3. Chóng-tio̍h ū-lâng khì siu-si̍p hóe-io̍h khò͘
"Káu-á piáⁿ," Walter Mitty kóng. I thêng-kha, Waterbury ê lâu-á-chhù ùi bông-bông ê hoat-têng phû-chhut, koh ûi tī i sin-piⁿ. Keng-kòe ê chi̍t-ê hū-jîn lâng chhiò chhut-lâi. "I kóng 'Káu-á piáⁿ,'" yi án-ne kóng hō͘ yin tông-phōaⁿ thiaⁿ. "Hit-ê lâng tùi ka-tī kóng 'Káu-á piáⁿ.'" Walter Mitty kè-sio̍k kín-kín kiâⁿ. I kiâⁿ-ji̍p chi̍t-keng A&P, m̄-sī i tú-tio̍h ê tē-it keng, sī ke-lō͘ koh-khah kòe, khah sè-keng hit-keng. "Góa boeh bé kóa hō͘ sè-chiah káu-á-kiáⁿ chia̍h ê piáⁿ," i tùi tiàm-oân kóng. "Siáⁿ-mih te̍k-pia̍t pâi-chú ê, sian-siⁿ?" Sè-kài-it ê chhèng-chhiú siūⁿ chi̍t-ē. "A̍p-á téng ū ìn 'Káu-á ē thó boeh ài' ê hit-chióng," Walter Mitty kóng.
Koh 15 hun, in bó͘ tō ē oân-sêng tī thâu-mo͘-tiàm ê it-chhè, Mitty khòaⁿ chhiú-pió-á án-ne hoat-hiān, tî-hui in tú-tio̍h siáⁿ mâ-hoân, bē-hù chhoe ta; ū sî-chūn in tú-tio̍h chhoe ta ê būn-tê. Yi bô-ài yi tāi-seng kàu hotel; yi lêng-khó i seng khì hia tán yi. I tī lobby chhōe chi̍t-tè tōa phôe-í, ǹg thang-á, i kā ê-thò hām káu-á piáⁿ khǹg tī í-á piⁿ ê thô͘-kha. I khì kéng chi̍t-pún Liberty kū cha̍p-chì, chē lo̍h tī hit-tè í-á. "Tek-kok Kám Ē-tàng Thàng-kòe Thiⁿ-téng Cheng-ho̍k Sè-kài?" Walter Mitty khòaⁿ hong-chà-ki kap phòa-pāi ke-lō͘ ê tô͘-phìⁿ.
... "Liân-sòa ê phàu-kek hō͘ siàu-liân Raleigh kiông boeh lia̍h-kông, tiúⁿ-koaⁿ," tiong-sū kóng. Mitty Tūi-tiúⁿ sàm-sàm ê thâu-chang khòaⁿ i. "Kiò i khì khùn," i thiám-thiám án-ne kóng. "Hō͘ i hām pa̍t-lâng chò-hóe. Góa ka-tī to̍k-lâng khì poe." "M̄-koh, lí bē-tàng án-ne, tiúⁿ-koaⁿ," tiong-sū kín-tiuⁿ án-ne kóng. "Tio̍h nn̄g-ê lâng chiah ū hoat-tō͘ chhau-chok hit-tâi hong-chà-ki, jî-chhiáⁿ Tek-kun hông-khong phàu kā thiⁿ-téng tōaⁿ kah ná tē-ga̍k. Von Richtman ê circus [Tek-kun ê it-liû ki-tūi] koh tī chia kàu Saulier tiong-kan." "Chóng-tio̍h ū-lâng khì siu-si̍p hit-ê hóe-io̍h khò͘," Mitty kóng. "Góa boeh lâi-khì. Boeh lim kóa brandy bô?" I thîn chi̍t-poe chiú hō͘ tiong-sū, mā thîn chi̍t-poe hō͘ ka-tī. Chiàn-cheng ê siaⁿ tī tē-hā chiàn-hô sì-chiu lōng-lōng kiò, mn̂g mā khi-khi kho̍k-kho̍k teh hiáng. Sek-lāi ū phòa chhâ-phìⁿ kap iù-sap-á teh phùn. "Lú lâi lú óa ah," Mitty bô-iàu bô-kín án-ne kóng. Ko-siā phàu-bāng tng-teh óa-lâi," tiong-sū kóng. "Lán kan-ta oa̍h chi̍t-pái, Tiong-sū," Mitty án-ne kóng, kòa chi̍t-ê khin-khin, hut-leh siau-khì ê chhiò-iông. "A̍h-sī kóng, lán kám ū?" i koh thîn chi̍t-poe brandy, chi̍t-chhùi kā lim ta. "Góa m̄-bat tú-tio̍h chhiūⁿ lí hiah gâu lim brandy ê lâng, tiúⁿ-koaⁿ," tiong-sū kóng. "Chhiáⁿ lí m̄-thang kiàn-koài, tiúⁿ-koaⁿ." Mitty Tūi-tiúⁿ khiā khí-lâi, hâ hó-sè i he tōa ki ê Webley-Vickers chū-tōng chhiú-chhèng. "Tio̍h chhiong kòe 40 kilo ê tē-ga̍k, tiúⁿ-koaⁿ," tiong-sū kóng. Mitty koh lim siōng bóe chi̍t-poe brandy. "Chóng--sī," i jiû-jiû kóng, "tó-ūi m̄-sī tē-ga̍k?" phàu-tôaⁿ ê siaⁿ lú lâi lú hiáng; ū ki-koan-chhèng ê rat-tat-tatting siaⁿ, ùi pa̍t-ūi iū ū sin-sek ê phùn-hóe-khì ê pocketa-pocketa-pocketa siaⁿ. Walter Mitty kiâⁿ kàu tē-hā chiàn-hô ê mn̂g, chhùi ná teh hiⁿ "Auprès de Ma Blonde" ê khek-tiāu. I oa̍t-sin hiòng tiong-sū ia̍t chi̍t-ē chhiú. "Bān-sū sūn-lī!" i kóng...
Ū siáⁿ phah i ê keng-kah-thâu. "Góa kui-keng hotel se̍h thàu-thàu teh chhōe lí," Mitty Tt kóng. "Lí ná tio̍h bih tī chit-tè kū í-á chia? Án-ne góa ná chhōe ē-tio̍h lí?" "Tāi-chì lú lâi lú óa ah," Walter Mitty bâng-bâng án-ne kóng. "Siáⁿ-hòe?" Mitty Tt kóng. "Lí ū bé tio̍h he-siáⁿ-miâ bô? Káu-á piáⁿ? Hit-ê a̍p-á té siáⁿ?" "Ê-thò," Mitty kóng. "Lí ná m̄ tī tiàm-nih tō kā chhēng hó-sè?" "Góa án-ne teh siūⁿ," Walter Mitty kóng. "Tùi lí lâi kóng, góa kám ū-sî mā ē-hiáu ka-tī siūⁿ?" Yi lia̍h i khòaⁿ. "Tán lí kàu chhù, góa tio̍h niû lí ê thé-un," yi kóng.
In se̍h hôe-choán-mn̂g chhut-khì, he mn̂g sak teh se̍h ê sî hoat-chhut khin-khin thau-chhiò ê si-á siaⁿ. Kàu thêng-chhia-tiûⁿ tio̍h kiâⁿ nn̄g-ê ke-khu. Kàu lō͘-kak ê io̍h-tiàm ê sî, yi kóng, "Tiàm chia tán góa. Góa bē-kì-tit mi̍h-kiāⁿ. Bián chi̍t hun-cheng góa tō lâi." Yi chhiau-kòe chi̍t hun-cheng. Water Mitty tiám chi̍t-ki hun. Khai-sí lo̍h-hō͘, hō͘ nih ū chhap seh-hoe. I khiā tī io̍h-tiàm ê piah chêng, ná teh pok-hun... I kā keng-kah-thâu hiòng āu, āu-teⁿ kap óa. "Ba̍k-chiu bián pa̍k chhiú-kin-á lah," Walter Mítty āng-siaⁿ án-ne kóng. I suh chòe-āu chi̍t-chhùi hun, koh kā hun tiak hìⁿ-sak. Jiân-āu, kō͘ chhùi-tûn kek chi̍t-ê khin-khin, hut-leh siau-khì ê chhiò-iông, i bīn-tùi hêng-hêng sió-tūi; khiā thêng-thêng, tāng to bô tāng, ióng-kám koh ngō͘-bān, Put-pāi ê Walter Mitty, kàu chòe-āu mā oh-tit lí-kái.
(Soah)
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3. 總著有人去收拾火藥庫
"狗仔餅," Walter Mitty 講. 伊停跤, Waterbury ê 樓仔厝 ùi 濛濛 ê 法庭浮出, koh 圍 tī 伊身邊. 經過 ê 一个婦人 lâng 笑出來. "伊講 '狗仔餅,'" 她 án-ne 講予姻同伴聽. "彼个人對家己講 '狗仔餅.'" Walter Mitty 繼續緊緊行. 伊行入一間 A&P, 毋是伊拄著 ê 第一間, 是街路閣較過, 較細間彼間. "我欲買寡予細隻狗仔囝食 ê 餅," 伊對店員講. "啥物特別牌子 ê, 先生?" 世界一 ê 銃手想一下. "盒仔頂有印 '狗仔會討欲愛' ê 彼種," Walter Mitty 講.
Koh 15 分, in 某 tō 會完成 tī 頭毛店 ê 一切, Mitty 看手錶仔 án-ne 發現, 除非 in 拄著啥麻煩, 袂赴吹焦; 有時陣 in 拄著吹焦 ê 問題. 她無愛她代先到 hotel; 她寧可伊先去遐等她. 伊 tī lobby 揣一塊大皮椅, ǹg 窗仔, 伊 kā 鞋套和狗仔餅囥 tī 椅仔邊 ê 塗跤. 伊去揀一本 Liberty 舊雜誌, 坐落 tī 彼塊椅仔. "德國敢會當迵過天頂征服世界?" Walter Mitty 看轟炸機 kap 破敗街路 ê 圖片.
... "連紲 ê 砲擊予少年 Raleigh 強欲掠狂, 長官," 中士講. Mitty 隊長鬖鬖 ê 頭鬃看伊. "叫伊去睏," 伊忝忝 án-ne 講. "予伊和別人做伙. 我家己獨人去飛." "毋過, 你袂當 án-ne, 長官," 中士緊張 án-ne 講. "著兩个人才有法度操作彼台轟炸機, 而且德軍防空炮 kā 天頂彈甲 ná 地獄. Von Richtman ê circus [德軍 ê 一流機隊] koh tī 遮到 Saulier 中間." "總著有人去收拾彼个火藥庫," Mitty 講. "我欲來去. 欲啉寡 brandy 無?" 伊斟一杯酒予中士, mā 斟一杯予家己. 戰爭 ê 聲 tī 地下戰壕四周 lōng-lōng 叫, 門 mā khi-khi kho̍k-kho̍k teh 響. 室內有破柴片 kap 幼屑仔 teh 噴. "Lú 來 lú 倚 ah," Mitty 無要無緊 án-ne 講. 高射炮網 tng-teh 倚來," 中士講. "咱干焦活一擺, 中士," Mitty án-ne 講, 掛一个輕輕, 忽 leh 消去 ê 笑容. "抑是講, 咱敢有?" 伊 koh 斟一杯 brandy, 一喙 kā 啉焦. "我毋捌拄著像你 hiah gâu 啉 brandy ê 人, 長官," 中士講. "請你毋通見怪, 長官." Mitty 隊長徛起來, 縖好勢伊 he 大支 ê Webley-Vickers 自動手銃. "著衝過 40 kilo ê 地獄, 長官," 中士講. Mitty koh 啉上尾一杯 brandy. "總是," 伊柔柔講, "佗位毋是地獄?" 炮彈 ê 聲 lú 來 lú 響; 有機關銃 ê rat-tat-tatting 聲, ùi 別位又有新式 ê 噴火器 ê pocketa-pocketa-pocketa 聲. Walter Mitty 行到地下戰壕 ê 門, 喙 ná teh hiⁿ "Auprès de Ma Blonde" ê 曲調. 伊越身向中士擛一下手. "萬事順利!" 伊講...
有啥拍伊 ê 肩胛頭. "我規間 hotel 踅透透 teh 揣你," Mitty Tt 講. "你那著覕 tī 這塊舊椅仔遮? Án-ne 我那揣會著你?" "代誌 lú 來 lú 倚 ah," Walter Mitty 茫茫 án-ne 講. "啥貨?" Mitty Tt 講. "你有買著彼啥名無? 狗仔餅? 彼个盒仔貯啥?" "鞋套," Mitty 講. "你那毋 tī 店 nih tō kā 穿好勢?" "我 án-ne teh 想," Walter Mitty 講. "對你來講, 我敢有時 mā 會曉家己想?" 她掠伊看. "等你到厝, 我著量你 ê 體溫," 她講.
In 踅回轉門出去, he 門捒 teh 踅 ê 時發出輕輕偷笑 ê si 仔聲. 到停車場著行兩个街區. 到路角 ê 藥店 ê 時, 她講, "踮遮等我. 我袂記得物件. 免一分鐘我 tō 來." 她超過一分鐘. Water Mitty 點一支薰. 開始落雨, 雨 nih 有插雪花. 伊徛 tī 藥店 ê 壁前, ná teh 噗薰... 伊 kā 肩胛頭向後, 後蹬敆倚. "目睭免縛手巾仔 lah," Walter Mítty āng 聲 án-ne 講. 伊欶最後一喙薰, koh kā 薰擉挕捒. 然後, kō͘ 喙唇激一个輕輕, 忽 leh 消去 ê 笑容, 伊面對行刑小隊; 徛騰騰, 動 to 無動, 勇敢 koh 傲慢, 不敗 ê Walter Mitty, 到最後 mā 僫得理解.
(煞)
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3.
“Puppy biscuit,” said Walter Mitty. He stopped walking and the buildings of Waterbury rose up out of the misty courtroom and surrounded him again. A woman who was passing laughed. “He said ‘Puppy biscuit,’ ” she said to her companion. “That man said ‘Puppy biscuit’ to himself.” Walter Mitty hurried on. He went into an A. & P., not the first one he came to but a smaller one farther up the street. “I want some biscuit for small, young dogs,” he said to the clerk. “Any special brand, sir?” The greatest pistol shot in the world thought a moment. “It says ‘Puppies Bark for It’ on the box,” said Walter Mitty.
His wife would be through at the hairdresser’s in fifteen minutes, Mitty saw in looking at his watch, unless they had trouble drying it; sometimes they had trouble drying it. She didn’t like to get to the hotel first; she would want him to be there waiting for her as usual. He found a big leather chair in the lobby, facing a window, and he put the overshoes and the puppy biscuit on the floor beside it. He picked up an old copy of Liberty and sank down into the chair. “Can Germany Conquer the World Through the Air?” Walter Mitty looked at the pictures of bombing planes and of ruined streets.
. . . “The cannonading has got the wind up in young Raleigh, sir,” said the sergeant. Captain Mitty looked up at him through touselled hair. “Get him to bed,” he said wearily. “With the others. I’ll fly alone.” “But you can’t, sir,” said the sergeant anxiously. “It takes two men to handle that bomber and the Archies are pounding hell out of the air. Von Richtman’s circus is between here and Saulier.” “Somebody’s got to get that ammunition dump,” said Mitty. “I’m going over. Spot of brandy?” He poured a drink for the sergeant and one for himself. War thundered and whined around the dugout and battered at the door. There was a rending of wood and splinters flew through the room. “A bit of a near thing,” said Captain Mitty carelessly. “The box barrage is closing in,” said the sergeant. “We only live once, Sergeant,” said Mitty, with his faint, fleeting smile. “Or do we?” He poured another brandy and tossed it off. “I never see a man could hold his brandy like you, sir,” said the sergeant. “Begging your pardon, sir.” Captain Mitty stood up and strapped on his huge Webley-Vickers automatic. “It’s forty kilometres through hell, sir,” said the sergeant. Mitty finished one last brandy. “After all,” he said softly, “what isn’t?” The pounding of the cannon increased; there was the rat-tat-tatting of machine guns, and from somewhere came the menacing pocketa-pocketa-pocketa of the new flame-throwers. Walter Mitty walked to the door of the dugout humming “Auprès de Ma Blonde.” He turned and waved to the sergeant. “Cheerio!” he said. . . .
Something struck his shoulder. “I’ve been looking all over this hotel for you,” said Mrs. Mitty. “Why do you have to hide in this old chair? How did you expect me to find you?” “Things close in,” said Walter Mitty vaguely. “What?” Mrs. Mitty said. “Did you get the what’s-its-name? The puppy biscuit? What’s in that box?” “Overshoes,” said Mitty. “Couldn’t you have put them on in the store?” “I was thinking,” said Walter Mitty. “Does it ever occur to you that I am sometimes thinking?” She looked at him. “I’m going to take your temperature when I get you home,” she said.
They went out through the revolving doors that made a faintly derisive whistling sound when you pushed them. It was two blocks to the parking lot. At the drugstore on the corner she said, “Wait here for me. I forgot something. I won’t be a minute.” She was more than a minute. Walter Mitty lighted a cigarette. It began to rain, rain with sleet in it. He stood up against the wall of the drugstore, smoking. . . . He put his shoulders back and his heels together. “To hell with the handkerchief,” said Walter Mitty scornfully. He took one last drag on his cigarette and snapped it away. Then, with that faint, fleeting smile playing about his lips, he faced the firing squad; erect and motionless, proud and disdainful, Walter Mitty the Undefeated, inscrutable to the last. ♦
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// 2022-6-20
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