C64 Sàng-lé ê Sim-ì | 送禮 ê 心意 - a 阿姊生日, 我送她 Eskimo 日誌

The Spirit of Giving /by Maxine Chernoff

https://dokumen.tips/documents/the-spirit-of-giving-5882a15c0ad78.html

Sàng-lé ê Sim-ì | 送禮 ê 心意

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1. A-chí seⁿ-ji̍t, góa sàng yi Eskimo jit-chì

Goán a-chí siu-chi̍p goân-sí gē-su̍t, só͘-í yi seⁿ-ji̍t góa sàng yi chi̍t-ê Eskimo ji̍t-chì. Múi kò-goe̍h sī chi̍t-pak pán-ōe, iú-koan Eskimo lâng phah-la̍h, ûi hóe chē leh, a̍h kō͘ kheng peⁿ hái-pà phôe ê tô͘-iūⁿ. Pán-ōe ê ìn-soat ū hong-hù ê goân-sek. He tan-sûn-sèng ín lâng chàn-thàn. Chi̍t-nî liáu-āu, múi chi̍t-tiuⁿ lóng ē-sái tan-to̍k chng-kheng.

Góa hām goán a-chí chin chhin. Sui-bóng yi tòa San Francisko, goán ta̍k kò-goe̍h lóng ū kúi-ā kái ê kau-tâm. Kià chhut lé-bu̍t 3 lé-pài iáu bô chiap tio̍h yi ê siau-sit, góa koat-tēng boeh khà tiān-ōe hō͘ yi.

"Góa thó-ià he," yi kō͘ kín-tiuⁿ ê siaⁿ-im tī tiān-ōe ni̍h kóng. "Góa chai, góa án-ne kā lí kóng chin chân-jím, m̄-koh góa tio̍h kóng si̍t-ōe. He pán-ōe ìn kah chin iù-tì, m̄-koh góa thó-ià bô khòaⁿ tio̍h ê lāi-iông. Só͘ lâu ê hoeh, só͘ lia̍h ê bah."

"Góa eng-kai tio̍h kià hō͘ lí Soaⁿ-tang pe̍h-á ê siòng-phìⁿ," góa án-ne kiàn-gī. "A̍h sī kan-ta chia̍h sí tī chháu-tē ê kim-koe-phang sí-thé ê pō͘-lo̍k ê siòng-phìⁿ. Seng-oa̍h tō sī án-ne, Martha."

"Góa chai lah," yi ìn. "Siáng sī jîn-lūi ha̍k-ka ah?"

Yi sī lah. Goán koh kóng kóa kî-thaⁿ ê tāi-chì, Andy, gín-á, he̍k-chú chiàn-cheng. Jiân-āu, yi kóng yi tio̍h khì yi ê chhái-sek po-lê kang-chok-sek. Góa ioh, yi tng-teh jia̍t boeh chè-chok chi̍t-chiah phang-chiáu.

"In khòaⁿ khí-lâi ká-ná thêng tī khong-tiong, m̄-koh in ê si̍t chin-chiàⁿ múi hun-cheng ia̍t 1110 pái."

"Chiâⁿ thiám neh," góa kóng.

"Tio̍h," yi ìn.

Tiān-ōe kóng liáu, góa tńg góa ê chheh-toh, siá chi̍t-tiuⁿ phe hō͘ yi. Góa mn̄g yi, chò chit-chióng tāng-kám-chêng ê lâng, kám-kak án-chóaⁿ. Góa hoâi-gî yi ka-tī tùi goân-sí gē-su̍t ê gián-kiù, he tōa pō͘-hūn kám m̄-sī hi-seng hām lâu-hoeh, sīm-chì lâu lâng hoeh lâi khak-pó lī-ek. Hit-tiuⁿ phe góa bô kià chhut-khì.

Kòe nn̄g kò-goe̍h, taⁿ góa teh khòaⁿ góa chiap tio̍h ê iû-piān tiám-hòe katálog, he sī Texas chhut-miâ lé-phín tiàm ê katálog. Kū-nî, góa goân-pún ē-sái bé chi̍t-tiuⁿ chē tē-it pang chài-kheh thài-khong-so ê phiò, a̍h Ruchard Nixon ê iû-ōe, kiò-chò "Chē Chûn Làng-káng, Thè-hiu Sòe-goa̍t." Góa kéng chi̍t-niá sim-lîm le̍k si-á-jiông ê e̍k-phâu. Góa bé kúi-ê iûⁿ-phê ê hîⁿ-am hō͘ Ted, i m̄-bat iōng kòe. Sū-si̍t-siōng, góa sàng i ê sî, i kóng, "Elaine, lí teh kún-chhiò sioh. Góa sī chi̍t-ê hoan-e̍k-ka neh!"

"Hoān-sè lí sī ài chi̍t-ê sok-ka hóng-chè ê Resetta Chio̍h sioh?" góa mn̄g. Liáu-āu, goán ê koan-hē khai-sí lo̍h-kiā. Ū-sî goán kìⁿ-bīn chia̍h Italia mī hām lim Chianti âng-chiú, m̄-koh goán ê tùi-ōe chin gāi-gio̍h.

Sī lah, kin-nî ê Kitok-seⁿ góa koat-tēng koh-khah sio-sim kéng lé-bu̍t. Martha iáu bô goân-liōng góa, sui-jiân yi ê phang-chiáu chin sêng-kong. Tī chi̍t-ê sió-hêng gē-su̍t tián-lám, yi kā bē $126.50. Góa him-sióng yi ê tōa-táⁿ. Ke chhut-lâi ê 50 sén hoān-sè ē heh-cháu kò͘-kheh, m̄-koh Martha m̄-khéng kiám-kè. 

Siú-sian, góa khó-lī lé-kǹg, he ná-chhiūⁿ pe̍h sio̍k-pháng hiah an-choân. Jiân-āu, góa khà tiān-ōe hō͘ chi̍t-ê pêng-iú, mn̄g yi bé siáⁿ hō͘ in sió-mōe. "Sek-lāi chhián-thoa. Goán sio-mōe kah-ì sek-lāi chhián-thoa. Kin-nî Kitok-seⁿ, góa hō͘ yi chi̍t-siang ū MM jī-hoe ê chhián-thoa. Góa tī chi̍t-keng sè-keng chong-sek gē-su̍t tiàm chhōe tio̍h."

"MM sī yi miâ ê thâu-jī sioh?"

"Marilyn Monroe, sī yi ê thâu-jī lah. Góa siūⁿ, goán sió-mōe chhēng Marilyn Monroe ê chhián-thóa ē sim-hoe khui."

Goán pêng-iú bô pang-chō͘. Matha ē kóng góa bô tông-chêng-sim. "Hit-ê khó-liân ê cha-bó͘ sí tī bîn-chhn̂g. Ū-lâng sīm-chì kóng yi sī hông thâi-sí. Chhēng yi boeh sí chìn-chêng ê chhian-thoa, he sī gōa-nī pi-siong ah!"

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1. 阿姊生日, 我送她 Eskimo 日誌

阮阿姊收集原始藝術, 所以她生日我送她一个 Eskimo 日誌. 每個月是一幅版畫, 有關 Eskimo 人拍獵, 圍火坐 leh, a̍h kō͘ 框繃海豹皮 ê 圖樣. 版畫 ê 印刷有豐富 ê 原色. He 單純性引人讚嘆. 一年了後, 每一張 lóng 會使單獨裝框.

我和阮阿姊真親. 雖罔她蹛 San Francisko, 阮逐個月 lóng 有幾若改 ê 交談. 寄出禮物 3 禮拜猶無接著她 ê 消息, 我決定欲敲電話 hō͘ 她.

"我討厭彼," 她 kō͘ 緊張 ê 聲音 tī 電話 ni̍h 講. "我知, 我 án-ne kā 你講真殘忍, 毋過我著講實話. He 版畫印 kah 真幼致, 毋過我討厭無看著 ê 內容. 所流 ê 血, 所裂 ê 肉."

"我應該著寄 hō͘ 你山東白仔 ê 相片," 我 án-ne 建議. "A̍h 是干焦食死 tī 草地 ê 金瓜蜂死體 ê 部落 ê 相片. 生活 tō 是 án-ne, Martha."

"我知 lah," 她應. "Siáng 是人類學家 ah?"

她是 lah. 阮 koh 講寡其他 ê 代誌, Andy, 囡仔, 核子戰爭. 然後, 她講她著去她 ê 彩色玻璃工作室. 我臆, 她 tng-teh 熱欲製作一隻蜂鳥.

"In 看起來 ká-ná 停 tī 空中, 毋過 in ê 翼真正每分鐘擛 1110 擺."

"誠忝 neh," 我講.

"著," 她應.

電話講了, 我轉我 ê 冊桌, 寫一張批 hō͘ 她. 我問她, 做這種重感情 ê 人, 感覺按怎. 我懷疑她家己 tùi 原始藝術 ê 研究, he 大部份敢毋是犧牲和流血, 甚至流人血來確保利益. 彼張批我無寄出去.

過兩個月, 我 teh 看我接著 ê 郵便點貨 katálog, 彼是 Texas 出名禮品店 ê katálog. 舊年, 我原本會使買一張坐第一 pang 載客太空梭 ê 票, a̍h Ruchard Nixon ê 油畫, 叫做 "坐船閬港, 退休歲月." 我揀一領森林綠絲仔絨 ê 浴袍. 我買幾个羊皮 ê 耳掩 hō͘ Ted, 伊 m̄-bat 用過. 事實上, 我送伊 ê 時, 伊講, "Elaine, 你 teh 滾笑 sioh. 我是一个翻譯家 neh!"

"凡勢你是愛一个塑膠仿製 ê Resetta 石 sioh?" 我問. 了後, 阮 ê 關係開始落崎. 有時阮見面食 Italia 麵和啉 Chianti 紅酒, 毋過阮 ê 對話真礙虐.

是 lah, 今年 ê Kitok 生我決定閣較小心揀禮物. Martha 猶無原諒我, 雖然她 ê 蜂鳥真成功. Tī 一个小型藝術展覽, 她 kā 賣 $126.50. 我欣賞她 ê 大膽. 加出來 ê 50 sén 凡勢會嚇走顧客, 毋過 Martha 毋肯減價. 

首先, 我考慮禮券, 彼 ná 像白俗 pháng hiah 安全. 然後, 我敲電話 hō͘ 一个朋友, 問她買啥 hō͘ 姻小妹. "室內淺拖. 阮小妹佮意室內淺拖. 今年 Kitok 生, 我 hō͘ 她一雙有 MM 字花 ê 淺拖. 我 tī 一間細間裝飾藝術店揣著."

"MM 是她名 ê 頭字 sioh?"

"Marilyn Monroe, 是她 ê 頭字 lah. 我想, 阮小妹穿 Marilyn Monroe ê 淺拖會心花開."

阮朋友無幫助. Matha 會講我無同情心. "彼个可憐 ê 查某死 tī 眠床. 有人甚至講她是 hông 刣死. 穿她欲死進前 ê 淺拖, 彼是 gōa-nī 悲傷 ah!"

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1.

My sister collects primitive art, so on her birthday I sent her an Eskimo calendar. Each month shows a different block print of Eskimos hunting, sitting around a fire, or stretching seal skins on frames. The prints are done in rich primary colors. They are striking in their simplicity. After the year is over, they are suitable for framing. 

My sister and I are close. Although she lives in San Francisco, we talk several times a month. When I didn't hear from her three weeks after I'd sent the gift, I decided to call her. 

"I hate it," she said on the phone in a nervous voice. "I know it's unkind of me to tell you, but I'm used to speaking the truth. The prints are finely executed, but I hate what's omitted. All the blood spilled, all the flesh rendered." 

"I should have sent you photos of bok choy," I suggested. "Or of a tribe that only eats dead bumblebees found dead in the grass. It's life, Martha." 

"I know," she answered. "Who's the anthropologist?" 

She is. We talked about other things, Andy, the kids, nuclear war. Then she told me she had to go to her stained-glass workshop. Seemed she was in hot pursuit of a hummingbird. 

"They look like they're hovering in the air, but their wings are really beating 1110 times a minute." 

"Wearying," I said. 

"Right," she answered. 

After the call I went back to my desk to write her a letter. I asked her how it felt to be such a sentimentalist. I questioned her own studies of primitive art, if much of it isn't sacrifice and blood, even human blood spilled to assure favor. I never sent the letter. 

Two months later I'm looking through those shopping catalogues I get in the mail, the ones from famous Texas gift stores. Last year I could have bought a ticket to ride on the first space shuttle to carry passengers or an oil painting by Richard Nixon called "Boats Escaping, Retirement Years." I opted for a new bathrobe of forest green velour. I bought Ted some sheepskin earmuffs he never wore. In fact, when I gave them to him, he said, "Elaine, you have to be kidding. I'm a translator!" 

"Maybe you wanted a plastic replica of the Rosetta Stone?" I asked. Our relationship has gone downhill since. Sometimes we meet for pasta and Chianti, but our conversations are strained. 

Well, this Christmas I'm determined to choose gifts with more care. Martha still hasn't forgiven me, though her hummingbird was a success. She sold it at a small art fair for $126.50. I like her audacity. The extra fifty cents might have discouraged customers, but Martha's uncompromising. 

First I consider gift certificates, but they're safe as white bread. Then I call a friend and ask her what she buys her sister. "Houseslippers. My sister loves houseslippers. This Christmas I bought her a pair mono grammed MM. I found them at a little art deco shop." 

"Are those her initials?" I ask. 

"Marilyn Monroe. They're her initials. I thought my sister would get a kick out of wearing Marilyn Monroe's slippers." 

My friend is no help. Martha would call me uncaring. "That poor woman died in her bed. Some people even say she was killed. How sad to own the slippers in which she thought her last thoughts!" 

--

C63b 敢無通向生活 ê 話語?

2. Kám bô thong-hiòng seng-oa̍h ê ōe-gí?

Chit-ê bīn chhut-hiān tī góa ê sim-tiong, iū chhut-khì -- bīn phû tī góa ê sim-lāi. Pit í-keng ùi góa ê chéng-thâu-á lak-lo̍h. Chhù lāi tiām chiuh-chiuh. Hit-ê phû bīn ê ba̍k-chiu ùi góa chia sóa-khui. 

Goán khan-chhiú sī chi̍t-ê chă gín-á, yi ùi Ohio lēng-gōa chi̍t-ê sió-tìn lâi chia, lâi chit-ê sió-tìn. Goán ū chhiàⁿ chi̍t-ê lú-po̍k, m̄-koh goán khan-chhiú tiāⁿ-tiāⁿ ka-tī sàu thô͘-kha, ū-sî mā ka-tī chéng-lí goán chò-hóe khùn ê bîn-chhn̂g. Àm-sî, goán chē chò-hóe, m̄-koh góa bô liáu-kái yi. Góa ka-tī mā lia̍h bē chún ka-tī sī siáⁿ. Góa chhēng chi̍t-niá chang-sek ê gōa-thò, m̄-koh góa cháu bē chhut chit-niá gōa-thò. Góa cháu bē chhut góa ka-tī. Goán khan-chhiú chin un-jiû, yi khin-siaⁿ kóng-ōe, m̄-koh yi cháu bē chhut yi ka-tī.

Goán khan-chhiú í-keng chhut-mn̂g khì. Yi m̄-chai, góa chai-iáⁿ yi seng-oa̍h tiong ê múi chi̍t-ê sió siūⁿ-hoat. Góa chai-iáⁿ, yi tī gín-á sî, kiâⁿ tī Ohio chi̍t-ê sió-tìn hit-sî ê siūⁿ-hoat. Góa í-keng thiaⁿ tio̍h yi sim-lāi ê siaⁿ-im. Góa thiaⁿ tio̍h hiah-ê sió-sió siaⁿ-im. Tē-it pái yi chhiong-móa kek-chêng, phak tī góa heng-chêng ê sî, góa thiaⁿ tio̍h khióng-pò͘ ê siaⁿ teh háu. Tán goán kiat-hun liáu-āu, poaⁿ lâi chit-keng chhù, tē-it àm goán chē chò-hóe, yi khui-chhùi kóng ióng-kám ê ōe, hit-sî góa iū-koh thiaⁿ tio̍h khióng-pò͘ ê siaⁿ-im.

Góa nā ē-tàng chhiūⁿ taⁿ án-ne chē tī chia, iá góa ka-tī ê bīn phû tī n̂g-chhù hām thang-á cho͘-sêng ê tô͘ téng-bīn, he tō chiâⁿ kî-koài. Góa nā ē-tàng kìⁿ tio̍h goán khan-chhiú, lâi kàu yi bīn-chêng, he tō súi koh kî.

Tú-chiah, bīn chhut-hiān tī góa ê tô͘ ê hit-ê cha-bó͘, yi tùi góa chi̍t-sut-á to bô liáu-kái. Góa mā tùi yi bô liáu-kái. Yi í-keng chhut-khì, iân chi̍t-tiâu ke-lō͘ khì. Yi sim-lāi ê siaⁿ-im teh kóng-ōe. Góa tī chit-ê pâng-keng, chhiūⁿ Sîn chhòng-chō ê múi chi̍t-lâng chū-lâi án-ne hiah-nī ko͘-to̍k.

Góa ê bīn nā ē-tàng phû-kòe góa ê tô͘, he tō súi koh kî. Góa phû-tāng ê bīn nā ē-tàng kàu yi bīn-chêng, he nā ē-tàng kàu jīm-hô cha-po͘ a̍h jīm-hô cha-bó͘ ê bīn-chêng -- he tō sī chi̍t-kiāⁿ súi koh kî ê tāi-chì.

«

Napoleon khiâ-bé chiūⁿ chiàn-tiûⁿ.

Grant Chiong-kun ji̍p-khì chi̍t-ê chhiū-nâ.

Alexander khiâ-bé chiūⁿ chiàn-tiûⁿ.

»

Góa boeh kā lí kóng -- ū-sî-chūn, chit-ê sè-kài ê kui-ê sèⁿ-miā tī góa sim-lāi phû-hiān chi̍t-ê lâng ê bīn. Sè-kài bô ì-sek ê bīn tòng-tiām koh tiām-tiām khiā tī góa bīn-chêng.

Sī án-chóaⁿ góa m̄ tùi pa̍t-lâng kóng-chhut chi̍t-kù góa ka-tī ê ōe? Sī án-chóaⁿ, tī goán chò-hóe seng-oa̍h tiong-kan, góa bē-tàng phah-phòa hit-tó͘ chhiûⁿ, kiâⁿ-hiòng goán khan-chhiú?

Góa í-keng siá saⁿ-/sì-cha̍p bān jī ah. Kám bô thong-hiòng seng-oa̍h ê ōe-gí? Ū chi̍t-kang, góa boeh chò ka-tī ê kan-chèng.

[Soah]

--

2. 敢無通向生活 ê 話語?

這个面出現 tī 我 ê 心中, 又出去 -- 面浮 tī 我 ê 心內. 筆已經 ùi 我 ê 指頭仔 lak 落. 厝內恬 chiuh-chiuh. 彼个浮面 ê 目睭 ùi 我 chia 徙開. 

阮牽手是一个 chă 囡仔, 她 ùi Ohio 另外一个小鎮來 chia, 來這个小鎮. 阮有倩一个女僕, 毋過阮牽手定定家己掃塗跤, 有時 mā 家己整理阮做伙睏 ê 眠床. 暗時, 阮坐做伙, 毋過我無了解她. 我家己 mā 掠袂準家己是啥. 我穿一領棕色 ê 外套, 毋過我走袂出這領外套. 我走袂出我家己. 阮牽手真溫柔, 她輕聲講話, 毋過她走袂出她家己.

阮牽手已經出門去. 她毋知, 我知影她生活中 ê 每一个小想法. 我知影, 她 tī 囡仔時, 行 tī Ohio 一个小鎮彼時 ê 想法. 我已經聽著她心內 ê 聲音. 我聽著 hiah-ê 小小聲音. 第一擺她充滿激情, 仆 tī 我胸前 ê 時, 我聽著恐怖 ê 聲 teh 吼. 等阮結婚了後, 搬來這間厝, 第一暗阮坐做伙, 她開喙講勇敢 ê 話, 彼時我又閣聽著恐怖 ê 聲音.

我若會當像今 án-ne 坐 tī chia, iá 我家己 ê 面浮 tī 黃厝和窗仔組成 ê 圖頂面, 彼 tō 誠奇怪. 我若會當見著阮牽手, 來到她面前, 彼 tō 媠 koh 奇.

拄才, 面出現 tī 我 ê 圖 ê 彼个查某, 她 tùi 我一屑仔 to 無了解. 我 mā tùi 她無了解. 她已經出去, 沿一條街路去. 她心內 ê 聲音 teh 講話. 我 tī 這个房間, 像神創造 ê 每一人自來 án-ne hiah-nī 孤獨.

我 ê 面若會當浮過我 ê 圖, 彼 tō 媠 koh 奇. 我浮動 ê 面若會當到她面前, 彼若會當到任何查埔 a̍h 任何查某 ê 面前 -- 彼 tō 是一件媠 koh 奇 ê 代誌.

«

Napoleon 騎馬上戰場.

Grant 將軍入去一个樹林.

Alexander 騎馬上戰場.

»

我欲 kā 你講 -- 有時陣, 這个世界 ê 規个性命 tī 我心內浮現一个人 ê 面. 世界無意識 ê 面擋恬 koh 恬恬徛 tī 我面前.

是按怎我 m̄ tùi 別人講出一句我家己 ê 話? 是按怎, tī 阮做伙生活中間, 我袂當拍破彼堵牆, 行向阮牽手?

我已經寫三四十萬字 ah. 敢無通向生活 ê 話語? 有一工, 我欲做家己 ê 干證.

[煞]

--

2.

The face comes into my mind and goes out--the face floats in my mind. The pen has fallen from my fingers. The house is silent. The eyes of the floating face are turned away from me.

My wife is a girl who came here to this town from another town in the state of Ohio. We keep a servant but my wife often sweeps the floors and she sometimes makes the bed in which we sleep together. We sit together in the evening but I do not know her. I cannot shake myself out of myself. I wear a brown coat and I cannot come out of my coat. I cannot come out of myself. My wife is very gentle and she speaks softly but she cannot come out of herself.

My wife has gone out of the house. She does not know that I know every little thought of her life. I know what she thought when she was a child and walked in the streets of an Ohio town. I have heard the voices of her mind. I have heard the little voices. I heard the voice of fear crying when she was first overtaken with passion and crawled into my arms. Again I heard the voices of fear when her lips said words of courage to me as we sat together on the first evening after we were married and moved into this house.

It would be strange if I could sit here, as I am doing now, while my own face floated across the picture made by the yellow house and the window. It would be strange and beautiful if I could meet my wife, come into her presence.

The woman whose face floated across my picture just now knows nothing of me. I know nothing of her. She has gone off, along a street. The voices of her mind are talking. I am here in this room, as alone as ever any man God made.

It would be strange and beautiful if I could float my face across my picture. If my floating face could come into her presence, if it could come into the presence of any man or any woman--that would be a strange and beautiful thing to have happen.

=

 Napoleon went down into a battle riding on a horse.

General Grant went into a wood.

Alexander went down into a battle riding on a horse.

=

I'll tell you what--sometimes the whole life of this world floats in a human face in my mind. The unconscious face of the world stops and stands still before me.

Why do I not say a word out of myself to the others? Why, in all our life together, have I never been able to break through the wall to my wife?

Already I have written three hundred, four hundred thousand words. Are there no words that lead into life? Some day I shall speak to myself. Some day I shall make a testament unto myself.

--

// 2022-7-30

C63 Chhēng Chang-sek Gōa-thò ê Cha-pō͘ Lâng | 穿棕色外套 ê 查埔人 - a 我寫查埔人 ê 歷史

The Man in the Brown Coat /by Sherwood Anderson

https://americanliterature.com/author/sherwood-anderson/short-story/the-man-in-the-brown-coat

Chhēng Chang-sek Gōa-thò ê Cha-pō͘ Lâng | 穿棕色外套 ê 查埔人

--

1. Góa siá cha-po͘-lâng ê le̍k-sú

«

Napoleon khiâ-bé chiūⁿ chiàn-tiûⁿ.

Alexander khiâ-bé chiūⁿ chiàn-tiûⁿ.

Grant Chiong-kun lo̍h-bé, kiâⁿ tī chi̍t-ê chhiū-nâ lāi.

Hindenburg Chiong-kun khiā tī soaⁿ-niá téng.

Goe̍h-niû ùi é-chhiū-châng āu-bīn seng khí-lâi.

»

Góa teh siá chi̍t-pō͘ iú-koan cha-po͘-lâng ê le̍k-sú. Góa í-keng siá 3 pō͘ chit-chióng le̍k-sú, góa iáu-sī chi̍t-ê siàu-liân lâng. Góa í-keng siá saⁿ-/sì-cha̍p bān jī.

Goán khan-chhiú tī chit-keng chhù ê bó͘ chi̍t-ê só͘-chāi, góa í-keng chē tī chia, siá kúi-ā tiám-cheng ah. Yi sī chi̍t-ê lò-kha cha-bó͘, o͘ thâu-chang sió-khóa teh hoán pe̍h. Lí thiaⁿ, yi tng-teh khin-khin peh-chhiūⁿ chi̍t-chàn ê lâu-thui. Kui-kang yi lóng khin-kha khin-chhiú, tī goán tau chò ka-bū-sū.

Góa ùi Iowa ê lēng-gōa chi̍t-ê sió-tìn lâi kàu chit-ê sió-tìn. Goán lāu-pē sī chi̍t-ê kang-lâng, chi̍t-ê iû-chhat kang. I bô chhiūⁿ góa án-ne chhut-thoat. Góa jīn-chin phah-piàⁿ, tāi-ha̍k pit-gia̍p koh chiâⁿ-chò le̍k-sú ha̍k-ka. Góa tòa chit-keng chhù sī góa ê. Góa kang-chok ê pâng-keng sī góa ê. Góa í-keng siá 3 pō͘ bîn-cho̍k le̍k-sú. Góa kóng-khí kok-ka án-chóaⁿ kiàn-li̍p, chiàn-cheng án-chóaⁿ chìn-hêng. Lí ē-tàng tī tô͘-su-koán khòaⁿ tio̍h góa ê chheh thêng-thêng khiā tī chheh-kè téng-bīn. In ná chhiūⁿ siàu-peng khiā leh.

Góa hām goán khan-chhiú pêⁿ lò, góa ê keng-thâu sió-khóa ku-ku. Sui-bóng góa siá-chok tōa-táⁿ, góa sī chi̍t-ê pì-sù ê lâng. Góa kah-ì mn̂g koaiⁿ tio̍h, ko͘-chi̍t-lâng tī chit-ê pâng-keng kang-chok. Chia ū chē-chē ê chheh. Kok-ka tī chheh lāi-bīn lâi-lâi khì-khì. Chia chin chheng-chēng, m̄-koh chheh lāi-bīn lāu-jia̍t kah ná teh tân lûi-kong.

«

Napoleon khiâ-bé lo̍h soaⁿ-niá, chìn-ji̍p chiàn-tiûⁿ.

Grant Chiong-kun tī chi̍t-ê chhiū-nâ lāi kiâⁿ.

Alexander khiâ-bé lo̍h soaⁿ-niá, chìn-ji̍p chiàn-tiûⁿ.

» 

Goán khan-chhiú ê piáu-chêng chèng-keng koh giâm-siok. Ū-sî, góa tùi yi ê siūⁿ-hoat hō͘ góa tio̍h chi̍t-kiaⁿ. Ē-po͘ sî, yi lī-khui goán tau, chhut-khì sàn-pō͘. Ū-sî, yi khì siong-tiàm, ū-sî khì pài-hóng chhù-piⁿ. Goán tau tùi-bīn ū chi̍t-keng n̂g-sek ê chhù. Goán khan-chhiú ùi piⁿ-á mn̂g chhut-khì, iân goán tau hām hit-keng n̂g-sek ê chhù tiong-kan ê ke-lō͘ keng-kòe.

Goán tau ê piⁿ-á mn̂g piàng chi̍t-ē. Tio̍h koh sió-tán chi̍t-ē. Goán khan-chhiú ê bīn chiah phiau kòe tô͘ ê n̂g-sek pōe-kéng.

«

Pershing Chiong-kun khiâ-bé lo̍h soaⁿ-niá, chìn-ji̍p chiàn-tiûⁿ.

Alexander khiâ-bé lo̍h soaⁿ-niá, chìn-ji̍p chiàn-tiûⁿ.

» 

Sió-sū tī góa ê sim-lāi lú lâi lú tōa. Góa pān-kong-toh chêng ê thang-á chiâⁿ-chò chi̍t-ê ū-kheng ê só͘-chāi, ná-chhiūⁿ sī chi̍t-pak tô͘. Ta̍k-kang, góa chē tī chia siòng. Kō͘ chi̍t-chióng kî-koài ê kám-kak, tán tāi-chì hoat-seng. Góa ê chhiú khū-khū chùn. Phiau-kòe tô͘-phìⁿ téng-bīn ê bīn, chò chi̍t-kóa góa bô liáu-kái ê tāi-chì. He bīn phû-tāng, jiân-āu tòng-tiām. I ùi chiàⁿ-chhiú pêng hiòng tò-chhiú pêng kiâⁿ, jiân-āu tòng-tiām.

--

1. 我寫查埔人 ê 歷史

«

Napoleon 騎馬上戰場.

Alexander 騎馬上戰場.

Grant 將軍落馬, 行 tī 一个樹林內.

Hindenburg 將軍徛 tī 山嶺頂.

月娘 ùi 矮樹叢後面升起來.

»

我 teh 寫一部有關查埔人 ê 歷史. 我已經寫 3 部這種歷史, 我猶是一个少年人. 我已經寫三四十萬字.

阮牽手 tī 這間厝 ê 某一个所在, 我已經坐 tī chia, 寫幾若點鐘 ah. 她是一个躼跤查某, 烏頭鬃小可 teh 反白. 你聽, 她 tng-teh 輕輕 peh 上一層 ê 樓梯. 規工她 lóng 輕跤輕手, tī 阮兜做家務事.

我 ùi Iowa ê 另外一个小鎮來到這个小鎮. 阮老爸是一个工人, 一个油漆工. 伊無像我 án-ne 出脫. 我認真拍拚, 大學畢業 koh 成做歷史學家. 我蹛這間厝是我 ê. 我工作 ê 房間是我 ê. 我已經寫 3 部民族歷史. 我講起國家按怎建立, 戰爭按怎進行. 你會當 tī 圖書館看著我 ê 冊騰騰徛 tī 冊架頂面. In ná 像哨兵徛 leh.

我和阮牽手平躼, 我 ê 肩頭小可痀痀. 雖罔我寫作大膽, 我是一个閉思 ê 人. 我佮意門關著, 孤一人 tī 這个房間工作. Chia 有濟濟 ê 冊. 國家 tī 冊內面來來去去. Chia 真清靜, 毋過冊內面鬧熱 kah ná teh 霆雷公.

«

Napoleon 騎馬落山嶺, 進入戰場.

Grant 將軍 tī 一个樹林內行.

Alexander 騎馬落山嶺, 進入戰場.

» 

阮牽手 ê 表情正經 koh 嚴肅. 有時, 我 tùi 她 ê 想法 hō͘ 我著一驚. 下晡時, 她離開阮兜, 出去散步. 有時, 她去商店, 有時去拜訪厝邊. 阮兜對面有一間黃色 ê 厝. 阮牽手 ùi 邊仔門出去, 沿阮兜和彼間黃色 ê 厝中間 ê 街路經過.

阮兜 ê 邊仔門 piàng 一下. 著 koh 小等一下. 阮牽手 ê 面才飄過圖 ê 黃色背景.

«

Pershing 將軍騎馬落山嶺, 進入戰場.

Alexander 騎馬落山嶺, 進入戰場.

» 

小事 tī 我 ê 心內 lú 來 lú 大. 我辦公桌前 ê 窗仔成做一个有框 ê 所在, ná 像是一幅圖. 逐工, 我坐 tī chia 相. Kō͘ 一種奇怪 ê 感覺, 等代誌發生. 我 ê 手 khū-khū 顫. 飄過圖片頂面 ê 面, 做一寡我無了解 ê 代誌. He 面浮動, 然後擋恬. 伊 ùi 正手爿向倒手爿行, 然後擋恬.

--

1.

=

Napoleon went down into a battle riding on a horse.

Alexander went down into a battle riding on a horse.

General Grant got off a horse and walked in a wood.

General Hindenburg stood on a hill.

The moon came up out of a clump of bushes.

=

I am writing a history of the things men do. I have written three such histories and I am but a young man. Already I have written three hundred, four hundred thousand words.

My wife is somewhere in this house where for hours now I have been sitting and writing. She is a tall woman with black hair, turning a little grey. Listen, she is going softly up a flight of stairs. All day she goes softly about, doing the housework in our house.

I came here to this town from another town in the state of Iowa. My father was a workman, a house painter. He did not rise in the world as I have done. I worked my way through college and became an historian. We own this house in which I sit. This is my room in which I work. Already I have written three histories of peoples. I have told how states were formed and battles fought. You may see my books standing straight up on the shelves of libraries. They stand up like sentries.

I am tall like my wife and my shoulders are a little stooped. Although I write boldly I am a shy man. I like being at work alone in this room with the door closed. There are many books here. Nations march back and forth in the books. It is quiet here but in the books a great thundering goes on.

=

 Napoleon rides down a hill and into a battle.

General Grant walks in a wood.

Alexander rides down a hill and into a battle.

=

My wife has a serious, almost stern look. Sometimes the thoughts I have concerning her frighten me. In the afternoon she leaves our house and goes for a walk. Sometimes she goes to stores, sometimes to visit a neighbor. There is a yellow house opposite our house. My wife goes out at a side door and passes along the street between our house and the yellow house.

The side door of our house bangs. There is a moment of waiting. My wife's face floats across the yellow background of a picture.

=

General Pershing rode down a hill and into a battle.

Alexander rode down a hill and into a battle.

=

Little things are growing big in my mind. The window before my desk makes a little framed place like a picture. Every day I sit staring. I wait with an odd sensation of something impending. My hand trembles. The face that floats through the picture does something I don't understand. The face floats, then it stops. It goes from the right hand side to the left hand side, then it stops.

--

C62b 過去 lóng 會 koh 倒轉來

2. Kòe-khì lóng ē koh tò-tńg lâi

Yi nn̄g-ê tòa England ê a-î kiû yi tńg-lâi, iáu sī tio̍h chò chi̍t-tōaⁿ hó in-iân. M̄-koh, yi án-ne kā yin ìn: "M̄-lah, góa boeh chhut-hái. Lí tio̍h chai-iáⁿ, a-î ah, tha̍k-chheh lâng nā kā lí kóng, hái khah chhim mā ū-té, he sī hau-siâu. Tian-tò sī, chúi sī chi̍t-ê ko-kùi ê goân-sò͘, tong-jiân sī koàn móa kui-ê tē-kiû, iá lán ê seng-kiû sī phiau-phû tī í-thài lāi-bīn, ná chhiūⁿ chi̍t-lia̍p sap-bûn pho. Chū án-ne, tī lēng-gōa hit-ê pòaⁿ-kiû, ū chi̍t-chiah chûn teh kiâⁿ, góa tio̍h tòe i ê kha-pō͘. Goán nn̄g-ê ná chhiūⁿ hō͘-siong sī tī chhim-hái tiong ê iáⁿ, góa kóng ê hit-chiah chûn tú-hó tī góa ê chûn ê ē-té, tī tē-kiû ê lēng-gōa hit-pêng. Lí m̄-bat khòaⁿ kòe tōa hî tī chûn ē-bīn siû, ná chhiūⁿ chi̍t-ê chhim-nâ ê iáⁿ tòe tī chúi-té. M̄-koh, hit-chiah chûn tō sī án-ne teh kiâⁿ, ná chhiūⁿ sī góa ê chûn iáⁿ, m̄-koán góa khì tó-ūi, góa án-ne khiú i lâi-lâi khì-khì, ná chhiūⁿ goe̍h-niû khiú hái-éng, ek móa tōa pō͘-hūn ê tē-kiû. Góa nā bô chhut-hái, hiah-ê khò siong-chûn chia̍h thâu-lō͘ ê khó-liân kiâⁿ-chûn-lâng boeh án-chóaⁿ? M̄-koh, góa tio̍h kā lí kóng chi̍t-ê pì-bi̍t," yi kóng. "Chiong-kî-bóe, góa ê chûn boeh khì kàu tē-kiû tiong-sim, kāng hit-sî, lēng-gōa hit-chiah chûn mā ē tîm -- lán lâng kóng he sī tîm, m̄-koh góa ē-tàng kā lí pó-chèng, tī chúi-tiong bô téng-bīn mā bô ē-té -- tiàm hia, tī sè-kài ê tiong-sim tiám, goán nn̄g-lâng boeh siong-hōe."

Keng-kòe chē-chē nî, lāu chiok-sū í-keng sí, Helena Hj mā lāu koh chhàu hīⁿ-lâng, m̄-koh yi kè-sio̍k chhut-hái. Koh-lâi, tāi-chì hoat-seng: Tī China Hông-tè ê hā-kiong pī chhiúⁿ-kiap liáu-āu, chi̍t-ê seng-lí lâng chah chi̍t-ê chin kó͘-ló ê nâ-sek koàn-á hō͘ yi. Chi̍t-ē khòaⁿ tio̍h he, yi sûi chiam-siaⁿ kiò chhut-lâi. "Che tō tio̍h lah!" yi tōa-siaⁿ kiò. "Góa chóng-sǹg chhōe tio̍h ah lah. Che tō sī chin-chiàⁿ ê nâ-sek. Oh, i hō͘ góa kiông boeh poe chiūⁿ thiⁿ. Kám-kak tō ná chi̍t-chūn hong hiah chheng-sin, ná chi̍t-ê pì-bi̍t hiah chhim-tîm, pá-tīⁿ kah góa bô-tè thang kóng siáⁿ." Kō͘ khū-khū chùn ê siang-chhiú, yi kā koàn-á mo͘h tī heng-khám, chē tī hia tùi i tîm-su 6 tiám-cheng. Jiân-āu, yi kā yi ê i-seng hām lú-phōaⁿ kóng: "Taⁿ, góa ē-sái sí ah. Tán góa sí, lín tio̍h kā góa phòa-khui, the̍h-chhut góa ê sim, kā i khǹg tī koàn-á lāi. Kàu hit-sî, sū-sū tō lóng kap kòe-khì kāng-khoán ah. Góa ê sì-kho͘-liàn-tńg lóng eng-kai sī nâ-sek ê, tī nâ-sek sè-kài ê tiong-sim, góa ê sim chiong sûn-kiat koh chū-iû, koh jiû-jiû thiàu-tāng, ná chhiūⁿ ùi koa-siaⁿ tang-tiong chhéⁿ-lâi, ná chhiūⁿ ùi chûn-chiuⁿ lak-lo̍h ê chúi-tih." Kòe chi̍t-ē-á, yi mn̄g in: "Siūⁿ tio̍h che, kám m̄-sī chin tiⁿ-bi̍t: chí-iàu lí ū nāi-sim, it-chhè ê kòe-khì lóng ē koh tò-tńg lâi lí chia?" Koh kòe bô kú, chit-ūi lāu hu-jîn tō óng-seng khì ah.

[Soah]

--

2. 過去 lóng 會 koh 倒轉來

她兩个蹛 England ê 阿姨求她轉來, 猶是著做一段好因緣. 毋過, 她 án-ne kā 姻應: "毋 lah, 我欲出海. 你著知影, 阿姨 ah, 讀冊人若 kā 你講, 海 khah 深 mā 有底, he 是 hau-siâu. 顛倒是, 水是一个高貴 ê 元素, 當然是灌滿規个地球, iá 咱 ê 星球是漂浮 tī 以太內面, ná 像一粒雪文泡. 自 án-ne, tī 另外彼个半球, 有一隻船 teh 行, 我著綴伊 ê 跤步. 阮兩个 ná 像互相是 tī 深海中 ê 影, 我講 ê 彼隻船拄好 tī 我 ê 船 ê 下底, tī 地球 ê 另外彼爿. 你 m̄-bat 看過大魚 tī 船下面泅, ná 像一个深藍 ê 影綴 tī 水底. 毋過, 彼隻船 tō 是 án-ne teh 行, ná 像是我 ê 船影, 毋管我去佗位, 我 án-ne 搝伊來來去去, ná 像月娘搝海湧, 溢滿大部份 ê 地球. 我若無出海, hiah-ê 靠商船食頭路 ê 可憐行船人欲按怎? 毋過, 我著 kā 你講一个祕密," 她講. "終其尾, 我 ê 船欲去到地球中心, 仝彼時, 另外彼隻船 mā 會沉 -- 咱人講 he 是沉, 毋過我會當 kā 你保證, tī 水中無頂面 mā 無下底 -- 踮遐, tī 世界 ê 中心點, 阮兩人欲相會."

經過濟濟年, 老爵士已經死, Helena Hj mā 老 koh 臭耳聾, 毋過她繼續出海. 閣來, 代誌發生: Tī China 皇帝 ê 夏宮被搶劫了後, 一个生理人扎一个真古老 ê 藍色罐仔予她. 一下看著 he, 她隨尖聲叫出來. "這 tō 著 lah!" 她大聲叫. "我總算揣著 ah lah. 這 tō 是真正 ê 藍色. Oh, 伊予我強欲飛上天. 感覺 tō ná 一陣風 hiah 清新, ná 一个祕密 hiah 深沉, 飽滇 kah 我無地通講啥." Kō͘ khū-khū 顫 ê 雙手, 她 kā 罐仔 mo͘h tī 胸坎, 坐 tī 遐對伊沉思 6 點鐘. 然後, 她 kā 她 ê 醫生和女伴講: "今, 我會使死 ah. 等我死, 恁著 kā 我破開, 提出我 ê 心, kā 伊囥 tī 罐仔內. 到彼時, 事事 tō lóng kap 過去仝款 ah. 我 ê 四箍輾轉 lóng 應該是藍色 ê, tī 藍色世界 ê 中心, 我 ê 心將純潔 koh 自由, koh 柔柔跳動, ná 像 ùi 歌聲當中醒來, ná 像 ùi 船漿 lak 落 ê 水滴." 過一下仔, 她問 in: "想著這, 敢毋是真甜蜜: 只要你有耐心, 一切 ê 過去 lóng 會 koh 倒轉來你遮?" Koh 過無久, 這位老夫人 tō 往生去 ah.

[煞]

--

2.

Her two old aunts in England implored her to come back, still to make a great match. But she answered them: "Nay, I have got to sail. For you must know, dear aunts, that it is all nonsense when learned people tell you that the seas have got a bottom to them. On the contrary, the water, which is the noblest of elements, does, of course, go all through the earth, so that our planet really floats in the ether, like a soap bubble. And there, on the other hemisphere, a ship sails, with which I have got to keep pace. We two are like the reflection of one another, in the deep sea, and the ship of which I speak is always exactly beneath my own ship, upon the opposite side of the globe. You have never seen a big fish swimming underneath a boat, following it like a dark-blue shade in the water. But in that way this ship goes, like the shadow of my ship, and I draw it to and fro wherever I go, as the moon draws the tides, all through the bulk of the earth. If I stopped sailing, what would those poor sailors who made their bread in the merchant service do? But I shall tell you a secret," she said. "In the end my ship will go down, to the centre of the globe, and at the very same hour the other ship will sink as well--for people call it sinking, although I can assure you that there is no up and down in the sea--and there, in the midst of the world, we two shall meet."

Many years passed, the old lord died and Lady Helena became old and deaf, but she still sailed. Then it happened, after the plunder of the summer palace of the Emperor of China, that a merchant brought her a very old blue jar. The moment she set eyes on it she gave a terrible shriek. "There it is!" she cried. "I have found it at last. This is the true blue. Oh, how light it makes one. Oh, it is as fresh as a breeze, as deep as a deep secret, as full as I say not what." With trembling hands she held the jar to her bosom, and sat for six hours sunk in contemplation of it. Then she said to her doctor and her lady-companion: "Now I can die. And when I am dead you will cut out my heart and lay it in the blue jar. For then everything will be as it was then. All shall be blue around me, and in the midst of the blue world my heart will be innocent and free, and will beat gently, like a wake that sings, like the drops that fall from an oar blade." A little later she asked them: "Is it not a sweet thing to think that, if only you have patience, all that has ever been, will come back to you?" Shortly afterwards the old lady died.

--

// 2022-7-29

C62 Nâ-sek ê Koàn-á | 藍色 ê 罐仔 - a 她 teh 揣一種特別 ê 藍色

The Blue Jar /by Isak Dinesen

http://www.geocities.ws/grail9/

Nâ-sek ê Koàn-á | 藍色 ê 罐仔

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1. Yi teh chhōe chi̍t-chióng te̍k-pia̍t ê nâ-sek

Í-chá ū chi̍t-ê tōa hó-gia̍h ê lāu Eng-kok lâng, i bat sī lú-ông ê sìn-sài hām chham-chān, taⁿ i í-keng hòe-thâu chē, kan-ta hèng-chhù siu-chi̍p nâ-sek ê kó͘-chá hûi. Ūi tio̍h he, i khì Persia, Ji̍t-pún hām China, bô-lūn kàu tó-ūi, in cha-bó͘-kiáⁿ Helena Hj (Hu-jîn) chóng-sī pôe-phōaⁿ i. Tāi-chì sī án-ne, in tī China Hái hâng-hêng ê sî, tī chi̍t-ê tiām-chēng ê àm-mê, chûn soah to̍h-hóe, lâng-lâng peh-chhiūⁿ kúi-ā tâi kiù-seng théng, soah kā yi pàng tī chûn-téng. Tī o͘-àm hām hūn-loān tiong-kan, chit-ê lāu sian-siⁿ hām in cha-bó͘-kiáⁿ hun-khui. Helena Hj siuⁿ òaⁿ kàu kah-pán, hoat-hiān chûn-téng í-keng bô lâng. Kàu siōng-bóe hit-sî, chi̍t-ê siàu-liân Eng-kok chúi-chhiú chhōa yi lo̍h kàu chi̍t-tâi hông pàng bē-kì ê kiù-seng-théng. Chāi chit nn̄g-ê tô-lān-chiá lâi khòaⁿ, he hóe bē-su tī sì-kho͘ liàn-tńg tòe in teh cháu, in-ūi o͘-àm ê hái-bīn ū siám-sih ê lîn-kng, in gia̍h-thâu ê sî, iū-koh khòaⁿ tio̍h thiⁿ-téng chi̍t-lia̍p làu-sái-chheⁿ, bē-su boeh lak kàu kiù-seng-théng lâi. In hâng-hêng 9 kang, it-ti̍t kàu chi̍t-chiah Hô-lân siong-chûn kā in kiù, in chiah koh tńg kàu England.

Lāu chiok-sū siong-sìn in cha-bó͘-kiáⁿ í-keng sí. Taⁿ i hoaⁿ-hí kah lâu ba̍k-sái, sûi chhōa yi khì chi̍t-ê sî-kiâⁿ ê óa chúi ê só͘-chāi, hō͘ yi ùi keng-kòe ê kan-kho͘ hôe-ho̍k tńg-lâi. I jīn-ûi, chit-ê tī siong-chûn chia̍h thâu-lō͘ ê siàu-liân chúi-chhiú nā kā lâng kóng-khí i bat hām tông-phōaⁿ ê cha-bó͘-kiáⁿ tan-to̍k chò-hóe 9 kang, che tiāⁿ-tio̍h hō͘ yi chin bē sóng-khoài, só͘-í i hō͘ hit-ê siàu-liân-ke chi̍t tōa-pit ê chîⁿ, kiò i tah-èng khì tē-kiû iáu chi̍t-pêng khì kiâⁿ-chûn, m̄-thang tò tńg-lâi. "Koh tńg-lâi kám ū siáⁿ hó-chhù ah?" lāu kùi-cho̍k án-ne kóng.

Tán Helena Hj hôe-ho̍k liáu-āu, in kā yi pò-kò kiong-têng hām ka-têng ê siau-sit, lo̍h-bóe mā kā yi kóng-khí hit-ê siàu-liân chúi-chhiú í-keng hông sàng-cháu, éng-oán bē koh tńg-lâi; in hoat-hiān yi ê sim-lêng siū tio̍h khó-giām, yi tùi sè-kài ê it-chhè í-keng bô koan-sim ah lah. Yi bô-ài tńg-khì lāu-pē tī kong-hn̂g lāi ê siâⁿ-pó, mā m̄ khì kiong-têng, koh-khah m̄ lí-hêng kàu jīm-hô lio̍k-tē siōng hó-sńg ê siâⁿ-tìn. Taⁿ yi ûi-it siūⁿ boeh chò ê tāi-chì, tō sī ná chhiūⁿ yin lāu-pē án-ne, siu-chi̍p hi-hán ê nâ-sek hûi-á. Só͘-tì, yi khai-sí chhut-hái, kòe chi̍t-kok koh chi̍t-kok, yin lāu-pē mā tòe yi khì.

Tī tui-kiû tiong-kan, yi kā hām yi chih-chiap ê lâng kóng, yi teh chhōe chi̍t-chióng te̍k-pia̍t ê nâ-sek, goān-ì hù jīm-hô kè-siàu. M̄-koh, sui-bóng yi bé kúi-ā pah ê nâ-sek koàn-á hām óaⁿ, kòe chi̍t-tōaⁿ sî-kan, yi chóng-sī kā in khǹg chi̍t-pêng khì, kóng, "Ai-ah, ai-ah, che m̄-sī chèng-khak ê nâ-sek." Tī in chò-hóe chhut-hái kúi-nî liáu-āu, yin lāu-pē kā yi kiàn-gī kóng, hoān-sè yi teh tui-kiû ê sek bô chûn-chāi. "Oh, Thiⁿ ah, Papa," yi kóng, "lí ná-ē kóng chiah ok-to̍k ê ōe? Tong-jiân, ùi choân sè-kài lóng sī nâ-sek hit sî-chūn, it-tēng ū chi̍t-kóa lâu lo̍h-lâi."

--

1. 她 teh 揣一種特別 ê 藍色

以早有一个大好額 ê 老英國人, 伊 bat 是女王 ê 信使和參贊, 今伊已經歲頭濟, 干焦興趣收集藍色 ê 古早瓷. 為著 he, 伊去 Persia, 日本和 China, 無論到佗位, in 查某囝 Helena Hj (夫人) 總是陪伴伊. 代誌是 án-ne, in tī China 海航行 ê 時, tī 一个恬靜 ê 暗暝, 船煞 to̍h 火, 人人 peh 上幾若台救生艇, 煞 kā 她放 tī 船頂. Tī 烏暗和混亂中間, 這个老先生和 in 查某囝分開. Helena Hj siuⁿ 晏到甲板, 發現船頂已經無人. 到上尾彼時, 一个少年英國水手 chhōa 她落到一台 hông 放袂記 ê 救生艇. 在這兩个逃難者來看, he 火袂輸 tī 四箍輾轉綴 in teh 走, 因為烏暗 ê 海面有閃爍 ê 磷光, in 攑頭 ê 時, 又閣看著天頂一粒落屎星, 袂輸欲 lak 到救生艇來. In 航行 9 工, 一直到一隻荷蘭商船 kā in 救, in 才 koh 轉到 England.

老爵士相信 in 查某囝已經死. 今伊歡喜 kah 流目屎, 隨 chhōa 她去一个時行 ê 倚水 ê 所在, 予她 ùi 經過 ê 艱苦回復轉來. 伊認為, 這个 tī 商船食頭路 ê 少年水手若 kā 人講起伊 bat 和同伴 ê 查某囝單獨做伙 9 工, 這定著予她真袂爽快, 所以伊予彼个少年家一大筆 ê 錢, 叫伊答應去地球猶一爿去行船, 毋通倒轉來. "Koh 轉來敢有啥好處 ah?" 老貴族 án-ne 講.

等 Helena Hj 回復了後, in kā 她報告宮廷和家庭 ê 消息, 落尾 mā kā 她講起彼个少年水手已經 hông 送走, 永遠袂 koh 轉來; in 發現她 ê 心靈受著考驗, 她對世界 ê 一切已經無關心 ah lah. 她無愛轉去老爸 tī 公園內 ê 城堡, mā 毋去宮廷, 閣較毋旅行到任何陸地上好耍 ê 城鎮. 今她唯一想欲做 ê 代誌, tō 是 ná 像姻老爸 án-ne, 收集稀罕 ê 藍色瓷仔. 所致, 她開始出海, 過一國 koh 一國, 姻老爸 mā 綴她去.

Tī 追求中間, 她 kā 和她 chih-chiap ê 人講, 她 teh 揣一種特別 ê 藍色, 願意付任何價數. 毋過, 雖罔她買幾若百个藍色罐仔和碗, 過一段時間, 她總是 kā in 囥一爿去, 講, "Ai-ah, ai-ah, 這毋是正確 ê 藍色." Tī in 做伙出海幾年了後, 姻老爸 kā 她建議講, 凡勢她 teh 追求 ê 色無存在. "Oh, 天 ah, Papa," 她講, "你那會講 chiah 惡毒 ê 話? 當然, ùi 全世界 lóng 是藍色彼時陣, 一定有一寡留落來."

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1.

There once was an immensely rich old Englishman who had been a courier and a councillor to the Queen and who now, in his old age, cared for nothing but collecting ancient blue china. To that end he travelled to Persia, Japan and China, and he was everywhere accompanied by his daughter, the Lady Helena. It happened, as they sailed in the China Sea, that the ship caught fire on a still night, and everybody went into the lifeboats and left her. In the dark and confusion the old peer was separated from his daughter. Lady Helena got up on deck late, and found the ship quite deserted. In the last moment a young English sailor carried her down into a lifeboat that had been forgotten. To the two fugitives it seemed as if fire was following them from all sides, for the phosphorescence played in the dark sea, and, as they looked up, a falling star ran across the sky, as if it was going to drop into the boat. They sailed for nine days, till they were picked up by a Dutch merchantman, and came home to England.

The old lord had believed his daughter to be dead. He now wept with joy, and at once he took her off to a fashionable watering-place so that she might recover from the hardships she had gone through. And as he thought it must be unpleasant to her that a young sailor, who made his bread in the merchant service, should tell the world that he had sailed for nine days alone with a peer's daughter, he paid the boy a fine sum, and made him promise to go shipping in the other hemisphere and never come back. "For what," said the old nobleman, "would be the good of that?"

When Lady Helena recovered, and they gave her the news of the Court and of her family, and in the end also told her how the young sailor had been sent away never to come back, they found that her mind had suffered from the trials, and that she cared for nothing in all the world. She would not go back to her father's castle in its park, nor go to Court, nor travel to any gay town of the continent. The only thing which she now wanted to do was to go, like her father before her, to collect rare blue china. So she began to sail, from one country to the other, and her father went with her.

In her search she told people, with whom she dealt, that she was looking for a particular blue color, and would pay any price for it. But although she bought many hundred blue jars and bowls, she would always after a time put them aside and say: "Alas, alas, it is not the right blue." Her father, when they had sailed for many years, suggested to her that perhaps the color which she sought did not exist. "O God, Papa," said she, "how can you speak so wickedly? Surely there must be some of it left from the time when all the world was blue."

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C61b 滿足伊 tùi 歸屬 ê 願望

2. Boán-chiok i tùi kui-sio̍k ê goān-bōng

Jiân-āu, Bloemfontein Siā-hōe Hok-lī Kio̍k hôe-phe kóng, Vlak Ke 48-Hō ê Betty Maarman Tt sī chin-si̍t ê lâng, yi ū 4-ê gín-á, Richard hām Dickie, Anna hām Mina, m̄-koh Ha'penny m̄-sī yi ê gín-á, yi kan-ta chai i sī ke-lō͘ ê liû-lōng-jî. Yi m̄-bat kā i hôe-phe, in-ūi i tī phe-ni̍h kiò yi "A-bú," m̄-koh yi m̄-sī i ê lāu-bú, iū-koh yi mā bô-ài poaⁿ chit-khoán kak-sek. Yi sī chi̍t-ê chèng-phài ê cha-bó͘, khiân-sêng ê kàu-tô͘, yi m̄-bat siūⁿ tio̍h hō͘ chhù-lāi-lâng khan-liân tio̍h chit-ê gín-á, khì pāi-hāi yi ê ka-têng. 

M̄-koh, chāi góa khòaⁿ, Ha'penny m̄-sī it-poaⁿ ê siàu-liân hoān; i tùi ka-têng ê io̍k-bōng chin kiông, i tī kiáu-chèng-só͘ ê kì-lo̍k mā bô thang hiâm, i koh jia̍t-chhiat ài-boeh tit-lâng thiàⁿ, khéng thiaⁿ-ōe, tì-sú góa khai-sí kám-kak tùi i ū tōa chek-jīm. Chū án-ne, góa mn̄g i iú-koan in "lāu-bú" ê tāi-chì.

I tùi yi ê hó kóng bē-soah, o-ló kah tak-chi̍h. Yi jîn-chû, tiong-hō͘, giâm-keh. Yin tau chin chheng-khì. Yi tùi só͘-ū yi ê gín-á lóng tāng kám-chêng. Chin chheng-chhó, chit-ê bô-chhù ê gín-á, tō kóng i kah-ì tī góa sin-piⁿ, i mā ē kah-ì tī yi sin-piⁿ; i chhiūⁿ koan-chhat góa án-ne koan-chhat yi, m̄-koh bô pì-koat khì phah-khui yi ê sim-koaⁿ, thang hō͘ yi chiap-siū i, kā i ùi ko͘-to̍k seng-oa̍h tiong chín-kiù chhut-lâi. 

"Lí ū chiah hó ê lāu-bú, sī án-chóaⁿ lí thau mi̍h-kiāⁿ?" góa mn̄g.

I bô ōe thang ìn; i ê thâu-náu, i ê ióng-khì lóng bô hoat-tō͘ chhōe tio̍h būn-tê ê tap-àn, in-ūi i chai-iáⁿ, nā ū chit-khoán lāu-bú, i kin-pún to bē thau mi̍h-kiāⁿ.

"Hit-ê cha-po͘ gín-á kiò Dickie," góa kóng, "m̄-sī Tickie."

Chū án-ne, i chai-iáⁿ phiàn-kio̍k piak-khang ah. Pa̍t-ê gín-á hoān-sè ē kóng, "Góa pún-chiâⁿ tō kóng, i sī Dickie," m̄-koh i ū-kàu khiáu; i chai, góa nā í-keng khak-tēng hit-ê gín-á ê miâ, góa tiāⁿ-tio̍h mā í-keng khak-tēng kî-thaⁿ ê tāi-chì ah. Góa hō͘ ka-tī ê hêng-tōng ê chek-khek koh khòaⁿ ē-tio̍h ê hāu-kó kiaⁿ tio̍h. I kui-ê kian-kiông ê sìn-sim siau khì, kui-sin liù-liù khiā tī hia, m̄-sī chi̍t-ê pe̍h-chha̍t, sī chi̍t-ê kō͘ bô chûn-chāi ê lāu-bú, hiaⁿ-tī, chí-mōe lâi pau-chong ka-tī ê bô-chhù ê gín-á. Góa thiat-té phah-phòa i ê chun-giâm, phah-phòa i tùi jîn-seng ì-gī ê ì-sek ki-chhó͘.

* * *

I sûi tō phòa-pēⁿ, i-seng kóng he sī hì-lô. Góa sûi siá-phe hō͘ Maarman Tt, kā yi kóng kui-ê kò͘-sū, kóng chit-ê sè-hàn gín-á án-chóaⁿ koan-chhat yi, koh koat-tēng yi tō sī i ì-ài ê lāu-bú. M̄-koh, yi hôe-phe kóng, yi bô hoat-tō͘ tùi i hū-chek. Ū chi̍t-ê goân-in. Ha'penny sī Mosuto lâng, iá yi sī chi̍t-ê ū-sek ê cha-bó͘; lēng-gōa, yi m̄-bat tú tio̍h ū mâ-hoân ê gín-á, ná ū khó-lêng chiap-siū chit-khoán gín-á?

Hì-lô sī chi̍t-ê kî-koài ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ; ū-sî i tī siōng bô khó-lêng ê chú-lâng sin-khu chhut-hiān, koh chin kín tō sàu soah. Ha'penny hòng-khì sè-kài, pàng-khui hāu-tiúⁿ, lāu-bú téng-téng, i-seng kóng hi-bāng chin sè. Choa̍t-bāng tiong, góa kià chîⁿ chhiáⁿ Maarman Tt lâi.

Yi sī chi̍t-ê chèng-phài ê ka-têng chú-hū, khòaⁿ tio̍h tāi-chì chiah giâm-tiōng, bô the-sî, mā bô kò͘ bīn-chú, yi sûi chiap-la̍p Ha'penny, kā tòng-chò ka-tī ê. Kui kiáu-chèng-só͘ mā kā yi tòng-chò sī in lāu-bú. Yi kui-kang hām i chē chò-hóe, hām i kóng-khí Richard hām Dickie, Anna hām Mina ê tāi-chì, kóng in lóng teh tán i tńg-chhù. Yi kā kám-chêng ak hō͘ i, bô kiaⁿ i ê pēⁿ, mā put-chún che pēⁿ chó͘-gāi yi khì boán-chiok i tùi kui-sio̍k ê goān-bōng.

Yi kap i kóng-khí tán in tńg-khì boeh chò ê tāi-chì, kóng i tio̍h khì ha̍k-hāu, kóng Guy Fawkes [cheh-ji̍t] àm-mê in boeh bé siáⁿ-mi̍h.

I mā kā it-chhè ê chù-ì khǹg tī yi, góa khì khòaⁿ i ê sî, i chin hoaⁿ-hí, m̄-koh góa í-keng bô tī i ê sè-kài. Góa kám-kak, i tùi góa ê phòaⁿ-toàn sī, góa kan-ta kám-kak tio̍h i ê chûn-chāi, m̄-koh bô lí-kái i io̍k-bōng ê thêng-tō͘. Góa hi-bāng, góa nā ū khah-kín, khah khiáu, khah tōa chhut-chhiú khì chò tō hó ah. Goán kā i tâi tī kiáu-chèng-só͘ ê lông-tiûⁿ, Maarman Tt kā góa kóng, "Lí chhāi si̍p-jī-kè ê sî, kā i tòng-chò góa ê kiáⁿ. Góa chin kiàn-siàu," yi kóng, "tong-chho͘ góa bô chiap-siū i."

"Che pēⁿ," góa kóng, "pēⁿ goân-pún tō ē lâi."

"Bē," yi ná kóng, ná chin khak-tēng iô-thâu, "Pēⁿ bē lâi. Tō kóng tī chhù lāi phòa-pēⁿ, tāi-chì mā chin bô kāng-khoán."

Jiân-āu, tī lâi kiáu-chèng-só͘ chò chit-ê kî-koài ê hóng-būn liáu-āu, yi tńg-khì Bloemfontein. Góa mā lī-khui chia, koat-sim boeh khah tōa chhut-chhiú khì chhú-lí Kok-ka kau-tāi hō͘ góa ê jīm-bū, sui-bóng bûn-jī siōng bô siá hiah-chē. 

[Soah]

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2. 滿足伊 tùi 歸屬 ê 願望

然後, Bloemfontein 社會福利局回批講, Vlak 街 48 號 ê Betty Maarman Tt 是真實 ê 人, 她有 4 个囡仔, Richard 和 Dickie, Anna 和 Mina, 毋過 Ha'penny 毋是她 ê 囡仔, 她干焦知伊是街路 ê 流浪兒. 她 m̄-bat kā 伊回批, 因為伊 tī 批 ni̍h 叫她 "阿母," 毋過她毋是伊 ê 老母, 又閣 她 mā 無愛搬這款角色. 她是一个正派 ê 查某, 虔誠 ê 教徒, 她 m̄-bat 想著 hō͘ 厝內人牽連著這个囡仔, 去敗害她 ê 家庭. 

毋過, 在我看, Ha'penny 毋是一般 ê 少年犯; 伊 tùi 家庭 ê 慾望真強, 伊 tī 矯正所 ê 記錄 mā 無通嫌, 伊 koh 熱切愛欲得人疼, 肯聽話, 致使我開始感覺 tùi 伊有大責任. 自 án-ne, 我問伊有關 in "老母" ê 代誌.

伊 tùi 她 ê 好講袂煞, o-ló kah 觸舌. 她仁慈, 忠厚, 嚴格. 姻兜真清氣. 她 tùi 所有她 ê 囡仔 lóng 重感情. 真清楚, 這个無厝 ê 囡仔, tō 講伊佮意 tī 我身邊, 伊 mā ē 佮意 tī 她身邊; 伊像觀察我 án-ne 觀察她, 毋過無祕訣去拍開她 ê 心肝, 通 hō͘ 她接受伊, kā 伊 ùi 孤獨生活中拯救出來. 

"你有 chiah 好 ê 老母, 是按怎你偷物件?" 我問.

伊無話通應; 伊 ê 頭腦, 伊 ê 勇氣 lóng 無法度揣著問題 ê 答案, 因為伊知影, 若有這款老母, 伊根本 to 袂偷物件.

"彼个查埔囡仔叫 Dickie," 我講, "毋是 Tickie."

自 án-ne, 伊知影騙局煏空 ah. 別个囡仔凡勢 ē 講, "我本成 tō 講, 伊是 Dickie," 毋過伊有夠巧; 伊知, 我若已經確定彼个囡仔 ê 名, 我定著 mā 已經確定其他 ê 代誌 ah. 我 hō͘ 家己 ê 行動 ê 即刻 koh 看會著 ê 效果驚著. 伊規个堅強 ê 信心消去, 規身 liù-liù 徛 tī hia, 毋是一个白賊, 是一个 kō͘ 無存在 ê 老母, 兄弟, 姊妹來包裝家己 ê 無厝 ê 囡仔. 我徹底拍破伊 ê 尊嚴, 拍破伊 tùi 人生意義 ê 意識基礎.

* * *

伊隨 tō 破病, 醫生講 he 是肺癆. 我隨寫批 hō͘ Maarman Tt, kā 她講規个故事, 講這个細漢囡仔按怎觀察她, koh 決定她 tō 是伊意愛 ê 老母. 毋過, 她回批講, 她無法度 tùi 伊負責. 有一个原因: Ha'penny 是 Mosuto 人, iá 她是一个有色 ê 查某; 另外, 她 m̄-bat 拄著有麻煩 ê 囡仔, 那有可能接受這款囡仔?

肺癆是一个奇怪 ê 物件; 有時伊 tī 上無可能 ê 主人身軀出現, koh 真緊 tō 掃煞. Ha'penny 放棄世界, 放開校長, 老母等等, 醫生講希望真細. 絕望中, 我寄錢請 Maarman Tt 來.

她是一个正派 ê 家庭主婦, 看著代誌 chiah 嚴重, 無推辭, mā 無顧面子, 她隨接納 Ha'penny, kā 當做家己 ê. 規矯正所 mā kā 她當做是 in 老母. 她規工和伊坐做伙, 和伊講起 Richard 和 Dickie, Anna 和 Mina ê 代誌, 講 in lóng teh 等伊轉厝. 她 kā 感情渥 hō͘ 伊, 無驚伊 ê 病, mā 不准 che 病阻礙她去滿足伊 tùi 歸屬 ê 願望.

她 kap 伊講起等 in 轉去欲做 ê 代誌, 講伊著去學校, 講 Guy Fawkes [節日] 暗暝 in 欲買啥物.

伊 mā kā 一切 ê 注意囥 tī 她, 我去看伊 ê 時, 伊真歡喜, 毋過我已經無 tī 伊 ê 世界. 我感覺, 伊 tùi 我 ê 判斷是, 我干焦感覺著伊 ê 存在, 毋過無理解伊慾望 ê 程度. 我希望, 我若有較緊, 較巧, 較大出手去做 tō 好 ah. 阮 kā 伊埋 tī 矯正所 ê 農場, Maarman Tt kā 我講, "你祀十字架 ê 時, kā 伊當做我 ê 囝. 我真見笑," 她講, "當初我無接受伊."

"Che 病," 我講, "病原本 tō ē 來."

"袂," 她 ná 講, ná 真確定搖頭, "病袂來. Tō 講 tī 厝內破病, 代誌 mā 真無仝款."

然後, tī 來矯正所做這个奇怪 ê 訪問了後, 她轉去 Bloemfontein. 我 mā 離開 chia, 決心欲較大出手去處理國家交代 hō͘ 我 ê 任務, 雖罔文字上無寫 hiah 濟. 

[煞]

--

2.

Then the letter came from the Social Welfare Officer in Bloemfontein, saying that Mrs Betty Maarman of 48 Vlak Street was a real person, and that she had four children, Richard and Dickie, Anna and Mina, but that Ha'penny was no child of hers, and she knew him only as a derelict of the streets. She had never answered his letters, because he wrote to her as 'Mother', and she was no mother of his, nor did she wish to play any such role. She was a decent woman, a faithful member of the church, and she had no thought of corrupting her family by letting them have anything to do with such a child.

But Ha'penny seemed to me anything but the usual delinquent; his desire to have a family was so strong, and his reformatory record was so blameless, and his anxiety to please and obey so great, that I began to feel a great duty towards him. Therefore I asked him about his 'mother'.

He could not speak enough of her, or with too high praise. She was loving, honest, and strict. Her home was clean. She had affection for all her children. It was clear that the homeless child, even as he had attached himself to me, would have attached himself to her; he had observed her even as he had observed me, but did not know the secret of how to open her heart, so that she would take him in, and save him from the lonely life that he led.

“Why did you steal when you had such a mother?" I asked.

He could not answer that; not all his brains nor his courage could find an answer to such a question, for he knew that with such a mother he would not have stolen at all.

“The boy's name is Dickie," I said, “not Tickie."

And then he knew the deception was revealed. Another boy might have said, “I told you it was Dickie", but he was too intelligent for that; he knew that if I had established that the boy's name was Dickie, I must have established other things too. I was shocked by the immediate and visible effect of my action. His whole brave assurance died within him, and he stood there exposed, not as a liar, but as a homeless child who had surrounded himself with mother, brothers, and sisters, who did not exist. I had shattered the very foundations of his pride, and his sense of human significance.

* * *

He fell sick at once, and the doctor said it was tuberculosis. I wrote at once to Mrs Maarman, telling her the whole story, of how this small boy had observed her, and had decided that she was the person he desired for his mother. But she wrote back saying that she could take no responsibility for him. For one thing. Ha'penny was a Mosuto, and she was a coloured woman; for another, she had never had a child in trouble, and how could she take such a boy?

Tuberculosis is a strange thing; sometimes it manifests itself suddenly in the most unlikely host, and swiftly sweeps to the end. Ha'penny withdrew himself from the world, from all Principals and mothers, and the doctor said there was little hope. In desperation I sent money for Mrs Maarman to come.

She was a decent, homely woman, and seeing that the situation was serious, she, without fuss or embarrassment adopted Ha'penny for her own. The whole reformatory accepted her as his mother. She sat the whole day with him, and talked to him of Richard and Dickie, Anna and Mina, and how they were all waiting for him to come home. She poured out her affection on him, and had no fear of his sickness, nor did she allow it to prevent her from satisfying his hunger to be owned.

She talked to him of what they would do when he came back, and how he would go to the school and what they would buy for Guy Fawkes night.

He in his turn gave his whole attention to her, and when I visited him he was grateful, but I had passed out of his world. I felt judged in that I had sensed only the existence and not the measure of his desire. I wished I had done something sooner, more wise, more prodigal. We buried him on the reformatory farm, and Mrs Maarman said to me, “When you put up the cross, put he was my son. I'm ashamed," she said, “that I wouldn't take him.'

“The sickness," I said, “the sickness would have come.”

"No,' she said, shaking her head with certainty. “It wouldn't have come. And if it had come at home, it would have been different."

So she left for Bloemfontein, after her strange visit to a reformatory. And I was left too, with the resolve to be more prodigal in the task that the State, though not in so many words, had enjoined on me.

--

// 2022-7-27

C61 Ha'penny | 夏平年 - a 這是國家 hō͘ 我 ê 任務

Ha'penny /by Alan Paton

https://cyc-net.org/cyc-online/cycol-0401-paton.html

Ha'penny | 夏平年

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1. Che sī Kok-ka hō͘ góa ê jīm-bū

Tī kiáu-chèng-só͘ ê 600-ê cha-po͘ gín-á tiong-kan, ū tāi-iok 100-ê sī 10- chì 14-hòe ê gín-á.

Goán Pō͘-mn̂g put-sî piáu-sī, phah-sǹg boeh kā in chhōa cháu, boeh te̍k-pia̍t ūi in siat chi̍t-ê tan-ūi, pí kiáu-chèng-só͘ khah sêng chi̍t-keng kang-gia̍p ha̍k-hāu. Che goân-pún sī chi̍t-kiāⁿ hó-sū, in-ūi in só͘ hoān ê sī khin-chōe, hō͘ in ùi chia hun-khui mā tùi in khah hó. Nā siat-li̍p chit-chióng ha̍k-hāu, góa goān-ì khì tam-jīm hāu-tiúⁿ, in-ūi án-ne khang-khòe tō khah khin-khó; sè-hàn cha-po͘ gín-á ê pún-sèng khah tiōng kám-chêng, án-ne tō khah hó kō͘ chū-jiân, khin-sang ê hong-sek lâi éng-hióng in.

In tiong-kan ū chi̍t-kóa lâng, tī góa óa-kīn in ê sî, bô-lūn sī iû-hêng, a̍h tī hāu-lāi a̍h that kha-kiû ê sî, ē chim-chiok chù-ì góa, m̄-sī ti̍t-chiap a̍h chhim-ji̍p ê koan-chhat, sī siâ-siâ, thau-thau-á teh koan-chhat; ū-sî góa kek hō͘ in kiaⁿ chi̍t-tiô, koh piáu-sī góa chai in teh koan-chhat góa, án-ne tō hō͘ in kám-kak móa-ì, tō bô koh koan-chhat góa, tō choan-sim tī hit-sî ê sū-hāng téng-bīn. M̄-koh, góa chai-iáⁿ, góa ê khoân-ui tī chia tit-tio̍h khak-jīn hām ka-kiông.

Hām in ê chit-chióng pì-bi̍t koan-hē, tùi góa lâi kóng, sī put-toān ê khoài-lo̍k lâi-goân. Jû-kó in sī góa ka-tī ê gín-á, góa tiāⁿ-tio̍h tùi che ē ū koh-khah tōa ê hoán-èng. M̄-koh, góa tiāⁿ-tiāⁿ nǹg-kòe chēng-chēng, sūn-sī ê iû-hêng tūi-ngó͘, khiā tī in tiong-kan chi̍t-lâng sin-piⁿ. I tō ba̍k-thâu sió-khóa kat-kat, choan-sim ti̍t-ti̍t khòaⁿ i thâu-chêng hit-lâng, tùi góa ê chiap-kīn hián-sī chi̍t-ê gín-á ê tì-kak, koh kek chi̍t-ê tōa-lâng ê m̄-chhap. Ū-sî, góa kā i ê hīⁿ-á giú chi̍t-ē, i tō tùi góa kek chi̍t-ê piáu-sī hó-ì ê chhiò-bīn, a̍h ba̍k-thâu kat koh-khah ân, piáu-sī i ê choan-sim. Góa siūⁿ, kā chiah-ê gōa-chāi ê piáu-ta̍t hān-chè tī sè-sè ê sū-hāng, hō͘ in kan-ta sī chi̍t-chióng siōng-teng, chi̍t-kóa khah tōa ê gín-á tō ē-hiáu koan-chhat che, chai che piáu-sī in tit-tio̍h chiap-siū. Tī kiáu-chèng-só͘ keng-le̍k iô-tāng hām mâ-hoân ê sî, koh tī tong-kio̍k hām gín-á tiong-kan ū sán-seng so͘-oán ê hûi-hiám ê sî, chò chit-chióng kán-tan koh chū-jiân ê tōng-chok sī chi̍t-ê kái-thoat, che tùi góa hām in lóng sī chi̍t-chióng pó-chèng: bô siáⁿ-mih tiōng-iàu ê piàn-hòa.

Lé-pài-ji̍t ē-po͘ góa ti̍t-pan ê sî, góa kā chhia sái kàu kiáu-chèng-só͘, khòaⁿ chū-iû ê gín-á chhiam-miâ chhut-gōa. bē-tàng chū-iû chhut-khì ê gín-á mā teh koan-khòaⁿ chit-ê chhiú-sio̍k, in tō hō͘-siong án-ne kóng, "koh bô kúi lé-pài, góa tō ē-tàng ka-tī chhiam-miâ chhut-gōa." Tī koan-khòaⁿ ê tiong-kan, chóng-sī ū chi̍t-kóa sè-hàn gín-á, chiah-ê góa tō lûn-liû hō͘ in chē góa ê chhia. Goán tō chhut-khì Potchefstroom Lō͘, hia ū lâu bô-thêng ê chhia-tīn, jiân-āu khì Baragwanath kau-chhe lō͘, jiân-āu sūn Van Wyksrus Lō͘ tńg-lâi kiáu-chèng-só͘. Góa ē thàm-mn̄g in ka-têng, in pē-bú, in hiaⁿ-tī chí-mōe ê chêng-hêng, góa mā ē ké-kúi góa tùi Durban, Port Elizabeth, Potchefstroom, hām Clocolan bô siáⁿ kài-liām, tō mn̄g in hiah-ê só͘-chāi kám ē pí Johannesburg khah tōa.

* * *

Kî-tiong chi̍t-ê sè-hàn gín-á kiò Ha'penny, tāi-khài 12 hòe. I ùi Bloemfontein lâi, sī in tiong-kan siōng ài kóng-ōe ê lâng. In lāu-bú tī chi̍t-ê pe̍h-lâng ka-têng kang-chok, i ū nn̄g-ê hiaⁿ-tī hām nn̄g-ê chí-mōe. In hiaⁿ-tī hō-chò Richard hām Dickie, chí-mōe hō-chò Anna hām Mina.

"Richard hām Dickie?" góa mn̄g.

"Sī, lāu-su."

"Tī Eng-gí lâi kóng, Richard hām Dickie sī kāng chi̍t-ê miâ."

Tán goán tńg kàu kiáu-chèng-só͘ ê sî, góa niá chhut Ha'penny ê bûn-kiāⁿ; hia bêng-bêng án-ne siá; Ha'penny sī chi̍t-ê liû-lōng-jî, kin-pún bô chhin-chiâⁿ. I hông ùi chi̍t-ê ka-têng sóa kàu lēng-gōa chi̍t-ê, m̄-koh i chin gia̍t, bô hó koán-chè, lo̍h-bóe in-ūi tī chhī-tiûⁿ thau mi̍h-kiāⁿ hông chang tio̍h. Jiân-āu góa khì tiàu thong-sìn-phō͘, hoat-hiān Ha'penny chin chia̍p siá-phe, a̍h sī kóng, ū pa̍t-lâng thè i siá-phe, it-ti̍t kàu i ē-hiáu ka-tī siá, i siá-phe kià kàu Bloemfontein, Vlak Ke 48 Hō, hō͘ Betty Maarman Tt [thài-thài]. M̄-koh Maarman Tt m̄-bat kā hôe-phe, chi̍t-pái mā bô. Tán góa kā mn̄g ê sî, i kóng, "Hoān-sè yi lâng phòa-pēⁿ." Góa chē lo̍h-lâi, má-siōng siá-phe hō͘ Bloemfontein ê Siā-hōe Hok-lī Kio̍k, chhiáⁿ in tiâu-cha chi̍t-ē.

Koh loeh hit-kái, góa hō͘ Ha'penny chē-chhia chhut-khì ê sî, góa koh mn̄g i ê ka-têng. I kă kóng ê hām téng-hôe kāng-khoán, in lāu-bú, Richard hām Dickie, Anna hām Mina. M̄-koh, i kā Dickie ê "D" kóng kah chin khin, só͘-í thiaⁿ khí-lâi kài sêng Tickie.

"Góa kiò-sī lí kóng Dickie," góa kóng.

"Góa kóng ê sī Tickie," i kóng.

I lia̍h góa khòaⁿ chi̍t-ē, am-khàm i ê sim-kiaⁿ, góa ê kiat-lūn sī: chit-ê Bloemfontein liû-lōng-jî sī chi̍t-ê khiáu gín-á, i só͘ kóng ê kò͘-sū lóng sī i pian ê, kan-ta kái-piàn kî-tiong chi̍t-ê jī-bó, án-ne tō bô lâng ē hoâi-gî. Góa mā siūⁿ-kóng góa oân-choân liáu-kái it-chhè, i kiàn-siàu ka-tī bô ka-têng, tō ka-tī hoat-bêng chhù-lāi lâng, án-ne tō bô-lâng chai i bô-pē bô-bú, sè-kan bô-lâng koan-sim i ê sí-oa̍h. Che hō͘ góa tùi i sán-seng tōa kám-chêng, góa chīn-la̍t tùi i piáu-hiān lāu-pē ê koan-hoâi, che sī Kok-ka kau-tài hō͘ góa ê jīm-bū, sui-bóng bûn-jī siōng m̄-sī án-ne siá.

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1. 這是國家 hō͘ 我 ê 任務

Tī 矯正所 ê 600 个查埔囡仔中間, 有大約 100 个是 10 至 14 歲 ê 囡仔.

阮部門不時表示, 拍算欲 kā in chhōa 走, 欲特別為 in 設一个單位, 比矯正所較成一間工業學校. 這原本是一件好事, 因為 in 所犯 ê 是輕罪, hō͘ in ùi chia 分開 mā tùi in 較好. 若設立這種學校, 我願意去擔任校長, 因為 án-ne 工課 tō 較輕可; 細漢查埔囡仔 ê 本性較重感情, án-ne tō 較好 kō͘ 自然, 輕鬆 ê 方式來影響 in.

In 中間有一寡人, tī 我倚近 in ê 時, 無論是遊行, a̍h tī 校內 a̍h 踢跤球 ê 時, ē 斟酌注意我, 毋是直接 a̍h 深入 ê 觀察, 是斜斜, 偷偷仔 teh 觀察; 有時我激 hō͘ in 驚一趒, koh 表示我知 in teh 觀察我, án-ne tō hō͘ in 感覺滿意, tō 無 koh 觀察我, tō 專心 tī 彼時 ê 事項頂面. 毋過, 我知影, 我 ê 權威 tī chia 得著確認和加強.

和 in ê 這種祕密關係, tùi 我來講, 是不斷 ê 快樂來源. 如果 in 是我家己 ê 囡仔, 我定著 tùi 這 ē 有閣較大 ê 反應. 毋過, 我定定軁過靜靜, 順序 ê 遊行隊伍, 徛 tī in 中間一人身邊. 伊 tō 目頭小可結結, 專心直直看伊頭前彼人, tùi 我 ê 接近顯示一个囡仔 ê 致覺, koh 激一个大人 ê 毋插. 有時, 我 kā 伊 ê 耳仔搝一下, 伊 tō tùi 我激一个表示好意 ê 笑面, a̍h 目頭結閣較絚, 表示伊 ê 專心. 我想, kā chiah-ê 外在 ê 表達限制 tī 細細 ê 事項, hō͘ in 干焦是一種象徵, 一寡較大 ê 囡仔 tō 會曉觀察這, 知這表示 in 得著接受. Tī 矯正所經歷搖動和麻煩 ê 時, koh tī 當局和囡仔中間有產生疏遠 ê 危險 ê 時, 做這種簡單 koh 自然 ê 動作是一个解脫, 這 tùi 我和 in lóng 是一種保證: 無啥物重要 ê 變化.

禮拜日下晡我值班 ê 時, 我 kā 車駛到矯正所, 看自由 ê 囡仔簽名出外. 袂當自由出去 ê 囡仔 mā teh 觀看這个手續, in tō 互相 án-ne 講, "koh 無幾禮拜, 我 tō 會當家己簽名出外." Tī 觀看 ê 中間, 總是有一寡細漢囡仔, chiah-ê 我 tō 輪流 hō͘ in 坐我 ê 車. 阮 tō 出去 Potchefstroom 路, hia 有流無停 ê 車陣, 然後去 Baragwanath 交叉路, 然後順 Van Wyksrus 路轉來矯正所. 我 ē 探問 in 家庭, in 爸母, in 兄弟姊妹 ê 情形, 我 mā ē 假鬼我 tùi Durban, Port Elizabeth, Potchefstroom, 和 Clocolan 無啥概念, tō 問 in hiah-ê 所在敢會比 Johannesburg 較大.

* * *

其中一个細漢囡仔叫 Ha'penny, 大概 12 歲. 伊 ùi Bloemfontein 來, 是 in 中間上愛講話 ê 人. In 老母 tī 一个白人家庭工作, 伊有兩个兄弟和兩个姊妹. In 兄弟號做 Richard 和 Dickie, 姊妹號做 Anna 和 Mina.

"Richard 和 Dickie?" 我問.

"是, 老師."

"Tī 英語來講, Richard 和 Dickie 是仝一个名."

等阮轉到矯正所 ê 時, 我領出 Ha'penny ê 文件; hia 明明 án-ne 寫; Ha'penny 是一个流浪兒, 根本無親情. 伊 hông ùi 一个家庭徙到另外一个, 毋過伊真孽, 無好管制, 落尾因為 tī 市場偷物件 hông 㨑著. 然後我去調通信簿, 發現 Ha'penny 真捷寫批, a̍h 是講, 有別人替伊寫批, 一直到伊會曉家己寫, 伊寫批寄到 Bloemfontein, Vlak 街 48 號, hō͘ Betty Maarman Tt [thài-thài]. 毋過 Maarman Tt m̄-bat kā 回批, 一擺 mā 無. 等我 kā 問 ê 時, 伊講, "凡勢她人破病." 我坐落來, 馬上寫批 hō͘ Bloemfontein ê 社會福利局, 請 in 調查一下.

Koh loeh 彼改, 我 hō͘ Ha'penny 坐車出去 ê 時, 我 koh 問伊 ê 家庭. 伊 kă 講 ê 和頂回仝款, in 老母, Richard 和 Dickie, Anna 和 Mina. 毋過, 伊 kā Dickie ê "D" 講 kah 真輕, 所以聽起來蓋成 Tickie.

"我叫是你講 Dickie," 我講.

"我講 ê 是 Tickie," 伊講.

伊掠我看一下, 掩崁伊 ê 心驚, 我 ê 結論是: 這个 Bloemfontein 流浪兒是一个巧囡仔, 伊所講 ê 故事 lóng 是伊編 ê, 干焦改變其中一个字母, án-ne tō 無人 ē 懷疑. 我 mā 想講我完全了解一切, 伊見笑家己無家庭, tō 家己發明厝內人, án-ne tō 無人知伊無爸無母, 世間無人關心伊 ê 死活. 這 hō͘ 我 tùi 伊產生大感情, 我盡力 tùi 伊表現老爸 ê 關懷, 這是國家交代 hō͘ 我 ê 任務, 雖罔文字上毋是 án-ne 寫.

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1.

Of the six hundred boys at the reformatory, about one hundred were from ten to fourteen years of age.

My Department had from time to time expressed the intention of taking them away, and of establishing a special institution for them, more like an industrial school than a reformatory. This would have been a good thing, for their offences were very trivial, and they would have been better by themselves. Had such a school been established, I should have liked to be Principal of it myself, for it would have been an easier job; small boys turn instinctively towards affection, and one controls them by it, naturally and easily.

Some of them, if I came near them, either on parade or in school or at football, would observe me watchfully, not directly or fully, but obliquely and secretly; sometimes I would surprise them at it, and make some small sign of recognition, which would satisfy them so that they would cease to observe me, and would give their full attention to the event of the moment. But I knew that my authority was thus confirmed and strengthened.

The secret relations with them were a source of continuous pleasure to me. Had they been my own children I would no doubt have given a greater expression to it. But often I would move through the silent and orderly parade, and stand by one of them. He would look straight in front of him with a little frown of concentration that expressed both childish awareness of and manly indifference to my nearness. Sometimes I would tweak his ear, and he would give me a brief smile of acknowledgement, or frown with still greater concentration. It was natural, I suppose, to confine these outward expressions to the very smallest, but they were taken as symbolic, and some older boys would observe them and take themselves to be included. It was a relief, when the reformatory was passing through times of turbulence and trouble, and when there was danger of estrangement between authority and boys, to make these simple and natural gestures, which were reassurances to both me and them that nothing important had changed.

On Sunday afternoons when I was on duty I would take my car to the reformatory and watch the free boys being signed out at the gate. The simple operation was also watched by many boys not free, who would tell each other, “In so many weeks I'll be signed out myself.” Among the watchers were always some of the small boys, and these I would take by turns in the car. We would go out to the Potchefstroom Road with its ceaseless stream of traffic, and to the Baragwanath crossroads, and come back by the Van Wyksrus road to the reformatory. I would talk to them about their families, their parents, their sisters and brothers, and I would pretend to know nothing of Durban, Port Elizabeth, Potchefstroom, and Clocolan, and ask them if these places were bigger than Johannesburg.

* * *

One of the small boys was Ha'penny, and he was about twelve years old. He came from Bloemfontein and was the biggest talker of them all. His mother worked in a white person's house, and he had two brothers and two sisters. His brothers were Richard and Dickie, and his sisters Anna and Mina.

"Richard and Dickie?" I asked.

"Yes, meneer."

"In English," I said, “Richard and Dickie are the same name."

When we returned to the reformatory, I sent for Ha'penny's papers; there it was plainly set down, Ha'penny was a waif, with no relatives at all. He had been taken from one home to another, but he was naughty and uncontrollable, and eventually had taken to pilfering at the market. I then sent for the Letter Book, and found that Ha'penny wrote regularly, or rather that others wrote for him till he could write himself, to Mrs Betty Maarman, of 48 Vlak Street, Bloemfontein. But Mrs Maarman had never once replied to him. When questioned, he had said, “Perhaps she is sick." I sat down and wrote at once to the Social Welfare Officer in Bloemfontein, asking him to investigate.

The next time I had Ha'penny out in the car I questioned him again about his family. And he told me the same as before, his mother, Richard and Dickie, Anna and Mina. But he softened the 'D' of Dickie, so that it sounded now like Tickie.

"I thought you said Dickie," I said.

"I said Tickie," he said.

He watched me with concealed apprehension, and I came to the conclusion that this waif of Bloemfontein was a clever boy, who had told me a story that was all imagination, and had changed one single letter of it to make it safe from any question. And I thought I understood it all too, that he was ashamed of being without a family and had invented them all, so that no one might discover that he was fatherless and motherless and that no one in the world cared whether he was alive or dead. This gave me a strong feeling for him, and I went out of my way to manifest towards him that fatherly care that the State, though not in those words, had enjoined upon me by giving me this job.

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