The School /by Donald Barthelme
https://electricliterature.com/the-school-donald-barthelme/
Ha̍k-hāu | 學校
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1. Chhiū-á sí liáu-liáu
Sī lah, góa hō͘ só͘-ū chiah-ê gín-á chhut-khì chèng chhiū-á, lí khòaⁿ, in-ūi goán jīn-ûi... he sī in kàu-io̍k ê chi̍t pō͘-hūn, hō͘ in khòaⁿ, che lí chai lah, kin ê hē-thóng... iáu-ū chek-jīm-kám, chiàu-kò͘ mi̍h-kiāⁿ, tam-tng sûi-lâng ê chek-jīm. Lí chai góa ê ì-sù lah hoⁿh. M̄-koh, chhiū-á lóng sí liáu-liáu. He sī kam-á chhiū. Góa m̄-chai sī án-chóaⁿ in sí khì. Hoān-sè sī thô͘-jióng ū siáⁿ būn-tê, a̍h sī goán ùi biâu-phó͘ tit-tio̍h ê m̄-sī siōng hó ê. Goán ū khì tâu hō͘ in chai. Tō-sī kóng, goán ū 30 ê gín-á, múi lâng ū ka-tī chi̍t-châng chhiū-chai tio̍h chèng, kiat-kio̍k goán tit-tio̍h 30 châng ê sí chhiū. Só͘-ū gín-á khòaⁿ tio̍h chiah-ê sió-sió ê ta chhiū-ki, lóng chiok ut-chut.
Tāi-chì pún-lâi bô hiah bái, m̄-koh tī chèng chhiū-á chìn-chêng kúi lé-pài, chôa lóng sí khì. M̄-koh, góa siūⁿ kóng, chôa -- hmh, chôa sí khiàu-khiàu sī in-ūi... lí ē-kì-tit hoⁿh, hóe-tiáⁿ in-ūi pā-kang koaiⁿ sì-kang, che ē-tit kái-soeh. Lí ē-tàng kō͘ che kái-soeh hō͘ gín-á chai, sī in-ūi pā-kang. Góa ê ì-sù sī, in pē-bú lóng m̄-chún in hoa̍h kòe kéng-kài sòaⁿ, in mā chai ū pā-kang teh chìn-hêng, chai he sī siáⁿ ì-sù. Chū án-ne, tán tāi-chì koh khai-sí ê sî, goán hoat-hiān chôa bô hō͘ in siáⁿ-mih khùn-jiáu.
Iú-koan io̍h-chháu hn̂g, he khó-lêng sī in-ūi chúi ak siuⁿ chē, siōng-bô taⁿ in chai-iáⁿ bē-sái ak siuⁿ chē chúi. Gín-á lóng chiok iōng-sim tī io̍h-chháu hn̂g, kî-tiong ū-lâng khó-lêng... lí chai lah, tī goán bô chù-ì ê sî kā in ke ak kóa chúi. A̍h-sī hoān-sè... hmh, góa bô-ài kā he siūⁿ chò sī phò-hoāi hêng-ûi, sui-bóng goán khak-si̍t bat tú-tio̍h hit-khoán tāi-chì. Góa ê ì-sù sī, he bat ín-khí goán án-ne siūⁿ. Goán ē án-ne siūⁿ, khó-lêng sī in-ūi tī he chìn-chêng, soa-chhí (gerbil) sí khì, pe̍h niáu-chhí mā sí khì, iáu-ū thô͘-liông (salamander)... hmh, taⁿ in chai, bē-sái kō͘ sok-ka tē-á té in sì-kè cháu.
Tong-jiân, goán ū liāu-tio̍h jia̍t-tài hî ē sí, he m̄-sī ì-gōa. Lí àⁿ-thâu khòaⁿ in, in péng-pak phû tī chúi-bīn. M̄-koh, kàu-àn iau-kiû tī chit-ê tiám tio̍h khǹg jia̍t-tài hî ji̍p-khì, goán mā bô hoat-tō͘, ta̍k-nî chóng-sī án-ne, lí kan-ta ē-tàng kín-kín thong-kòe.
Goán sīm-chì bô eng-kai ū chi̍t-chiah káu-á.
Goán sīm-chì bô eng-kai ū chi̍t-chiah, he put-kò sī hit-ê Murdoch cha-bó͘ gín-á, chi̍t-kang tī Gristede ê truck /to.rá.kuh/ ē-bīn hoat-hiān ê, yi khióng-kiaⁿ su-ki sàng-hòe kiat-sok ē khì kauh tio̍h i, chū án-ne yi kā sat tī phāiⁿ-pau, kā chah lâi ha̍k-hāu. Tō sī án-ne, goán chiah ū chit-chiah káu-á. Chi̍t-ē khòaⁿ tio̍h hit-chiah káu-á, góa án-ne siūⁿ: Oh, Thiⁿ ah, góa sio-su, i ē-tàng oa̍h chha-put-to nn̄g lé-pài, jiân-āu... Sū-si̍t mā sī án-ne. I kin-pún to bô eng-kai chhut-hiān tī kàu-sek, che sī ū kui-tēng neh, m̄-koh lí bē-tàng kā in kóng bē-sái ū káu-á, in-ūi káu-á í-keng lâi tī hia, tī in ê bīn-chêng, tī thô͘-kha cháu lâi cháu khì, iap, iap, iap. In kā hō-chò Edgar -- iā tō sī, hām góa kāng miâ. In ná jiok i, ná hoah-hiu: "Lâi chia, Edgar! Koai, Edgar!" Jiân-āu in tō chhiò kah boeh-sí. In hiáng-siū hit-ê chheng-ho͘ ê àm-sī. Góa ka-tī mā kám-kak hó-sńg. Góa bô iàu-ì hō͘ in án-ne pìⁿ. In chò chi̍t-ê sió chhù tī kiong-èng kūi, kap téng-téng ê it-chhè. Góa m̄-chai i sī án-chóaⁿ sí ê. Góa ioh, sī un-jia̍t (distemper). I khó-lêng bô chù siáⁿ-mih ī-hông-siā. Tī gín-á iáu-bōe kàu ha̍k-hāu chìn-chêng, góa í-keng kā sóa lī-khui hia. Ta̍k-kang chá-khí góa lóng ē lē-hêng kiám-cha kiong-èng kūi, in-ūi góa chai ū tāi-chì ē hoat-seng. Góa kā kau hō͘ pó-choân.
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1. 樹仔死了了
是 lah, 我予所有 chiah-ê 囡仔出去種樹仔, 你看, 因為阮認為... 彼是 in 教育 ê 一部份, 予 in 看, 這你知 lah, 根 ê 系統... 猶有責任感, 照顧物件, 擔當隨人 ê 責任. 你知我 ê 意思 lah hoⁿh. 毋過, 樹仔 lóng 死了了. 彼是柑仔樹. 我毋知是按怎 in 死去. 凡勢是塗壤有啥問題, 抑是阮 ùi 苗圃得著 ê 毋是上好 ê. 阮有去投予 in 知. 就是講, 阮有 30 个囡仔, 每人有家己一叢樹栽著種, 結局阮得著 30 叢 ê 死樹. 所有囡仔看著 chiah-ê 小小 ê 焦樹枝, lóng 足鬱卒.
代誌本來無 hiah 䆀, 毋過 tī 種樹仔進前幾禮拜, 蛇 lóng 死去. 毋過, 我想講, 蛇 -- hmh, 蛇死翹翹是因為... 你會記得 hoⁿh, 火鼎因為罷工關四工, 這會得解說. 你會當 kō͘ 這解說予囡仔知, 是因為罷工. 我 ê 意思是, in 爸母 lóng 毋准 in 伐過警戒線, in mā 知有罷工 teh 進行, 知彼是啥意思. 自 án-ne, 等代誌 koh 開始 ê 時, 阮發現蛇無予 in 啥物困擾.
有關藥草園, he 可能是因為水沃 siuⁿ 濟, 上無今 in 知影袂使沃 siuⁿ 濟水. 囡仔 lóng 足用心 tī 藥草園, 其中有人可能... 你知 lah, tī 阮無注意 ê 時 kā in 加沃寡水. 抑是凡勢... hmh, 我無愛 kā he 想做是破壞行為, 雖罔阮確實 bat 拄著彼款代誌. 我 ê 意思是, he bat 引起阮 án-ne 想. 阮會 án-ne 想, 可能是因為 tī he 進前, 沙鼠 (gerbil) 死去, 白鳥鼠 mā 死去, 猶有塗龍 (salamander)... hmh, 今 in 知, 袂使 kō͘ 塑膠袋仔貯 in 四界走.
當然, 阮有料著熱帶魚會死, 彼毋是意外. 你 àⁿ 頭看 in, in 反腹浮 tī 水面. 毋過, 教案要求 tī 這个點著囥熱帶魚入去, 阮 mā 無法度, 逐年總是 án-ne, 你干焦會當緊緊通過.
阮甚至無應該有一隻狗仔.
阮甚至無應該有一隻, 彼不過是彼个 Murdoch 查某囡仔, 一工 tī Gristede ê truck /to.rá.kuh/ 下面發現 ê, 她恐驚司機送貨結束會去軋著伊, 自 án-ne 她 kā 塞 tī 揹包, kā 扎來學校. 就是 án-ne, 阮才有這隻狗仔. 一下看著彼隻狗仔, 我 án-ne 想: Oh, 天 ah, 我相輸, 伊會當活差不多兩禮拜, 然後... 事實 mā 是 án-ne. 伊根本 to 無應該出現 tī 教室, 這是有規定 neh, 毋過你袂當 kā in 講袂使有狗仔, 因為狗仔已經來 tī 遐, tī in ê 面前, tī 塗跤走來走去, iap, iap, iap. In kā 號做 Edgar -- 也就是, 和我仝名. In ná 逐伊, ná 喝咻: "來遮, Edgar! 乖, Edgar!" 然後 in tō 笑甲欲死. In 享受彼个稱呼 ê 暗示. 我家己 mā 感覺好耍. 我無要意予 in án-ne pìⁿ. In 做一个小厝 tī 供應櫃, kap 等等 ê 一切. 我毋知伊是按怎死 ê. 我臆, 是瘟熱 (distemper). 伊可能無注啥物預防射. Tī 囡仔猶未到學校進前, 我已經 kā 徙離開遐. 逐工早起我 lóng 會例行檢查供應櫃, 因為我知有代誌會發生. 我 kā 交予保全.
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1.
Well, we had all these children out planting trees, see, because we figured that… that was part of their education, to see how, you know, the root systems… and also the sense of responsibility, taking care of things, being individually responsible. You know what I mean. And the trees all died. They were orange trees. I don’t know why they died, they just died. Something wrong with the soil possibly or maybe the stuff we got from the nursery wasn’t the best. We complained about it. So we’ve got thirty kids there, each kid had his or her own little tree to plant and we’ve got these thirty dead trees. All these kids looking at these little brown sticks, it was depressing.
It wouldn’t have been so bad except that just a couple of weeks before the thing with the trees, the snakes all died. But I think that the snakes — well, the reason that the snakes kicked off was that… you remember, the boiler was shut off for four days because of the strike, and that was explicable. It was something you could explain to the kids because of the strike. I mean, none of their parents would let them cross the picket line and they knew there was a strike going on and what it meant. So when things got started up again and we found the snakes they weren’t too disturbed.
With the herb gardens it was probably a case of overwatering, and at least now they know not to overwater. The children were very conscientious with the herb gardens and some of them probably… you know, slipped them a little extra water when we weren’t looking. Or maybe… well, I don’t like to think about sabotage, although it did occur to us. I mean, it was something that crossed our minds. We were thinking that way probably because before that the gerbils had died, and the white mice had died, and the salamander… well, now they know not to carry them around in plastic bags.
Of course we expected the tropical fish to die, that was no surprise. Those numbers, you look at them crooked and they’re belly-up on the surface. But the lesson plan called for a tropical fish input at that point, there was nothing we could do, it happens every year, you just have to hurry past it.
We weren’t even supposed to have a puppy.
We weren’t even supposed to have one, it was just a puppy the Murdoch girl found under a Gristede’s truck one day and she was afraid the truck would run over it when the driver had finished making his delivery, so she stuck it in her knapsack and brought it to the school with her. So we had this puppy. As soon as I saw the puppy I thought, Oh Christ, I bet it will live for about two weeks and then… And that’s what it did. It wasn’t supposed to be in the classroom at all, there’s some kind of regulation about it, but you can’t tell them they can’t have a puppy when the puppy is already there, right in front of them, running around on the floor and yap yap yapping. They named it Edgar — that is, they named it after me. They had a lot of fun running after it and yelling, “Here, Edgar! Nice Edgar!” Then they’d laugh like hell. They enjoyed the ambiguity. I enjoyed it myself. I don’t mind being kidded. They made a little house for it in the supply closet and all that. I don’t know what it died of. Distemper, I guess. It probably hadn’t had any shots. I got it out of there before the kids got to school. I checked the supply closet each morning, routinely, because I knew what was going to happen. I gave it to the custodian.
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