2. Tē-gō͘ pái, yi iū-koh sit-pāi ah
Tī i 12 hòe hit-nî ê joa̍h-thiⁿ, Skipper kō͘ chhiū-leng phia̍k-á phia̍k sí chi̍t-chiah chhù-chiáu-á. Ethel jīn-ûi che sī chi̍t-ê pháiⁿ kiat-tiāu. Hō͘ i kiaⁿ chi̍t-tiô ê sī, yi ná khàu ná kā lé. Chit-ê tāi-chì liáu ê kúi-ā kang, yi kī-choa̍t kap i kóng-ōe.
Tī i 14 hòe seⁿ-ji̍t ê sî, Judd sàng i chi̍t-ki 22 kháu-kèng ê la̍h-chhèng. Ethel chai, chit-ê lé-mi̍h m̄-sī chhut tī kám-chêng, sī in-ūi chai-iáⁿ yi oàn-chheh he. Sim-koaⁿ ah-ut, yi ba̍k-chiu kim-kim khòaⁿ Skipper hām in lāu-pē khì phah chiáu. I tńg-lâi ê sî, thoa chi̍t-chiah chiah-ko͘, chi̍t-chiah khó-liân, lâu-hoeh lâu-tih ê mi̍h, ba̍k-chiu sí-sí, kiaⁿ-hiâⁿ iáu bōe lī. Yi put-jím-sim mài kā chú, m̄-koh he bah yi chi̍t-chhùi to m̄ chia̍h. Khòaⁿ tio̍h yin kiáⁿ iau-sâi gè iû lop-lop ê ke-thúi ê sî, yi tùi i chiâⁿ tò-tōaⁿ. "He tiāⁿ-tio̍h sī Skipper kā tōaⁿ sí ê," Judd ná án-ne pûn ke-kui, ná kō͘ kan-khiáu ê ba̍k-sîn khòaⁿ in bó͘. Hit-sî Skipper hong-sîn kah chhùi gi-gi, hiáng-siū lāu-pē ê o-ló. Só͘-í, che sī lāu-pē kap kiáⁿ tē-it-pái kiàn-li̍p tông-phōaⁿ ê liân-kiat.
M̄-koh, yi iáu sī kī-choa̍t siong-sìn i ē chhiūⁿ kî-thaⁿ ê lâng án-ne. It-ti̍t kàu i 16 hòe hit-nî ê chhiu-thiⁿ, yi chiah khak-tēng khòaⁿ tio̍h bī-lâi chù-tiāⁿ boeh hoat-seng ê tāi-chì.
He sī chi̍t-ê pài-la̍k ê àm-sî. I hām chi̍t-tīn cha-po͘ gín-á khì tìn-siōng, kīn-lâi i chhiâng-chāi án-ne. Chiah-ê cha-po͘ gín-á tōa pō͘-hūn lóng í-keng chhut-gia̍p, ji̍p khì kang-tiûⁿ kang-chok. Ethel sim-koaⁿ àm-tiong hoâi-gî, in í-keng o̍h ē-hiáu lim-chiú ah. Yi chai-iáⁿ in kō͘ kûn-thâu-bó sio-cheng, kau chi̍t-kóa chheⁿ-hūn cha-bó͘ gín-á. Yi bat thê-chhéⁿ Skipper tio̍h chù-ì chiah-ê lâng. "Tio̍h sió-sim, koai-kiáⁿ," yi án-ne kā kóng. I tō phok yi ê chhiú, kiò yi bián hoân-ló. M̄-koh yi thó-ià tùi i chhiò gi-gi ê bīn só͘ khòaⁿ tio̍h ê bô tāi-toān kap hong-sîn khì.
I kàu chhù ê sî, yi tng-teh tán i. Hit-sî Judd iáu bōe ùi tìn-siōng tńg-lâi. Ethel chē tī chàu-kha, thiaⁿ tio̍h yin hāu-seⁿ tī mn̂g-kha-kháu ê tōng-chok. Yi chai, i teh chīn-liōng pó-chhî mài chhut-siaⁿ. Siūⁿ-tio̍h yi ē hō͘ i chhoah chi̍t-tiô, yi tō ū chi̍t-chióng sèng-lī ê kî-koài kám-kak.
"Eh! Hái, Mama!" chi̍t-ē khui chàu-kha mn̂g, i kiaⁿ chi̍t-ē, i-i ū-ū án-ne kóng.
"Halo, Skipper."
I ê bō-á tì oai-oai, ná-chhiūⁿ kang-tiûⁿ siàu-liân-ke án-ne. I ê gōa-thò chhiú-ńg ū thô͘ jiah.
I tùi yi gi chi̍t-ē, bô lé bô sò͘.
"Skipper..." yi khui-chhùi.
"Sī."
I kè-sio̍k gi-chhùi, kha-té khiā bē chāi, iô lâi hàiⁿ khì.
Yi ùi í-á khiā khí-lâi, kiâⁿ hiòng i. Yi tōa-la̍t suh chi̍t-kháu khùi, phīⁿ i chhoán ê khùi.
"Skipper, lí ū lim-chiú hoⁿh!"
I chhiò chhut-lâi.
"Góa siūⁿ, góa ū lah, Mama."
Yi kā chhiú hōaⁿ tī i ê keng-thâu.
"Oh, Skipper, Lí chai he tùi lí ū siáⁿ éng-hióng! Lí chai, Judd sī án-nóa siū he éng-hióng! Skipper, lí bat tah-èng góa!"
I ê keng-thâu giâ chi̍t-ē. Chi̍t-sî-kan yi khòaⁿ tio̍h i chhēng té-khò͘ hām polo saⁿ, chhiú tiong móa-móa ê hoe.
"Taⁿ góa sī chi̍t-ê tōa hàn cha-po͘-kiáⁿ ah lah, Mama," i chhiò-chhiò kóng. "Góa í-keng m̄-sī sè-hàn gín-á ah lah, Mama. Lí ài ē-kì-tit che."
Chiâⁿ liáu-jiân, yi oat-tńg í-á hia, koh chē lo̍h-lâi, ba̍k-sîn sí-sí khòaⁿ thô͘-kha.
"Sī lah, góa tio̍h ài ē-kì-tit che."
I ê siang-kha tī tē-thán téng-bīn lù.
"Lí khòaⁿ, Mama," i kóng, "e-àm góa ū hām Bill Spence kóng-ōe."
Bill Spence sī kang-tiûⁿ ê kang-thâu.
"Mài kóng," yi chēng-chēng kî-tó, "pài-thok mài kóng he."
"I kóng, i hoān-sè ē-tàng thè góa chhōe khang-khòe."
"Sī."
Yi bô-ài sio-chèⁿ. Yi bô-ài hām i lí-lūn. Yi í-keng hòng-khì ah. Che sī tē-gō͘ pái, yi iū-koh sit-pāi ah.
"Lán su-iàu chîⁿ, Mama."
"Sī."
"Góa bô kóng hó, mā bô kóng m̄-hó."
"Bô."
"Lí ū teh thiaⁿ--bô, Mama?"
"Sī, sī, góa teh thiaⁿ, Skipper."
I hut-jiân tōa-chhiò. Yi taⁿ-thâu khòaⁿ i. "Góa tú-tú siūⁿ tio̍h chi̍t-ê chhù-bī ê tāi-chì," i kái-soeh kóng.
"Sī oh?"
"Lāu-hòe-á e-àm chèng-keng ū-kàu chùi ah. Tī tìn nih, góa ū khòaⁿ tio̍h i. I chùi kah ná-chhiūⁿ chhàu-hiàn-bâ."
I ê kháu-khì ū chi̍t-chióng khin-sī koh liáu-kái ê khì-bī. Kòe-khì yi m̄-bat thiaⁿ tio̍h i kō͘ chit-chióng siaⁿ-soeh kóng in lāu-pē.
Yi bô-lám bô-ne khiā khí-lâi, kiâⁿ hiòng lâu-thui.
"Góa boeh khì khùn ah, Skipper."
"Sī... Góa siūⁿ, góa ē tán lāu-hòe-á, Mama."
Yi bô kā ìn. Ná lī-khui chàu-kha ê sî, yi khòaⁿ tio̍h i chhāi tī toh piⁿ ê chi̍t-tè í-á. Hit-tè í-á, chin kú í-chêng, i bat chē tī hia kō͘ chúi-chhat ōe-tô͘.
Ethel peh-chiūⁿ bîn-chhn̂g, chhiat hoa tiān-hóe. Kòe chi̍t-ē-á, yi thiaⁿ tio̍h Judd kàu-ūi. Jiân-āu, chi̍t-tōaⁿ chin kú ê sî-kan, yi tó tī o͘-àm tiong, thiaⁿ Judd hām in hāu-seⁿ tī chhù hit-thâu ê chàu-kha ū kóng ū chhiò.
(Soah)
--
2. 第五擺, 她又閣失敗 ah
Tī 伊 12 歲彼年 ê 熱天, Skipper kō͘ 樹奶擗仔擗死一隻厝鳥仔. Ethel 認為這是一个歹吉兆. 予伊驚一趒 ê 是, 她 ná 哭 ná kā 詈. 這个代誌了 ê 幾若工, 她拒絕 kap 伊講話.
Tī 伊 14 歲生日 ê 時, Judd 送伊一支 22 口徑 ê 獵銃. Ethel 知, 這个禮物毋是出 tī 感情, 是因為知影她怨慼彼. 心肝壓鬱, 她目睭金金看 Skipper 和 in 老爸去拍鳥. 伊轉來 ê 時, 拖一隻鷓鴣, 一隻可憐, 流血流滴 ê 物, 目睭死死, 驚惶猶未離. 她不忍心莫 kā 煮, 毋過 he 肉她一喙 to 毋食. 看著姻囝枵饞嚙油 lop-lop ê 雞腿 ê 時, 她對伊誠倒彈. "彼定著是 Skipper kā 彈死 ê," Judd ná án-ne 歕雞胿, ná kō͘ 奸巧 ê 目神看 in 某. 彼時 Skipper 風神甲喙 gi-gi, 享受老爸 ê o-ló. 所以, 這是老爸 kap 囝第一擺建立同伴 ê 連結.
毋過, 她猶是拒絕相信伊會像其他 ê 人 án-ne. 一直到伊 16 歲彼年 ê 秋天, 她才確定看著未來註定欲發生 ê 代誌.
彼是一个拜六 ê 暗時. 伊和一陣查埔囡仔去鎮上, 近來伊常在 án-ne. Chiah-ê 查埔囡仔大部份攏已經出業, 入去工場工作. Ethel 心肝暗中懷疑, in 已經學會曉啉酒 ah. 她知影 in kō͘ 拳頭母相舂, 交一寡生份查某囡仔. 她 bat 提醒 Skipper 著注意 chiah-ê 人. "著小心, 乖囝," 她 án-ne kā 講. 伊 tō 扑她 ê 手, 叫她免煩惱. 毋過她討厭對伊笑 gi-gi ê 面所看著 ê 無大段 kap 風神氣.
伊到厝 ê 時, 她 tng-teh 等伊. 彼時 Judd 猶未 ùi 鎮上轉來. Ethel 坐 tī 灶跤, 聽著姻後生 tī 門跤口 ê 動作. 她知, 伊 teh 盡量保持莫出聲. 想著她會予伊掣一趒, 她 tō 有一種勝利 ê 奇怪感覺.
"Eh! Hái, Mama!" 一下開灶跤門, 伊驚一下, i-i ū-ū án-ne 講.
"Halo, Skipper."
伊 ê 帽仔戴歪歪, ná 像工場少年家 án-ne. 伊 ê 外套手䘼有塗跡.
伊對她 gi 一下, 無禮無數.
"Skipper..." 她開喙.
"是."
伊繼續 gi 喙, 跤底徛袂在, 搖來幌去.
她 ùi 椅仔徛起來, 行向伊. 她大力欶一口氣, 鼻伊喘 ê 氣.
"Skipper, 你有啉酒 hoⁿh!"
伊笑出來.
"我想, 我有 lah, Mama."
她 kā 手扞 tī 伊 ê 肩頭.
"Oh, Skipper, 你知彼對你有啥影響! 你知, Judd 是按怎受彼影響! Skipper, 你 bat 答應我!"
伊 ê 肩頭夯一下. 一時間她看著伊穿短褲和 polo 衫, 手中滿滿 ê 花.
"今我是一个大漢查埔囝 ah lah, Mama," 伊笑笑講. "我已經毋是細漢囡仔 ah lah, Mama. 你愛會記得這."
誠了然, 她斡轉椅仔遐, koh 坐落來, 目神死死看塗跤.
"是 lah, 我著愛會記得這."
伊 ê 雙跤 tī 地毯頂面鑢.
"你看, Mama," 伊講, "下暗我有和 Bill Spence 講話."
Bill Spence 是工場 ê 工頭.
"莫講," 她靜靜祈禱, "拜託莫講彼."
"伊講, 伊凡勢會當替我揣工課."
"是."
她無愛相諍. 她無愛和伊理論. 她已經放棄 ah. 這是第五擺, 她又閣失敗 ah.
"咱需要錢, Mama."
"是."
"我無講好, mā 無講毋好."
"無."
"你有 teh 聽--無, Mama?"
"是, 是, 我 teh 聽, Skipper."
伊忽然大笑. 她 taⁿ 頭看伊. "我拄拄想著一个趣味 ê 代誌," 伊解說講.
"是 oh?"
"老歲仔下暗正經有夠醉 ah. Tī 鎮 nih, 我有看著伊. 伊醉甲 ná 像臭羶猫."
伊 ê 口氣有一種輕視 koh 了解 ê 氣味. 過去她毋捌聽著伊 kō͘ 這種聲說講 in 老爸.
她無攬無拈徛起來, 行向樓梯.
"我欲去睏 ah, Skipper."
"是... 我想, 我會等老歲仔, Mama."
她無 kā 應. Ná 離開灶跤 ê 時, 她看著伊 chhāi tī 桌邊 ê 一塊椅仔. 彼塊椅仔, 真久以前, 伊 bat 坐 tī 遐 kō͘ 水漆畫圖.
Ethel peh 上眠床, 切 hoa 電火. 過一下仔, 她聽著 Judd 到位. 然後, 一段真久 ê 時間, 她倒 tī 烏暗中, 聽 Judd 和 in 後生 tī 厝彼頭 ê 灶跤有講有笑.
(煞)
--
2.
In the summer of his twelfth year, Skipper killed a sparrow with his slingshot. Ethel regarded this as an evil omen. To his astonishment, she wept and berated him. For several days, following this incident, she refused to speak to him.
For his fourteenth birthday, Judd gave him a 22 calibre rifle. This gift, Ethel knew, had been inspired not by affection but by the knowledge that she would hate it. Sick at heart, she saw Skipper go hunting birds with his father. He came home dragging a partridge, a poor, bloody thing with dead, fear-crazed eyes. She could not bring herself to refuse to cook it. But she would not taste the meat. And she detested her son when she observed the gusto with which he attacked a greasy drumstick. "That Skipper's a dead shot for sure", Judd bragged, eying his wife slyly. And Skipper grinned proudly, relishing his father's praise. For the first time, the man and the boy had established a bond of fellowship.
Still, she refused to believe that he would be like the others. And it was not until the autumn of his sixteenth year that she saw for certain what the future was destined to bring.
It was Saturday night. He had gone to town with the boys, something that he did frequently now. Most of these boys had left school and gone into the mill. Ethel harboured a dark suspicion that they were already learning to drink. She knew that they fought with their fists and picked up strange girls. She warned Skipper about them. "Be careful, honey", she said. And he patted her hand, reassuringly. But she hated the amusement and arrogance she detected in his grin.
She was waiting up for him when he got home. Judd had not come back from town. Ethel sat in the kitchen and listened to her son's movements in the porch. He was trying to be very quiet, she knew. The knowledge that she was going to surprise him gave her a strange sensation of triumph.
"Eh! Hi, Mama!" he grunted in surprise, as he opened the kitchen door.
"Hello, Skipper".
He wore his cap at a rakish angle, like the boys who worked at the mill. There were mud-stains on the sleeves of his jacket.
He grinned at her, insolently.
"Skipper ... ", she began.
"Yeah".
He continued to grin, swaying back and forth on his heels.
She got up from her chair and went over to him. She inhaled deeply, smelling his breath.
"Skipper, you've been drinking!"
He laughed.
"I guess maybe I have, Mama".
She put her hands on his shoulders.
"Oh, Skipper, you know what it will do to you! You know what it does to Judd! Skipper, you promised me!"
He shrugged. She had a momentary vision of him coming to her in his shorts and polo shirt, his hands full of flowers.
"I'm a big boy now, Mama", he chuckled. "I ain't no little boy any more, Mama. You gotta remember that".
Hopelessly, she returned to her chair and sat there, staring sightlessly at the floor.
"Yes, I have to remember that".
He shuffled his feet on the linoleum.
"Look, Mama", he said, "I was talking to Bill Spence tonight".
Bill Spence was foreman at the mill. "Don't say it", she prayed silently, "please don't say it."
"He says he might be able to find a job for me".
"Yes".
She would not argue. She would not try to reason with him. Already, she had given up. For the fifth time, she had been defeated.
"We need the money, Mama".
"Yes".
"I didn't tell him yes and I didn't tell him no".
"No".
"Are you listening to me, Mama?"
"Yes, yes, I'm listening, Skipper".
He burst into laughter. She looked up at him. "I just thought of something funny", he explained.
"Yes?"
"The old man really tied one on tonight. I seen him in town. He was drunk as a skunk".
In his voice there was a strange alloy of contempt and understanding. Never before had she heard him use this tone of voice in speaking of his father.
Wearily, she rose and started toward the stairs.
"I'm going to bed now, Skipper".
"Yes .. I guess I'll wait up for the old man, Mama".
She did not answer. As she left the room she saw him throw himself into a chair by the table. It was the chair in which he had sat painting his water colour pictures so long ago.
Ethel got into bed and switched off the light. In a little while she heard Judd arrive. Then, for a long time, she lay in the darkness listening to Judd and his son laughing together in the kitchen at the other end of the house.
--
// 2022-3-7
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