7. Eva 真歹紡

7. Eva chin pháiⁿ pháng

Káu-goe̍h 23

Eva chin pháiⁿ pháng.

Góa tī téng-bīn hoān-sè ū kóng kòe, Eva = bín-kám. Che = hó, Pam hām góa lóng án-ne kám-kak. Che = tì-hūi ê piau-chì. M̄-koh, Eva ká-ná ū án-ne ê siūⁿ-hoat: bín-kám = tit-tio̍h chù-ì ê iú-hāu hong-sek, its yi í-keng hêng-sêng chi̍t-ê chhu-sè, jīn-ûi ka-tī kap pa̍t-lâng bô-kāng, its khu-hun ka-tī, sok-chō ka-tī sī pí pa̍t-lâng khah hó, khah ko-sióng ê lâng? Kòe-khì bat m̄ chia̍h bah, m̄ chē phôe-í, m̄ iōng China chò ê sok-ka chhiám-á. Tī gín-á, án-ne sī khó-ài. M̄-koh, taⁿ Eva teh tōa-hàn ah, chit-chióng ū goân-chek ê hoán-tùi chhu-sè, khai-sí hō͘ lâng kám-kak siuⁿ kek-thé + chiâⁿ-chò yi án-nóa khòaⁿ ka-tī ê kin-pún?

Bī-lâi ê tho̍k-chiá, goán chit-ê sî-tāi ê ka-têng tō ná chhiūⁿ Kòng-bùn-chhì (Whac-a-Mole) ê gém. Bī-lâi ê sè-tāi kám iáu ū chit-lō gém? Sok-ka bùn-chhí chhut-hiān, lí kō͘ ham-á kā kòng, i tō sí-khì, kiu ji̍p-khì, lēng-gōa chi̍t-chiah koh chhut-hiān, lí koh kā kòng, kā kòng sí? Ū-sî, khòaⁿ tio̍h ná sī án-ne, chi̍t-ê gín-á hoaⁿ-hí ah, lēng-gōa chi̍t-ê koh "puh chhut-lâi," its khai-sí bâi-oàn, iau-kiû pē-bú kā "kòng," its chhú-lí i ê bâi-oàn.

Kin-á-ji̍t, Eva ê lāu-su Ross Sc kià chóa-tiâu lâi chhù: Eva ū put-boán. Eva chàm-kha. John M. kóng lûn tio̍h i chhī-hî ê sî, Eva kō͘ chhī-liāu a̍p-á phiaⁿ John M. Che m̄-sī Eva pêng-sî ê khoán, R Sc kóng: Eva sī pan nih siōng khó-ài ê gín-á.

Iáu-ū, Eva ê gē-su̍t chok-phín chòe kīn piàn kî-koài. Hù chi̍t-ê kî-koài gē-su̍t chok-phín ê lē:

Tián-hêng ê chhù. (He khòaⁿ sī goán ê chhù, in-ūi ū hóng-sakura chhiū [mock-cherry tree] = hún-âng kńg-lê-á.) Tiâⁿ nih, SK ba̍k-thâu kat-kat. Chi̍t-ê (Betty), kō͘ manga ke-kui-á, teh siūⁿ: "Ai-ah! án-ne tiāⁿ-tio̍h chin kan-khó͘." Tē-jī ê (Gwen), kō͘ sán-sán ê chéng-thâu-á kí chhù: "Chē-chē ê to-siā." Tē-saⁿ ê (Lisa), ba̍k-sái lâu kàu chhùi-phé: "Ká-sú góa sī lí ê chă-kiáⁿ?"

Pam: Hmh, khòaⁿ khí-lâi he bô siau khì.

Góa: Bô, bô siau.

Chài Eva khì se̍h. Chhia keng-kòe Eastridge, Lemon Hills. Kí ū SK ê chhù. Kiò Eva sǹg khòaⁿ-māi. Lo̍h-bóe, tāi-khài 50 keng chhù, 39 keng ū SK.

Eva: Só͘-í, in-ūi lâng-lâng án-ne chò, án-ne tō sī chèng-khak.

Che chiâⁿ kó͘-chui. Eva o̍h góa kap Pam ê ōe kóng.

Ni-bó hiah-nī kùi.

"Ni-bó hiah-nī kùi."

Kàu Fritz’s Chillhouse thêng-khùn, chia̍h kin-chio-chûn. Eva chia̍h SnowMelt. Goán chē tī tōa chhâ-thâu kho̍k-hî, khòaⁿ ji̍t-lo̍h.

Eva: Góa sīm-chì... Góa sīm-chì m̄-chai, yin ná ē bô sí.

Góa hut-jiân siūⁿ tio̍h, kám-kak khah hòng-sim: Eva ē hoán-tùi, pō͘-hūn goân-in sī yi bô liáu-kái sū-bu̍t ê ki-pún kho-ha̍k. Mn̄g Eva kám chai siáⁿ sī Semplica Thong-lō͘. Yi m̄-chai. Ōe lâng thâu tī chhan-chóa téng, kái-soeh: Lawrence Semplica = i-seng + chhong-bêng lâng. Hoat-hiān kō͘ mikro-sòaⁿ chhng-kòe thâu-náu, bē chō-sêng siong-hāi, bē thiàⁿ. He ki-su̍t sī seng kō͘ laser chhng lō͘-sòaⁿ. Koh kō͘ si-sòaⁿ ín-tō mikro-sòaⁿ. Mikro-sòaⁿ tùi chia ji̍p-khì (bong Eva ê pìn-piⁿ), ùi chia chhut-lâi (bong lēng-gōa hit-pêng). He chin jiû-hô, bē thiàⁿ, chhú-lí ê sî SK khùn khì.

Choăn koat-tēng kā Eva kóng si̍t-ōe.

Kái-soeh kóng: Lilly tī koan-kiān sî-khek. Mê-nî Lilly boeh tha̍k ko-tiong. Mama kap Papa hi-bāng Lilly ji̍p ko-tiong sī chi̍t-ê ū chū-sìn ê siàu-liân cha-bó͘, kám-kak ka-tī ê ka-têng hām ki-thaⁿ ka-têng pêⁿ hó/hù-jū, chhù-tiâⁿ kap lâng ē pí-phēng tit, its mài siuⁿ pháiⁿ-khòaⁿ.

Chit-ê iau-kiû kám siuⁿ koân?

Eva tiām-tiām.

Khòaⁿ ē-chhut, lián ū teh tńg.

Eva chiok ài Lilly, goān-ì ūi Lilly tòng hóe-chhia.

Āu-lâi, kap Eva hun-hiáng ko-tiong hioh-joa̍h tī Señor Tasty's (Meksiko áu-piáⁿ tiàm) ê kang-chok. Chin joa̍h, chin iû, thâu-ke chin khok, thâu-ke chóng-sī kō͘ nge̍h-á tu̍h goán ê kha-chhng. Tńg kàu chhù, thâu-chang + siatchuh chóng-sī ū iû-tái bī. Taⁿ góa bô khó-lêng chò hit-lō khang-khòe. M̄-koh tī hit-sî neh? Kî-si̍t, góa chin hiáng-siū: kap kūi-tâi ko͘-niû chò sán-khùi, kap kî-thaⁿ oân-kang kún sńg-chhiò (chhàng thâu-ke ê nge̍h-á, tī khò͘ nih thiap cha̍p-chì, thâu-ke tu̍h ê sî mā bē thiàⁿ, khok thâu-ke = sa-bô-cháng).

Tiōng-tiám sī, góa kóng, ta̍k-hāng lóng sī siong-tùi ê. SK ê seng-oa̍h kap lán chin bô kāng. Yin ê seng-oa̍h chân-khok, kan-khó͘, bô chiân-tô͘. Chāi lán khòaⁿ khó-phà/bē-sóng, khó-lêng yin bô kám-kak khó-phà/bē-sóng, its yin khòaⁿ-kòe koh khah bái ê tāi-chì.

Eva: Lí hām chă gín-á chò sán-khùi?

Góa: Góa ū. M̄-hó kā Mama kóng.

Che hō͘ yi sió-khóa chhiò chi̍t-ē.

Siong-sìn góa ū sió-khóa khai-phòa Eva. Hi-bāng sī án-ne.

E-àm kap Pam thó-lūn chōng-hóng. Pam, kap pêng-sî kāng-khoán, thê-kiong chin hó ê kiàn-gī: Khoaⁿ-khoaⁿ-á lâi, ài ū nāi-sim, Eva chin khiáu, ū hūi-kin. Koh chi̍t kò-goe̍h, Eva tō ē tiâu-chéng, ē bē-kì-tit, ē koh chiâⁿ-chò pêng-siông khoài-lo̍k ê ka-tī.

Góa ài Pam.

Pam sī góa ê khò-soaⁿ.

*

Káu-goe̍h 25

Kai-sí.

Kàn.

Ka-têng cho-siū tōa-tōa ê taⁿ-kek, bī-lâi ê tho̍k-chiá.

Góa ē kái-soeh.

Chá-khí, gín-á chē tī toh-á, iáu ài-khùn bīn, Pam teh chian-nn̄g, Ferber tîⁿ tī yi ê kha, tán khòaⁿ ū iù-sap-á lak lo̍h bô. Thomas teh chia̍h bagel pháng, sô kàu thang-á piⁿ.

Thomas: Oáu. Ná ē án-ne. Pă?

Góa kàu thang-piⁿ.

SK bô tī hia.

Oân-choân bô khòaⁿ-e (!)

Cháu chhut-khì. Kè-á khang-khang. Mikro-sòaⁿ bô. Tōa-mn̂g khui-khui. Hiong-kông cháu kàu ke-lō͘, khòaⁿ kám ū siáⁿ hûn-jiah.

Bô.

Cháu tńg chhù. Khà tiān-ōe hō͘ Greenway, hō͘ kéng-kio̍k. Kéng-chhat lâi, kiám-cha chhù-tiâⁿ. Kéng-chhat hō͘ góa khòaⁿ tōa-mn̂g hū-kīn ê thô͘ ū mikro-sòaⁿ thoa kòe ê hûn-jiah. Kóng, che sū-si̍t sī hó siau-sit: mikro-sòaⁿ iáu tī yin thâu-khak nih, khah hó chhōe tio̍h SK, in-ūi mikro-sòaⁿ ē hān-chè yin kiâⁿ-lō͘ ê sok-tō͘, in-ūi sī kui-tīn thau-cháu, yin tio̍h sè-pō͘ kiâⁿ-lō͘, só͘-í ta̍k-ê lóng bē-tit chìn-chêng/lo̍k-āu pa̍t-lâng siuⁿ hn̄g, án-ne chiah bē thoa-tāng mikro-sòaⁿ, chiah bē siong tio̍h náu.

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7. Eva 真歹紡

九月 23

Eva 真歹紡.

我 tī 頂面凡勢有講過, Eva = 敏感. 這 = 好, Pam 和我攏 án-ne 感覺. 這 = 智慧 ê 標誌. 毋過, Eva ká-ná 有 án-ne ê 想法: 敏感 = 得著注意 ê 有效方式, its 她已經形成一个趨勢, 認為 ka-tī kap 別人無仝, its 區分 ka-tī, 塑造 ka-tī 是比別人較好, 較高尚 ê 人? 過去 bat 毋食肉, 毋坐皮椅, 毋用 China 做 ê 塑膠攕仔. Tī 囡仔, án-ne 是可愛. 毋過, 今 Eva teh 大漢 ah, 這種有原則 ê 反對趨勢, 開始予人感覺 siuⁿ 激體 + 成做她按怎看 ka-tī ê 根本?

未來 ê 讀者, 阮這个時代 ê 家庭 tō ná 像摃鼢鼠 (Whac-a-Mole) ê game /gém/. 未來 ê 世代敢猶有 chit-lō game? 塑膠鼢鼠出現, 你 kō͘ hám-á kā 摃, 伊 tō 死去, 勼入去, 另外一隻 koh 出現, 你 koh kā 摃, kā 摃死? 有時, 看著 ná 是 án-ne, 一个囡仔歡喜 ah, 另外一个 koh "puh 出來," its 開始埋怨, 要求爸母 kā "摃," its 處理伊 ê 埋怨.

今仔日, Eva ê 老師 Ross Sc 寄紙條來厝: Eva 有不滿. Eva 蹔跤. John M. 講輪著伊飼魚 ê 時, Eva kō͘ 飼料盒仔抨 John M. 這毋是 Eva 平時 ê 款, R Sc 講: Eva 是班 nih 上可愛 ê 囡仔.

猶有, Eva ê 藝術作品最近變奇怪. 附一个奇怪藝術作品 ê 例:

典型 ê 厝. (彼看是阮 ê 厝, 因為有仿 sakura 樹 [mock-cherry tree] = 粉紅卷螺仔.) 埕 nih, SK 目頭結結. 一个 (Betty), kō͘ manga 雞胿仔, teh 想: "Ai-ah! án-ne 定著真艱苦." 第二个 (Gwen), kō͘ 瘦瘦 ê 指頭仔指厝: "濟濟个多謝." 第三个 (Lisa), 目屎流到喙䫌: "假使我是你 ê chă 囝?"

Pam: Hmh, 看起來彼無消去.

我: 無, 無消.

載 Eva 去踅. 車經過 Eastridge, Lemon Hills. 指有 SK ê 厝. 叫 Eva 算看覓. 落尾, 大概 50 間厝, 39 間有 SK.

Eva: 所以, 因為人人 án-ne 做, án-ne 就是正確.

這誠古錐. Eva 學我 kap Pam ê 話講.

奶母 hiah-nī 貴.

"奶母 hiah-nī 貴."

到 Fritz’s Chillhouse 停睏, 食 kin 蕉船. Eva 食 SnowMelt. 阮坐 tī 大柴頭鱷魚, 看日落.

Eva: 我甚至... 我甚至毋知, 姻那會無死.

我忽然想著, 感覺較放心: Eva 會反對, 部份原因是她無了解事物 ê 基本科學. 問 Eva 敢知啥是 Semplica 通路. 她毋知. 畫人頭 tī 餐紙頂, 解說: Lawrence Semplica = 醫生 + 聰明人. 發現 kō͘ mikro 線穿過頭腦, 袂造成傷害, 袂疼. 彼技術是先 kō͘ laser 穿路線. Koh kō͘ 絲線引導 mikro 線. Mikro 線 tùi chia 入去 (摸 Eva ê 鬢邊), ùi chia 出來 (摸另外彼爿). 彼真柔和, 袂疼, 處理 ê 時 SK 睏去.

Choăn 決定 kā Eva 講實話.

解說講: Lilly tī 關鍵時刻. 明年 Lilly 欲讀高中. Mama kap Papa 希望 Lilly 入高中是一个有自信 ê 少年查某, 感覺 ka-tī ê 家庭和其他家庭平好/富裕, 厝埕 kap 人會比並得, its 莫 siuⁿ 歹看.

這个要求敢 siuⁿ 懸?

Eva 恬恬.

看會出, 輪有 teh 轉.

Eva 足愛 Lilly, 願意為 Lilly 擋火車.

後來, kap Eva 分享高中歇熱 tī Señor Tasty's (Meksiko 拗餅店) ê 工作. 真熱, 真油, 頭家真酷, 頭家總是 kō͘ ngeh 仔揬阮 ê 尻川. 轉到厝, 頭鬃 + siatchuh 總是有油滓味. 今我無可能做彼號工課. M̄-koh tī 彼時 neh? 其實, 我真享受: kap 櫃台姑娘做瘦氣, kap 其他員工滾耍笑 (藏頭家 ê ngeh 仔, tī 褲 nih thiap 雜誌, 頭家揬 ê 時 mā 袂疼, 酷頭家 = 捎無摠).

重點是, 我講, 逐項攏是相對 ê. SK ê 生活 kap 咱真無仝. 姻 ê 生活殘酷, 艱苦, 無前途. 在咱看可怕/袂爽, 可能姻無感覺可怕/袂爽, its 姻看過 koh 較䆀 ê 代誌.

Eva: 你和 chă 囡仔做瘦氣?

我: 我有. 毋好 kā Mama 講.

這予她小可笑一下.

相信我有小可開破 Eva. 希望是 án-ne.

下暗 kap Pam 討論狀況. Pam, kap 平時仝款, 提供真好 ê 建議: 寬寬仔來, 愛有耐心, Eva 真巧, 有慧根. Koh 一個月, Eva tō 會調整, 會袂記得, 會 koh 成做平常快樂 ê ka-tī.

我愛 Pam.

Pam 是我 ê 靠山.

*

九月 25

該死.

幹.

家庭遭受大大 ê 打擊, 未來 ê 讀者.

我會解說.

早起, 囡仔坐 tī 桌仔, 猶愛睏面, Pam teh 煎卵, Ferber 纏 tī 她 ê 跤, 等看有幼屑仔 lak 落無. Thomas teh 食 bagel pháng, 趖到窗仔邊.

Thomas: Oáu. 那會 án-ne. Pă?

我到窗邊.

SK 無 tī hia.

完全無看 e (!)

走出去. 架仔空空. Mikro 線無. 大門開開. 兇狂走到街路, 看敢有啥痕跡.

無.

走轉厝. 敲電話予 Greenway, 予警局. 警察來, 檢查厝埕. 警察予我看大門附近 ê 塗有 mikro 線拖過 ê 痕跡. 講, 這事實是好消息: mikro 線猶 tī 姻頭殼 nih, 較好揣著 SK, 因為 mikro 線會限制姻行路 ê 速度, 因為是規陣偷走, 姻著細步行路, 所以逐个攏袂得進前/落後別人 siuⁿ 遠, án-ne 才袂拖動 mikro 線, 才袂傷著腦.

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7.

SEPTEMBER 23rd

Eva being a pain.

As I may have mentioned above, Eva = sensitive. This = good, Pam and I feel. This = sign of intelligence. But Eva seems to have somehow gotten idea that sensitivity = effective way to get attention, i.e., has developed tendency to set herself apart from others, possibly as way of distinguishing self, i.e., casting self as better, more refined than others? Has, in past, refused to eat meat, sit on leather seats, use plastic forks made in China. Is endearing enough in little kid. But Eva getting older now, this tendency to object on principle starting to feel a bit precious + becoming fundamental to how she views self?

Family life in our time sometimes seems like game of Whac-a-Mole, future reader. Future generations still have? Plastic mole emerges, you whack with hammer, he dies, falls, another emerges, you whack, kill? Sometimes seems that, as soon as one kid happy, another kid “pops up,” i.e., registers complaint, requiring parent to “whack” kid, i.e., address complaint.

Today Eva’s teacher, Ms. Ross, sent home note: Eva acting out. Eva grouchy. Eva stamped foot. Eva threw fish-food container at John M. when John M. said it was his turn to feed fish. This not like Eva, Ms. R. says: Eva sweetest kid in class.

Also, Eva’s art work has recently gone odd. Sample odd art work enclosed:

Typical house. (Can tell is meant to be our house by mock-cherry tree = swirl of pink.) In yard, SGs frowning. One (Betty) having thought in cartoon balloon: “Ouch! this sure herts.” Second (Gwen), pointing long bony finger at house: “Thanks lodes.” Third (Lisa), tears rolling down cheeks: “What if i am your dauhter?”**

Pam: Well. This doesn’t seem to be going away.

Me: No, it does not.

Took Eva for drive. Drove through Eastridge, Lemon Hills. Pointed out houses w/ SGs. Had Eva keep count. In end, of approx. fifty houses, thirty-nine had.

Eva: So, just because everyone is doing it, that makes it right.

This cute. Eva parroting me, Pam.

Sitters are so expensive.

“Sitters are so expensive.”

Stopped at Fritz’s Chillhouse, had banana split. Eva had SnowMelt. We sat on big wooden crocodile, watched sun go down.

Eva: I don’t even—I don’t even get it how they’re not dead.

Suddenly occurred to me, w/ little gust of relief: Eva resisting in part because she does not understand basic science of thing. Asked Eva if she even knew what Semplica Pathway was. Did not. Drew human head on napkin, explained: Lawrence Semplica = doctor + smart cookie. Found way to route microline through brain that does no damage, causes no pain. Technique uses lasers to make pilot route. Microline then threaded through w/ silk leader. Microline goes in here (touched Eva’s temple), comes out here (touched other). Is very gentle, does not hurt, SGs asleep during whole deal.

Then decided to level w/ Eva.

Explained: Lilly at critical juncture. Next year, Lilly will start high school. Mommy and Daddy want Lilly to enter high school as confident young woman, feeling her family as good/affluent as any other family, her yard approx. in ballpark of yards of peers, i.e., not overt source of embarrassment.

This too much to ask?

Eva quiet.

Could see wheels turning.

Eva wild about Lilly, would walk in front of train for Lilly.

Then shared story w/ Eva re summer job I had in high school, at Señor Tasty’s (taco place). Was hot, was greasy, boss mean, boss always goosing us with tongs. By time I went home, hair + shirt always stank of grease. No way I could do that job now. But back then? Actually enjoyed: flirted with countergirls, participated in pranks with other employees (hid tongs of mean boss, slipped magazine down own pants so that, when mean boss tong-goosed me, did not hurt, mean boss = baffled).

Point is, I said, everything relative. SGs have lived very different lives from us. Their lives brutal, harsh, unpromising. What looks scary/unpleasant to us may not be so scary/unpleasant to them, i.e., they have seen worse.

Eva: You flirted with girls?

Me: I did. Don’t tell Mom.

That got little smile.

Believe I somewhat broke through with Eva. Hope so.

Discussed situation w/ Pam tonight. Pam, as usual, offered sound counsel: Go slow, be patient, Eva bright, savvy. In another month, Eva will have adjusted, forgotten, will once again be usual happy self.

Love Pam.

Pam my rock.

SEPTEMBER 25th

Shit.

Fuck.

Family hit by absolute thunderclap, future reader.

Will explain.

This morning, kids sitting sleepily at table, Pam making eggs, Ferber under her feet, hoping scrap of food will drop. Thomas, eating bagel, drifts to window.

Thomas: Wow. What the heck. Dad? You better get over here.

Go to window.

SGs gone.

Totally gone (!).

Race out. Rack empty. Microline gone. Gate open. Take somewhat frantic run up block, to see if any sign of them.

Is not.

Race back inside. Call Greenway, call police. Cops arrive, scour yard. Cop shows me microline drag mark in mud near gate. Says this actually good news: with microline still in, will be easier to locate SGs, as microline limits how fast they can walk, since, fleeing in group, they are forced to take baby steps, so one does not get too far behind/ahead of others, hence causing yank on microline, yank that could damage brain of one yanked.

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