6. Góa boeh kō͘ sin ê hong-sek lâi seng-oa̍h
Káu-goe̍h 22
Khoài-lo̍k ê kî-kan kè-sio̍k.
Kang-chok ê lâng-lâng hòⁿ-kî Khau-kah-sóng tio̍h-chióng. Chah tiâⁿ ê siòng-phìⁿ khì kang-tiûⁿ, tah tī keh-pang, ta̍k-ê lâi khòaⁿ, him-siān. Steve Z. mn̄g, ē-sái lâi goán chhù chhin-sin khòaⁿ tiâⁿ bô. Che sī tē-it pái: Steve Z. kòe-khì m̄-bat chù-ì tio̍h góa. Sīm-chì mn̄g góa ì-kiàn: góa tī tó-ūi bé tio̍h-chióng ê Khau-kah-sóng, góa goân-chek siōng bé gōa-chē Khau-kah-sóng, Greenway = ū sìn-iōng ê kong-si?
Pháiⁿ-sè kah, che hō͘ góa kám-kak hoaⁿ-hí.
Chia̍h-tàu ê sî, góa khì bē-tiûⁿ, bé 4 niá sin siatchuh. Pō͘-mn̂g nih ū chi̍t-ê chhiò-ōe, kóng góa kan-ta ū 2 niá siatchuh. M̄-sī án-ne. Sī ū 3 niá chha-put-to ê nâ siatchuh, kap 2 niá oân-choân kāng-khoán ê n̂g siatchuh. In-ūi án-ne chō-sêng gō͘-hōe. Thong-siông bē ka-tī khì bé sin-saⁿ. Chóng-sī kám-kak hō͘ gín-á sin-saⁿ khah iàu-kín, its bô-ài pa̍t-ê gín-á kóng goán ê gín-á kan-ta ū 2 niá siatchuh tt, tt. Nā kóng tio̍h Pam, Pam chin súi, sī chîⁿ chhōa tōa ê. Góa bô-ài kòe-khì ê hó-gia̍h bí-jîn tiu-tiu chhēng kāng-khoán ê saⁿ, kám-kak: Siàu-liân sî saⁿ hiah chē, m̄-koh taⁿ, in-ūi ang-sài (its góa), bô saⁿ thang chhēng.
Siu-kái: Pam ê kòe-khì pēng m̄-sī hó-gia̍h. Pam ê lāu-pē = sió-tìn ê chò-sit-lâng. Tī sió-tìn piⁿ-á ū siōng tōa ê chhân-hn̂g. Só͘-í pí khí khah sè chhân-hn̂g ê chă gín-á, Pam = hó-gia̍h chă gín-á. Nā sī pêⁿ tōa ê chhân-hn̂g tī khah tōa ê tìn, he chhân-hn̂g kan-ta sī phó͘-thong tōa, m̄-koh, in-ūi hit-ê tìn hiah sè, tiong-téng ê chhân-hn̂g tō piàn-chiâⁿ tōa thó͘-tē.
Chóng--sī, Pam ta̍t-tit siōng hó ê.
Tńg kàu chhù, se̍h chhù-piⁿ khì khòaⁿ chhù-tiâⁿ: hî tī liân-hoe tî se̍h, phang tī mûi-kùi hoe hiⁿ, SK chhēng sin-sian ê pe̍h phâu, ji̍t-thâu kng-sòaⁿ chiò tī chháu-pêⁿ, eng-ia tòa chhim-hā ê lán-lán kám-kak teh iāⁿ, LifeStyleServices thoân-tūi jīn-chin teh kang-chok (in sī Greenway ê lâng, ta̍k-ji̍t lâi 3 kái, sàng pn̄g/chúi hō͘ SK, sàng SK khì mī-pau chhia āu ê SmallJon piān-só͘, chhú-lí cha-bó͘-lâng tāi-chì, tt, tt).
Kàu lāi-bīn, hoat-hiān Leslie Torrini kòe lâi (!). Che = tōa tāi-chì. Leslie í-chêng m̄-bat ka-tī lâi. Kóng yi kah-ì goán ê SK tiàu tī óa chúi-tî ê ūi, ē-tàng hoán-iáⁿ tī chúi-tî nih. Yi khà tiān-ōe tńg chhù, iau-kiû boeh ài chúi-tî. Leslie ê lāu-bú kóng Leslie sī sēng pháiⁿ ê sió-kiáⁿ, kóng bô chúi-tî. Che = tùi Lilly sī chi̍t-ê tōa tit-hun. M̄-sī goán teh hoaⁿ-hí pa̍t-lâng ê bô hoaⁿ-hí. Sī in-ūi Leslie chhiâng-chāi hoaⁿ-hí Lilly ê bô hoaⁿ-hí, só͘-í góa siūⁿ án-ne sī O.K. nā-sī kóng kan-ta chi̍t-kái, Leslie = sió-khóa siong-sim, hit-sî Lilly = chhèng koân-koân?
Chă gín-á lóng ji̍p khì chhù-tiâⁿ, tī hia kú-kú. Pam hām góa khòaⁿ chhut-khì. Chă gín-á óng-lâi chhin-chhiat? Chă gín-á tī chhiū-iáⁿ kha thâu-khak sio-khok, kau-ōaⁿ chă gín-á ê chhin-bi̍t, kian-kò͘ Lilly chiâⁿ-chò Leslie hó pêng-iú ê tē-ūi?
Leslie ê lāu-bú lâi kàu-ūi (sái BMW). Lislie, kap yin lāu-bú tī chúi-tî piⁿ ū chi̍t-ê kán-té ê chèⁿ-chhùi.
Leslie ê lāu-bú: M̄-koh, Les, chhin-ài-ê, lí í-keng ū 3 tiâu khe-á ah.
Leslie (khau-sé): Khe kám sī chúi-tî, Mama?
Lilly tī chhùi-phé hō͘ góa chi̍t-ê kám-kek ê chim, ná chhiùⁿ-koa ná chiūⁿ-lâu.
Kì hō͘ ka-tī: Chhì khòaⁿ māi, kā iú-koan Khau-kah-sóng tio̍h-chióng ê chek-kek cheng-sîn hoat-hui kàu seng-oa̍h ê só͘-ū hoān-ûi. Kang-chok ài ū khah hó ê piáu-hiān. Peh-chhiūⁿ lâu-thui (hoaⁿ-hí, bīn tòa chhiò-iông), tit-tio̍h ka-sin. Ta̍t-kàu seng-oa̍h siōng hó ê chōng-thài, chhēng-chhah khah hó leh. O̍h gità? Chù-ì sè-kài ê súi? Ná m̄ kàu-io̍k ka-tī iú-koan chiáu-á, hoe-chháu, chhiū-bo̍k, seng-chō, chiâⁿ-chò chin-chiàⁿ ê tāi chū-jiân kong-bîn, hām gín-á khì hū-kīn kiâⁿ-kiâⁿ leh, kà gín-á chiáu-á, hoe-chháu tt, tt ê miâ? Ná m̄ chhōa gín-á khì Europa? Gín-á m̄-bat khì hia. M̄-bat khì Alpes soaⁿ, tī soaⁿ nih ê kapi thiaⁿ lim sio chokolet, hō͘ chhin-chhiat ê pe̍h thâu-mo͘ ê kheh-chàn thâu-ke ho̍k-bū, thâu-ke hoat-hiān góa ê gín-á pí it-poaⁿ lâu-phīⁿ Bí-kok gín-á ke chin bat-sū/hó-lé, it-poaⁿ gín-á chóng-sī bô chù-ì i hit-ê sin-chiòng (身障), pa̍k thâu-chang-bóe ê súi chă-kiáⁿ, só͘-tì i chí-tiám in chi̍t-tiâu pì-bi̍t sió-lō͘, khì kàu lân-tit siong-sìn ê chhiū-nâ khàng-tē, kap hit-ê sin-chiòng ê súi chă gín-á chē tī chháu-tē, āu-lâi koh kóng che sī in it-seng tiong siōng súi ê chi̍t-kang, koh kō͘ email /i-mél/ kap sin-chiòng chă gín-á pó-chhî liân-lo̍k, goán thè yi an-pâi lâi chia chò chhiú-su̍t, gōa-kho i-su siū tio̍h kám-tōng, tah-èng chhiú-su̍t bián siu-chîⁿ, yi chhut-hiān tī goán chia pò-chóa ê thâu pán sin-bûn, goán mā chhut-hiān tī in Alpes soaⁿ pò-chóa ê thâu-pán?
Ha-ha.
(Kî-si̍t góa ka-tī mā m̄-bat khì kòe Europa. Apa jīn-ûi hia ê hūn-liōng siuⁿ sè. Āu-lâi Apa sit-gia̍p, khì sàng pò-chóa, hūn-liōng = ū ná bô.)
Bī-lâi ê tho̍k-chiá, chi̍t sì-lâng ê seng-oa̍h lóng ná teh kiâⁿ bîn-bāng. Taⁿ khòaⁿ ē-chhut ah. Khau-kah-sóng tio̍h-chióng ná chhiūⁿ kiò-chhéⁿ. Chhóng-chhóng pōng-pōng tāi-ha̍k pit-gia̍p, jiok-tio̍h Pam, chhōe tio̍h thâu-lō͘, seⁿ-kiáⁿ, kang-chok tiong kiû chìn-pō͘, soah bē-kì-tit í-chêng te̍k-pia̍t miā-ūn ê ī-kám, hit-sî iáu sè-hàn, chē tī chhiong-móa seh-siông bī ê khùn-pâng piah-tû nih, thàng-kòe koân-koân ê thang-á khòaⁿ chhiū-ki iô-tāng, kám-kak chóng ū chi̍t-kang, góa ē chò chhut úi-tāi ê tāi-chì.
Tī chia, koat-sim chū chit-khek khai-sí, góa boeh kō͘ sin-ê, koh khah ū-la̍t ê hong-sek lâi seng-oa̍h (!).
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6. 我欲 kō͘ 新 ê 方式來生活
九月 22
快樂 ê 期間繼續.
工作 ê 人人好奇剾 kah 爽著獎. 扎埕 ê 相片去工場, 貼 tī 隔枋, 逐个來看, 欣羨. Steve Z. 問, 會使來阮厝親身看埕無. 這是第一擺: Steve Z. 過去 m̄-bat 注意著我. 甚至問我意見: 我 tī 佗位買著獎 ê 剾 kah 爽, 我原則上買偌濟剾kah 爽, Greenway = 有信用 ê 公司?
歹勢 kah, 這予我感覺歡喜.
食晝 ê 時, 我去賣場, 買 4 領新 siatchuh. 部門 nih 有一个笑話, 講我干焦有 2 領 siatchuh. 毋是 án-ne. 是有 3 領差不多 ê 藍 siatchuh, kap 2 領完全仝款 ê 黃 siatchuh. 因為 án-ne 造成誤會. 通常袂 ka-tī 去買新衫. 總是感覺予囡仔新衫較要緊, its 無愛別个囡仔講阮 ê 囡仔干焦有 2 領 siatchuh tt, tt. 若講著 Pam, Pam 真媠, 是錢 chhōa 大 ê. 我無愛過去 ê 好額美人 tiu-tiu 穿仝款 ê 衫, 感覺: 少年時衫 hiah 濟, 毋過今, 因為翁婿 (its 我), 無衫通穿.
修改: Pam ê 過去並毋是好額. Pam ê 老爸 = 小鎮 ê 做穡人. Tī 小鎮邊仔有上大 ê 田園. 所以比起較細田園 ê chă 囡仔, Pam = 好額 chă 囡仔. 若是平大 ê 田園 tī 較大 ê 鎮, 彼田園干焦是普通大, m̄-koh, 因為彼个鎮 hiah 細, 中等 ê 田園 tō 變成大土地.
總是, Pam 值得上好 ê.
轉到厝, 踅厝邊去看厝埕: 魚 tī 蓮花池踅, 蜂 tī 玫瑰花 hiⁿ, SK 穿新鮮 ê 白袍, 日頭光線照 tī 草坪, 坱埃帶深夏 ê 懶懶感覺 teh 颺, LifeStyleServices 團隊認真 teh 工作 (in 是 Greenway ê 人, 逐日來 3 改, 送飯/水予 SK, 送 SK 去麵包車後 ê SmallJon 便所, 處理查某人代誌, tt, tt).
到內面, 發現 Leslie Torrini 過來 (!). 這 = 大代誌. Leslie 以前 m̄-bat ka-tī 來. 講她佮意阮 ê SK 吊 tī 倚水池 ê 位, 會當反影 tī 水池 nih. 她敲電話轉厝, 要求欲愛水池. Leslie ê 老母講 Leslie 是倖歹 ê 小囝, 講無水池. 這 = 對 Lilly 是一个大得分. 毋是阮 teh 歡喜別人 ê 無歡喜. 是因為 Leslie 常在歡喜 Lilly ê 無歡喜, 所以我想 án-ne 是 O.K. 若是講干焦一改, Leslie = 小可傷心, 彼時 Lilly = 衝懸懸?
Chă 囡仔攏入去厝埕, tī hia 久久. Pam 和我看出去. Chă 囡仔往來親切? Chă 囡仔 tī 樹影跤頭殼相硞, 交換 chă 囡仔 ê 親密, 堅固 Lilly 成做 Leslie 好朋友 ê 地位?
Leslie ê 老母來到位 (駛 BMW). Lislie, kap 姻老母 tī 水池邊有一个簡短 ê 諍喙.
Leslie ê 老母: M̄-koh, Les, 親愛 ê, 你已經有 3 條溪仔 ah.
Leslie (剾洗): 溪敢是水池, Mama?
Lilly tī 喙䫌予我一个感激 ê 唚, ná 唱歌 ná 上樓.
記予 ka-tī: 試看覓, kā 有關剾 kah 爽著獎 ê 積極精神發揮到生活 ê 所有範圍. 工作愛有較好 ê 表現. Peh 上樓梯 (歡喜, 面帶笑容), 得著加薪. 達到生活上好 ê 狀態, 穿插較好 leh. 學 gità? 注意世界 ê 媠? 那毋教育 ka-tī 有關鳥仔, 花草, 樹木, 星座, 成做真正 ê 大自然公民, 和囡仔去附近行行 leh, 教囡仔鳥仔, 花草 tt, tt ê 名? 那毋 chhōa 囡仔去 Europa? 囡仔 m̄-bat 去 hia. M̄-bat 去 Alpes 山, tī 山 nih ê kapi 廳啉燒 chokolet, 予親切 ê 白頭毛 ê 客棧頭家服務, 頭家發現我 ê 囡仔比一般流鼻美國囡仔加真捌事/好禮, 一般囡仔總是無注意伊彼个 sin-chiòng (身障), 縛頭鬃尾 ê 媠 chă 囝, 所致伊指點 in 一條祕密小路, 去到難得相信 ê 樹林空地, kap 彼个身障 ê 媠 chă 囡仔坐 tī 草地, 後來 koh 講這是 in 一生中上媠 ê 一工, koh kō͘ email kap 身障 chă 囡仔保持連絡, 阮替她安排來 chia 做手術, 外科醫師受著感動, 答應手術免收錢, 她出現 tī 阮 chia 報紙 ê 頭版新聞, 阮 mā 出現 tī in Alpes 山報紙 ê 頭版?
Ha-ha.
(其實我 ka-tī mā m̄-bat 去過 Europa. Apa 認為 hia ê 份量 siuⁿ 細. 後來 Apa 失業, 去送報紙, 份量 = 有 ná 無.)
未來 ê 讀者, 一世人 ê 生活攏 ná teh 行眠夢. 今看會出 ah. 剾 kah 爽著獎 ná 像叫醒. 衝衝碰碰大學畢業, 逐著 Pam, 揣著頭路, 生囝, 工作中求進步, 煞袂記得以前特別命運 ê 預感, 彼時猶細漢, 坐 tī 充滿雪松味 ê 睏房壁櫥 nih, 迵過懸懸 ê 窗仔看樹枝搖動, 感覺總有一工, 我會做出偉大 ê 代誌.
Tī chia, 決心自這刻開始, 我欲 kō͘ 新 ê, koh 較有力 ê 方式來生活 (!).
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6.
SEPTEMBER 22nd
Happy period continues.
Everyone at work curious re Scratch-Off win. Brought pics of yard into work, posted in cubicle, folks came by, admired. Steve Z. asked could he drop by house sometime, see yard in person. This a first: Steve Z. has never previously given me time of day. Even asked my advice: where did I buy winning Scratch-Off, how many Scratch-Offs do I typically buy, Greenway = reputable company?
Embarrassed to admit how happy this made me.
At lunch, went to mall, bought four new shirts. Running joke in department vis-à-vis I have only two shirts. Not so. But have three similar blue shirts and two identical yellow shirts. Hence confusion. Do not generally buy new clothes for self. Have always felt it more important for kids to have new clothes, i.e., do not want other kids saying my kids have only two shirts etc., etc. As for Pam, Pam very beautiful, raised w/ money. Do not want former wealthy beauty wearing same clothes over and over, feeling, When young, had so many clothes, but now, due to him (i.e., me), badly dressed.
Correction: Pam not raised wealthy. Pam’s father = farmer in small town. Had biggest farm on edge of small town. So, relative to girls on smaller farms, Pam = rich girl. If same farm near bigger town, farm only average, but no: town so small, modest farm = estate.
Anyway, Pam deserves best.
Came home, took detour around side of house to peek at yard: fish hovering near lily pads, bees buzzing around roses, SGs in fresh white smocks, shaft of sun falling across lawn, dust motes rising up w/ sleepy late-summer feeling, LifeStyleServices team (i.e., Greenway folks who come by 3x/day to give SGs meals/water, take SGs to SmallJon in back of van, deal with feminine issues, etc., etc.) hard at work.
Inside, found Leslie Torrini over (!). This = huge. Leslie never over solo before. Says she likes the way our SGs hang close to pond, are thus reflected in pond. Calls home, demands pond. Leslie’s mother calls Leslie spoiled brat, says no pond. This = big score for Lilly. Not that we are glad when someone else not glad. But Leslie so often glad when Lilly not glad, maybe is O.K. if, just once, Leslie = little bit sad while Lilly = riding high?
Girls go into yard, stay in yard for long time. Pam and I peek out. Girls getting along? Girls have heads together in shade of trees, exchanging girlish intimacies, cementing Lilly’s status as pal of Leslie?
Leslie’s mother arrives (in BMW). Leslie, Leslie’s mother bicker briefly re pond.
Leslie’s mom: But, Les, love, you already have three streams.
Leslie (caustic): Is a stream a pond, Maman?
Lilly gives me grateful peck on cheek, runs upstairs singing happy tune.
Note to self: Try to extend positive feelings associated with Scratch-Off win into all areas of life. Be bigger presence at work. Race up ladder (joyfully, w/ smile on face), get raise. Get in best shape of life, start dressing nicer. Learn guitar? Make point of noticing beauty of world? Why not educate self re birds, flowers, trees, constellations, become true citizen of natural world, walk around neighborhood w/ kids, patiently teaching kids names of birds, flowers, etc., etc.? Why not take kids to Europe? Kids have never been. Have never, in Alps, had hot chocolate in mountain café, served by kindly white-haired innkeeper, who finds them so sophisticated/friendly relative to usual snotty/rich American kids (who always ignore his pretty but crippled daughter w/ braids) that he shows them secret hiking path to incredible glade, kids frolic in glade, sit with crippled pretty girl on grass, later say it was most beautiful day of their lives, keep in touch with crippled girl via e-mail, we arrange surgery for her here, surgeon so touched he agrees to do for free, she is on front page of our paper, we are on front page of their paper in Alps?
Ha-ha.
(Actually have never been to Europe myself. Dad felt portions there too small. Then Dad lost job, got paper route, portion size = moot point.)
Have been sleepwalking through life, future reader. Can see that now. ScratchOff win was like wakeup call. In rush to graduate college, win Pam, get job, make babies, move ahead in job, forgot former presentiment of special destiny I used to have when tiny, sitting in cedar-smelling bedroom closet, looking up at blowing trees through high windows, feeling I would someday do something great.
Hereby resolve to live life in new and more powerful way, starting this moment (!).
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