C19 Chhù | 厝

Home /by Gwendolyn Brooks
https://genius.com/Gwendolyn-brooks-home-annotated

Chhù | 厝
Tâi-gí gí-im | 台語語音: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y44iKMa-ccE

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It-ti̍t siūⁿ boeh ài ê sī chit-chióng chhiâng-chāi, chit-chióng chhiâng-chāi ē-tit kè-sio̍k lo̍h-khì, tī chit-ê gîm-chîⁿ-kha khin-sang ê khai-káng, hó͘-bóe-lân tī se-lâm kak ê hoe-khaⁿ,  tī chhin-chhiat mn̂g-kháu ê tò-pêng, iáu-ū ùi Eppie A-î yin tau lâi ê, hôa-lē Michigan koeh-niau ê lūn-miā pun-châng. Mama, Maud Martha, hām Helen bān-bān iô-tāng sûi-lâng ê iô-í, ná teh khòaⁿ chháu-tiâⁿ téng hông-hun ê ji̍t-thâu-kng, khòaⁿ lân-kan chō-hêng sèng-keh ê thih, koh khòaⁿ pe̍h-iûⁿ chhiū. Chiah-ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ khó-lêng chin kín tō m̄-sī in ê ah-lah. Hiah-ê kng ê sòaⁿ kap kng ê bīn, hit-châng chhiū-á, iu-ngá ê thih, khó-lêng chin-kín tō hō͘ bô-kāng ê ba̍k-chiu khòaⁿ bē sūn-gán.

Hit tiong-tàu, Papa tio̍h tī chia̍h-tàu ê sî-kan khì Chhù-chú Tāi-khoán Kong-si pān-kong-sek. I nā bô hoat-tō͘ tit-tio̍h koh chi̍t-kái ê iân-kî, in tio̍h ài lī-khui chit-keng in í-keng tī chia seng-oa̍h chhiau-kòe 14 nî ê chhù. Hi-bōng chin sè. Chhù-chú Tāi-khoán Kong-si bô hó pháng. Yin chē tī hia, teh chò yin ê kè-ōe.

"Lán tio̍h boeh poaⁿ kàu bó͘ chi̍t-ê súi kong-gū," Mama kóng. "Tī Lâm Kong-hn̂g, a̍h Michigan, a̍h Washington Kong-hn̂g Siâⁿ." Hiah-ê kong-gū, ko͘-niû hām Mama lóng chin chheng-chhó, sī Papa sin-súi nn̄g-pōe ê hū-tam. Taⁿ yin bô thê-khí chit-tiám.

"In pí chit-keng lāu chhù lóng ke súi chin chē." Helen kóng. "Góa ū pêng-iú góa m̄-khéng chhōa in lâi chia. Góa koh ū kî-thaⁿ pêng-iú, in án-chóaⁿ to m̄-khéng lâi chia, tî-hui chē taksi lâi."

Che ōe nā tī cha-hng kóng, Maud Martha tiāⁿ-tio̍h ē kong-kek yi. Bîn-á-chài yi mā khó-lêng ē. Kin-á-ji̍t yi siáⁿ to bô kóng. Yi kan-ta kim-kim khòaⁿ tī chhiū téng thiàu ê chi̍t-chiah sió ti-keⁿ-chiáu (robin), yi ê chhiū-á, koh chīn-la̍t pó-chhî ba̍k-chiu ta-ta.

"Hó ah, góa chai lah," Mama kóng, yi ê chhiú pí lâi pí khì. "Góa í-keng lú lâi lú ià-siān hiâⁿ-hóe ê tāi-chì. Ùi 10-goe̍h kàu 4-goe̍h, chóng-sī su-iàu hiâⁿ-hóe."

"M̄-koh, chòe-kīn goán ū teh tàu kha-chhiú, Harry hām góa," Maud Martha kóng. Ū-sî tī 3-goe̍h hām 4-goe̍h, hām tī 10-goe̍h, sīm-chì tī 11-goe̍h, lán tī piah-lô͘ ē-sái hiâⁿ khah sè ê hóe. Ū sî-chūn, thiⁿ-khì sek-ha̍p án-ne."

Ùi yin khòaⁿ yi ê gán-sîn, yi chai-iáⁿ che sī chi̍t-ê chhò-gō͘. Yin m̄-sī siūⁿ boeh khàu.

M̄-koh yi kám-kak, hit-tiâu sío-sió ê pe̍h-sòaⁿ, ū-sî tòa chí-hóaⁿ sek, hām it-chhè hiah-ê chhap leng-iû-si ê âng-kam sek, bô khó-lêng phiau kòe jīm-hô sai-pêng thiⁿ-téng, kan-ta ē chhut-hiān tī chit-keng chhù āu-bīn ê thiⁿ-téng. Bô pa̍t-ūi, kan-ta tī chia siàng hō͘ ê siaⁿ chiah ū hit-chióng tiⁿ-bi̍t ê ut-būn. Lâm Kong-hn̂g ê chiáu-á sī ke-khì chiáu, bē pí koaiⁿ tī "hó-gia̍h" cha-bó͘ kheh-thiaⁿ lāi ê kim-si-chhiok khah hó.

"Án-ne ē hāi-sí Papa!" Maud Martha hoah chhut siaⁿ. "I ài chit-keng chhù! I ūi chit-keng chhù teh oa̍h!"

"I ūi lán teh oa̍h," Helen kóng. "I ài ê sī lán. Tî-liáu lán, i bô siūⁿ boeh chit-keng chhù."

"Iá i ē-tàng ū lán," Mama pó͘-chhiong kóng, "m̄-koán tī tó-ūi."

"Lín chai lah," Helen thàn chi̍t-kháu khùi, "lín nā boeh chai sū-si̍t, che sī chi̍t-ê kái-thoat. Nā m̄-sī án-ne, lán tō ē kè-sio̍k lo̍h-khì, thoa bô-thêng, éng-oán tī chia se̍h."

"Che hoān-sè," Mama tông-ì, "sī Sîn ê ì-sù. Hoān-sè Sîn tú-hó lo̍h-lâi chiap-chhiú an-pâi."

"Sī lah," Maud Martha kia̍k-siaⁿ kóng, "lí chóng-sī án-ne kóng -- Sîn siōng-kài liáu-kái."

Lāu-bú kín lia̍h yi khòaⁿ chi̍t-ē, khak-tēng che ōe m̄-sī hoâi-gî, tō khòaⁿ pa̍t-ūi khì.

Helen khòaⁿ tio̍h Papa lâi ah. "Papa lâi ah," Helen kóng.

Ùi Papa kiâⁿ-lō͘ ê hong-sek, yin chi̍t-tiám-á to khòaⁿ bē-chhut siáⁿ-mi̍h. He sī kāng-khoán ê  khó-ài ê bô sòa-phah ê kha-pō͘, chi̍t-pêng keng-thâu lo̍h-khì, koh-lâi iáu chi̍t-pêng, koh-chài tiông-ho̍k, koh tiông-ho̍k. Yin khòaⁿ i kiâⁿ hiòng chêng lâi. I keng-kòe Kennedy hit ke-hóe, i keng-kòe khàng-tē-á, i keng-kòe Blackmore Tt yin tau. Yin siūⁿ boeh ka-tī thiàu-kòe lân-kan, khì kàu ke-lō͘, ùi i ê ām-niá chhe̍k chhut chin-siòng. I khui tōa-mn̂g -- lân-kan mn̂g -- m̄-koh i ê kha-hoa̍h a̍h bīn-iông bô kóng-chhut siáⁿ-mi̍h.

"Halo," i kóng.

Mama khiā khí-lâi, tòe i kiâⁿ ji̍p chêng-mn̂g. Ko͘-niû-á chai-iáⁿ, siōng-hó sī mài tòe ji̍p-khì.

Chit-sî, Mama ê thâu chhut-hiān ah. Yi ê ba̍k-chiu ná tiám-to̍h ê teng-hóe.

"Bān-sū oke," yi kiò chhut-lâi. "I tit-tio̍h ah. Tāi-chì lóng hó-sè ah. Bān-sū oke."

Mn̂g piáng chi̍t-ē koaiⁿ khí-lâi. Mama ê kha-pō͘ siaⁿ kín-kín kiâⁿ-khui.

"Góa siūⁿ," Helen kóng, kín-sok iô-tāng, "góa siūⁿ, góa boeh khui chi̍t-ê party. Chū góa 11-hòe í-lâi, góa m̄-bat khui party ah. Góa siūⁿ boeh hō͘ chi̍t-kóa goán pêng-iú chū-chū chāi-chāi khòaⁿ chhut, lán sī chia ê chhù-chú."

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一直想欲愛 ê 是這種常在, 這種常在會得繼續落去, tī 這个砛簷跤輕鬆 ê 開講, 虎尾蘭 tī 西南角 ê 花坩, tī 親切門口 ê 左爿, 猶有 ùi Eppie 阿姨姻兜來 ê, 華麗 Michigan 蕨貓 ê 韌命分叢. Mama, Maud Martha, 和 Helen 慢慢搖動隨人 ê 搖椅, ná teh 看草埕頂黃昏 ê 日頭光, 看欄杆造形性格 ê 鐵, koh 看白楊樹. Chiah-ê 物件可能真緊 tō 毋是 in ê ah-lah. Hiah-ê 光 ê 線 kap 光 ê 面, 彼叢樹仔, 優雅 ê 鐵, 可能真緊 tō 予無仝 ê 目睭看袂順眼.

彼中晝, Papa 著 tī 食晝 ê 時間去厝主貸款公司辦公室. 伊若無法度得著 koh 一改 ê 延期, in 著愛離開這間 in 已經 tī 遮生活超過 14 年 ê 厝. 希望真細. 厝主貸款公司無好紡. 姻坐 tī 遐, teh 做姻 ê 計畫.

"咱著欲搬到某一个媠公寓," Mama 講. "Tī 南公園, a̍h Michigan, a̍h Washington 公園城." Hiah-ê 公寓, 姑娘和 Mama lóng 真清楚, 是 Papa 薪水兩倍 ê 負擔. 今姻無提起這點.

"In 比這間老厝 lóng ke 媠真濟." Helen 講. "我有朋友我毋肯 chhōa in 來遮. 我 koh 有其他朋友, in 按怎 to 毋肯來遮, 除非坐 taksi 來."

這話若 tī 昨昏講, Maud Martha 定著會攻擊她. 明仔載她 mā 可能會. 今仔日她啥 to 無講. 她干焦金金看 tī 樹頂跳 ê 一隻小知更鳥 (robin), 她 ê 樹仔, koh 盡力保持目睭焦焦.

"好 ah, 我知 lah," Mama 講, 她 ê 手比來比去. "我已經 lú 來 lú 厭僐燃火 ê 代誌. Ùi 10 月到 4 月, 總是需要燃火."

"毋過, 最近阮有 teh 鬥跤手, Harry 和我," Maud Martha 講. 有時 tī 3 月和 4 月, 和 tī 10 月, 甚至 tī 11 月, 咱 tī 壁爐會使燃較細 ê 火. 有時陣, 天氣適合 án-ne."

Ùi 姻看她 ê 眼神, 她知影這是一个錯誤. 姻毋是想欲哭.

毋過她感覺, 彼條小小 ê 白線, 有時帶紫恍色, 和一切 hiah-ê 插奶油絲 ê 紅柑色, 無可能飄過任何西爿天頂, 干焦會出現 tī 這間厝後面 ê 天頂. 無別位, 干焦 tī 遮 siàng 雨 ê 聲才有彼種甜蜜 ê 鬱悶. 南公園 ê 鳥仔是機器鳥, 袂比關 tī "好額" 查某客廳內 ê 金絲雀較好.

"Án-ne 會害死 Papa!" Maud Martha 喝出聲. "伊愛這間厝! 伊為這間厝 teh 活!"

"伊為咱 teh 活," Helen 講. "伊愛 ê 是咱. 除了咱, 伊無想欲這間厝."

"Iá 伊會當有咱," Mama 補充講, "毋管 tī 佗位."

"恁知 lah," Helen 嘆一口氣, "恁若欲知事實, 這是一个解脫. 若毋是 án-ne, 咱 tō 會繼續落去, 拖無停, 永遠 tī 遮踅."

"這凡勢," Mama 同意, "是神 ê 意思. 凡勢神拄好落來接手安排."

"是 lah," Maud Martha kia̍k 聲講, "你總是 án-ne 講 -- 神上蓋了解."

老母緊掠她看一下, 確定這話毋是懷疑, tō 看別位去.

Helen 看著 Papa 來 ah. "Papa 來 ah," Helen 講.

Ùi Papa 行路 ê 方式, 姻一點仔 to 看袂出啥物. 彼是仝款 ê 可愛 ê 無紲拍 ê 跤步, 一爿肩頭落去, 閣來猶一爿, 閣再重複, koh 重複. 姻看伊行向前來. 伊經過 Kennedy 彼家伙, 伊經過空地仔, 伊經過 Blackmore Tt 姻兜. 姻想欲家己跳過欄杆, 去到街路, ùi 伊 ê 頷領摵出真相. 伊開大門 -- 欄杆門 -- 毋過伊 ê 跤伐 a̍h 面容無講出啥物.

"Halo," 伊講.

Mama 徛起來, 綴伊行入前門. 姑娘仔知影, 上好是莫綴入去.

這時, Mama ê 頭出現 ah. 她 ê 目睭 ná 點 to̍h ê 燈火.

"萬事 oke," 她叫出來. "伊得著 ah. 代誌 lóng 好勢 ah. 萬事 oke."

門 piáng 一下關起來. Mama ê 跤步聲緊緊行開.

"我想," Helen 講, 緊速搖動, "我想, 我欲開一个 party. 自我 11 歲以來, 我毋捌開 party ah. 我想欲予一寡阮朋友自自在在看出, 咱是遮 ê 厝主."

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What had been wanted was this always, this always to last, the talking softly on this porch, with the snake plant in the jardinière in the southwest corner, and the obstinate slip from Aunt Eppie’s magnificent Michigan fern at the left side of the friendly door. Mama, Maud Martha, and Helen rocked slowly in their rocking chairs, and looked at the late afternoon light on the lawn and at the emphatic iron of the fence and at the poplar tree. These things might soon be theirs no longer. Those shafts and pools of light, the tree, the graceful iron, might soon be viewed passively by different eyes.

Papa was to have gone that noon, during his lunch hour, to the office of the Home Owners’ Loan. If he had not succeeded in getting another extension, they would be leaving this house in which they had lived for more than fourteen years. There was little hope. The Home Owners’ Loan was hard. They sat, making their plans.

“We’ll be moving into a nice flat somewhere,” said Mama. “Somewhere on South Park, or Michigan, or in Washington Park Court.” Those flats, as the girls and Mama knew well, were burdens on wages twice the size of Papa’s. This was not mentioned now.

“They’re much prettier than this old house,” said Helen. “I have friends I’d just as soon not bring here. And I have other friends that wouldn’t come down this far for anything, unless they were in a taxi.”

Yesterday, Maud Martha would have attacked her. Tomorrow she might. Today she said nothing. She merely gazed at a little hopping robin in the tree, her tree, and tried to keep the fronts of her eyes dry.

“Well, I do know,” said Mama, turning her hands over and over, “that I’ve been getting tireder and tireder of doing that firing. From October to April, there’s firing to be done.”

“But lately we’ve been helping, Harry and I,” said Maud Martha. “And sometimes in March and April and in October, and even in November, we could build a little fire in the fireplace. Sometimes the weather was just right for that.”

She knew, from the way they looked at her, that this had been a mistake. They did not want to cry.

But she felt that the little line of white, sometimes ridged with smoked purple, and all that cream-shot saffron would never drift across any western sky except that in back of this house. The rain would drum with as sweet a dullness nowhere but here. The birds on South Park were mechanical birds, no better than the poor caught canaries in those “rich” women’s sun parlors.

“It’s just going to kill Papa!” burst out Maud Martha. “He loves this house! He lives for this house!”

“He lives for us,” said Helen. “It’s us he loves. He wouldn’t want the house, except for us.”

“And he’ll have us,” added Mama, “wherever.”

“You know,” Helen sighed, “if you want to know the truth, this is a relief. If this hadn’t come up, we would have gone on, just dragged on, hanging out here forever.”

“It might,” allowed Mama, “be an act of God. God may just have reached down and picked up the reins.”

“Yes,” Maud Martha cracked in, “that’s what you always say – that God knows best.”

Her mother looked at her quickly, decided the statement was not suspect, looked away.

Helen saw Papa coming. “There’s Papa,” said Helen.

They could not tell a thing from the way Papa was walking. It was that same dear little staccato walk, one shoulder down, then the other, then repeat, and repeat. They watched his progress. He passed the Kennedys’, he passed the vacant lot, he passed Mrs. Blakemore’s. They wanted to hurl themselves over the fence, into the street, and shake the truth out of his collar. He opened his gate – the gate – and still his stride and face told them nothing.

“Hello,” he said.

Mama got up and followed him through the front door. The girls knew better than to go in too.

Presently Mama’s head emerged. Her eyes were lamps turned on.

“It’s all right,” she exclaimed. “He got it. It’s all over. Everything is all right.”

The door slammed shut. Mama’s footsteps hurried away.

“I think,” said Helen, rocking rapidly, “I think I’ll give a party. I haven’t given a party since I was eleven. I’d like some of my friends to just casually see that we’re homeowners.”

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// 2022-6-25