lâu-ōe? Hoān-sè the̍h khì khioh niau-á thò͘ ê mi̍h?

Khó-liân ê Lilly. Iáu teh o̍h kiâⁿ ê sî, tì Burger King ông-koan, yi he chhiong-móa hi-bāng, tiⁿ-bi̍t ê bīn, iá taⁿ piàn án-ne? Yi hit-sî m̄-chai, yi ê miā m̄-sī kong-chú, sī khó-liân ê ko͘-niû. Sàn-chhiah ko͘-niû. M̄-sī siōng hó-gia̍h ê ko͘-niû.

Bô party, bô lé-mi̍h. Khiàm-tiâu nih khó-lêng mā bô pà ê tô͘. Góa ē-sái ōe pà, m̄-koh Lilly hoān-sè siūⁿ-kóng yi ē tit-tio̍h lo̍k-tô. A̍h-sī mā m̄-sī khòaⁿ chò lo̍k-tô. Góa m̄-sī gâu ōe-tô͘ ê lâng. Ha-ha! Sim-chêng tio̍h pàng khin-sang. Chhiò sī siōng-hó ê io̍h, tt, tt.

Ū chi̍t-kang, góa siong-sìn, bāng-sióng ē si̍t-hiān. M̄-koh, tang-sî ah? Ná ē m̄-sī taⁿ? Ná ē m̄-sī?

*

Káu-goe̍h 20

Pháiⁿ-sè, tiām hiah kú, m̄-koh oáu!

Siūⁿ hoaⁿ-hí/bô-êng thang siá!

Pài-gō͘ sī chū-lâi siōng kî-miāu ê chi̍t-kang! M̄-bián kì, in-ūi éng-oán lân-bōng ê úi-tāi chi̍t-kang! M̄-koh iáu sī lâi kì hō͘ bī-lâi ê sè-tāi khòaⁿ. Hó thang hō͘ in chai-iáⁿ, hó-ūn hām hēng-hok sī chin-si̍t koh ū khó-lêng! Tī góa chit-ê sî-tāi ê Bí-kok, góa boeh hō͘ in chai, ta̍k-hāng sū lóng ū khó-lêng!

Góa só͘ ē-tàng kóng ê, tō sī oáu oáu oáu! Ē-kì-tit góa chóng-sī tī chia̍h-tàu ê sî bé Khau-kah-sóng (Scratch-Off) chhái-phiò? Góa bat kóng kòe bô? Hoān-sè bô kóng? Hmh, múi ê pài-gō͘, ūi tio̍h chióng-lē ka-tī chi̍t lé-pài ê piáu-hiān, tō tī chhù hū-kīn ê tiàm thêng chhia, khoán-thāi ka-tī chia̍h chi̍t-ki Bátah-cháiⁿ chokolet (Butterfinger), koh bé Khau-kah-sóng chhái-phiò. Ū-sî, nā sī sin-khó͘ ê lé-pài, tō chia̍h 2-ki Bátah-cháiⁿ chokolet. Ū-sî, nā hui-siông sin-khó͘ ê lé-pài, tō chia̍h 3-ki Bátah-cháiⁿ chokolet. M̄-koh, nā chia̍h 3-ki Bátah-cháiⁿ chokolet, tō bô bé Khau-kah-sóng chhái-phiò. M̄-koh, tī pài-gō͘, góa tio̍h chi̍t-bān kho͘!! Tiòng Khau-kah-sóng tōa-chióng!! Nn̄g-ki Bátah-cháiⁿ chokolet lak lo̍h, góa khiā tī hia, chhiú the̍h tú-chiah khau hō-má ê gîn-kak-á, chhùi khui-khui. Hiám-á chông ji̍p-khì cha̍p-chì-kè. Tiàm-oân the̍h góa ê chhái-kǹg, tha̍k chi̍t-piàn, kóng, Lí tiòng-chióng! I kā cha̍p-chì-kè koh pâi hó, kap góa ak-chhiú.

Āu-lâi, i kóng, goán ē pān chi-phiò, chi̍t-bān kho͘ chi-phiò hō͘ lí, chi̍t lé-pài í-lāi.

Kín-kín chông tńg chhù, bē-kì-tit chhia. Koh chông tò-tńg boeh sái chhia. Kàu chi̍t-pòaⁿ, án-ne siūⁿ, Taⁿ mā hó, kui-khì kō͘ siang-kha kín tńg-chhù. Pam chông chhut-lâi, mn̄g, Chhia neh, tī tó-ūi? Hō͘ yi khòaⁿ Khau-kah-sóng chhái-phiò. Yi gāng-gāng khiā tī tiâⁿ.

Taⁿ lán hó-gia̍h ah sioh? Thomas mn̄g, chông chhut-lâi, thoa Ferber ê ām-khian.

M̄-sī hó-gia̍h, Pam kóng.

Sī ū kóa chîⁿ ah lah, góa kóng.

Ū kóa chîⁿ, Pam kóng. Kai-sí.

Ta̍k-ê khai-sí se̍h tiâⁿ thiàu-bú, Ferber khòaⁿ chit-lō hut-jiân ê thiàu-bú sa-bô-cháng, koh lâi mā jiok ka-tī ê bóe thiàu ka-tī ê bú. 

Lo̍h-bóe, tong-jiân, tio̍h koat-tēng án-nóa iōng. Hit-mê tī bîn-chhn̂g, Pam kóng, Chi̍t pō͘-hūn iōng lâi hêng sìn-iōng khah ê chîⁿ? Góa kám-kak ē-sái, O.K., bô būn-tê. M̄-koh góa bô kám-kak chiok heng-hùn, tùi yi mā ká-ná bô chiok heng-hùn.

Pam: Ūi Lilly ê seⁿ-ji̍t chò kóa te̍k-pia̍t ê tāi-chì tō chin hó.

Góa: Góa mā án-ne siūⁿ, hó!

Pam: Yi ē-tàng iōng kóa siáⁿ. Kīn-lâi yi chiâⁿ sit-chì.

Góa: Lí kám chai ū siáⁿ? Lán tō lâi chò.

In-ūi Lilly sī goán ê tōa kiáⁿ, góa tùi yi te̍k-pia̍t thiàⁿ, mā te̍k-pia̍t chhau-sim.

Choăn goán chè-tēng chi̍t-ê kè-ōe, koh khì chip-hêng.

Tāi-chì sī án-ne: Khì Greenway Landscaping (Le̍k-tō Chō-kéng), chhiáⁿ in siat-kè choân-sin ê chhù-tiâⁿ, pau-koat 10 chhok mûi-kùi + seh-siông sió-lō͘ + chúi-tî + sió-hêng sio-chúi e̍k-tî + 4-ê SK ê pò͘-tì! Tiōng-tiám sī, tang-sî ē-tàng oân-sêng? Koh, ē-tàng pì-bi̍t oân-sêng bô? Greenway kóng, hit-ê kè-siàu, chi̍t-kang, tī gín-á khì ha̍k-hāu ê sî oân-sêng. (Kì hō͘ ka-tī: Siá-phe o-ló Melanie, Greenway ê lú oân-kang -- chin pang-bâng.)

Tē-jī pō͘ sī: Kià kiaⁿ-hí party ê chhiáⁿ-thiap, sî-kan sī chhù-tiâⁿ oân-sêng hit-àm, its bîn-á-chài, its in-ūi án-ne chiah ē téng lé-pài chit-pún chheh hiah-nī tiām. Pháiⁿ-sè, pháiⁿ-sè, si̍t-chāi ū-kàu bô-êng!

Pam hām góa ha̍p-chok kah chiâⁿ hó, tō ná-chhiūⁿ í-chêng, chán koh chhin-bi̍t, oân-choân it-tì. Hit-àm, an-pâi hó-sè liáu, khah chá chiūⁿ-chhn̂g (!!) (masachi ê chêng-kéng -- m̄-hó mn̄g!)

Pháiⁿ-sè, nā siá liáu siuⁿ bô-liâu.

Góa kan-ta sī hoaⁿ-hí.

Kì hō͘ bī-lâi ê sè-tāi: Hēng-hok sī ū khó-lêng. Hēng-hok, pí i ê tò-péng, its pi-siong, hó chin chē. Hi-bāng lín chai-iáⁿ! Góa chai, m̄-koh bat bē kì-tit. Koàn-sì khin-bî ê pi-siong! Khin-bî ê pi-siong, sī in-ūi ap-le̍k, in-ūi tùi hān-chè ê tam-sim. M̄-koh, taⁿ, oáu, bô ah lah: khoài-lo̍k!

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4. Siuⁿ 歡喜/無閒通寫!

九月 15

該死. 計畫袂用得. 袂赴 kā 支票交去 Discover. 著時間做結算.

所以無豹.

著想其他 ê 物件, tī 灶跤小家庭 party ê 時送予 Lilly. A̍h 是做 Abú 以前 bat 做 ê 辦法, tī 無物件 ê 時, 包一張圖片 kap 一个答應 ê 紙條. M̄-koh, 記予 ka-tī: 毋通做 Abú 做 ê 其他代誌, 囡仔欲討 ê 時, 目睭轉白仁 koh 氣 phut-phut, 問囡仔是毋是想講錢生 tī 樹仔頂.

記予 ka-tī: 揣有豹 ê 圖片 ê 廣告, 欲用 tī I.O.U. 欠條. 原本囥 tī 冊桌頂, m̄-koh 今無 tī hia. 凡勢提去記電話留話? 凡勢提去抾貓仔吐 ê 物?

可憐 ê Lilly. 猶 teh 學行 ê 時, 戴 Burger King 王冠, 她彼充滿希望, 甜蜜 ê 面, iá 今變 án-ne? 她彼時毋知, 她 ê 命毋是公主, 是可憐 ê 姑娘. 散赤姑娘. 毋是上好額 ê 姑娘.

無 party, 無禮物. 欠條 nih 可能 mā 無豹 ê 圖. 我會使畫豹, m̄-koh Lilly 凡勢想講她會得著駱駝. A̍h 是 mā 毋是看做駱駝. 我毋是 gâu 畫圖 ê 人. Ha-ha! 心情著放輕鬆. 笑是上好 ê 藥, tt, tt.

有一工, 我相信, 夢想會實現. M̄-koh, 當時 ah? 那會毋是今? 那會毋是?

*

九月 20

歹勢, 恬 hiah 久, m̄-koh oáu!

Siūⁿ 歡喜/無閒通寫!

拜五是自來上奇妙 ê 一工! 毋免記, 因為永遠難忘 ê 偉大一工! M̄-koh 猶是來記予未來 ê 世代看. 好通予 in 知影, 好運和幸福是真實 koh 有可能! Tī 我這个時代 ê 美國, 我欲予 in 知, 逐項事攏有可能!

我所會當講 ê, 就是 oáu oáu oáu! 會記得我總是 tī 食晝 ê 時買剾 kah 爽 (Scratch-Off) 彩票? 我 bat 講過無? 凡勢無講? Hmh, 每个拜五, 為著獎勵 ka-tī 一禮拜 ê 表現, tō tī 厝附近 ê 店停車, 款待 ka-tī 食一支 Bátah 指 chokolet (Butterfinger), koh 買剾 kah 爽彩票. 有時, 若是辛苦 ê 禮拜, tō 食 2 支 Bátah 指 chokolet. 有時, 若非常辛苦 ê 禮拜, tō 食 3 支 Bátah 指 chokolet. M̄-koh, 若食 3 支 Bátah 指 chokolet, tō 無買剾 kah 爽彩票. M̄-koh, tī 拜五, 我著一萬箍!! 中剾 kah 爽大獎!! 兩支 Bátah 指 chokolet lak 落, 我徛 tī hia, 手提拄才剾號碼 ê 銀角仔, 喙開開. 險仔傱入去雜誌架. 店員提我 ê 彩券, 讀一遍, 講, 你中獎! 伊 kā 雜誌架 koh 排好, kap 我握手.

後來, 伊講, 阮會辦支票, 一萬箍支票予你, 一禮拜以內.

緊緊傱轉厝, 袂記得車. Koh 傱倒轉欲駛車. 到一半, án-ne 想, 今 mā 好, 規氣 kō͘ 雙跤緊轉厝. Pam 傱出來, 問, 車 neh, tī 佗位? 予她看剾 kah 爽彩票. 她愣愣徛 tī 埕.

今咱好額 ah sioh? Thomas 問, 傱出來, 拖 Ferber ê 頷圈.

毋是好額, Pam 講.

是有寡錢 ah lah, 我講.

有寡錢, Pam 講. 該死.

逐个開始踅埕跳舞, Ferber 看 chit-lō 忽然 ê 跳舞捎無摠, 閣來 mā 逐 ka-tī ê 尾跳 ka-tī ê 舞. 

落尾, 當然, 著決定按怎用. 彼暝 tī 眠床, Pam 講, 一部份用來還信用卡 ê 錢? 我感覺會使, O.K., 無問題. M̄-koh 我無感覺足興奮, 對她 mā ká-ná 無足興奮.

Pam: 為 Lilly ê 生日做寡特別 ê 代誌 tō 真好.

我: 我 mā án-ne 想, 好!

Pam: 她會當用寡啥. 近來她誠失志.

我: 你敢知有啥? 咱 tō 來做.

因為 Lilly 是阮 ê 大囝, 我對她特別疼, mā 特別操心.

Choăn 阮制定一个計畫, koh 去執行.

代誌是 án-ne: 去 Greenway Landscaping (綠道造景), 請 in 設計全新 ê 厝埕, 包括 10 簇玫瑰 + 雪松小路 + 水池 + 小型燒水浴池 + 4 个 SK ê 布置! 重點是, 當時會當完成? Koh, 會當祕密完成無? Greenway 講, 彼个價數, 一工, tī 囡仔去學校 ê 時完成. (記予 ka-tī: 寫批 o-ló Melanie, Greenway ê 女員工 -- 真幫忙.)

第二步是: 寄驚喜 party ê 請帖, 時間是厝埕完成彼暗, its 明仔載, its 因為 án-ne 才會頂禮拜這本冊 hiah-nī 恬. 歹勢, 歹勢, 實在有夠無閒!

Pam 和我合作 kah 誠好, tō ná 像以前, 讚 koh 親密, 完全一致. 彼暗, 安排好勢了, 較早上床 (!!) (masachi ê 情境 -- 毋好問!)

歹勢, 若寫了 siuⁿ 無聊.

我干焦是歡喜.

記予未來 ê 世代: 幸福是有可能. 幸福, 比伊 ê 倒反, its 悲傷, 好真濟. 希望恁知影! 我知, m̄-koh bat 袂記得. 慣勢輕微 ê 悲傷! 輕微 ê 悲傷, 是因為壓力, 因為對限制 ê 擔心. M̄-koh, 今, oáu, 無 ah lah: 快樂!

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4.

SEPTEMBER 15th

Damn it. Plan will not work. Cannot get check to Discover in time. Needs time to clear.

So no cheetah.

Must think of something else to give to Lilly at small family-only party in kitchen. Or may have to do what Mom sometimes did, which was, when thing not available, wrap picture of thing with note promising thing. However, note to self: Do not do other thing Mom did, which was, when child tries to redeem, roll eyes, act exasperated, ask if child thinks money grows on trees.

Note to self: Find ad with pic of cheetah, for I.O.U. coupon. Was on desk but not anymore. Possibly used to record phone message on? Possibly used to pick up little thing cat threw up?

Poor Lilly. Her sweet hopeful face when toddler, wearing Burger King crown, and now this? She did not know she was destined to be not princess but poor girl. Poorish girl. Girl not-the-richest.

No party, no present. Possibly no pic of cheetah in I.O.U. Could draw cheetah but Lilly might then think she was getting camel. Or not getting camel, rather. Am not best drawer. Ha-ha! Must keep spirits up. Laughter best medicine, etc., etc.

Someday, I’m sure, dreams will come true. But when? Why not now? Why not?

SEPTEMBER 20th

Sorry for silence but wow!

Was too happy/busy to write!

Friday most incredible day ever! Do not need to even write down, as will never forget this awesome day! But will record for future generations. Nice for them to know that good luck and happiness real and possible! In America of my time, want them to know, anything possible!

Wow wow wow is all I can say! Remember how I always buy lunchtime Scratch-Off ticket? Have I said? Maybe did not say? Well, every Friday, to reward self for good week, I stop at store near home, treat self to Butterfinger, plus Scratch-Off ticket. Sometimes, if hard week, two Butterfingers. Sometimes, if very hard week, three Butterfingers. But, if three Butterfingers, no Scratch-Off. But Friday won ten grand!! On Scratch-Off! Dropped both Butterfingers, stood there holding dime used to scratch, mouth hanging open. Kind of reeled into magazine rack. Guy at register took ticket, read ticket, said, Winner! Guy righted magazine rack, shook my hand.

Then said we would get check, check for ten grand, within week.

Raced home on foot, forgetting car. Raced back for car. Halfway back, thought, What the heck, raced home on foot. Pam raced out, said, Where is car? Showed her Scratch-Off ticket. She stood stunned in yard.

Are we rich now? Thomas said, racing out, dragging Ferber by collar.

Not rich, Pam said.

Richer, I said.

Richer, Pam said. Damn.

All began dancing around yard, Ferber looking witless at sudden dancing, then doing dance of own, by chasing own tail.

Then, of course, had to decide how to use. That night in bed, Pam said, Partially pay off credit cards? My feeling was yes, O.K., could. But did not seem exciting to me and also did not seem all that exciting to her.

Pam: It would be nice to do something special for Lilly’s birthday.

Me: Me, too, exactly, yes!

Pam: She could use something. She has really been down.

Me: You know what? Let’s do it.

Because Lilly our oldest, we have soft spot for her, soft spot that is also like worry spot.

So we hatched up scheme, then did.

Which was: Went to Greenway Landscaping, had them do total new yard design, incl. ten rosebushes + cedar pathway + pond + small hot tub + four-SG arrangement! Big fun part was, how soon could it be done? Plus, could it be done in secret? Greenway said, for price, could do in one day, while kids at school. (Note to self: Write letter praising Melanie, Greenway gal—super facilitator.)

Step two was: send out secret invites to surprise party to be held on evening of day of yard completion, i.e., tomorrow, i.e., that is why so silent in terms of this book for last week. Sorry, sorry, have just been super busy!

Pam and I worked so well together, like in old days, so nice and close, total agreement. That night, when arrangements all made, went to bed early (!!) (masseuse scenario—do not ask!).

Sorry if corny.

Am just happy.

Note to future generations: Happiness possible. And happy so much better than opposite, i.e., sad. Hopefully you know! I knew, but forgot. Got used to being slightly sad! Slightly sad, due to stress, due to worry vis-à-vis limitations. But now, wow, no: happy!

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