5. Yi ê bîn-chhn̂g tōa téng koh kē
Yi ê bîn-chhn̂g tōa téng koh kē kah boeh óa thô͘-kha. Āu-bīn ū chi̍t-sìⁿ thang-á, sui-bóng lî-á ū khiú lo̍h-lâi, keng-kòe ê chhia-teng ē tâu-iáⁿ tī tùi-bīn hiòng ê piah. Gopal tó tī Shaw Tt ê piⁿ-á, khòaⁿ he teng-iáⁿ ê kái-piàn. I chhun-chhiú bong thâu, hoat-hiān siang-pêng ê thâu-chang giàng khí-lâi, ná-chhiūⁿ nn̄g-ki kak. Khòaⁿ tio̍h chi̍t-ê hām in bó͘ ê chhioh-tō͘ chha hiah chē ê sin lō͘-thé, hit-chióng tio̍h-kiaⁿ hō͘ i chin kek-tōng. I sió-khóa thâu-hîn ba̍k-àm, bē-su i kiám-cha gîn-hâng kháu-chō, hoat-hiān lāi-té chhun pí i kî-thāi ê ke kúi-ā chheng kho͘. "Lí seⁿ-chò chiâⁿ súi," i kóng, in-ūi Cosmopolitan ū kiàn-gī, chò-ài liáu tio̍h án-ne kóng. Shaw Tt hoan chi̍t-ē sin, chim i ê keng-kah-thâu.
"Bô, góa bô súi. Góa siuⁿ tōa-kho͘, góa ê phīⁿ mā koài-koài. M̄-koh, to-siā lí," yi kóng. Gopal khòaⁿ yi, khòaⁿ tio̍h yi ê chhùi sui-jiân làu-làu, sì-chiu ê sòaⁿ-tiâu iáu sī chin bêng. "Lí khòaⁿ tio̍h ká-ná tú-tú ùi hang-ta ki peh chhut-lâi," yi kóng, koh chhiò chhut-lâi. Yi ê chhiò-siaⁿ tu̍t-jiân koh chū-sìn. Í-chêng i bô chù-ì tio̍h, che hō͘ i ka-tī mā khí ài-chhiò.
In nn̄g-lâng lóng koh tiām khì, tó tī hia kòe kúi-ā hun-cheng, tán Gopal khai-sí kám-kak chū-ngó͘ ì-sek ê sî, i kóng, "Kóng khòaⁿ-māi, lí tòa ê tē-it keng chhù seⁿ-chò siáⁿ khoán."
Shaw Tt chē khí-lâi. Yi ê pak-tó͘ chuh chhut-lâi, yi ê nn̄g-kōaⁿ leng làu-làu. Khòaⁿ tio̍h i teh khoàⁿ, yi kō͘ kha-thâu-u cha̍h yi ê heng-khám. "Lí chiâⁿ ū siūⁿ-hoat," yi kóng.
Gopal kám-kak siū tio̍h o-ló. "Oh, che m̄-sī siáⁿ siūⁿ-hoat."
"Góa siūⁿ, nā m̄-sī in-ūi lí ê khiuⁿ-kháu, chit-ê būn-tê thiaⁿ khí-lâi chin ké," yi kóng. Gopal kám-kak i ê ūi teh ká. "Góa tòa tī chi̍t-ê ke-khu, hia ū pō͘-tūi khí hō͘ hôe-kok a-peng-ko tòa ê sè-keng chhù-á. Chhù-á lóng chin tan-tiāu, chhù-tiâⁿ liâm chò-hóe. Chhù óa tī Newark ki-tiûⁿ. Góa kah-ì chē tī góa pâng-keng ê thang-á, khòaⁿ hui-ki kàng lo̍h-lâi. Hit-sî Newark iáu sī chi̍t-ê tē-khu ki-tiûⁿ."
"Lín chhù ū nn̄g-chàn?"
"Tio̍h. Góa ê pâng-keng tī jī-lâu. Kā góa kóng iú-koan lí ê tāi-chì."
"Góa sī gō͘ hiaⁿ-tī ê tē-saⁿ ê. Goán tī chi̍t-ê sàn-chhiah chhun-chng tōa-hàn. Góa tī lī-khui ko-tiong ê sî chiah tit-tio̍h góa ê tē-it siang ê-á." Gopal ná kā yi kóng ka-tī ê kò͘-sū, ná siūⁿ khí kòe-khì i án-nóa the̍h ka-tī gín-á sî-tāi ê kò͘-sū lâi hō͘ Gitu kám-kak pān-tōaⁿ, i ê siaⁿ lú lâi lú sè. "Ta̍k-lâng lóng hām goán kāng-khoán, só͘-í góa m̄-bat kám-kak ka-tī sàn."
In án-né khai-káng pòaⁿ tiám-cheng, tōa pō͘-hūn sī Gopal mn̄g būn-tê, chhì boeh chhōe-chhut Shaw Tt ê jio̍k-tiám, koh kō͘ chit-ê jio̍k-tiám lâi hō͘ ka-tī tùi yi ū khip-ín-la̍t. Sui-bóng yi thán-pe̍k hôe-tap i ê būn-tê, m̄-koh Gopal chhōe bē-tio̍h bô khoài-lo̍k ê gín-á sî, a̍h sī pī pàng-sak thài-thài ê chhòng-siong, thang kái-soeh chit-chūn chiūⁿ-chhn̂g ê kip-pek-sèng. "Góa goân-pún tō kè-ōe boeh lī-khui goán ang," yi sûi-ì kái-soeh kóng. "I siáu-siáu. Chin-chiàⁿ ê khí-siáu. I siūⁿ-kóng ka-tī ē chiâⁿ-chò sán-gia̍p ê thâu-lâng a̍h chham-gī-oân. I bô khì teng-kì tâu-phiò. I tùi seng-lí bô pòaⁿ-phiat. Ū chi̍t-kái, i chha-put-to kā goán ê it-chhè lóng tâu-chu tī Southampton ê chúi-keng lông-tiûⁿ. Hām i chò-hóe, góa chóng-sī kiaⁿ ē piàn sàn. I bat múi lé-pài khai 200 kho͘ bé chhái-phiò, i kā kū ê chhái-phiò siu tī chhia-khò͘ ê ê-a̍p-á nih." Gopal kò-jîn bô bat lī-hun ê Indo lâng, i bat ê Bí-kok lâng mā bô se̍k-sāi kah thang chai lī-hun seⁿ-chò siáⁿ-khoán, m̄-koh i só͘ siūⁿ ê sī koh-khah thòng-khó͘ -- ba̍k-sái kap ai-oàn. Yi thê-kiong ê sè-chiat hō͘ chit-ê kò͘-sū thiaⁿ khí-lâi chin-si̍t, chū án-ne i khai-sí siūⁿ, i éng-oán bô khó-lêng khòng-chè Shaw Tt.
Peh-tiám chó-iū, Shaw Tt kóng, "E-àm góa tio̍h chhú-lí góa ê siàu-toaⁿ." Gopal goân-pún hòⁿ-kî yi sī-m̄-sī ē lâu i chò-hóe chia̍h-àm koh tâng-chê kòe-mê. I tiāⁿ-tio̍h ē kah-ì án-ne, m̄-koh i bô khòng-gī.
Yi tī i sin-āu koaiⁿ-mn̂g ê sî, Shaw Tt kóng, "Lu-chháu-ki tī āu-piah. Lí nā boeh the̍h cháu." Í-keng àm ah, thiⁿ-chheⁿ í-keng chhut-lâi. Gopal sak lu-chháu-ki chiūⁿ-lō͘ ê sî, i hi-bāng i ài Shaw Tt, mā hi-bāng yi ài i.
I bē-kì-tit koaiⁿ chàu-kha ê teng, he kng khòaⁿ tio̍h chin sù-sī. "Chán, chán, khah hoaⁿ-hí leh," i chhut-siaⁿ kóng, ná tī chàu-kha se̍h. "Lí ū chi̍t-ê ài-jîn ah." I chhì boeh bî-chhiò, soah piàn-chò koài-bīn. "Lí ē-tàng chhiâng-chāi chò-ài, chí-iàu lí siūⁿ boeh. Tio̍h hoaⁿ-hí." I khai-sí khoán àm-tǹg. I chhá iûⁿ-kak-tāu (okra), koh chhoe hông-tè-tāu. I chú-pn̄g koh hang pháng.
Chia̍h-pn̄g ê sî, i khòaⁿ chi̍t-chhut tiān-sī tiān-iáⁿ, sī iú-koan chi̍t-ê cha-bó͘ hun-bê 20-nî, chi̍t-kang hut-jiân chhéⁿ khí-lâi; hō͘ yi koh-khah bē hun-bêng ê sī, yi ū sin-īn. Oáⁿ-pôaⁿ sé hó liáu, i kā tī siong-tiûⁿ khai-sí ê Cosmopolitan bûn-chiuⁿ tha̍k liáu. Chit-phiⁿ sī nn̄g pō͘-hūn ê tē-jī pō͘-hūn, bûn-chiuⁿ ū kóng tio̍h, tē-it kái chò-ài lī-khui ê sî, chóng tio̍h an-pâi āu chi̍t-kái ê kìⁿ-bīn. Gopal tú-chiah bô án-ne chò, chū án-ne i khà tiān-ōe hō͘ Shaw Tt.
I iōng chàu-kha ê tiān-ōe, teh tán yi chiap tiān-ōe ê sî, i hòⁿ-kî, i kám ū su-iàu pò-miâ, a̍h-sī yi ū khó-lêng ē-jīn-tit i ê siaⁿ. "Hái, Helen," yi chi̍t-ē kóng "Halo," i sûi án-ne kóng. "Góa tú teh siūⁿ lí, tō siūⁿ-kóng lâi khà tiān-ōe." Taⁿ i kám-kak, pí hām yi chò-hóe ê sî koh-khah kín-tiuⁿ.
"Chiâⁿ kám-sim," yi kóng, he kháu-khì Gopal kám-kak un-jiû. "Lí hó bô?"
"Góa tú chia̍h kòe àm-tǹg. Lí chia̍h bōe?" I sióng-siōng yi chē tī nn̄g-chiah phòng-í tiong-kan ê tē-pán, bīn-chêng khǹg chi̍t-tui siu-kì. Yi ê chhiú nih eng-kai ū gia̍h iân-pit.
"Góa bē iau. Góa thong-siông chian omlet chò àm-tǹg chia̍h, m̄-koh e-àm góa m̄ chia̍h. Góa tng-teh koh lim chi̍t-poe ím-liāu. Jiân-āu, yi ka-tī siūⁿ-tio̍h siáⁿ, tō koh kóng, "Nā bô, góa ē kā-gê. Lī-hun liáu góa tō khai-sí án-ne, góa bô kiān-khong pó-hiám, mā bô chîⁿ thang khòaⁿ khí-kho." Gopal siūⁿ boeh mn̄g yi kám iáu ē kā-gê, m̄-koh i bô-ài ū siáⁿ-mih àm-sī.
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5. 她 ê 眠床大頂 koh 低
她 ê 眠床大頂 koh 低甲欲倚塗跤. 後面有一扇窗仔, 雖罔簾仔有搝落來, 經過 ê 車燈會投影 tī 對面向 ê 壁. Gopal 倒 tī Shaw Tt ê 邊仔, 看 he 燈影 ê 改變. 伊伸手摸頭, 發現雙爿 ê 頭鬃 giàng 起來, 若像兩支角. 看著一个和 in 某 ê 尺度差 hiah 濟 ê 新露體, 彼種著驚予伊真激動. 伊小可頭眩目暗, 袂輸伊檢查銀行口座, 發現內底賰比伊期待 ê 加幾若千箍. "你生做誠媠," 伊講, 因為 Cosmopolitan 有建議, 做愛了著 án-ne 講. Shaw Tt 翻一下身, 唚伊 ê 肩胛頭.
"無, 我無媠. 我 siuⁿ 大箍, 我 ê 鼻 mā 怪怪. 毋過, 多謝你," 她講. Gopal 看她, 看著她 ê 喙雖然 làu-làu, 四周 ê 線條猶是真明. "你看著 ká-ná 拄拄 ùi 烘焦機 peh 出來," 她講, koh 笑出來. 她 ê 笑聲突然 koh 自信. 以前伊無注意著, 這予伊家治 mā 起愛笑.
In 兩人攏 koh 恬去, 倒 tī 遐過幾若分鐘, 等 Gopal 開始感覺自我意識 ê 時, 伊講, "講看覓, 你蹛 ê 第一間厝生做啥款."
Shaw Tt 坐起來. 她 ê 腹肚泏出來, 她 ê 兩捾奶 làu-làu. 看著伊 teh 看, 她 kō͘ 跤頭趺閘她 ê 胸坎. "你誠有想法," 她講.
Gopal 感覺受著 o-ló. "Oh, 這毋是啥想法."
"我想, 若毋是因為你 ê 腔口, 這个問題聽起來真假," 她講. Gopal 感覺伊 ê 胃 teh 絞. "我蹛 tī 一个街區, 遐有部隊起予回國阿兵哥蹛 ê 細間厝仔. 厝仔攏真單調, 厝埕連做伙. 厝倚 tī Newark 機場. 我佮意坐 tī 我房間 ê 窗仔, 看飛機降落來. 彼時 Newark 猶是一个地區機場."
"恁厝有兩層?"
"著. 我 ê 房間 tī 二樓. Kā 我講有關你 ê 代誌."
"我是五兄弟 ê 第三 ê. 阮 tī 一个散赤村庄大漢. 我 tī 離開高中 ê 時才得著我 ê 第一雙鞋仔." Gopal ná kā 她講家治 ê 故事, ná 想起過去伊按怎提家治囡仔時代 ê 故事來予 Gitu 感覺貧惰, 伊 ê 聲 lú 來 lú 細. "逐人攏和阮仝款, 所以我毋捌感覺家治散."
In án-né 開講半點鐘, 大部份是 Gopal 問問題, 試欲揣出 Shaw Tt ê 弱點, koh kō͘ 這个弱點來予家治對她有吸引力. 雖罔她坦白回答伊 ê 問題, 毋過 Gopal 揣袂著無快樂 ê 囡仔時, a̍h 是被放捒太太 ê 創傷, 通解說這陣上床 ê 急迫性. "我原本 tō 計畫欲離開阮翁," 她隨意解說講. "伊痟痟. 真正 ê 起痟. 伊想講家治會成做產業 ê 頭人 a̍h 參議員. 伊無去登記投票. 伊對生理無半撇. 有一改, 伊差不多 kā 阮 ê 一切攏投資 tī Southampton ê 水耕農場. 和伊做伙, 我總是驚會變散. 伊捌每禮拜開 200 箍買彩票, 伊 kā 舊 ê 彩票收 tī 車庫 ê 鞋盒仔 nih." Gopal 個人無捌離婚 ê Indo 人, 伊捌 ê 美國人 mā 無熟似甲 thang 知離婚生做啥款, 毋過伊所想 ê 是閣較痛苦 -- 目屎 kap 哀怨. 她提供 ê 細節予這个故事聽起來真實, 自 án-ne 伊開始想, 伊永遠無可能控制 Shaw Tt.
八點左右, Shaw Tt 講, "下暗我著處理我 ê 數單." Gopal 原本好奇她是毋是會留伊做伙食暗 koh 同齊過暝. 伊定著會佮意 án-ne, 毋過伊無抗議.
她 tī 伊身後關門 ê 時, Shaw Tt 講, "攄草機 tī 後壁. 你若欲提走." 已經暗 ah, 天星已經出來. Gopal 捒攄草機上路 ê 時, 伊希望伊愛 Shaw Tt, mā 希望她愛伊.
伊袂記得關灶跤 ê 燈, he 光看著真四序. "讚, 讚, 較歡喜 leh," 伊出聲講, ná tī 灶跤踅. "你有一个愛人 ah." 伊試欲微笑, 煞變做怪面. "你會當常在做愛, 只要你想欲. 著歡喜." 伊開始款暗頓. 伊炒羊角豆 (okra), koh 炊皇帝豆. 伊煮飯 koh 烘 pháng.
食飯 ê 時, 伊看一齣電視電影, 是有關一个查某昏迷 20 年, 一工忽然醒起來; 予她閣較袂分明 ê 是, 她有身孕. 碗盤洗好了, 伊 kā tī 商場開始 ê Cosmopolitan 文章讀了. 這篇是兩部份 ê 第二部份, 文章有講著, 第一改做愛離開 ê 時, 總著安排後一改 ê 見面. Gopal 拄才無 án-ne 做, 自 án-ne 伊敲電話予 Shaw Tt.
伊用灶跤 ê 電話, teh 等她接電話 ê 時, 伊好奇, 伊敢有需要報名, a̍h 是她有可能會認得伊 ê 聲. "Hái, Helen," 她一下講 "Halo," 伊隨 án-ne 講. "我拄 teh 想你, tō 想講來敲電話." 今伊感覺, 比和她做伙 ê 時閣較緊張.
"誠感心," 她講, 彼口氣 Gopal 感覺溫柔. "你好無?"
"我拄食過暗頓. 你食未?" 伊想像她坐 tī 兩隻膨椅中間 ê 地板, 面前囥一堆收據. 她 ê 手 nih 應該有攑鉛筆.
"我袂枵. 我通常煎 omlet 做暗頓食, 毋過下暗我毋食. 我 tng-teh koh 啉一杯飲料. 然後, 她家治想著啥, tō 閣講, "若無, 我會咬牙. 離婚了我 tō 開始 án-ne, 我無健康保險, mā 無錢通看齒科." Gopal 想欲問她敢猶會咬牙, 毋過伊無愛有啥物暗示.
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5.
Her bed was large and low to the ground. Behind it was a window, and although the shade was drawn, the lights of passing cars cast patterns on the opposing wall. Gopal lay next to Mrs. Shaw and watched the shadows change. He felt his head and found that his hair was standing up on either side like horns. The shock of seeing a new naked body, so different in its amplitude from his wife's, had been exciting. A part of him was giddy with this, as if he had checked his bank balance and discovered that he had thousands more than he expected. "You are very beautiful," he said, for Cosmopolitan had advised saying this after making love. Mrs. Shaw rolled over and kissed his shoulder.
"No, I'm not. I'm kind of fat, and my nose is strange. But thank you," she said. Gopal looked at her and saw that even when her mouth was slack, the lines around it were deep. "You look like you've been rolled around in a dryer," she said, and laughed. Her laughter was sudden and confident. He had not noticed it before, and it made him laugh as well.
They became silent and lay quietly for several minutes, and when Gopal began feeling self-conscious, he said, "Describe the first house you lived in."
Mrs. Shaw sat up. Her stomach bulged, and her breasts drooped. She saw him looking and pulled her knees to her chest. "You're very thoughtful," she said.
Gopal felt flattered. "Oh, it's not thoughtfulness."
"I guess if it weren't for your accent, the questions would sound artificial," she said. Gopal felt his stomach clench. "I lived in a block of small houses that the Army built for returning GIs. They were all drab, and the lawns ran into each other. They were near Newark airport. I liked to sit at my window and watch the planes land. That was when Newark was a local airport."
"Your house was two stories?"
"Yes. And my room was on the second floor. Tell me about yourself."
"I am the third of five brothers. We grew up in a small, poor village. I got my first pair of shoes when I left high school." As Gopal was telling her the story, he remembered how he used to make Gitu feel lazy with stories of his childhood, and his voice fell. "Everybody was like us, so I never thought of myself as poor."
They talked this way for half an hour, with Gopal asking most of the questions and trying to discover where Mrs. Shaw was vulnerable and how this vulnerability made him attractive to her. Although she answered his questions candidly, Gopal could not find the unhappy childhood or the trauma of an abandoned wife that might explain the urgency of this moment in bed. "I was planning to leave my husband," she explained casually. "He was crazy. Almost literally. He thought he was going to be a captain of industry or a senator. He wasn't registered to vote. He knew nothing about business. Once, he invested almost everything we had in a hydroponic farm in Southampton. With him I was always scared of being poor. He used to spend two hundred dollars a week on lottery tickets, and he would save the old tickets in shoe boxes in the garage." Gopal did not personally know any Indian who was divorced, and he had never been intimate enough with an American to learn what a divorce was like, but he had expected something more painful -- tears and recriminations. The details she gave made the story sound practiced, and he began to think that he would never have a hold over Mrs. Shaw.
Around eight Mrs. Shaw said, "I am going to do my bills tonight." Gopal had been wondering whether she wanted him to have dinner with her and spend the night. He would have liked to, but he did not protest.
As she closed the door behind him, Mrs. Shaw said, "The lawn mower's in the back. If you want it." Night had come, and the stars were out. As Gopal pushed the lawn mower down the road, he wished that he loved Mrs. Shaw and that she loved him.
He had left the kitchen light on by mistake, and its glow was comforting. "Come, come, cheer up," he said aloud, pacing in the kitchen. "You have a lover." He tried to smile and grimaced instead. "You can make love as often as you want. Be happy." He started preparing dinner. He fried okra and steam-cooked lentils. He made both rice and bread.
As he ate, Gopal watched a television movie about a woman who had been in a coma for twenty years and suddenly woke up one day; adding to her confusion, she was pregnant. After washing the dishes he finished the article in Cosmopolitan that he had begun reading in the mall. The article was the second of two parts, and it mentioned that when leaving after making love for the first time, one should always arrange the next meeting. Gopal had not done this, and he phoned Mrs. Shaw.
He used the phone in the kitchen, and as he waited for her to pick up, he wondered whether he should introduce himself or assume that she would recognize his voice. "Hi, Helen," he blurted out as soon as she said "Hello." "I was just thinking of you and thought I'd call." He felt more nervous now than he had while he was with her.
"That's sweet," she said, with what Gopal thought was tenderness. "How are you?"
"I just had dinner. Did you eat?" He imagined her sitting on the floor between the couches with a pile of receipts before her. She would have a small pencil in her hand.
"I'm not hungry. I normally make myself an omelet for dinner, but I didn't want to tonight. I'm having another drink." Then, self-conscious, she added, "Otherwise I grind my teeth. I started after my divorce and I didn't have health insurance or enough money to go to a dentist." Gopal wanted to ask if she still ground her teeth, but he did not want to imply anything.
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