8. In 來封這間三八厝好 lah

8. In lâi hong chit-keng sam-pat chhù hó lah

Iáu chi̍t-ê kéng-chhat kóng, tio̍h, SK nā kō͘ kiâⁿ ê, tō sī án-ne. M̄-koh neh, SK m̄-sī kō͘ kiâⁿ ê, SK sī tī bó͘ chi̍t-tâi oa̍h-tāng hūn-chú ê mī-pau-chhia nih, chhiò kah chhùi li̍h sai-sai.

Góa: Oa̍h-tāng hūn-chú.

Tē-it ê kéng-chhat: Sī lah, lí chai-iáⁿ ū chit-chióng thoân-thé: Women4Women (Hū-lú Ūi Hū-lú), Citizens for Economic Parity (Kong-bîn ūi Keng-chè Kong-pêng), Semplica Rots in Hell (Semplica Lo̍h Tē-ga̍k).

Tē-jī ê kéng-chhat: Chit kò goe̍h ê tē-4 ê àn-kiāⁿ.

Tē-it ê kéng-chhat: Hiah-ê chă gín-á m̄-sī ka-tī lo̍h-lâi ê.

Góa: Yin ná boeh án-ne chò? Yin kéng boeh lâi chia. Yin ná boeh thau-cháu, hām hiah-ê oân-choân...

Kéng-chhat khí ài-chhiò.

Tē-it ê kéng-chhat: Phīⁿ tio̍h Bí-kok bāng ê phang lah, bebi.

Gín-á lóng kiaⁿ tio̍h. Gín-á kiu tī lân-kan piⁿ-á.

Hāu-chhia lâi, koh lī-khui ah.

Greenway hiān-tiûⁿ tāi-piáu (Rob) kàu-ūi. Rob = koân, sán, ún-ku. Khòaⁿ tio̍h ná siā-chìⁿ ê keng, m̄-koh, chhng hīⁿ-tōng + tn̂g thâu-mo͘ ná hái-chha̍t, chhēng té ê phôe kah-á.

Rob sûi tìm chà-tôaⁿ: kóng i chin pháiⁿ-sè, tī chit-ê khùn-lân ê sî-chūn i tio̍h ke-kiám chiah-nī ngē, m̄-koh tī hoat-lu̍t siōng, i ū gī-bū thong-ti goán, kin-kì goán kap Greenway ê ha̍p-iok, nā bô tī 3 lé-pài lāi chhōe tio̍h SK, kàu-sî goán tio̍h hū-chek choân-gia̍h chi-hù só͘ su-iàu ê Thè-ōaⁿ Hùi-iōng.

Pam: Tán leh, chi-hù siáⁿ?

Chiàu Rob ê kóng-hoat, Thè-ōaⁿ Hùi-iōng = $100/goe̍h, múi lâng tī sún-sit hoat-seng sî yi kap Greenway ha̍p-iok iáu chhun ê múi kò goe̍h (!). Betty (iáu 21 kò goe̍h) = $2,100; Tami (13 kò goe̍h) = $1,300; Gwen (18 kò goe̍h) = $1,800; Lisa (34 kò goe̍h (!)) =$3,400.

Lóng-chóng: $2,100 + $1,300 + $1,800 + $3,400 = $8,600.

Pam: Kai-sí.

Rob: Siong-sìn góa, góa chai, he sī chi̍t-pit tōa chîⁿ, sī bô? M̄-koh, goán ê khòaⁿ-hoat sī -- a̍h sī kóng, lí chai lah, in ê khòaⁿ-hoat, Greenway ê khòaⁿ-hoat -- sī, goán -- a̍h sī kóng, in -- ū chò chi̍t-ê chho͘-kî ê tâu-chu, iá góa ê ì-sù sī, chin bêng-hián, he sī bē chió chîⁿ, chhin-chhiūⁿ kóng tan-tan tī chhiam-chèng, ki-phiò tt hong-bīn?

Pam: Bô lâng bat kā goán kóng chiah-ê.

Góa: Oân-choân bô.

Rob: Ah. Lín ê àn-kiāⁿ sī siáng chih-chiap ê?

Góa: Melanie?

Rob: Tio̍h, sī lah, Góa mā án-ne kám-kak. Tùi Melanie lâi kóng, Melanie ū-sî ūi-tio̍h oân-sêng chiap àn, chhóng-chhóng pōng-pōng. Iû-kî sī tùi Hong-àn A ê lâng-kheh, in thâu-khí-seng tō chin tàng-sng? Góa bô pháiⁿ-ì. Chóng-kóng, tī sī án-ne, taⁿ yi í-keng lī-khui. Lí nā boeh kā jiáng, tio̍h khì Home Depot. Yi sī Iû-chhat pō͘-mn̂g ê jī-chhiú, tī hia teh pe̍h-chha̍t tó chi̍t-ê sek-chúi sī siáⁿ sek.

Kám-kak hùn-nō͘, siū chau-that: ū-lâng tī àm-mê ji̍p goán ê tiâⁿ lâi thau, gín-á tō khùn tī piⁿ-á, lâi thau? Ùi goán chia thau? Thau $8,600, koh ka-siōng SK ê chho͘-kî hùi-iōng (iok $7,400)?

Pam (tùi kéng-chhat): Lín gōa chia̍p chhōe tio̍h yin?

Tē-it ê kéng-chhat: Kóng si̍t-ōe? Góa tio̍h kóng, chin chió.

Tē-jī ê kéng-chhat: Ká-ná sī m̄-bat neh.

Tē-it ê kéng-chhat: Hmh, iáu m̄-bat.

Tē-jī ê kéng-chhat: Tio̍h. Chóng ē ū tē-it kái.

Kéng-chhat lī-khui.

Pam (tùi Rob): Goán nā m̄ hù-chîⁿ, ē án-nóa?

Góa: Hù bē-khí.

Rob (bô chū-chāi, bīn âng): Hmh, án-ne tō sī Hoat-lu̍t ê gī-tê ah.

Pam: Lí ē kò goán?

Rob: Góa bē. In ē. Góa ê ì-sù sī, he sī in ê khang-khòe. In -- hit-ê sû án-nóa kóng ah? -- In ē khàu lín ê...

Pam (chho͘-siaⁿ): Khàu-ah.

Rob: Pháiⁿ-sè. Tùi chiah-ê góa kám-kak pháiⁿ-sè. Melanie, góa boeh kō͘ lí hit-ê sam-pat thâu-chang-bóe khiú lí oa̍t-thâu. Kóng chhiò lah! Góa sīm-chì m̄-bat kap yi kóng kòe ōe. M̄-koh, tāi-chì sī án-ne: Só͘-ū chiah-ê lóng siá tī ha̍p-iok lāi-bīn. Lín ū tha̍k ha̍p-iok lah, hoⁿh?

Tiām-tiām.

Góa: Hmh, goán hit-sî sió-khóa kóaⁿ. Goán teh tiû-pī chi̍t-tiûⁿ party.

Rob: Oh, tong-jiân, góa ē-kì-tit hit-ê party. He chiâⁿ bô kán-tan. Goán lóng teh thó-lūn he.

Rob lī-khui.

Pam (khì phut-phut): Lí chai bô? Chhap-chhap in. Hō͘ in khì kò hó lah. Góa chiah m̄ hù chîⁿ. He chiâⁿ òe-sòe. In lâi hong chit-keng sam-pat chhù hó lah.

Lilly: Lán chhù ē bô--khì?

Góa: Lán bē bô...

Pam: Lí bē án-ne siūⁿ? Siūⁿ khòaⁿ-māi, lí nā khiàm lâng 9 chheng kho͘, koh bô chîⁿ thang hù?

Góa: Tán leh, khah léng-chēng leh, bô su-iàu hō͘...

Eva ê ē-tûn chhun-chhun, boeh khàu ê khoán. Góa siūⁿ, Oh, chit-siaⁿ hó ah, án-ne teh kà gín-á, sio-chèⁿ + kàn-kiāu + kóng chhù bô--khì ê pháiⁿ-tāi, tī gín-á bīn-chêng, in í-keng hō͘ kin-á-ji̍t ê mâ-hoân tāi pìⁿ kah sim-koaⁿ ân tòng-tòng ah.

Jiân-āu, Eva tōa khàu, khai-sí se̍h-se̍h liām, Sit-lé, sit-lé, sit-lé.

Pam: Oh, chhin-ài-ê, sī góa o͘-pe̍h-kóng. Lán ê chhù bē bô--khì. Mă kap Pă bē ín-chún...

Góa thâu-khak nih kng to̍h chi̍t-ē.

Góa: Eva. M̄-sī lí.

Eva ê ba̍k-chiu ná chhiūⁿ kóng, Sī góa.

Pam: Lí án-chóaⁿ?

Thomas: Eva chò ê?

Lilly: Eva ná ū khó-lêng án-ne chò? Yi chiah 8 hòe. Góa sīm-chì m̄-káⁿ...

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8. In 來封這間三八厝好 lah

猶一个警察講, 著, SK 若 kō͘ 行 ê, 就是 án-ne. 毋過 neh, SK 毋是 kō͘ 行 ê, SK 是 tī 某一台活動份子 ê 麵包車 nih, 笑 kah 喙 li̍h sai-sai.

我: 活動份子?

第一个警察: 是 lah, 你知影有這種團體: Women4Women (婦女為婦女), Citizens for Economic Parity (公民為經濟公平), Semplica Rots in Hell (Semplica 落地獄).

第二个警察: 這個月 ê 第 4 个案件.

第一个警察: Hiah-ê chă 囡仔毋是 ka-tī 落來 ê.

我: 姻那欲 án-ne 做? 姻揀欲來 chia. 姻那欲偷走, 和 hiah-ê 完全...

警察起愛笑.

第一个警察: 鼻著美國夢 ê 芳 lah, bebi.

囡仔攏驚著. 囡仔勼 tī 欄杆邊仔.

校車來, koh 離開 ah.

Greenway 現場代表 (Rob) 到位. Rob = 懸, 瘦, 隱痀. 看著 ná 射箭 ê 肩, 毋過, 穿耳洞 + 長頭毛 ná 海賊, 穿短 ê 皮䘥仔.

Rob 隨抌炸彈: 講伊真歹勢, tī 這个困難 ê 時陣伊著加減 chiah-nī 硬, 毋過 tī 法律上, 伊有義務通知阮, 根據阮 kap Greenway ê 合約, 若無 tī 3 禮拜內揣著 SK, 到時阮著負責全額支付所需要 ê 替換費用.

Pam: 等 leh, 支付啥?

照 Rob ê 講法, 替換費用 = $100/月, 每人 tī 損失發生時她 kap Greenway 合約猶賰 ê 每個月 (!). Betty (猶 21 個月) = $2,100; Tami (13 個月) = $1,300; Gwen (18 個月) = $1,800; Lisa (34 個月 (!)) =$3,400.

攏總: $2,100 + $1,300 + $1,800 + $3,400 = $8,600.

Pam: 該死.

Rob: 相信我, 我知, 彼是一筆大錢, 是無? 毋過, 阮 ê 看法是 -- a̍h 是講, 你知 lah, in ê 看法, Greenway ê 看法 -- 是, 阮 -- a̍h 是講, in -- 有做一个初期 ê 投資, iá 我 ê 意思是, 真明顯, 彼是袂少錢, 親像講單單 tī 簽證, 機票 tt 方面?

Pam: 無人 bat kā 阮講 chiah-ê.

我: 完全無.

Rob: Ah. 恁 ê 案件是 siáng chih 接 ê?

我: Melanie?

Rob: 著, 是 lah, 我 mā án-ne 感覺. 對 Melanie 來講, Melanie 有時為著完成接案, 衝衝碰碰. 尤其是對方案 A ê 人客, in 頭起先 tō 真凍霜? 我無歹意. 總講, 就是 án-ne, 今她已經離開. 你若欲 kā 嚷, 著去 Home Depot. 她是油漆部門 ê 二手, tī hia teh 白賊佗一个色水是啥色.

感覺憤怒, 受蹧躂: 有人 tī 暗暝入阮 ê 埕來偷, 囡仔 tō 睏 tī 邊仔, 來偷? Ùi 阮 chia 偷? 偷 $8,600, koh 加上 SK ê 初期費用 (約 $7,400)?

Pam (對警察): 恁偌捷揣著姻?

第一个警察: 講實話? 我著講, 真少.

第二个警察: Ká-ná 是 m̄-bat neh.

第一个警察: Hmh, 猶 m̄-bat.

第二个警察: 著. 總會有第一改.

警察離開.

Pam (對 Rob): 阮若毋付錢, 會按怎?

我: 付袂起.

Rob (無自在, 面紅): Hmh, án-ne 就是法律 ê 議題 ah.

Pam: 你會告阮?

Rob: 我袂. In 會. 我 ê 意思是, 彼是 in ê 工課. In -- 彼个詞按怎講 ah? -- In 會扣恁 ê...

Pam (粗聲): 扣押.

Rob: 歹勢. 對 chiah-ê 我感覺歹勢. Melanie, 我欲 kō͘ 你彼个三八頭鬃尾搝你越頭. 講笑 lah! 我甚至 m̄-bat kap 她講過話. M̄-koh, 代誌是 án-ne: 所有 chiah-ê 攏寫 tī 合約內面. 恁有讀合約 lah, hoⁿh?

恬恬.

我: Hmh, 阮彼時小可趕. 阮 teh 籌備一場 party.

Rob: Oh, 當然, 我會記得彼个 party. 彼誠無簡單. 阮攏 teh 討論彼.

Rob 離開.

Pam (氣 phut-phut): 你知無? Chhap-chhap in. 予 in 去告好 lah. 我才毋付錢. 彼誠穢涗. In 來封這間三八厝好 lah.

Lilly: 咱厝會無去?

我: 咱袂無...

Pam: 你袂 án-ne 想? 想看覓, 你若欠人 9 千箍, koh 無錢通付?

我: 等 leh, 較冷靜 leh, 無需要予...

Eva ê 下唇伸伸, 欲哭 ê 款. 我想, Oh, 這聲好 ah, án-ne teh 教囡仔, 相諍 + kàn-kiāu + 講厝無去 ê 歹代, tī 囡仔面前, in 已經予今仔日 ê 麻煩代 pìⁿ kah 心肝絚 tòng-tòng ah.

然後, Eva 大哭, 開始踅踅念, 失禮, 失禮, 失禮.

Pam: Oh, 親愛 ê, 是我烏白講. 咱 ê 厝袂無去. Mă kap Pă bē 允准...

我頭殼 nih 光 to̍h 一下.

我: Eva. 毋是你.

Eva ê 目睭 ná 像講, 是我.

Pam: 你按怎?

Thomas: Eva 做 ê?

Lilly: Eva 那有可能 án-ne 做? 她才 8 歲. 我甚至毋敢...

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8.

Other cop says yes, that would be case if SGs on foot. But come on, he says, SGs not on foot, SGs off in activist van somewhere, laughing butts off.

Me: Activists.

First cop: Yeah, you know: Women4Women, Citizens for Economic Parity, Semplica Rots in Hell.

Second cop: Fourth incident this month.

First cop: Those gals didn’t get down by themselves.

Me: Why would they do that? They chose to be here. Why would they go off with some total—

Cops laugh.

First cop: Smelling that American dream, baby.

Kids beyond freaked. Kids huddled near fence.

School bus comes and goes.

Greenway field rep (Rob) arrives. Rob = tall, thin, bent. Looks like archery bow, if archery bow had pierced ear + long hair like pirate, was wearing short leather vest.

Rob immediately drops bombshell: says he is sorry to have to be more or less a hardass in our time of trial, but is legally obligated to inform us that, per our agreement w/ Greenway, if SGs not located within three weeks, we will, at that time, become responsible for full payment of the required Replacement Debit.

Pam: Wait, the what?

Per Rob, Replacement Debit = $100/month, per individual, per each month still remaining on their Greenway contracts at time of loss (!). Betty (21 months remaining) = $2,100; Tami (13 months) = $1,300; Gwen (18 months) = $1,800; Lisa (34 months (!)) = $3,400.

Total: $2,100 + $1,300 + $1,800 + $3,400 = $8,600.

Pam: Fucksake.

Rob: Believe me, I know, that’s a lot of money, right? But our take on it is—or, you know, their take on it, Greenway’s take—is that we—or they—made an initial investment, and, I mean, obviously, that was not cheap, just in terms of like visas and airfares and all?

Pam: No one said anything to us about this.

Me: At all.

Rob: Huh. Who was on your account again?

Me: Melanie?

Rob: Right, yeah, I had a feeling. With Melanie, Melanie was sometimes rushing through things to close the deal. Especially with Package A folks, who were going chintzy in the first place? No offense. Anyway, which is why she’s gone. If you want to yell at her, go to Home Depot. She’s second in charge of Paint, probably lying her butt off about which color is which.

Feel angry, violated: someone came into our yard in dark of night, while kids sleeping nearby, stole? Stole from us? Stole $8,600, plus initial cost of SGs (approx. $7,400)?

Pam (to cop): How often do you find them?

First cop: Honestly? I’d have to say rarely.

Second cop: More like never.

First cop: Well, never yet.

Second cop: Right. There’s always a first time.

Cops leave.

Pam (to Rob): So what happens if we don’t pay?

Me: Can’t pay.

Rob (uncomfortable, blushing): Well, that would be more of an issue for Legal.

Pam: You’d sue us?

Rob: I wouldn’t. They would. I mean, that’s what they do. They—what’s that word? They garner your—

Pam (harshly): Garnish.

Rob: Sorry. Sorry about all this. Melanie, wow, I am going to snap your head back using that stupid braid of yours. Just kidding! I never even talk to her. But the thing is: all this is in your contract. You guys read your contract, right?

Silence.

Me: Well, we were kind of in a hurry. We were throwing a party.

Rob: Oh, sure, I remember that party. That was some party. We were all discussing that.

Rob leaves.

Pam (livid): You know what? Fuck ’em. Let ’em sue. I’m not paying. That’s obscene. They can have the stupid house.

Lilly: Are we losing the house?

Me: We’re not losing the—

Pam: You don’t think? What do you think happens if you owe someone nine grand and can’t pay?

Me: Look, let’s calm down, no need to get all—

Eva’s lower lip out in pre-crying way. Think, Oh, great, nice parenting, arguing + swearing + raising spectre of loss of house in front of tightly wound kid already upset by troubling events of day.

Then Eva bursts into tears, starts mumbling, Sorry sorry sorry.

Pam: Oh, sweetie, I was just being silly. We’re not going to lose the house. Mommy and Daddy would never let that—

Light goes on in my head.

Me: Eva. You didn’t.

Look in Eva’s eyes says, I did.

Pam: Did what?

Thomas: Eva did it?

Lilly: How could Eva do it? She’s only eight. I couldn’t even—

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