3. I hoat-hiān góa m̄ hām cha-po͘ iok-hōe
"Bat ū lâng kā lí kóng, lí ē-tàng ké chò Lisa Bonet [iáⁿ-chheⁿ] ê sió-mōe?" i mn̄g.
Góa chhiò chhut-lâi. "Ū-lâng bat án-ne kā góa kóng, góa sī Lisa Bonet tàu Queen Latifah [koa-chheⁿ] ê leng."
I gi chi̍t-ē, kā ím-liāu kú-kú sip chi̍t-chhùi. "Tong-jiân, he sī tī góa chò sok-leng chhiú-su̍t í-chêng."
Góa chai-iáⁿ, i m̄-chai án-nóa hoán-èng hó, choăn góa koh kóng, "Lí sī kóng tó chi̍t-ê Lisa Bonet?"
"Tó chi̍t-ê Lisa Bonet?"
"Tio̍h ah. Lán sī teh kóng ‘Cosby Show’ ê Lisa Bonet, a̍h sī kè hō͘ ‘Game of Thrones’ (Ông-ūi ê Iû-hì) liân-sio̍k-kio̍k nih chi̍t-ê bebi chiàn-sū ê Lisa Bonet?"
I chhiò chhut-lâi. "Góa iáu-bōe khòaⁿ ‘Game of Thrones.’ Lí teh lim siáⁿ?"
"Ông-lâi chiap lām rum chiú."
"Góa í-chêng m̄-bat lim hit-chióng chham-lām."
"Sī oh? Sī chi̍t-ê góa iok-hōe ê cha-bó͘ kà góa lim ê." I khòaⁿ ē-chhut, kiaⁿ chi̍t-tiô, án-ne góa kah-ì. Ū-ê cha-po͘ ài kek kah chhin hò͘-hò͘. Góa tō hō͘ in siūⁿ khí in a-î, yin siong-sìn hiuⁿ, gû-iû-kó iû (shea butter), hām thâu-pa̍k -- sī bô chhiūⁿ tī lé-pài-ji̍t chhēng boe̍h-á khò͘ khì kàu-tn̂g ê in lāu-bú hiah-nī kui-kí ê cha-bó͘. In him-siān chiah-ê a-î, chiah-ê chiān-jîn hām si-jîn, yin hām bô hun-in koan-hē ê cha-po͘-lâng hoat-seng koan-hē koh seⁿ gín-á. M̄-koh, kap in a-î bô kāng, góa kiâⁿ koh khah hn̄g. Góa siōng kah-ì ê sī, in bô hoat-tō͘ kian-chhî ka-tī ê hoâi-gî ê sî, in-ūi in sī siáng ah, ná ē-tàng tùi góa chò ká-siat? Chi̍t-ê Jamaica cha-po͘ tī Brooklyn, sī chi̍t-ê kan-ta tī ke-lō͘ sio-tú ê lâng, kā góa kóng, "Lír siuⁿ súi, bô sek-ha̍p sū-gia̍p hū-lú." Brian koh hām góa khai-káng chi̍t-khùn, hit tiong-kan mn̄g góa chi̍t-ê kiông-pek ê būn-tê, góa kám ū hām cha-po͘ iok-hōe, tán góa kóng, góa í-keng bô ê sî, góa khòaⁿ ē-chhut, i hèng-chhù hoa khì, tō khai-sí koh tī pâng-keng chhōe kî-thaⁿ ê tùi-siōng.
Tia chhut-hiān tī góa sin-piⁿ ê sî, i í-keng lī-khui ah. "Só͘-í, Brian hoat-hiān lí m̄ hām cha-po͘ iok-hōe, haⁿh?" Goán lóng chhiò chhut-lâi, koh oa̍t-thâu khòaⁿ hit-ê i tng-teh tîⁿ ê cha-bó͘ -- Tia ê chi̍t-ê pīⁿ tn̂g thâu-chang ê piáu-mōe, yi chhēng hit-chióng sek-ha̍p sè-lia̍p leng cha-bó͘, te̍k-pia̍t kē-heng ê iûⁿ-chong. Tâng-chê tī hoat-lu̍t ha̍k-īⁿ ê sî, góa tùi Tia tio̍h-bê. Yi ū chi̍t-chióng te̍k-chit, hō͘ lâng kám-kak yi ē hām cha-bó͘ khùn. Góa sīm-chì mā án-ne siūⁿ, it-ti̍t kàu chi̍t-kang góa tī hāu-hn̂g tú tio̍h yi hām chi̍t-ê cha-po͘, yi kài-siāu kóng he sī yin lâm pêng-iú. Chi̍t-àm, goán kong-ke lim nn̄g-kan chiú liáu-āu, goán lóng tú-chiah koh tan-sin, teh hō͘-siong an-ùi, góa tōa-táⁿ kā kóng, chho͘-chhù kìⁿ tio̍h yi, góa siūⁿ-kóng yi sī tông-chì, tùi yi àm-loân. Goán lóng chhiò chhut-lâi, ná chhiūⁿ sī in-ūi lim siuⁿ chē teh kóng gōng-ōe. M̄-koh, kúi lé-pài liáu-āu, tī Tia hām Isaiah chò-hóe chìn-chêng, goán mā ū tîⁿ chò-hóe chi̍t chūn. Goán bô chin-chiàⁿ ê seks, m̄-koh chin chhin-jia̍t, āu-lâi yi kám-kak pháiⁿ-sè, in-ūi sī yi seng chim góa. Yi kóng, yi bô khak-tēng che put-kò sī yi siūⁿ boeh thé-giām ê chi̍t-ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ, iū in-ūi góa bô-ài chò hông thé-giām ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ, iû-kî sī, khòaⁿ khí-lâi Allison hām góa ū khó-lêng koh chò-hóe, goán tông-ì kè-sio̍k chò pêng-iú.
Isaiah kiâⁿ kòe-lâi, kā chi̍t-ki chhiú khǹg tī góa ê keng-thâu ê sî, bô-ì-tiong góa soah khí ka-lún-sún. Goa iáu bô hoat-tō͘ koàn-sì i -- i tī tāi-ha̍k sńg kan-á kiû, sio̍k tī ióng-chòng, bín-kám hit-hêng ê lâng. I hām Tia lóng sī Chicago-lâng, sè-hàn tha̍k kāng chi̍t-keng sió-ha̍k, tī Wisconsin tha̍k gián-kiù-só͘ koh sio-tú, m̄-koh chit-ê kò͘-sū tùi pa̍t-lâng siuⁿ kám-sèng koh bô khan-liân, in-ūi in nn̄g-lâng chin bô sù-phòe. Tia sio̍k tī kám-sèng, bûn-gē lūi-hêng, chông-ji̍p hoat-lu̍t ha̍k-īⁿ lâi, chit-tiâu lō͘ sī in-ūi yi ê tiong-sán kai-kip seng-tióng khoân-kéng só͘ chù-tiāⁿ ê. Góa sióng-siōng, 5 nî āu, tī yi m̄-bián koh chiàu-kò͘ ka-tī hām Isaiah ê gín-á ê sî, yi ē thè chhut hoat-lu̍t kài, khì ūi chi̍t-ê gē-su̍t hui êng-lī cho͘-chit kang-chok. Góa nā siūⁿ tio̍h in teh chò-ài, tú khai-sí chóng-sī Isaiah kā Tia giâ khí-lâi, koh kā phiaⁿ tī bîn-chhn̂g téng. Goân-pún góa bô jīn-ûi in ē iok-hōe chhiau-kòe kúi kò goe̍h -- bē khah kú in hoat-hiān hō͘-siong bē tàu-tah ê sî-kan.
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3. 伊發現我毋和查埔約會
"Bat 有人 kā 你講, 你會當假做 Lisa Bonet [影星] ê 小妹?" 伊問.
我笑出來. "有人 bat án-ne kā 我講, 我是 Lisa Bonet 鬥 Queen Latifah [歌星] ê 奶."
伊 gi 一下, kā 飲料久久 sip 一喙. "當然, 彼是 tī 我做縮奶手術以前."
我知影, 伊毋知按怎反應好, choăn 我 koh 講, "你是講佗一个 Lisa Bonet?"
"佗一个 Lisa Bonet?"
"著 ah. 咱是 teh 講 ‘Cosby Show’ ê Lisa Bonet, a̍h 是嫁予 ‘Game of Thrones’ (王位 ê 遊戲) 連續劇 nih 一个 bebi 戰士 ê Lisa Bonet?"
伊笑出來. "我猶未看 ‘Game of Thrones.’ 你 teh 啉啥?"
"王梨汁濫 rum 酒."
"我以前毋捌啉彼種參濫."
"是 oh? 是一个我約會 ê 查某教我啉 ê." 伊看會出, 驚一趒, án-ne 我佮意. 有 ê 查埔愛激 kah 親戽戽. 我 tō 予 in 想起 in 阿姨, 姻相信香, 牛油果油 (shea butter), 和頭縛 -- 是無像 tī 禮拜日穿襪仔褲去教堂 ê in 老母 hiah-nī 規矩 ê 查某. In 欣羨 chiah-ê 阿姨, chiah-ê 賤人和詩人, 姻和無婚姻關係 ê 查埔人發生關係 koh 生囡仔. 毋過, kap in 阿姨無仝, 我行 koh 較遠. 我上佮意 ê 是, in 無法度堅持家治 ê 懷疑 ê 時, 因為 in 是 siáng ah, 那會當對我做假設? 一个 Jamaica 查埔 tī Brooklyn, 是一个干焦 tī 街路相拄 ê 人, kā 我講, "Lír siuⁿ 媠, 無適合事業婦女." Brian koh 和我開講一睏, 彼中間問我一个強迫 ê 問題, 我敢有和查埔約會, 等我講, 我已經無 ê 時, 我看會出, 伊興趣 hoa 去, tō 開始 koh tī 房間揣其他 ê 對象.
Tia 出現 tī 我身邊 ê 時, 伊已經離開 ah. "所以, Brian 發現你毋和查埔約會, haⁿh?" 阮攏笑出來, koh 越頭看彼个伊 tng-teh 纏 ê 查某 -- Tia ê 一个辮長頭鬃 ê 表妹, 她穿彼種適合細粒奶查某, 特別低胸 ê 洋裝. 同齊 tī 法律學院 ê 時, 我對 Tia 著迷. 她有一種特質, 予人感覺她會和查某睏. 我甚至 mā án-ne 想, 一直到一工我 tī 校園拄著她和一个查埔, 她介紹講彼是姻男朋友. 一暗, 阮公家啉兩矸酒了後, 阮攏拄才 koh 單身, teh 互相安慰, 我大膽 kā 講, 初次見著她, 我想講她是同志, 對她暗戀. 阮攏笑出來, ná 像是因為啉 siuⁿ 濟 teh 講戇話. 毋過, 幾禮拜了後, tī Tia 和 Isaiah 做伙進前, 阮 mā 有纏做伙一陣. 阮無真正 ê seks, 毋過真親熱, 後來她感覺歹勢, 因為是她先唚我. 她講, 她無確定這不過是她想欲體驗 ê 一个物件, 又因為我無愛做 hông 體驗 ê 物件, 尤其是, 看起來 Allison 和我有可能 koh 做伙, 阮同意繼續做朋友.
Isaiah 行過來, kā 一支手囥 tī 我 ê 肩頭 ê 時, 無意中我煞起交懍恂. 我猶無法度慣勢伊 -- 伊 tī 大學耍橄仔球, 屬 tī 勇壯, 敏感彼型 ê 人. 伊和 Tia 攏是 Chicago 人, 細漢讀仝一間小學, tī Wisconsin 讀研究所 koh 相拄, 毋過這个故事對別人 siuⁿ 感性 koh 無牽連, 因為 in 兩人真無四配. Tia 屬 tī 感性, 文藝類型, 傱入法律學院來, 這條路是因為她 ê 中產階級生長環境所注定 ê. 我想像, 5 年後, tī 她毋免 koh 照顧家治和 Isaiah ê 囡仔 ê 時, 她會退出法律界, 去為一个藝術非營利組織工作. 我若想著 in teh 做愛, 拄開始總是 Isaiah kā Tia 夯起來, koh kā 抨 tī 眠床頂. 原本我無認為 in 會約會超過幾個月 -- 袂較久 in 發現互相袂鬥搭 ê 時間.
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3.
“Has anyone ever told you that you could pass for Lisa Bonet’s little sister?” he asked.
I laughed. “Someone once told me that I’m Lisa Bonet with Queen Latifah titties.”
He grinned, taking a long sip of his drink. “Of course, this was before my breast reduction.”
I could tell that he wasn’t quite sure how to respond, so I continued, “Which Lisa Bonet do you mean?”
“Which Lisa Bonet?”
“Yeah. Are we talking Cosby Show Lisa Bonet or married-to-a-Game-of-Thrones-babe-warrior Lisa Bonet?”
He laughed. “I still haven’t seen Game of Thrones. What are you drinking?”
“Pineapple juice with rum.”
“I’ve never had that combo before.”
“Yeah? A woman I dated put me on to it.” He was visibly surprised, which I loved. Some men tried to brush it off as though they’d known all along. I reminded them of their aunts who believed in incense, shea butter, and head wraps — the type of woman who was always less conforming than their mothers, who wore pantyhose to church on Sundays. They admired these aunts, these pariahs and poets who kept relationships and children with men they weren’t married to. But unlike their aunts, I’d gone too far. I liked it best when they couldn’t hold their disbelief, because who were they to assume anything about me? One Jamaican man in Brooklyn, just someone who had approached me on the street, told me, “Yuh too pretty to be wid women.” Brian and I talked for a bit longer, during which he asked the obligatory question of whether I also dated men, and when I said that I no longer did, I could see that his interest waned and he scanned the room to see who his other options were.
He was gone by the time Tia showed up next to me. “So Brian found out that you don’t date men, huh?” We laughed and turned to look at the other woman he was now in the process of wooing — a cousin of Tia’s with long extensions, who was wearing one of those extraordinarily low-cut dresses that small-breasted women can get away with. I’d had a crush on Tia when we were in law school together. She had a way about her that made it seem like she slept with women. I’d even assumed that much until she introduced me to her boyfriend when I bumped into them on campus. One night after we shared two bottles of wine, the both of us newly single and commiserating, I dared myself to tell her that when I first met her I thought that she was gay and that I had had a crush on her. We’d laughed about it as though it was a silly thing I’d said because I’d had too much to drink. But then a few weeks later, before Tia had gotten together with Isaiah, we’d fooled around. We hadn’t had sex exactly but we’d come close, and afterwards she was apologetic because she’d been the one to kiss me. She wasn’t sure, she said, that it was anything more than a thing she wanted to try, and because I didn’t want to be something someone tried and more so because it seemed that Allison and I would be getting back together, we agreed to be friends.
When Isaiah came over and put his arm over my shoulder, I shuddered without meaning to. I’d never gotten used to him — he’d played football in college and was one of those beefy, touchy types. It mattered greatly to him and Tia that they were both Chicagoans who had gone to the same elementary school when they were little and had met in graduate school in Wisconsin, but it was far too sentimental and irrelevant a story to matter to anyone else, because they were so mismatched. Tia was a sensitive, artsy type who had somehow stumbled into law school because her middle-class upbringing had determined this path. I imagined that in five years she would quit law to work for an art nonprofit, when she wasn’t caring for her and Isaiah’s children. Whenever I imagined them having sex, it always began with Isaiah lifting Tia and throwing her into bed. I never thought they would date for more than a few months — just long enough to realize their incompatibility.
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