C37b 這改連 pòng 聲 to 無

2. Chit-kái liân pòng siaⁿ to bô

Taⁿ, Marta khòaⁿ tio̍h ê m̄-nā kan-ta bô hoân-ló ê lâng-tīn, ū-sî sīm-chì ū chi̍t-kóa khì-gia̍p oân-kang, in chhēng o͘-sek a̍h nâ-sek ê ûi-kûn, chē tī tn̂g-pâi ê pān-kong-toh. Kî-tiong ū kúi-ê siàu-liân-ke nî-kí kap yi sio-kāng, a̍h pí yi khah tōa, hō͘ chi̍t-ji̍t ê khang-khòe thiám kàu taⁿ, múi keh chi̍t-ē-á in tō ùi khang-khòe hām phah-jī-ki gia̍h ba̍k-chiu khòaⁿ chi̍t-ē.

In-ūi án-ne, in mā khòaⁿ tio̍h yi, kî-tiong kúi-ê cháu kàu thang-á. "Lí boeh khì tó? Ná-ē hiah kín? Lí sī siáng?" in án-ne kā hiu. Khòaⁿ ē-chhut, in ê ōe tang-tiong ū him-siān ê ì-bī.

"Ē-bīn ū-lâng teh tán góa," yi án-ne kā ìn. "Góa bē-tàng thêng-khùn. Pháiⁿ-sè oh." Chū-án-ne yi koh chhiò chi̍t-ē, ná iô-tāng chi̍t-lō͘ tūi-lo̍h, m̄-koh kap thâu-tú-á ê chhiò-siaⁿ bô kāng-khoán. Àm-mê í-keng chin kî-khá lâi kàu-ūi, Marta khai-sí kám-kak ē-kôaⁿ.

Hit-sî, yi khòaⁿ ē-bīn, khòaⁿ tio̍h chit-tòng tōa-lâu ê ji̍p-kháu ū chi̍t-khian bêng-liāng ê kng. Tn̂g-tn̂g ê o͘-thâu-á chhia tī hia thêng lo̍h-lâi (hn̄g-hn̄g khòaⁿ, he ná-chhiūⁿ káu-hiā), lâm-lâm lú-lú lo̍h-chhia, kip-chhiat boeh ji̍p tōa-lâu. Yi ká-ná ū khòaⁿ tio̍h hit-tīn lâng ê chu-pó teh siám-sih. Ji̍p-kháu ê téng-bīn ū kî-á teh phiau-tāng.

Chin bêng-hián, in tng-teh kí-hêng chi̍t-ê tōa party, chiàⁿ-chiàⁿ sī Marta chū sè-hàn tō bōng-sióng ê hit-chióng. Lāu-thiⁿ tio̍h pó-pì, m̄-thang hāi yi bē-hù. Ē-bīn hia, ki-hōe teh tán yi, ūn-tô͘, romance, che sī yi sèⁿ-miā ê chèng-sek khai-sí.

Yi ē-tit chún-sî kàu-ūi bô?

Yi kàng tio̍h lēng-gōa chi̍t-ê ko͘-niû tī yi téng-koân liōng-iok 30 bí hia teh tūi-lo̍h. Yi tiāⁿ-tio̍h khah súi kòe Marta, jî-chhiáⁿ yi chhēng chi̍t-su chám-jiân ko-sióng ê àm-lé-ho̍k. Mā m̄-chai siáⁿ in-toaⁿ, yi kàng-lo̍h ê sok-tō͘ kín Marta chin chē, chū án-ne, bô chi̍t-ē-á yi chhiau-kòe yi, í-keng bô khòaⁿ-e iáⁿ, chhut-chāi Marta kā yi hiu. Bián hoâi-gî, yi tiāⁿ-tio̍h tāi-seng Marta kàu-ūi party; hoān-sè yi ū chi̍t-ê kè-ōe boeh chhú-tāi yi.

Jiân-āu, yi ì-sek tio̍h, in pēng m̄-sī ko͘-toaⁿ. Tī tú-thiⁿ tōa-lâu ê sì-piⁿ ū chē-chē kî-thaⁿ ê siàu-liân cha-bó͘ teh tūi-lo̍h, yin ê bīn in-ūi hui-hêng ê chhì-kek peⁿ ân-ân, yin ê chhiú chin hoaⁿ-hí teh ia̍t, bē-su teh kóng: lí khòaⁿ, goán lâi ah, hām goán chò-hóe sńg, sè-kài kám m̄-sī goán ê?

Nā án-ne, che tō-sī chi̍t-tiûⁿ pí-sài. M̄-koh, yi chhēng ê kan-ta sī phòa koh kū ê saⁿ-liân kûn, iá kî-thaⁿ hiah-ê ko͘-niû lóng chhēng kah chin lè-táu, ná-chhiūⁿ sī sî-chong model, ū-ê sīm-chì kō͘ tiau-phôe moa-kin pau yin hián-lō͘ ê keng-thâu. Tú khai-sí thiàu ê sî yi sī hiah-nī ū chū-sìn, Marta taⁿ soah kám-kak sim-lāi teh khí-chùn; hoān-sè he put-kò sī in-ūi hân-léng; m̄-koh he mā ū khó-lêng sī in-ūi kiaⁿ-hiâⁿ, kiaⁿ ka-tī í-keng hoān tio̍h chi̍t-chióng bô hoat-tō͘ pó͘-kiù ê chhò-gō͘.

Taⁿ ká-ná í-keng sī chhim-iā ah. Thang-á chi̍t-ê chi̍t-ê àm lo̍h-lâi, im-ga̍k ê hôe-im piàn khah chió, pān-kong-sek khang-khang, bô koh ū siàu-liân-ke ùi thang-tâi chhun-chhiú chhut-lâi. Taⁿ sī kúi-tiám ah? Tī ē-bīn tōa-lâu ji̍p-kháu hit-ê só͘-chāi -- chit-sî ê tōa-lâu í-keng piàn khah tōa, kiàn-bu̍t ê sè-chiat í-keng ē-tàng khòaⁿ siông-sè -- teng-hóe iáu to̍h leh, m̄-koh í-keng bô e-e kheh-kheh ê chhia. Sū-si̍t-siōng, put-sî iáu sī ū sió-sió ê lâng-tīn ùi lâu-kha chhut-lâi, thoa in thiám-thiám ê sin-khu kiâⁿ-khui. Jiân-āu, ji̍p-kháu ê teng-hóe mā hoa khì ah.

Marta kám-kak yi ê sim-koaⁿ teh bán-ân. Hāi ah, yi í-keng bē-hù bú-hōe. Gia̍h-ba̍k khòaⁿ koân, yi khòaⁿ tio̍h tōa-lâu chiam-téng ê chân-khok ui-le̍k. He chha-put-to sī oân-choân o͘-àm. Téng-bīn kúi-chàn iáu-ū sì-sòaⁿ chi̍t-kóa thang-á kng-kng. Tī chhù-téng-bīn, chá-sî ê phú-kng í-keng teh seⁿ-thòaⁿ.

Tī 28-lâu ê chi̍t-ê pn̄g-thiaⁿ, chi̍t-ê liōng-iok 40-hòe ê cha-po͘-lâng tng-teh lim i ê chá-tǹg kapi, ná teh khòaⁿ pò-chóa, in bó͘ tng-teh chéng-lí pâng-keng. Piah-kūi téng ê sî-cheng hián-sī 8:45. Thang-á chêng hut-jiân ū chi̍t-ê o͘-iáⁿ keng-kòe.

"Alberto!" in bó͘ kiò chhut-lâi. "Lí ū khòaⁿ tio̍h he bô? Ū chi̍t-ê cha-bó͘ keng-kòe."

"He sī siáng ah?" i án-ne kóng, ba̍k-chiu bô lī-khui pò-chóa.

"Chi̍t-ê lāu cha-bó͘," in bó͘ ìn. "Chi̍t-ê lāu khok-khok ê lāu cha-bó͘. Yi ká-ná chin tio̍h-kiaⁿ."

"Tāi-chì lóng mā sī án-ne," hit-lâng nauh chi̍t-ē. "Tī chit-chióng kē-chàn ê só͘-chāi, keng-kòe ê chóng-sī lāu cha-bó͘. Tio̍h kàu 100-lâu téng-bīn, lí chiah khòaⁿ ē-tio̍h súi ko͘-niû. Hiah-koân ê lâu, kè-siàu koân m̄-sī bô tō-lí."

"Siōng-bô tī chia mā ū hó-chhù," in bó͘ tòe leh kóng, "lí ē-tàng thiaⁿ tio̍h yin lo̍h-tē ê pòng siaⁿ."

"M̄-koh chit-kái liân he mā bô," tī thêng kúi bió-cheng chù-ì thiaⁿ liáu-āu, i ná iô-thâu ná án-ne kóng. Jiân-āu i koh chip chi̍t-chhùi kapi.

--

2. 這改連 pòng 聲 to 無

今, Marta 看著 ê 毋但干焦無煩惱 ê 人陣, 有時甚至有一寡企業員工, in 穿烏色 a̍h 藍色 ê 圍裙, 坐 tī 長排 ê 辦公桌. 其中有幾个少年家年紀 kap 她相仝, a̍h 比她較大, hō͘ 一日 ê 工課忝到今, 每隔一下仔 in tō ùi 工課和拍字機攑目睭看一下.

因為 án-ne, in mā 看著她, 其中幾个走到窗仔. "你欲去佗? 那會 hiah 緊? 你是 siáng?" in án-ne kā 咻. 看會出, in ê 話當中有欣羨 ê 意味.

"下面有人 teh 等我," 她 án-ne kā 應. "我袂當停睏. 歹勢 oh." 自 án-ne 她 koh 笑一下, ná 搖動一路墜落, 毋過 kap 頭拄仔 ê 笑聲無仝款. 暗暝已經真奇巧來到位, Marta 開始感覺會寒.

彼時, 她看下面, 看著這棟大樓 ê 入口有一圈明亮 ê 光. 長長 ê 烏頭仔車 tī hia 停落來 (遠遠看, he ná 像狗蟻), 男男女女落車, 急切欲入大樓. 她 ká-ná 有看著彼陣人 ê 珠寶 teh 閃爍. 入口 ê 頂面有旗仔 teh 飄動.

真明顯, in tng-teh 舉行一个大 party, 正正是 Marta 自細漢 tō 夢想 ê 彼種. 老天著保庇, 毋通害她袂赴. 下面 hia, 機會 teh 等她, 運途, romance, 是她性命 ê 正式開始.

她會得準時到位無?

她 kàng 著另外一个姑娘 tī 她頂懸量約 30 米 hia teh 墜落. 她定著較媠過 Marta, 而且她穿一軀 chiám-jiân 高尚 ê 暗禮服. Mā 毋知啥因端, 她降落 ê 速度緊 Marta 真濟, 自 án-ne, 無一下仔她超過她, 已經無看 e 影, 出在 Marta kā 她咻. 免懷疑, 她定著代先 Marta 到位 party; 凡勢她有一个計畫欲取代她.

然後, 她意識著, in 並毋是孤單. Tī 拄天大樓 ê 邊仔有濟濟其他 ê 少年查某 teh 墜落, 姻 ê 面因為飛行 ê 刺激繃絚絚, 姻 ê 手真歡喜 teh 擛, 袂輸 teh 講: 你看, 阮來 ah, 和阮做伙耍, 世界敢毋是阮 ê?

若 án-ne, 這就是一場比賽. 毋過, 她穿 ê 干焦是破 koh 舊 ê 衫連裙, iá 其他 hiah-ê 姑娘攏穿甲真 lè-táu, ná 像是時裝 model, 有 ê 甚至 kō͘ 貂皮幔巾包姻顯露 ê 肩頭. 拄開始跳 ê 時她是 hiah-nī 有自信, Marta 今煞感覺心內 teh 起顫; 凡勢彼不過是因為寒冷; 毋過彼 mā 有可能是因為驚惶, 驚家治已經犯著一種無法度補救 ê 錯誤.

今 ká-ná 已經是深夜 ah. 窗仔一个 koh 一个暗落來, 音樂 ê 回音變較少, 辦公室空空, 無閣有少年家 ùi 窗台伸手出來. 今是幾點 ah? Tī 下面大樓入口彼个所在 -- 這時 ê 大樓已經變較大, 建物 ê 細節已經會當看詳細 -- 燈火猶 to̍h leh, 毋過已經無車 ê 挨挨 kheh-kheh. 事實上, 不時猶是有小小 ê 人陣 ùi 樓跤出來, 拖 in 忝忝 ê 身軀行開. 然後, 入口 ê 燈火 mā hoa 去 ah.

Marta 感覺她 ê 心肝 teh 挽絚. 害 ah, 她已經袂赴舞會. 攑目看懸, 她看著大樓尖頂 ê 殘酷威力. 彼差不多是完全烏暗. 頂面幾層猶有四散一寡窗仔光光. Tī 厝頂面, 早時 ê 殕光已經 teh 生湠.

Tī 28 樓 ê 一个飯廳, 一个量約 40 歲 ê 查埔人 tng-teh 啉伊 ê 早頓 kapi ná teh 看報紙, in 某 tng-teh 整理房間. 壁櫃頂 ê 時鐘顯示 8:45. 窗仔前忽然有一个烏影經過.

"Alberto!" in 某叫出來. "你有看著 he 無? 有一个查某經過."

"彼是 siáng ah?" 伊 án-ne 講, 目睭無離開報紙.

"一个老查某," in 某應. "一个老硞硞 ê 老查某. 她 ká-ná 真著驚."

"代誌攏 mā 是 án-ne," 彼人 nauh 一下. "Tī 這種低層 ê 所在, 經過 ê 總是老查某. 著到 100 樓頂面, 你才看會著媠姑娘. Hiah 懸 ê 樓, 價數懸毋是無道理."

"上無 tī 遮 mā 有好處," in 某綴 leh 講, "你會當聽著姻落地 ê pòng 聲."

"毋過這改連 he mā 無," tī 停幾秒鐘注意聽了後, 伊 ná 搖頭 ná án-ne 講. 然後伊 koh chip 一喙 kapi.

--

2.

Now Marta no longer saw just groups of carefree people inside the-apartments; at times there were even some businesses where the employees, in black or blue aprons, were sitting at desks in long rows. Several of them were young people as old as or older than she, and weary of the day by now, every once in a while they raised their eyes from their duties and from typewriters.

In this way they too saw her, and a few ran to the windows. “Where are you going? Why so fast? Who are you?” they shouted to her. One could divine something akin to envy in their words.

“They’re waiting for me down there,” she answered. “I can’t stop. Forgive me.” And again she laughed, wavering on her headlong fall, but it wasn’t like her previous laughter anymore. The night had craftily fallen and Marta started to feel cold.

Meanwhile, looking downward, she saw a bright halo of lights at the entrance of a building. Here long blacks cars were stopping (from the great distance they looked as small as ants), and men and women were getting out, anxious to go inside. She seemed to make out the sparkling of jewels in that swarm. Above the entrance flags were flying.

They were obviously giving a large party, exactly the kind Marta dreamed of ever since she was a child. Heaven help her if she missed it. Down there opportunity was waiting for her, fate, romance, the true inauguration of her life.

Would she arrive in time?

She spitefully noticed that another girl was falling about thirty meters above her. She was decidedly prettier than Marta and she wore a rather classy evening gown. For some unknown reason she came down much faster than Marta, so that in a few moments she passed by her and disappeared below, even though Marta was calling her. Without doubt she would get to the party before Marta; perhaps she had a plan all worked out to supplant her.

Then she realized that they weren’t alone. Along the sides of the skyscraper many other young women were plunging downward, their faces taut with the excitement of the flight, their hands cheerfully waving as if to say: look at us, here we are, entertain us, is not the world ours?

It was a contest, then. And she only had a shabby little dress while those other girls were dressed smartly like high fashion models and some even wrapped luxurious mink stoles tightly around their bare shoulders. So self-assured when she began the leap, Marta now felt a tremor growing inside her; perhaps it was just the cold; but it may have been fear too, the fear of having made an error without remedy.

It seemed to be late at night now. The windows were darkened one after another, the echoes of music became more rare, the offices were empty, young men no longer leaned out from the windowsills extending their hands. What time was it? At the entrance to the building down below-- which in the meantime had grown larger, and one could now distinguish all the architectural details—the lights were still burning, but the bustle of cars had stopped. Every now and then, in fact, small groups of people came out of the main floor wearily drawing away. Then the lights of the entrance were also turned off.

Marta felt her heart tightening. Alas, she wouldn’t reach the ball in time. Glancing upwards she saw the pinnacle of the skyscraper in all its cruel power. It was almost completely dark. On the top floors a few windows here and there were still lit. And above the top the first glimmer of dawn was spreading.

In a dining recess on the twenty-eighth floor a man about forty years old was having his morning coffee and reading his newspaper while his wife tidied up the room. A clock on the sideboard indicated 8:45. A shadow suddenly passed before the window.

“Alberto!” the wife shouted. “Did you see that? A woman passed by.”

“Who was it?” he said without raising his eyes from the news paper.

“An old woman,” the wife answered. “A decrepit old woman. She looked frightened.”

“It’s always like that,” the man muttered. “At these low floors only falling old women pass by. You can see beautiful girls from the hundred floor up. Those apartments don’t cost so much for nothing.”

“At least down here there’s the advantage,” observed the wife, “that you can hear the thud when they touch the ground”

“This time not even that,” he said, shaking his head, after he stood listening for a few minutes. Then he had another sip of coffee.

--

// 2022-03-19

C37 Tūi-lo̍h ê Ko͘-niû | 墜落 ê 姑娘 - a 你那著 chiah-nī 趕緊?

The Falling Girl /by Dino Buzzati /Eng trans. Lawrence Venuti
https://www.murrieta.k12.ca.us/cms/lib5/CA01000508/Centricity/Domain/2894/The%20Falling%20Girl.pdf

Tūi-lo̍h ê Ko͘-niû | 墜落 ê 姑娘

--

1. Lí ná-tio̍h chiah-nī kóaⁿ-kín?

Marta 19 hòe. Yi tī tú-thiⁿ tōa-lâu chhù-téng khòaⁿ, khòaⁿ tio̍h ē-bīn ê siâⁿ-chhī tī phú-kng tiong siám-sih, hō͘ yi kám-kak chi̍t-chūn iûⁿ-hîn.

Tú-thiⁿ tōa-lâu sī gîn-sek, koân koh hok-siòng, tī hit-ê bí-lē, sûn-kiat ê hông-hun, chia a̍h hia put-sî ū hong teh chhoe, kiáu-tāng pe̍h-sek ê hûn-si, he pòe-kéng ê thiⁿ-sek nâ kah hán-tit án-ne. Sū-si̍t-siōng, che sī chit-ê siâⁿ-chhī chhiong-móa lêng-kám ê sî-khek, m̄-koán siáⁿ-lâng, chí-iàu m̄-sī chheⁿ-mê, lóng ē hō͘ i bê tio̍h. Tī hit-ê khong-tiong ê koân-tō͘, ko͘-niû khòaⁿ tio̍h ke-lō͘ hām chi̍t-jiah chi̍t-jiah ê kiàn-bu̍t tī ji̍t-thâu bān-bān lo̍h-khì ê kòe-têng tang-tiong siám-tāng, tī chhù-the̍h ê pe̍h-sek kiat-sok ê ūi, hái ê nâ-sek khai-sí. Ùi koân-lâu khòaⁿ khì, hái ká-ná sī teh giâ-koân. Iū-koh in-ūi àm-mê ê bīn-se sī ùi tang-pêng khàm lâi, kui-ê siâⁿ-chhī piàn-sêng chi̍t-ê tiⁿ-bi̍t ê chhim-kheⁿ, hiâⁿ-to̍h thiàu-tāng ê teng-hóe. Lāi-bīn ū ū-khoân-sè ê cha-po͘, ū koh-khah ū-khoân-sè ê cha-bó͘, ū phôe-chháu hām violín, ū kim-ku̍t ná bé-ló ê chhia, ū iā-chóng-hōe ê neon teng, ū àm-sek tōa chhù-the̍h ê ji̍p-kháu tōa-thiaⁿ, ū phùn-chôaⁿ, ū soān-chio̍h, ū kó͘-ló ê tiām-chēng hoe-hn̂g, ū iàn-hōe, ū io̍k-bōng, ū thô-sek sū-kiāⁿ, koh-khah tiōng-iàu ê sī, ū hit-chióng hông-hun ê bê-lâng hoat-su̍t, he ín-khí lâng úi-tāi kap êng-iāu ê bōng-sióng.

Ná khòaⁿ chiah-ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ, Marta ná kā sin-khu àⁿ hiòng lân-kan gōa-kháu, ná choa̍t-bōng thiàu-lo̍h. Yi kám-kak ka-tī ká-ná phiau tī khong-tiong, m̄-koh yi sī teh tūi-lo̍h. In-ūi chit-ê tú-thiⁿ tōa-lâu hui-siông ê koân, ē-bīn ê ke-lō͘ hām tōa-tiâⁿ lī yi chin hn̄g. M̄-chai tio̍h gōa-kú yi chiah ē lak kàu-ūi. M̄-koh, ko͘-niû khak-si̍t sī teh tūi-lo̍h.

Tī hit-ê sî-chūn, téng kúi-chàn ê lō͘-tâi a̍h iông-tâi kheh kah chē-chē ê hó-gia̍h lâng a̍h ko-sióng ê lâng, tī hia lim ke-bóe-chiú, kóng gō͘-sì-saⁿ. In chi̍t-tui chi̍t-tui kek chò-hóe, in ê kóng-ōe siaⁿ khàm kòe im-ga̍k siaⁿ. Marta tī in bīn-chêng keng-kòe, kî-tiong ū chi̍t-kóa lâng lia̍h yi chù-ì khòaⁿ.

Tī chit-ê tú-thiⁿ tōa-lâu, chhin-chhiūⁿ chit-khoán ê hui-hêng pēng m̄-sī hán-kiàn (sū-si̍t-siōng, tōa-pō͘-hūn sī ko͘-niû-á), che mā chiâⁿ-chò pâng-kheh ê chi̍t-chióng chin chhù-bī ê siau-khián; mā-sī in-ūi án-ne, koân-lâu kong-gū ê kè-siàu chiah ē hiah-nī koân.

Ji̍t-thâu iáu-bōe oân-choân lo̍h-khì, i chīn-la̍t chiò-bêng Marta só͘ chhēng ê phó͘-thong saⁿ. Yi chhēng ê sī ùi hòe-kè bé ê phó͘-thong, pân-gî ê chhun-chong. M̄-koh he ná koa-si ê lo̍h-ji̍t kong-hui sió-khóa kā i ka-chhî, hō͘ i khòaⁿ-tio̍h khah ngá-tì. 

Pah-bān hù-ong ê iông-tâi téng, ū ióng-kám ê chhiú chhun chhut-lâi, boeh hiàn hō͘ yi hoe-lúi hām ke-bóe-chiú. "Sió-chiá, lí boeh lim chi̍t-ē bô? ... Un-jiû ê ô͘-tia̍p, ná-m̄ tī goán chia thêng-liû chi̍t-ē?"

Yi chhiò chhut-lâi, phiau-phû leh, chin hoaⁿ-hí (m̄-koh hit-sî iáu-sī teh tūi-lo̍h): "M̄ lah, to-siā, pêng-iú. Góa bē-tàng, góa teh kóaⁿ-lō͘."

"Lí boeh khì tó-ūi?" in án-ne mn̄g yi.

"Ah, mài mn̄g góa lah," Marta án-ne ìn, ná ia̍t-chhiú kap in chò iú-siān ê kò-pia̍t.

Chi̍t-ê siàu-liân-ke, sin-châi lò, phôe-hu o͘, chin chhut-chiòng, chhun chi̍t-ki chhiú-kut boeh lia̍h yi. Yi kah-ì i. M̄-koh Marta kín pó-hō͘ ka-tī: "Sian-siⁿ, lí ná-ē hiah hó-táⁿ?" yi iáu ē-hù khin-khin tī i ê phīⁿ phok chi̍t-ē.

Khòaⁿ khí-lâi, iân-tâu-á sàng tùi yi ū hèng-chhù, án-ne hō͘ yi chin boán-chiok. Yi kám-kak ka-tī ū bī-le̍k, chin lè-táu. Tī ū chē-chē hoe ê lō͘-tâi, tī bô-êng chhih-chhih ê pe̍h-saⁿ ho̍k-bū-oân kap chūn-chūn gōa-kok koa-siaⁿ tiong-kan, lâng-lâng tùi chit-ê keng-kòe ê siàu-lú (iû téng kàu ē chit-ê koân-kē lō͘-sòaⁿ tiong-kan) ū kúi hun-cheng (hoān-sè bô hiah kú) ê tâm-lūn. Ū-lâng jīn-ûi yi súi, kî-thaⁿ ê jīn-ûi phó͘-thong, ta̍k-ê lóng jīn-ûi yi chiâⁿ chhù-bī.

"Lí ū kui-ê jîn-seng tī thâu-chêng," in án-ne kā yi kóng, "lí ná-tio̍h chiah-nī kóaⁿ-kín? Lí iáu ū sî-kan thang cháu-chông, thang bô-êng. Thêng lo̍h-lâi kap goán chò-hóe chi̍t-ē, che put-kò sī hó-pêng-iú tiong-kan ê chi̍t-ê sió iàn-hōe, chin ê, lí ē-tàng sńg kah chin sóng-sim."

Yi chhì boeh kā in ìn, m̄-koh tāng-la̍t í-keng kín-kín kā yi chhōa kàu ē-bīn hit-lâu, jiân-āu koh ē-bīn nn̄g-lâu, saⁿ-lâu, sì-lâu; sū-si̍t-siōng, tō ná-chhiūⁿ tī tú móa 19 hòe ê sî, lí hoaⁿ-hoaⁿ hí-hí chông-lâi chông-khì án-ne.

Tong-jiân, yi hām ē-té, its yi hām tē-bīn hit-chàn ê kī-lī iáu chin hn̄g. Sū-si̍t-siōng, yi tú-tú chiah khai-sí lak lo̍h, m̄-koh ke-lō͘ khòaⁿ tio̍h chóng-sī hiah-nī iâu-oán.

Put-jî-kò, tī chit-ê tang-tiong, ji̍t-thâu í-keng tūi-lo̍h hái tiong; ē-tàng khòaⁿ tio̍h i siau-sit, piàn-chò chi̍t-ê siám-sih ná âng-pôaⁿ ê iûⁿ-ko͘. Kiat-kó, i bē-tàng koh hoat-siā oa̍h-la̍t kng-sòaⁿ lâi chiò-bêng ko͘-niû ê saⁿ, hō͘ yi chiâⁿ-chò ín-iú lâng ê liû-chheⁿ.

Ka-chài, tú-thiⁿ tōa-lâu ê thang-á hām lō͘-tâi chha-put-to lóng ū tit-tio̍h chiò-bêng, kng-liāng ê hoán-kng, tī yi chiām-chiām keng-kòe ê sî kā yi tō͘ kah kim sih-sih.

--

1. 你那著 chiah-nī 趕緊?

Marta 19 歲. 她 tī 拄天大樓厝頂看, 看著下面 ê 城市 tī 殕光中閃爍, 予她感覺一陣羊眩.

拄天大樓是銀色, 懸 koh 福相, tī 彼个美麗, 純潔 ê 黃昏, 遮 a̍h 遐不時有風 teh 吹, 攪動白色 ê 雲絲, 彼背景 ê 天色藍甲罕得 án-ne. 事實上, 這是這个城市充滿靈感 ê 時刻, 毋管啥人, 只要毋是青盲, 攏會予伊迷著. Tī 彼个空中 ê 懸度, 姑娘看著街路和一跡一跡 ê 建物 tī 日頭慢慢落去 ê 過程當中閃動, tī 厝宅 ê 白色結束 ê 位, 海 ê 藍色開始. Ùi 懸樓看去, 海 ká-ná 是 teh 夯懸. 又閣因為暗暝 ê 面紗是 ùi 東爿崁來, 規个城市變成一个甜蜜 ê 深坑, 燃著跳動 ê 燈火. 內面有有權勢 ê 查埔, 有閣較有權勢 ê 查某, 有皮草和 violín, 有金滑 ná 瑪瑙 ê 車, 有夜總會 ê neon 燈, 有暗色大厝宅 ê 入口大廳, 有噴泉, 有璇石, 有古老 ê 恬靜花園, 有宴會, 有慾望, 有桃色事件, 閣較重要 ê 是, 有彼種黃昏 ê 迷人法術, he 引起人偉大 kap 榮耀 ê 夢想.

Ná 看 chiah-ê 物件, Marta ná kā 身軀 àⁿ 向欄杆外口, ná 絕望跳落. 她感覺家治 ká-ná 飄 tī 空中, 毋過她是 teh 墜落. 因為這个拄天大樓非常 ê 懸, 下面 ê 街路和大埕離她真遠. 毋知著偌久她才會 lak 到位. 毋過, 姑娘確實是 teh 墜落.

Tī 彼个時陣, 頂幾層 ê 露台 a̍h 陽台 kheh 甲濟濟 ê 好額人 a̍h 高尚 ê 人, tī 遐啉雞尾酒, 講五四三. In 一堆一堆激做伙, in ê 講話聲崁過音樂聲. Marta tī in 面前經過, 其中有一寡人掠她注意看.

Tī 這个拄天大樓, 親像這款 ê 飛行並毋是罕見 (事實上, 大部份是姑娘仔), 這 mā 成做房客 ê 一種真趣味 ê 消遣; mā 是因為 án-ne, 懸樓公寓 ê 價數才會 hiah-nī 懸.

日頭猶未完全落去, 伊盡力照明 Marta 所穿 ê 普通衫. 她穿 ê 是 ùi 貨架買 ê 普通, 便宜 ê 春裝. 毋過彼 ná 歌詩 ê 落日光輝小可 kā 伊加持, 予伊看著較雅致. 

百萬富翁 ê 陽台頂, 有勇敢 ê 手伸出來, 欲獻予她花蕊和雞尾酒. "小姐, 你欲啉一下無? ... 溫柔 ê 蝴蝶, 那毋 tī 阮遮停留一下?"

她笑出來, 飄浮 leh, 真歡喜 (毋過彼時猶是 teh 墜落): "毋 lah, 多謝, 朋友. 我袂當, 我 teh 趕路."

"你欲去佗位?" in án-ne 問她.

"Ah, 莫問我 lah," Marta án-ne 應, ná 擛手 kap in 做友善 ê 告別.

一个少年家, 身材躼, 皮膚烏, 真出眾, 伸一支手骨欲掠她. 她佮意伊. 毋過 Marta 緊保護家治: "先生, 你那會 hiah 好膽?" 她猶會赴輕輕 tī 伊 ê 鼻撲一下.

看起來, 緣投仔 sàng 對她有興趣, án-ne 予她真滿足. 她感覺家治有魅力, 真 lè-táu. Tī 有濟濟花 ê 露台, tī 無閒 chhih-chhih ê 白衫服務員 kap 陣陣外國歌聲中間, 人人對這个經過 ê 少女 (由頂到下這个懸低路線中間) 有幾分鐘 (凡勢無 hiah 久) ê 談論. 有人認為她媠, 其他 ê 認為普通, 逐个攏認為她誠趣味.

"你有規个性命 tī 頭前," in án-ne kā 她講, "你那著 chiah-nī 趕緊? 你猶有時間通走傱, 通無閒. 停落來 kap 阮做伙一下, 這不過是好朋友中間 ê 一个小宴會, 真 ê, 你會當耍甲真爽心."

她試欲 kā in 應, 毋過重力已經緊緊 kā 她 chhōa 到下面一樓, 然後 koh 下面兩樓, 三樓, 四樓; 事實上, tō ná 像 tī 拄滿 19 歲 ê 時, 你歡歡喜喜傱來傱去 án-ne.

當然, 她和下底, its 她和地面彼層 ê 距離猶真遠. 事實上, 她拄拄才開始 lak 落, 毋過街路看著總是 hiah-nī 遙遠.

不而過, tī 這个當中, 日頭已經墜落海中; 會當看著伊消失, 變做一个閃爍 ná 紅盤 ê 洋菇. 結果, 伊袂當 koh 發射活力光線來照明姑娘 ê 衫, 予她成做引誘人 ê 掃帚星.

佳哉, 拄天大樓 ê 窗仔和露台差不多攏有得著照明, 光亮 ê 反光, tī 她漸漸經過 ê 時 kā 她鍍甲金 sih-sih.

--

1.

Marta was nineteen. She looked out over the roof of the skyscraper, and seeing the city below shining in the dusk, she was overcome with dizziness.

The skyscraper was silver, supreme and fortunate in that most beautiful and pure evening, as here and there the wind stirred a few fine filaments of cloud against an absolutely incredible blue background. It was in fact the hour when the city is seized by inspiration and whoever is not blind is swept away by it. From that airy height the girl saw the streets and the masses of buildings writhing in the long spasm of sunset, and at the point where the white of the houses ended, the blue of the sea began. Seen from above, the sea looked as if it were rising. And since the veils of the night were advancing from the east, the city became a sweet abyss burning with pulsating lights. Within it were powerful men, and women who were even more powerful, furs and violins, cars glossy as onyx, the neon signs of nightclubs, the entrance halls of darkened mansions, fountains, diamonds, old silent gardens, parties, desires, affairs, and, above all, that consuming sorcery of the evening which provokes dreams of greatness and glory.

Seeing these things, Marta hopelessly leaned out over the railing and let herself go. She felt as if she were hovering in the air, but she was falling. Given the extraordinary height of the skyscraper, the streets and squares down at the bottom were very far away. Who knows how long it would take her to get there. Yet the girl was falling.

At that hour the terraces and balconies of the top floors were filled with rich and elegant people who were having cocktails and making silly conversation. They were scattered in crowds, and their talk muffled the music. Marta passed before them and several people looked out to watch her.

Flights of that kind (mostly by girls, in fact) were not rare in the skyscraper and they constituted an interesting diversion for the tenants; this was also the reason why the price of those apartments was very high.

The sun had not yet completely set and it did its best to illuminate Marta’s simple clothing. She wore a modest, inexpensive spring dress bought off the rack. Yet the lyrical light of the sunset exalted it somewhat, making it chic.

From the millionaires’ balconies, gallant hands were stretched out toward her, offering flowers and cocktails. “Miss, would you like a drink? . . . Gentle butterfly, why not stop a minute with us?”

She laughed, hovering, happy (but meanwhile she was falling): “No, thanks, friends. I can’t. I’m in a hurry.”

“Where are you headed?” they asked her.

“Ah, don’t make me say,” Marta answered, waving her hands in a friendly good-bye.

A young man, tall, dark, very distinguished, extended an arm to snatch her. She liked him. And yet Marta quickly defended herself: “How dare you, sir?” and she had time to give him a little tap on the nose.

The beautiful people, then, were interested in her and that filled her with satisfaction. She felt fascinating, stylish. On the flower-filled terraces, amid the bustle of waiters in white and the bursts of exotic songs, there was talk for a few minutes, perhaps less, of the young woman who was passing by (from top to bottom, on a vertical course). Some thought her pretty, others thought her so-so, everyone found her interesting.

“You have your entire life before you,” they told her, “why are you in such a hurry? You still have time to rush around and busy yourself. Stop with us for a little while, it’s only a modest little party among friends, really, you’ll have a good time.”

She made an attempt to answer but the force of gravity had already quickly carried her to the floor below, then two, three, four floors below; in fact, exactly as you gaily rush around when you are just nineteen years old.

Of course, the distance that separated her from the bottom, that is, from street level, was immense. It is true that she began falling just a little while ago, but the street always seemed very far away,

In the meantime, however, the sun had plunged into the sea; one could see it disappear, transformed into a shimmering red dish mushroom. As a result, it no longer emitted its vivifying rays to light up the girl’s dress and make her a seductive comet.

It was a good thing that the windows and terraces of the skyscraper were almost all illuminated and the bright reflections completely gilded her as she gradually passed by.

--

C36b 有自尊 ê 孤獨並袂孤單

2. Ū chū-chun ê ko͘-to̍k pēng bē ko͘-toaⁿ

Chiàu i só͘ èng-ún ê, i ū lâi thê-chhin. Hit-sî, yi í-keng sêng-se̍k kàu chi̍t-ê thêng-tō͘, ē-tàng liáu-kái ka-tī ê pi-ai chhú-kéng. Yi hoat-hiān ka-tī tùi i pēng bô ài, mā bô chun-kèng, i lī yi ê bāng-sióng chin hn̄g, mā m̄-sī yi lí-sióng tiong siú tō-tek ê lâng. Án-ne boeh án-nóa hó? Yin lāu-pē tī nn̄g-nî chêng í-keng kòe-sin, yin lāu-bú tùi chit-ê cha-po͘ ê chek-ke̍k kám-kak tio̍h-kiaⁿ. Put-jî-kò, yi án-ne kā yi kóng, "Góa chai lí kian-chhî kò-jîn ê to̍k-li̍p, só͘-í góa kau hō͘ lí ka-tī khì koat-tēng."

Yi í-keng ì-sek tio̍h só͘ bīn-tùi ê koan-kiān chhú-kéng. Yi nā m̄-sī chiap-siū, tō-sī éng-oán kā chit-sìⁿ mn̂g koaiⁿ khí-lâi. Che kā yi pek kàu yi siōng thó-ià ê chōng-hóng. Yi sī hó-gia̍h súi ko͘-niû, tī Abbaiyya che sī phín-keh ko-sióng ê tāi-miâ-sû, m̄-koh, taⁿ yi soah tio̍h piàⁿ-miā tī chi̍t-ê kè-bô͘ ê hām-chéⁿ nih kún-ká, soah hō͘ i kō͘ iau-sâi ê léng-gán teh khòaⁿ yi. Ná-chhiūⁿ yi oàn-hūn i ê khùi-la̍t, yi mā oàn-chheh ka-tī ê loán-jio̍k. Phiⁿ yi ê thian-chin sī chi̍t-hôe sū, iá taⁿ, tī yi í-keng pá-ak ka-tī lêng-le̍k, koh hō͘ i chiàm-koân he sī lēng-gōa chi̍t-hôe sū. I án-ne kóng, "Taⁿ góa lâi ah, chun-siú góa ê èng-ún, in-ūi góa ài lí." I mā án-ne kóng, "Góa bêng-pe̍k lí tùi kàu-ha̍k ê jia̍t-chêng, iá lí mā boeh oân-sêng Lí-ha̍k-īⁿ ê ha̍k-gia̍p."

Yi kám-kak m̄-bat ū kòe ê hùn-nō͘. Yi kī-choa̍t kiông-pek, tō ná-chhiūⁿ yi kī-choa̍t bái-kâu. Tùi yi lâi kóng, hi-seng hun-in mā bô iàu-kín. Yi hoan-gêng kiâⁿ ka-tī ê lō͘, in-ūi ū chū-chun ê ko͘-to̍k pēng bē ko͘-toaⁿ. Yi sīm-chì ioh, i sī ūi-tio̍h yi ê chîⁿ. Yi ti̍t-tú-ti̍t kā yin lāu-bú kóng, "M̄," lāu-bú án-ne kā ìn, "Hō͘ góa kiaⁿ chi̍t-tiô, lí m̄-sī chi̍t khai-sí tō án-ne koat-tēng."

Hit-lâng tòng yi chhut-khì ê lō͘, kóng, "Lí ná-ē kī-choa̍t? Lí kám m̄-chai kiat-kio̍k ē án-chóaⁿ?" Iá yi kō͘ ka-tī to ì-gōa ê chho͘-ló͘ thài-tō͘ kā ìn, "Tùi góa lâi-kóng, siáⁿ-mih kiat-kio̍k lóng pí kè hō͘ lí khah hó."

Oân-sêng ha̍k-gia̍p liáu-āu, yi siūⁿ boeh chò kóa siáⁿ lâi thiⁿ-pó͘ yi ê êng-kang, só͘-í yi khì chò lāu-su. Chē-chē kiat-hun ê ki-hōe, m̄-koh yi lóng kā in kī-choa̍t.

"Bô lí kah-ì ê lâng sioh?" lāu-bú mn̄g yi.

"Góa chai góa teh chhòng-siáⁿ," yi khin-khin án-ne kóng.

"M̄-koh sî-kan it-ti̍t teh kòe."

"Boeh kòe tō hō͘ i kòe, góa chin boán-chiok."

Chi̍t-kang chi̍t-kang yi teh piàn lāu. Yi siám-phiah ài-chêng, kiaⁿ ài-chêng. Kō͘ só͘-ū khùi-la̍t, yi hi-bāng seng-oa̍h an-chēng, pêng-hô, m̄-bián khoài-lo̍k. Yi sòe-ho̍k kaa-tī, hēng-hok bô hān-tiāⁿ tī ài-chêng kap kiáⁿ-jî. Yi m̄-bat hoán-hóe ka-tī ê kian-koat koat-tēng. Siáng chai-iáⁿ, bîn-á-chài ē án-nóa? M̄-koh, yi tiāⁿ-tio̍h chin bô hoaⁿ-hí, in-ūi bîn-á-chài i khó-lêng koh chhut-hiān tī yi ê seng-oa̍h tiong, yi tio̍h chi̍t-kang koh chi̍t-kang kap i chih-chiap, kiaⁿ i ē kā kòe-khì piàn-sêng oa̍h-thiàu koh thòng-khó͘ ê hiān-chāi.

Āu-lâi, tē-it pái i tī pān-kong-sek hām yi tan-to̍k kìⁿ-bīn ê sî, i mn̄g yi, "Lí hó bô?"

Yi léng-chēng kā ìn, "Góa chin hó."

I sió-khóa tiû-tû chi̍t-ē, jiân-āu mn̄g, "Lí kám bô... Góa sī kóng, lí kiat-hun boē?"

Kō͘ chi̍t-ê boeh kín kiat-sok tâm-ōe ê kháu-khì, yi kóng, "Góa kóng kòe, góa chin hó."

(Soah)

--

2. 有自尊 ê 孤獨並袂孤單

照伊所應允 ê, 伊有來提親. 彼時, 她已經成熟到一个程度, 會當了解家己 ê 悲哀處境. 她發現家己對伊並無愛, mā 無尊敬, 伊離她 ê 夢想真遠, mā 毋是她理想中守道德 ê 人. Án-ne 欲按怎好? 姻老爸 tī 兩年前已經過身, 姻老母對這个查埔 ê 積極感覺著驚. 不而過, 她 án-ne kā 她講, "我知你堅持個人 ê 獨立, 所以我交予你家己去決定."

她已經意識著所面對 ê 關鍵處境. 她若毋是接受, 就是永遠 kā 這扇門關起來. 這 kā 她迫到她上討厭 ê 狀況. 她是好額媠姑娘, tī Abbaiyya 這是品格高尚 ê 代名詞, 毋過, 今她煞著拚命 tī 一个計謀 ê 陷阱 nih 滾絞, 煞予伊 kō͘ 枵饞 ê 冷眼 teh 看她. Ná 像她怨恨伊 ê 氣力, 她 mā 怨慼家己 ê 軟弱. Phiⁿ 她 ê 天真是一回事, iá 今, tī 她已經把握家己能力, koh 予伊佔懸彼是另外一回事. 伊 án-ne 講, "今我來 ah, 遵守我 ê 應允, 因為我愛你." 伊 mā án-ne 講, "我明白你對教學 ê 熱情, iá 你 mā 欲完成理學院 ê 學業."

她感覺毋捌有過 ê 憤怒. 她拒絕強迫, tō ná 像她拒絕䆀猴. 對她來講, 犧牲婚姻 mā 無要緊. 她歡迎行家己 ê 路, 因為有自尊 ê 孤獨並袂孤單. 她甚至臆, 伊是為著她 ê 錢. 她直拄直 kā 姻老母講, "毋," 老母 án-ne kā 應, "予我驚一趒, 你毋是一開始 tō án-ne 決定."

彼人擋她出去 ê 路, 講, "你那會拒絕? 你敢毋知結局會按怎?" Iá 她 kō͘ 家己 to 意外 ê 粗魯態度 kā 應, "對我來講, 啥物結局攏比嫁予你較好."

完成學業了後, 她想欲做寡啥來添補她 ê 閒工, 所以她去做老師. 濟濟結婚 ê 機會, 毋過她攏 kā in 拒絕.

"無你佮意 ê 人 sioh?" 老母問她.

"我知我 teh 創啥," 她輕輕 án-ne 講.

"毋過時間一直 teh 過."

"欲過 tō 予伊過, 我真滿足."

一工一工她 teh 變老. 她閃避愛情, 驚愛情. Kō͘ 所有氣力, 她希望生活安靜, 平和, 毋免快樂. 她說服家己, 幸福無限定 tī 愛情 kap 囝兒. 她毋捌反悔家己 ê 堅決決定. Siáng 知影, 明仔載會按怎? 毋過, 她定著真無歡喜, 因為明仔載伊可能 koh 出現 tī 她 ê 生活中, 她著一工 koh 一工 kap 伊 chih 接, 驚伊會 kā 過去變成活跳 koh 痛苦 ê 現在.

後來, 第一擺伊 tī 辦公室和她單獨見面 ê 時, 伊問她, "你好無?"

她冷靜 kā 應, "我真好."

伊小可躊躇一下, 然後問, "你敢無... 我是講, 你結婚未?"

Kō͘ 一个欲緊結束談話 ê 口氣, 她講, "我講過, 我真好."

(煞)

--

2.

And he had kept his promise and had come to ask for her hand. By then she had attained a degree of maturity that gave her an understanding of the dimensions of her tragic position. She had found that she had no love or respect for him and that he was as far as he could be from her dreams and from the ideas she had formed of what constituted an ideal and moral person. But what was to be done? Her father had passed away two years ago, and her mother had been taken aback by the forwardness of the man.  However, she had said to her, "I know your attachment to your personal independence, so I leave the decision to you."

She had been conscious of the critical position she was in. She had either to accept or to close the door forever.  It was the sort of situation that could force her into something she detested. She was the rich beautiful girl, a byword in Abbaiyya for her nobility of character, and now here she was struggling helplessly in a well-sprung trap, while he looked down at her with rapacious eyes. Just as she had hated his strength, so too she hated her own weakness.  To have abused her innocence was one thing, but for him to have the upper hand now that she was fully in possession of her faculties was something else.  He had said, "So here I am, making good my promise because I love you."  He had also said, "I know of your love of teaching, and you will complete your studies at the College of Science."

She had felt such anger as she had never felt before.  She had rejected coercion in the same way as she rejected ugliness.  It had meant little to her to sacrifice marriage.  She had welcomed being on her own, for solitude accompanied by self-respect was not loneliness. She had also guessed he was after her money.  She had told her mother quite straightforwardly, "No," to which her mother had replied, "I am astonished you did not make this decision from the first moment."

The man had blocked her way outside and said, "How can you refuse? Don't you realize the outcome?" And she had replied with an asperity he had not expected, "For me any outcome is preferable to being married to you."

After finishing her studies, she had wanted something to do to fill her spare time, so she had worked as a teacher.  Chances to marry had come time, but she had turned her back on them all.

"Does no one please you?" her mother asked her.

"I know what I am doing," she had said gently.

"But time is going by."

"Let it go as it pleases, I am content."

Day by day she becomes older. She avoids love, fears it.  With all her strength she hopes that life will pass calmly, peacefully, rather than happily.  She goes on persuading herself that happiness is not confined to love and motherhood.  Never has she regretted her firm decision.  Who knows what the morrow holds? But she was certainly unhappy that he could again make his appearance in her life, that she would be dealing with him day after day, and that he would be making of the past a living and painful present.

Then, the first time he was alone with her in his room, he asked her, "How are you?"

She answered coldly, "I'm fine."

He hesitated slightly before inquiring, " Have you not...I mean, did you get married"

In the tone of someone intent on cutting short a conversation, she said "I told you, I am fine."

--

// 2022-3-6

C36 Tap-àn Sī M̄ | 答案是毋 - a 我會來提親

The Answer Is No /by Naguib Mahfouz
https://www.sabri.org/The-Answer-No.htm

Tap-àn Sī M̄ | 答案是毋

--

1. Góa ē lâi thê-chhin

Sin hāu-tiúⁿ kàu-ūi ê tōa siau-sit thoân phiàn choân hāu. Yi sī tī lú-lāu-su pān-kong-sek thiaⁿ tio̍h hit-ê siau-sit, hit-sî yi tng-teh tùi hit-ji̍t ê khò chò chòe-āu kiám-cha. Bô khó-lêng siám-khui mài hām kî-thaⁿ lāu-su khì kā i chiok-hō, mài hām i ak-chhiú. Yi kui-sin ka-lún-sún, m̄-koh che sī bô-ta-ôa ê tāi-chì.

"In lóng o-ló i ê châi-chêng," yi ê chi̍t-ê tông-sū án-ne kóng. "In mā kóng i chin giâm-keh."

Chit-chióng tāi-chì chóng-sī ū khó-lêng hoat-seng, taⁿ tú-tio̍h ah. Yi ê súi bīn hoán-pe̍h, o͘-sek tōa ba̍k-chiu khòaⁿ tio̍h sîn-sîn.

Tán sî-kan kàu, lāu-su pâi chi̍t-lia̍t, chhēng-chhah chéng-chê, lâi kàu i ê pān-kong-sek. I khiā tī pān-kong-toh āu-bīn, chiap-kiàn chiah-ê lâm-lâm lú-lú. I ê sin-châi tiong-téng, lio̍h-á tōa-kho͘, bīn îⁿ-îⁿ, phīⁿ kau-kau, ba̍k-chiu phok-phok; tē-it hāng khòaⁿ tio̍h ê sī i he cha̍t koh chhàng ê téng-tûn-chhiu, phòng kah ná kâm-pho ê hái-éng. Yi ê ba̍k-chiu tèng tī i heng-chêng, hiòng chêng kiâⁿ. Phiah-khui i ê gán-sîn, yi kā chhiú chhun chhut-lâi. Yi boeh kóng siáⁿ hó? M̄-koh, yi kan-ta tiām-tiām, siáⁿ ōe to bô kóng. Yi hòⁿ-kî, i ê ba̍k-chiu piáu-sī siáⁿ? I he chho͘-chho͘ ê chhiú tēⁿ tiâu yi ê, koh chhut chi̍t-ê chho͘-chho͘ ê siaⁿ, "To-siā." Yi iu-iu ngá-ngá oa̍t-sin, kiâⁿ khui.

Yi thàu-kòe ta̍k-kang ê khang-khòe lâi bē-kì-tit chhau-hoân, m̄-koh yi khòaⁿ khí-lâi pēng bô hó. Kúi-ā ê cha-bó͘ phōaⁿ kóng, "Sió-chiá ê sim-chêng bô hó." Tán yi tńg kàu tī Pyramids Lō͘ khí-thâu ê yin tau, Yi ōaⁿ-saⁿ, chē lo̍h-lâi hām lāu-bú tâng-chê chia̍h-pn̄g. "Tāi-chì hó bô?" lāu-bú án-ne mn̄g, ná khòaⁿ yi ê bīn.

"Badran, Badran Badawi," yi kán-tan kóng. "Lí ē-kì-tit i bô? I hông phài-lâi chò goán hāu-tiúⁿ."

"Chin ê oh!"

Jiân-āu, keng-kòe chi̍t-khùn ê tiām-chēng, yi kóng, "He kin-pún to bô tiōng-iàu -- He sī chá tō bē-kì-tit ê lāu kò͘-sū."

Chia̍h-pá liáu, yi lī-khui khì chheh-pâng hioh-khùn chi̍t-ē, chiah koh kái chi̍t-kóa liān-si̍p phō͘-á. Yi í-keng oân-choân bē-kì-tit i ah. Bô, bô oân-choân. Ná ū khó-lêng oân-choân bē-kì-tit i? I tú lâi kā yi pó͘-si̍p sò͘-ha̍k ê sî, yi 14 hòe. Si̍t-chāi kóng, iáu-bōe móa 14. I ke yi put-chí 25 hòe, hām yin lāu-pē tâng-nî. Yi bat án-ne kā lāu-bú kóng, "I ê gōa-piáu lám-nōa, m̄-koh i chin gâu kái-soeh tāi-chì." Yin lāu-bú bat án-ne kóng, "Lán bô kè-kàu i ê gōa-piáu; tiōng-iàu ê sī i án-chóaⁿ kái-soeh tāi-chì."

I sī chi̍t-ê chhù-bī ê lâng, yi hām i chò-hóe-liáu bē-bái, mā ùi i ê tì-sek tit-tio̍h hó-chhù. Iá, tāi-chì sī án-nóa hoat-seng ê neh? In-ūi thian-chin, yi bô chù-ì tio̍h i ê hêng-ûi ê kái-piàn, tì-sú bô jīm-hô thê-hông. Jiân-āu, ū chi̍t-kang, yin lāu-pē khì yin a-ko͘ ê chín-só͘, kan-ta i hām yi lâu tī chhù nih. Yi chi̍t-sut-á to bô hoâi-gî chit-ê yi kā khòaⁿ-chò khè-pē ê cha-po͘-lâng. Chū án-ne, tāi-chì sī án-nóa hoat-seng ê? Tī yi bô ài-chêng, bô io̍k-bōng ê chêng-hêng hā, hit-ê tāi-chì hoat-seng ah. Yi tī kiaⁿ-hiâⁿ tiong mn̄g i, ná ē án-ne ah, iá i kā kóng, "Bián kiaⁿ, mā bián siong-sim. Mài kā pa̍t-lâng kóng, tán lí nî-hòe kàu, góa ē lâi kā lí thê-chhin." 

--

1. 我會來提親

新校長到位 ê 大消息傳遍全校. 她是 tī 女老師辦公室聽著彼个消息, 彼時她 tng-teh 對彼日 ê 課做最後檢查. 無可能閃開莫和其他老師去 kā 伊祝賀, 莫和伊握手. 她規身交懍恂, 毋過這是 bô-ta-ôa ê 代誌.

"In 攏 o-ló 伊 ê 才情," 她 ê 一个同事 án-ne 講. "In mā 講伊真嚴格."

這種代誌總是有可能發生, 今拄著 ah. 她 ê 媠面反白, 烏色大目睭看著神神.

等時間到, 老師排一列, 穿插整齊, 來到伊 ê 辦公室. 伊徛 tī 辦公桌後面, 接見 chiah-ê 男男女女. 伊 ê 身材中等, 略仔大箍, 面圓圓, 鼻勾勾, 目睭 phok-phok; 第一項看著 ê 是伊 he cha̍t koh 聳 ê 頂唇鬚, 膨甲 ná kâm-pho ê 海湧. 她 ê 目睭釘 tī 伊胸前, 向前行. 避開伊 ê 眼神, 她 kā 手伸出來. 她欲講啥好? 毋過, 她干焦恬恬, 啥話 to 無講. 她好奇, 伊 ê 目睭表示啥? 伊 he 粗粗 ê 手捏牢她 ê, koh 出一个粗粗 ê 聲, "多謝." 她優優雅雅越身, 行開.

她透過逐工 ê 工課來袂記得操煩, 毋過她看起來並無好. 幾若 ê 查某伴講, "小姐 ê 心情無好." 等她轉到 tī Pyramids 路起頭 ê 姻兜, 她換衫, 坐落來和老母同齊食飯. "代誌好無?" 老母 án-ne 問, ná 看她 ê 面.

"Badran, Badran Badawi," 她簡單講. "你會記得伊無? 伊 hông 派來做阮校長."

"真 ê oh!"

然後, 經過一睏 ê 恬靜, 她講, "He 根本 to 無重要 -- 彼是早 tō 袂記得 ê 老故事."

食飽了, 她離開去冊房歇睏一下, 才 koh 改一寡練習簿仔. 她已經完全袂記得伊 ah. 無, 無完全. 那有可能完全袂記得伊? 伊拄來 kā 她補習數學 ê 時, 她 14 歲. 實在講, 猶未滿 14. 伊加她不止 25 歲, 和姻老爸同年. 她捌 án-ne kā 老母講, "伊 ê 外表荏懶, 毋過伊真 gâu 解說代誌." 姻老母捌 án-ne 講, "咱無計較伊 ê 外表; 重要 ê 是伊按怎解說代誌."

伊是一个趣味 ê 人, 她和伊做伙了袂䆀, mā ùi 伊 ê 智識得著好處. Iá, 代誌是按怎發生 ê neh? 因為天真, 她無注意著伊 ê 行為 ê 改變, 致使無任何提防. 然後, 有一工, 姻老爸去姻阿姑 ê 診所, 干焦伊和她留 tī 厝 nih. 她一屑仔 to 無懷疑這个她 kā 看做契爸 ê 查埔人. 自 án-ne, 代誌是按怎發生 ê? Tī 她無愛情, 無慾望 ê 情形下, 彼个代誌發生 ah. 她 tī 驚惶中問伊, 那會 án-ne ah, iá 伊 kā 講, "免驚, mā 免傷心. 莫 kā 別人講, 等你年歲到, 我會來 kā 你提親." 

--

1.

The important piece of news that the new headmaster had arrived spread through the school.  She heard of it in the women teachers' common room as she was casting a final glance at the day's lessons. There was no getting away from joining the other teachers in congratulating him, and from shaking him by the hand too.  A shudder passed through her body, but it was unavoidable.

"They speak highly of his abilities," said a colleague of hers. "And they talk too of his strictness."

It had always been a possibility that might occur, and now it had.  Her pretty face paled, and a staring look came to her wide black eyes.

When the time came, the teachers went in single file, decorously attired, to his open room.  He stood behind his desk as he received the men and women.  He was of medium height, with a tendency to portliness, and had a spherical face, hooked nose, and bulging eyes; the first thing that could be seen of him was a thick, puffed-up mustache, arched like a foam-laden wave.  She advanced with her eyes fixed on his chest. Avoiding his gaze, she stretched out her hand.  What was she to say? Just what the others had said?  However, she kept silent, uttered not a word,  What, she wondered, did his eyes express? His rough hand shook hers, and he said in a gruff voice, "Thanks."  She turned elegantly and moved off.

She forgot her worries through her daily tasks, though she did not look in good shape. Several of the girls remarked, "Miss is in a bad mood."  When she returned to her home at the beginning of the Pyramids Road, she changed her clothes and sat down to eat with her mother.  "Everything all right?" inquired her mother, looking her in the face.

"Badran, Badran Badawi," she said briefly.  "Do you remember him? He's been appointed our headmaster."

 "Really!"

Then after a moment of silence, she said, "It's of no importance at all - it's an old and long-forgotten story."

After eating, she took herself off to her study to rest for a while before correcting some exercise books.  She had forgotten him completely. No, not completely. How could he be forgotten completely? When he had first come to give her a private lesson in mathematics, she was fourteen years of age. In fact, not quite fourteen.  He had been twenty-five years older, the same age as her father.  She had said to her mother, "His appearance is a mess, but he explains things well." And her mother had said, "We are not concerned with what he looks like; what's important is how he explains things."

He was an amusing person, and she got on well with him and benefited from his knowledge.  How, then, had it happened? In her innocence she had not noticed any change in his behavior to put her on her guard. Then one day he had been left on his own with her, her father having gone to her aunt's clinic.  She had not the slightest doubts about a man she regarded as a second father. How, then, had it happened? Without love or desire on her part the thing had happened. She had asked in terror about what had occurred, and he had told her, "Don't be frightened or sad.  Keep it to yourself and I'll come and propose to you the day you come of age."

--

C35b 她永遠袂滿足

2. Yi éng-oán bē boán-chiok

Hit-ê pe̍h saⁿ cha-bó͘ ê ku̍t-liu siám-kng ê thâu-chang, hoán-siā nâ-sek hái-bīn lâi ê kng tah, taⁿ yi tng-teh pok chi̍t-ki hun, ba̍k-chiu pòaⁿ kheh. Alice oa̍t hiòng yin ang, the̍h chi̍t-kóa hê-á hām butter /ba.tà/, chēng-chēng teh chia̍h. Tiām-chēng chi̍t-ē-á liáu, yi kóng: "Lí ná ē m̄-bat kā góa kóng-khí, yi ê ba̍k-chiu mā sī nâ-sek ê?"

"Hmh, góa m̄-bat siūⁿ-kòe chit-ê būn-tê."

I lia̍h yi chhun hiòng pháng nâ-á ê chhiú chim chi̍t-ē, yi hoaⁿ-hí kah bīn-âng. O͘-bah phòng-phôe ê yi hoān-sè khòaⁿ tio̍h sió-khóa sông-sông, m̄-koh he ē piàn-sek ê nâ ba̍k-chiu, hām he pho-lōng ê kim thâu-mo͘ hō͘ yi khòaⁿ tio̍h oán-jiân chi̍t-ê nńg-chiáⁿ, kám-sèng ê kim-hoat bí-lú. Yi hoat-goān tōa-tōa kám-siā yin ang. Put-ti put-kak tiong-kan, yi kui-sin hián-sī ke̍k-tō͘ hēng-hok ê bêng-hián hûn-jiah.

In chīn-chêng chia̍h koh lim, siang-lâng lóng siūⁿ kóng tùi-hong í-keng bē-kì-tit hit-ê pe̍h-saⁿ cha-bó͘. Put-jî-kò, Alice put-sî chhiò kah siuⁿ tōa siaⁿ, iá Marc khah chù-ì ka-tī ê chu-sè, keng-thâu hiòng āu, thâu-khak chiàⁿ-chhiàⁿ. In tiām-tiām teh tán in ê kapi chiok kú ah. Thâu-khak téng khòaⁿ bē-tio̍h ê ji̍t-thâu sì-sòaⁿ hoán-siā ê kng, ná chhiūⁿ chi̍t-tiâu siám-kng ê hô, tī hái-bīn bān-bān iô-tāng, siám-sih tio̍h chha̍k-ba̍k ê kong-hui.

"Yi iáu tī hia, lí chai lah," Alice khin-siaⁿ kóng.

"Yi hō͘ lí bē chū-chāi sioh? Lí kám siūⁿ boeh ōaⁿ khì pa̍t-ūi lim kapi?"

"Bô, kin-pún bô iàu-kín! Sī yi chiah tio̍h bē chū-chāi! Jî-chhiáⁿ, yi khòaⁿ khí-lâi pèng m̄-sī chin thiòng, lí nā khòaⁿ ē-tio̍h yi..." 

"Góa m̄-bián khòaⁿ. Góa chai-iáⁿ yi ê piáu-chêng."

"Oh, yi kòe-khì tō hit-lō khoán ah?"

I ùi phīⁿ-khang bū chi̍t-káng hun, ba̍k-bâi kat-kat. "Hit-lō khoán? M̄-sī. Láu-si̍t kā lí kóng, yi tùi góa pēng bô móa-ì."

"Oh, taⁿ che sī chin ê!"

"Chiâⁿ kám-sim lí hiah-nī sēng góa, chhin-ài-ê... Án-ne chiâⁿ siáu... Lí sī chi̍t-ê thiⁿ-sài... Lí ài góa... Khòaⁿ tio̍h lí ê ba̍k-chiu, góa chiâⁿ kiau-ngō͘. Tio̍h, lí ê ba̍k-chiu... Yi... Góa kan-kan m̄-chai án-chóaⁿ hō͘ yi hoaⁿ-hí, tō sī án-ne. Góa m̄-chai án-chóaⁿ chò hó."

"Yi tō sī pháiⁿ-pháng!"

Alice kho̍k-kho̍k ia̍t khôe-sìⁿ, put-sî ǹg pe̍h-saⁿ cha-bó͘ gán chi̍t-ē, hit-lâng tng-teh pok-hun, thâu-khak khòe tī tîn-í í-phēng, ba̍k-chiu kheh-kheh, chi̍t-phài boán-chiok, lán-lán ê piáu-chêng.

Marc khin-khin kā keng-thâu giâ chi̍t-ē.

"He sī chèng-khak ê kóng-hoat," i sêng-jīn. "Lí boeh án-nóa hó ah? Tùi éng-oán bē boán-chiok ê lâng, lí chí-hó kám-kak pháiⁿ-sè... M̄-koh, lán boán-chiok... Kám m̄-sī, chhin-ài-ê?"

Yi bô ìn. Yi thau-thau, siông-sè khòaⁿ yin ang ê bīn, âng-gê, sì-chiàⁿ; khòaⁿ i ōng-ōng ê thâu-chang, chhap-lām chi̍t-ki chi̍t-ki ê pe̍h-si; khòaⁿ i he pó-ióng kah chin hó ê té chhiú; chiah tē-it pái hoâi-gî, án-ne mn̄g yi ka-tī, "Yi tàu-té boeh ùi i koh tit-tio̍h siáⁿ-hòe ah?"

Tán in boeh lī-khui, Marc tng-teh kiat-siàu, tng-teh mn̄g su-ki hām lō͘-sòaⁿ ê sî, yi ti̍t-ti̍t khòaⁿ hit-ê pe̍h-saⁿ cha-bó͘, him-siān koh hòⁿ-kî, chit-lō bē boán-chiok ê, chit-lō pháiⁿ-pháng ê, chit-lō ko-sióng ê...

(Soah)

--

2. 她永遠袂滿足

彼个白衫查某 ê 滑溜閃光 ê 頭鬃, 反射藍色海面來 ê 光 tah, 今她 tng-teh 噗一支薰, 目睭半瞌. Alice 越向姻翁, 提一寡蝦仔和 butter /ba.tà/, 靜靜 teh 食. 恬靜一下仔了, 她講: "你那會毋捌 kā 我講起, 她 ê 目睭 mā 是藍色 ê?"

"Hmh, 我毋捌想過這个問題."

伊掠她伸向 pháng 籃仔 ê 手唚一下, 她歡喜甲面紅. 烏肉膨皮 ê 她凡勢看著小可倯倯, 毋過 he 會變色 ê 藍目睭, 和 he 波浪 ê 金頭毛予她看著宛然一个軟汫, 感性 ê 金髮美女. 她發願大大感謝姻翁. 不知不覺中間, 她規身顯示極度幸福 ê 明顯痕跡.

In 盡情食 koh 啉, 雙人攏想講對方已經袂記得彼个白衫查某. 不而過, Alice 不時笑甲 siuⁿ 大聲, iá Marc 較注意家治 ê 姿勢, 肩頭向後, 頭殼正正. In 恬恬 teh 等 in ê kapi 足久 ah. 頭殼頂看袂著 ê 日頭四散反射 ê 光, ná 像一條閃光 ê 河, tī 海面慢慢搖動, 閃爍著鑿目 ê 光輝.

"她猶 tī 遐, 你知 lah," Alice 輕聲講.

"她予你袂自在 sioh? 你敢想欲換去別位啉 kapi?"

"無, 根本無要緊! 是她才著袂自在! 而且, 她看起來並毋是真暢, 你若看會著她..." 

"我毋免看. 我知影她 ê 表情."

"Oh, 她過去 tō 彼號款 ah?"

伊 ùi 鼻空霧一港薰, 目眉 kat-kat. "彼號款? 毋是. 老實 kā 你講, 她對我並無滿意."

"Oh, 今這是真 ê!"

"誠感心你 hiah-nī 倖我, 親愛 ê... Án-ne 誠痟... 你是一个天使... 你愛我... 看著你 ê 目睭, 我誠驕傲. 著, 你 ê 目睭... 她... 我干干毋知按怎予她歡喜, 就是 án-ne. 我毋知按怎做 hó."

"她就是歹紡!"

Alice kho̍k-kho̍k 擛葵扇, 不時 ǹg 白衫查某眼一下, 彼人 tng-teh 噗薰, 頭殼蹶 tī 籐椅 í-phēng, 目睭瞌瞌, 一派滿足, 懶懶 ê 表情.

Marc 輕輕 kā 肩頭夯一下.

"彼是正確 ê 講法," 伊承認. "你欲按怎好 ah? 對永遠袂滿足 ê 人, 你只好感覺歹勢... 毋過, 咱滿足... 敢毋是, 親愛 ê?"

她無應. 她偷偷, 詳細看姻翁 ê 面, 紅牙, 四正; 看伊旺旺 ê 頭鬃, 插濫一支一支 ê 白絲; 看伊 he 保養甲真好 ê 短手; 才第一擺懷疑, án-ne 問她家治, "她到底欲 ùi 伊 koh 得著啥貨 ah?"

等 in 欲離開, Marc tng-teh 結數, tng-teh 問司機和路線 ê 時, 她直直看彼个白衫查某, 欣羨 koh 好奇, chit-lō 袂滿足 ê, chit-lō 歹紡 ê, chit-lō 高尚 ê...

(煞)

--

2.

The woman in white, whose smooth, lustrous hair reflected the light from the sea in azure patches, was smoking a cigarette with her eyes half closed. Alice turned back toward her husband, took some shrimp and butter, and ate calmly. After a moment’s silence she asked: “Why didn’t you ever tell me that she had blue eyes, too?”

“Well, I never thought about it!”

He kissed the hand she was extending toward the bread basket and she blushed with pleasure. Dusky and ample, she might have seemed somewhat coarse, but the changeable blue of her eyes and her wavy, golden hair made her look like a frail and sentimental blonde. She vowed overwhelming gratitude to her husband. Immodest without knowing it, everything about her bore the overly conspicuous marks of extreme happiness.

They ate and drank heartily, and each thought the other had forgotten the woman in white. Now and then, however, Alice laughed too loudly, and Marc was careful about his posture, holding his shoulders back, his head up. They waited quite a long time for their coffee, in silence. An incandescent river, the straggled reflection of the invisible sun overhead, shifted slowly across the sea and shone with a blinding brilliance.

“She’s still there, you know,” Alice whispered.

“Is she making you uncomfortable? Would you like to have coffee somewhere else?”

“No, not at all! She’s the one who must be uncomfortable! Besides, she doesn’t exactly seem to be having a wild time, if you could see her . . .”

“I don’t have to. I know that look of hers.”

“Oh, was she like that?”

He exhaled his cigarette smoke through his nostrils and knitted his eyebrows. “Like that? No. To tell you honestly, she wasn’t happy with me.”

“Oh, really now!”

“The way you indulge me is so charming, darling . . . It’s crazy . . . You’re an angel . . . You love me . . . I’m so proud when I see those eyes of yours. Yes, those eyes . . . She . . . I just didn’t know how to make her happy, that’s all. I didn’t know how.”

“She’s just difficult!”

Alice fanned herself irritably, and cast brief glances at the woman in white, who was smoking, her head resting against the back of the cane chair, her eyes closed with an air of satisfied lassitude.

Marc shrugged his shoulders modestly.

“That’s the right word,” he admitted. “What can you do? You have to feel sorry for people who are never satisfied. But we’re satisfied . . . Aren’t we, darling?”

She did not answer. She was looking furtively, and closely, at her husband’s face, ruddy and regular; at his thick hair, threaded here and there with white silk; at his short, well-cared-for hands; and doubtful for the first time, she asked herself, “What more did she want from him?”

And as they were leaving, while Marc was paying the bill and asking for the chauffeur and about the route, she kept looking, with envy and curiosity, at the woman in white, this dissatisfied, this difficult, this superior . . .

--

//2022-2-27

C35 Lēng-ê bó͘ | 另个某 - a 她是我 ê 前某

The Other Wife /by Colette
https://www.101bananas.com/library2/otherwife.html

Lēng-ê bó͘ | 另个某

--

1. Yi sī góa ê chêng-bó͘

"Nn̄g-lâng toh? Chia lâi, Sian-siⁿ, Hu-jîn, thang-á piⁿ iáu ū chi̍t-tè toh-á, Hu-jîn hām Sian-siⁿ nā kah-ì khòaⁿ hái-oan hong-kéng."

Alice tòe niá-pan kiâⁿ.

"Oh, sī lah. Marc lí khòaⁿ, che khòaⁿ tio̍h ná-chhiūⁿ chē-chûn tī chúi-téng chia̍h-tàu..."

Yin ang kō͘ chhiú ē-chat kau yi ê, kā lia̍h tio̍h. Khì hia lán ē khah sù-sī."

"Hia? Tī hiah chē lâng ê só͘-chāi? Góa khah siūⁿ boeh..."

"Alice, pài-thok."

I thiau-kò͘-ì kā yi lia̍h khah ân, yi oa̍t kòe-lâi. "Án-nóa sioh?"

"Shh..." i khin-siaⁿ kóng, ná kim-kim khòaⁿ yi, tō kā yi chhōa hiòng tī tiong-ng hit-tè toh-á.

"Án-nóa sioh, Marc?"

"Góa ē kā lí kóng, chhin-ài-ê. Góa seng lâi tiám-chhài. Lí boeh ài hê-á bô? A̍h sī bah-tàng-nn̄g (eggs in aspic)?

"Lí kah-ì siáⁿ lóng ē-sái, lí chai lah."

Nn̄g-lâng hō͘-siong chhiò chi̍t-ē, án-ne lōng-hùi kín-tiuⁿ koh bô-êng chhih-chhit niá-pan ê pó-kùi sî-kan, taⁿ i khiā tī in sin-piⁿ, ná teh lâu-kōaⁿ.

"Hê-á," Marc kóng. "Jiân-āu sī nn̄g hām bacon /bé.kon/. Koh-lâi léng ke-bah lām Romaine salad. Pe̍h chhiz? Lín chhan-thiaⁿ ê te̍k-sek liāu-lí? Goán boeh tiám te̍k-sek liāu-lí. Nn̄g-poe kāu kapi. Góa ê su-ki mā boeh chia̍h-tàu, Kàu nn̄g-tiám, góa tō boeh lī-khui. Ū  lingò-chiú bô? Mài, góa bô sìn-jīm he... Chió-tiⁿ ê shampén (champagne)."

I thó͘ chi̍t-kháu khùi, bē-su tú poaⁿ chi̍t-chō saⁿ-kūi, ba̍k-chiu lia̍h tiong-tàu bô sek ê hái khòaⁿ, lia̍h chin-chu pe̍h ê thiⁿ khòaⁿ, jiân-āu khòaⁿ in bó͘, yi tì chi̍t-téng kòa tōa-hêng tiàu-se ê sè chúi-gîn bō (Mercury hat), chiâⁿ khó-ài.

"Lí khòaⁿ khí-lâi chiâⁿ chán, chhin-ài-ê. Che nâ-sek ê chúi hō͘ lí ê ba̍k-chiu khòaⁿ tio̍h chheⁿ lin-lin, lí siūⁿ khòaⁿ-māi! Chū-chiông lí-hêng í-lâi, lí í-keng ū khah tōa-kho͘ ah... Án-ne kàu chi̍t-ê thêng-tō͘ bē bái, m̄-koh kan-ta kàu chi̍t-ê thêng-tō͘ niā-niā!"

Yi àⁿ hiòng toh-téng ê sî, hit nn̄g-lia̍p kiat-si̍t, îⁿ kùn-kùn ê leng thêng-thêng thèⁿ koân.

"Lí ná m̄-khéng góa khì chiàm hit-ê óa thang-á ê ūi?"

Marc Seguy m̄-bat siūⁿ boeh pe̍h-chhat. "In-ūi lí tú-chiah boeh chē khì chi̍t-ê góa bat ê lâng keh-piah."

"Góa m̄ bat ê lâng?"

"Góa ê chêng-bó͘."

Yi m̄-chai kóng siáⁿ hó, ba̍k-chiu tián tōa-tōa.

"Án-ne iū án-chóaⁿ, chhin-ài-ê? Í-āu mā ē koh tú-tio̍h. Che bô tiōng-iàu."

Alice lo̍h-bóe án-ne ìn, koh chiap-sio̍k mn̄g i chi̍t-kōaⁿ būn-tê. "Yi ū khòaⁿ tio̍h lí bô? Yi ū khòaⁿ-e lí teh khòaⁿ yi bô? Lí ē-sái kí yi hō͘ góa khòaⁿ bô?"

"Taⁿ seng mài khòaⁿ, pài-thok, yi tiāⁿ-tio̍h sī teh siòng lán... Hit-ê chang-sek thâu-chang ê lú-sū, bô tì bō-á, yi tiāⁿ-tio̍h sī tòa tī chit-keng hotel. Yi ka-tī chi̍t-ê, tī hiah-ê chhēng âng-saⁿ ê gín-á āu-bīn..."

"Sī, góa chai."

Bih tī chi̍t-kóa khoah-piⁿ hái-than bō āu-bīn, Alice ē-tàng khòaⁿ tio̍h hit-ê cha-bó͘, hit-lâng 15 kò goe̍h chêng iáu sī in ang ê bó͘.

"Bē ha̍h," Marc kóng. "Oh, góa sī kóng... goán oân-choân bē ha̍h! Goán ná ū kàu-ióng ê lâng án-ne lī-hun, tiām-tiām koh chin sìn-sok. Āu-lâi, góa ài tio̍h lí, lí mā chin-chiàⁿ siūⁿ boeh hām góa tâng-chê hēng-hok. Lán chiâⁿ hó-ūn, lán ê hēng-hok bô khan-sia̍p jīm-hô pa̍t-lâng ê chōe-kò a̍h siong-hāi!"

--

1. 她是我 ê 前某

"兩人桌? 遮來, 先生, 夫人, 窗仔邊猶有一塊桌仔, 夫人和先生若佮意看海灣風景."

Alice 綴領班行.

"Oh, 是 lah. Marc 你看, 這看著 ná 像坐船 tī 水頂食晝..."

姻翁 kō͘ 手下節勾她 ê, kā 掠著. 去遐咱會較四序."

"遐? Tī hiah 濟人 ê 所在? 我較想欲..."

"Alice, 拜託."

伊刁故意 kā 她掠較絚, 她越過來. "按怎 sioh?"

"Shh..." 伊輕聲講, ná 金金看她, tō kā 她 chhōa 向 tī 中央彼塊桌仔.

"按怎 sioh, Marc?"

"我會 kā 你講, 親愛 ê. 我先來點菜. 你欲愛蝦仔無? A̍h 是肉凍卵 (eggs in aspic)?

"你佮意啥攏會使, 你知 lah."

兩人互相笑一下, án-ne 浪費緊張 koh 無閒 chhih-chhih 領班 ê 寶貴時間, 今伊徛 tī in 身邊, ná teh 流汗.

"蝦仔," Marc 講. "然後是卵和 bacon /bé.kon/. 閣來冷雞肉濫 Romaine salad. 白 chhiz? 恁餐廳 ê 特色料理? 阮欲點特色料理. 兩杯厚 kapi. 我 ê 司機 mā 欲食晝, 到兩點, 我 tō 欲離開. 有 lingò 酒無? 莫, 我無信任 he... 少甜 ê shampén (champagne)."

伊吐一口氣, 袂輸拄搬一座衫櫃, 目睭掠中晝無色 ê 海看, 掠真珠白 ê 天看, 然後看 in 某, 她戴一頂掛大型吊紗 ê 細水銀帽 (Mercury hat), 誠可愛.

"你看起來誠讚, 親愛 ê. 這藍色 ê 水予你 ê 目睭看著青 lin-lin, 你想看覓! 自從旅行以來, 你已經有較大箍 ah... Án-ne 到一个程度袂䆀, 毋過干焦到一个程度 niā-niā!"

她 àⁿ 向桌頂 ê 時, 彼兩粒結實, 圓 kùn-kùn ê 奶騰騰牚懸.

"你那毋肯我去佔彼个倚窗仔 ê 位?"

Marc Seguy 毋捌想欲白賊. "因為你拄才欲坐去一个我捌 ê 人隔壁."

"我毋捌 ê 人?"

"我 ê 前某."

她毋知講啥好, 目睭展大大.

"Án-ne 又按怎, 親愛 ê? 以後 mā 會 koh 拄著. 這無重要."

Alice 落尾 án-ne 應, koh 接續問伊一捾問題. "她有看著你無? 她有看 e 你 teh 看她無? 你會使指她予我看無?"

"今先莫看, 拜託, 她定著是 teh 相咱... 彼个棕色頭鬃 ê 女士, 無戴帽仔, 她定著是蹛 tī 這間 hotel. 她家治一个, tī hiah-ê 穿紅衫 ê 囡仔後面..."

"是, 我知."

覕 tī 一寡闊邊海灘帽後面, Alice 會當看著彼个查某, 彼人 15 個月前猶是 in 翁 ê 某.

"袂合," Marc 講. "Oh, 我是講... 阮完全袂合! 阮 ná 有教養 ê 人 án-ne 離婚, 恬恬 koh 真迅速. 後來, 我愛著你, 你 mā 真正想欲和我同齊幸福. 咱誠好運, 咱 ê 幸福無牽涉任何別人 ê 罪過 a̍h 傷害!"

--

1.

“TABLE FOR TWO? This way, Monsieur, Madame, there is still a table next to the window, if Madame and Monsieur would like a view of the bay.”

Alice followed the maitre d’.

“Oh, yes. Come on, Marc, it’ll be like having lunch on a boat on the water . . .”

Her husband caught her by passing his arm under hers. “We’ll be more comfortable over there.”

“There? In the middle of all those people? I’d much rather . . .”

“Alice, please.”

He tightened his grip in such a meaningful way that she turned around. “What’s the matter?”

“Shh . . .” he said softly, looking at her intently, and led her toward the table in the middle.

“What is it, Marc?”

“I’ll tell you, darling. Let me order lunch first. Would you like the shrimp? Or the eggs in aspic?”

“Whatever you like, you know that.”

They smiled at one another, wasting the precious time of an over-worked maitre d’, stricken with a kind of nervous dance, who was standing next to them, perspiring.

“The shrimp,” said Marc. “Then the eggs and bacon. And the cold chicken with a romaine salad. Fromage blanc? The house specialty? We’ll go with the specialty. Two strong coffees. My chauffeur will be having lunch also, we’ll be leaving again at two o’clock. Some cider? No, I don’t trust it . . . Dry champagne.”

He sighed as if he had just moved an armoire, gazed at the colorless midday sea, at the pearly white sky, then at his wife, whom he found lovely in her little Mercury hat with its large, hanging veil.

“You’re looking well, darling. And all this blue water makes your eyes look green, imagine that! And you’ve put on weight since you’ve been traveling . . . It’s nice up to a point, but only up to a point!”

Her firm, round breasts rose proudly as she leaned over the table.

“Why did you keep me from taking that place next to the window?”

Marc Seguy never considered lying. “Because you were about to sit next to someone I know.”

“Someone I don’t know?”

“My ex-wife.”

She couldn’t think of anything to say and opened her blue eyes wider.

“So what, darling? It’ll happen again. It’s not important.”

The words came back to Alice and she asked, in order, the inevitable questions. “Did she see you? Could she see that you saw her? Will you point her out to me?”

“Don’t look now, please, she must be watching us . . . The lady with brown hair, no hat, she must be staying in this hotel. By herself, behind those children in red . . .”

“Yes I see.”

Hidden behind some broad-brimmed beach hats, Alice was able to look at the woman who, fifteen months ago, had still been her husband’s wife.

“Incompatibility,” Marc said. “Oh, I mean . . . total incompatibility! We divorced like well-bred people, almost like friends, quietly, quickly. And then I fell in love with you, and you really wanted to be happy with me. How lucky we are that our happiness doesn’t involve any guilty parties or victims!”

--

C34b 這本身就是性命

2. Che pún-sin tō-sī sèⁿ-miā

Góa kè-sio̍k jīn-chin su-khó chiah-ê būn-tê, hoān-sè ū chi̍t tiám-cheng, pòaⁿ chē pòaⁿ theⁿ, ba̍k-chiu tèng tī hit-pak ōe-siōng. Chòe-āu, góa tùi hit-ê hāu-kó ê chin-chiàⁿ pì-bi̍t kám-kak móa-ì, chiah tó-pêⁿ tī bîn-chhn̂g. Góa hoat-hiān hit-tiuⁿ tô͘ ê mô͘-le̍k chāi-tī i choa̍t-tùi chin-tú-chin ê piáu-ta̍t, thâu-khí-seng hō͘ góa kiaⁿ-chi̍t-tiô, koh-lâi hō͘ góa khùn-jiáu, khut-ho̍k, chòe-āu khim-phòe. Kō͘ chi̍t-ê chhim-chhim chun-kèng koh tio̍h-kiaⁿ ê sim-chêng, góa kā chek-tâi koh sóa-tńg goân-lâi ê ūi-tì. Hō͘ góa chhim-chhim kek-tōng ê goân-in í-keng khòaⁿ bē-tio̍h, góa koh kip-chhiat khì chhōe thó-lūn chiah-ê ōe-chok hām in ê le̍k-sú ê hit-pún chheh. Hian kàu chí-tēng tn̂g-ti-îⁿ ōe-siōng ê pian-hō, góa tha̍k tio̍h ē-bīn chiah-ê hâm-hô͘ koh koài-kî ê bûn-jī: 

"Yi sī chi̍t-ê hán-tit ê súi ko͘-niû, m̄-nā khó-ài koh-khah sī chhiong-móa hoaⁿ-hí. Put-hēng ê sī, yi tú tio̍h, ài tio̍h, koh kè hō͘ chi̍t-ê ōe-ka. Hit-lâng jia̍t-chêng, kut-la̍t, téng-chin, jî-chhiáⁿ í-keng kā Gē-su̍t tòng-chò sin-niû; yi, chi̍t-ê hán-kiàn ê súi ko͘-niû, m̄-nā khó-ài koh-khah chhiong-móa hoaⁿ-hí; móa-móa kong-chhái hām chhiò-iông, khin-khoài ná-chhiūⁿ siàu-liân lo̍k-á-kiáⁿ; ì-ài koh tin-sioh it-chhè; kan-ta thó-ià Gē-su̍t, he sī yi ê tùi-te̍k; kan-ta tam-iu tiâu-sek-pôaⁿ hām ōe-pit hām kî-thaⁿ pháiⁿ-pháng ê ōe-kū, in-ūi hiah-ê toa̍t khì yin ài-jîn ê chhiò-iông.

"Só͘-pái, tùi chit-ê lú-sū lâi kóng, thiaⁿ tio̍h ōe-ka kóng, i siūⁿ boeh ōe i ê siàu-liân sin-niû, he sī chi̍t-kiāⁿ khó-phà ê tāi-chì. M̄-koh yi chin khiam-pi, thiaⁿ-ōe, tō tī kak-lâu téng-koân àm-sàm ê pâng-keng koai-koai chē kúi-ā lé-pài, kng-sòaⁿ kan-ta ùi thâu-khak-téng chiò lo̍h tī sí-pe̍h ê ōe-pò͘ téng-bīn. M̄-koh, hit-ê ōe-ka tùi i ê khang-khòe kám-kak kong-êng, chi̍t tiám-cheng koh chi̍t tiám-cheng, chi̍t-kang koh chi̍t-kang. I sī chi̍t-ê jia̍t-chêng, hiong-kông, koh pháiⁿ sèng-tē ê lâng, sit-lo̍h tī hoàn-sióng, soah bô chù-ì tio̍h, ùi hit-ê ko͘-toaⁿ kak-lâu lak-lo̍h ê chhám-tām kng-sòaⁿ, tùi sin-niû kiān-khong hām cheng-sîn ê pāi-hāi, yi ê siau-sán lâng-lâng khòaⁿ ē-chhut, m̄-koh i bô. Sui-bóng án-ne, yi chēng-chēng koh kú-kú pó-chhî bî-chhiò, bô jīm-hô bâi-oàn, in-ūi yi khòaⁿ tio̍h ōe-ka (i ū chin koân ê hó miâ-siaⁿ) ùi i ê khang-khòe tit-tio̍h sio koh jia̍t ê khoài-lo̍k, ji̍t-iā bô-thêng teh biô-ōe hiah-nī ài i ê yi, yi khiok sī chi̍t-kang chi̍t-kang lú hi-jio̍k, lú bô goân-khì.

"Sū-si̍t-siōng, chi̍t-kóa ū khòaⁿ tio̍h chit-pak ōe ê lâng lóng khin-siaⁿ kóng he chiok thoân-sîn, jīn-ûi sī tōa kî-chek, m̄-nā chèng-bêng ōe-ka ê kang-hu bē khah-su i tùi yi ê chhim-ài, kā yi ōe kah hiah-nī chhut-sek. M̄-koh lo̍h-bóe, khang-khòe chiap-kīn oân-sêng ê sî, bô-lâng ē-tàng koh ji̍p-lâi kak-lâu; in-ūi ōe-ka ūi-tio̍h kang-chok jia̍t-kông kah boeh khí-siáu, ba̍k-chiu kan-ta tī ōe-pò͘ téng-bīn se̍h, khòaⁿ to bô-khòaⁿ in bó͘ ê bīn. I bô khòaⁿ tio̍h i boah tī ōe-pò͘ téng-bīn ê sek-chhái sī ùi chē tī sin-piⁿ ê in bó͘ ê chhùi-phé lâi ê. Keng-kòe kúi-ā lé-pài, su-iàu koh chò ê chin chió ah, tî-liáu chhùi-tûn koh ōe chi̍t-phiat, ba̍k-chiu ê sek koh boah chi̍t-ē, chit-ê lú-sū ê cheng-sîn iū chhiūⁿ teng-chō ê hóe-iām siám-sih khí-lâi. Jiân-āu, hit-phiat ōe liáu, hit-sek boah hó; hit-ê sî-chūn, ōe-ka khiā tī i só͘ chhòng-chō ê chok-phín thâu-chêng tio̍h-bê; koh-lâi ê sî, ná teh kim-kim-khòaⁿ ê tang-tiong, i soah khí ka-lún-sún, bīn-sek hoán-pe̍h, koh tio̍h chheⁿ-kiaⁿ, tōa-siaⁿ ai-kiò: ‘Che pún-sin tō-sī sèⁿ-miā ah!’ koh hut-jiân oa̍t-thâu khòaⁿ i ê ài-jîn: -- Yi í-keng sí-khì ah!"

(Soah)

--

2. 這本身就是性命

我繼續認真思考 chiah-ê 問題, 凡勢有一點鐘, 半坐半撐, 目睭釘 tī 彼幅畫像. 最後, 我對彼个效果 ê 真正祕密感覺滿意, 才倒平 tī 眠床. 我發現彼張圖 ê 魔力在 tī 伊絕對真拄真 ê 表達, 頭起先予我驚一趒, 閣來予我困擾, 屈服, 最後欽佩. Kō͘ 一个深深尊敬 koh 著驚 ê 心情, 我 kā 燭台 koh 徙轉原來 ê 位置. 予我深深激動 ê 原因已經看袂著, 我 koh 急切去揣討論 chiah-ê 畫作和 in ê 歷史 ê 彼本冊. 掀到指定長株圓畫像 ê 編號, 我讀著下面 chiah-ê 含糊 koh 怪奇 ê 文字: 

"她是一个罕得 ê 媠姑娘, 毋但可愛閣較是充滿歡喜. 不幸 ê 是, 她拄著, 愛著, koh 嫁予一个畫家. 彼人熱情, 骨力, 頂真, 而且已經 kā 藝術當做新娘; 她, 一个罕見 ê 媠姑娘, 毋但可愛閣較充滿歡喜; 滿滿光彩和笑容, 輕快 ná 像少年鹿仔囝; 意愛 koh 珍惜一切; 干焦討厭藝術, 彼是她 ê 對敵; 干焦擔憂調色盤和畫筆和其他歹紡 ê 畫具, 因為 hiah-ê 奪去姻愛人 ê 笑容.

"所擺, 對這个女士來講, 聽著畫家講, 伊想欲畫伊 ê 少年新娘, 彼是一件可怕 ê 代誌. 毋過她真謙卑, 聽話, tō tī 角樓頂懸暗毿 ê 房間乖乖坐幾若禮拜, 光線干焦 ùi 頭殼頂照落 tī 死白 ê 畫布頂面. 毋過, 彼个畫家對伊 ê 工課感覺光榮, 一點鐘 koh 一點鐘, 一工 koh 一工. 伊是一个熱情, 兇狂, koh 歹性地 ê 人, 失落 tī 幻想, 煞無注意著, ùi 彼个孤單角樓 lak 落 ê 慘淡光線, 對新娘健康和精神 ê 敗害, 她 ê 消瘦人人看會出, 毋過伊無. 雖罔 án-ne, 她靜靜 koh 久久保持微笑, 無任何埋怨, 因為她看著畫家 (伊有真懸 ê 好名聲) ùi 伊 ê 工課得著燒 koh 熱 ê 快樂, 日夜無停 teh 描畫 hiah-nī 愛伊 ê 她, 她卻是一工一工 lú 虛弱, lú 無元氣.

"事實上, 一寡有看著這幅畫 ê 人攏輕聲講 he 足傳神, 認為是大奇蹟, 毋但證明畫家 ê 工夫袂較輸伊對她 ê 深愛, kā 她畫甲 hiah-nī 出色. 毋過落尾, 工課接近完成 ê 時, 無人會當 koh 入來角樓; 因為畫家為著工作熱狂甲欲起痟, 目睭干焦 tī 畫布頂面踅, 看 to 無看 in 某 ê 面. 伊無看著伊抹 tī 畫布頂面 ê 色彩是 ùi 坐 tī 身邊 ê in 某 ê 喙䫌來 ê. 經過幾若禮拜, 需要 koh 做 ê 真少 ah, 除了喙唇 koh 畫一撇, 目睭 ê 色 koh 抹一下, 這个女士 ê 精神又像燈座 ê 火焰閃爍起來. 然後, 彼撇畫了, 彼色抹好; 彼个時陣, 畫家徛 tī 伊所創造 ê 作品頭前著迷; 閣來 ê 時, ná teh 金金看 ê 當中, 伊煞起交懍恂, 面色反白, koh 著生驚, 大聲哀叫: ‘這本身就是性命 ah!’ koh 忽然越頭看伊 ê 愛人: -- 她已經死去 ah!"

(煞)

--

2.

Thinking earnestly upon these points, I remained, for an hour perhaps, half sitting, half reclining, with my vision riveted upon the portrait. At length, satisfied with the true secret of its effect, I fell back within the bed. I had found the spell of the picture in an absolute life-likeliness of expression, which, at first startling, finally confounded, subdued, and appalled me. With deep and reverent awe I replaced the candelabrum in its former position. The cause of my deep agitation being thus shut from view, I sought eagerly the volume which discussed the paintings and their histories. Turning to the number which designated the oval portrait, I there read the vague and quaint words which follow: 

“She was a maiden of rarest beauty, and not more lovely than full of glee. And evil was the hour when she saw, and loved, and wedded the painter. He, passionate, studious, austere, and having already a bride in his Art; she a maiden of rarest beauty, and not more lovely than full of glee; all light and smiles, and frolicsome as the young fawn; loving and cherishing all things; hating only the Art which was her rival; dreading only the pallet and brushes and other untoward instruments which deprived her of the countenance of her lover. 

"It was thus a terrible thing for this lady to hear the painter speak of his desire to portray even his young bride. But she was humble and obedient, and sat meekly for many weeks in the dark, high turret-chamber where the light dripped upon the pale canvas only from overhead. But he, the painter, took glory in his work, which went on from hour to hour, and from day to day. And he was a passionate, and wild, and moody man, who became lost in reveries; so that he would not see that the light which fell so ghastly in that lone turret withered the health and the spirits of his bride, who pined visibly to all but him. Yet she smiled on and still on, uncomplainingly, because she saw that the painter (who had high renown) took a fervid and burning pleasure in his task, and wrought day and night to depict her who so loved him, yet who grew daily more dispirited and weak. 

"And in sooth some who beheld the portrait spoke of its resemblance in low words, as of a mighty marvel, and a proof not less of the power of the painter than of his deep love for her whom he depicted so surpassingly well. But at length, as the labor drew nearer to its conclusion, there were admitted none into the turret; for the painter had grown wild with the ardor of his work, and turned his eyes from canvas merely, even to regard the countenance of his wife. And he would not see that the tints which he spread upon the canvas were drawn from the cheeks of her who sat beside him. And when many weeks bad passed, and but little remained to do, save one brush upon the mouth and one tint upon the eye, the spirit of the lady again flickered up as the flame within the socket of the lamp. And then the brush was given, and then the tint was placed; and, for one moment, the painter stood entranced before the work which he had wrought; but in the next, while he yet gazed, he grew tremulous and very pallid, and aghast, and crying with a loud voice, ‘This is indeed Life itself!’ turned suddenly to regard his beloved:--She was dead!"

--

// 2022-2-25

C34 Tn̂g-ti-îⁿ ê Ōe-siōng | 長株圓 ê 畫像 - a 少年姑娘 ê 畫像

The Oval Portrait /by Edgar Allan Poe
http://pinkmonkey.com/dl/library1/oval.pdf

Tn̂g-ti-îⁿ ê Ōe-siōng | 長株圓 ê 畫像

--

1. Siàu-liân ko͘-niû ê ōe-siōng

Hit-chō siâⁿ-pó, góa ê lâm-po̍k sái-kiông mō͘-hiám ji̍p-khì, in-ūi góa ê siong-sè, i m̄-khéng hō͘ góa tī gōa-kháu kòe-mê, he sī Appennine Soaⁿ-khu, kú-nî lâi kau-chhap tio̍h ut-chut kap hui-hông ê chē-chē siâⁿ-pó kî-tiong ê chi̍t-chō, bē khah-su Radcliffe Tt tī sio-soat só͘ biô-siá ê siâⁿ-pó. Ùi gōa-piáu khòaⁿ, i í-keng chiām-sî tī chòe-kīn hông kā hòng-khì. Goán tòa ji̍p kî-tiong chi̍t-keng siōng-sè, ka-kū siōng kán-tan ê pâng-keng. He sī tī kiàn-bu̍t hn̄g-ūi ê kak-lâu téng-bīn. Pâng-keng ū káng-kiù ê chong-hông, m̄-koh í-keng phòa koh kū. Piah-téng kòa chit-thán, pâi-lia̍t kok-sek kok-iūⁿ ê chiàn-lī-phín, iáu-ū hui-siông chē mé-chhéⁿ ê hiān-tāi ōe-chok, chng tī hôa-lē kim-sek ê Arab-hong-keh ōe-kheng.

Chiah-ê ōe-chok, m̄-nā kòa tī ta̍k-bīn piah ê chú-iàu só͘-chāi, mā kòa tī in-ūi koài-kî kiàn-tio̍k ê su-iàu sán-seng ê chē-chē kak-lo̍h -- chiah-ê ōe-chok, hoān-sè in-ūi góa chho͘-kî ê jia̍t-kông chèng-thâu hoat-chok, ín-khí góa chhim-chhim ê hèng-chhù; só͘-tì, góa hoan-hù Pedro koaiⁿ pâng-keng ê thang-á-lî -- in-ūi í-keng thiⁿ-àm ah -- tiám to̍h góa chhn̂g-thâu ê koân chek-tâi ê só͘-ū teng-sim, koh kā pau-ûi bîn-chhn̂g ê o͘ thian-gô-jiông, khan hoe-piⁿ ê tiàu-lî hn̄g-hn̄g, tōa-tōa giú khui. Góa hi-bāng án-ne liáu-āu, mài kóng boeh khùn, siōng-bô ē-tàng hō͘ ka-tī hioh lo̍h-lâi, hó-hó lûn-liû him-sióng chiah-ê ōe-chok, koh hó-hó gián-kiù tī chím-thâu téng chhōe tio̍h ê chi̍t-pún sió chheh, he kóng i sī tùi chiah-ê ōe-chok ê phe-phêng kap biô-siá.

Góa kú-kú tī hia tha̍k, choan-sim koh khiân-sêng. sî-kan kín-kín teh kòe, í-keng sī pòaⁿ-mê. Chek-tâi ê ūi-tì góa bô kah-ì, sui-bóng bô chin hó-sè chhun-chhiú, góa mā bô-ài kiáu-jiáu tng-teh hó-khùn ê lâm-po̍k, tō kā i sóa chi̍t-ē, thang-hó hō͘ khah chē kng-sòaⁿ chiò tī góa ê chheh.

M̄-koh, chit-ê tōng-chok sán-seng chi̍t-ê oân-choân siūⁿ-bē-kàu ê hāu-kó. Chin chē la̍h-chek ê kng-sòaⁿ (in-ūi ū chin chē ki la̍h-chek) taⁿ chiò kàu chi̍t-ê goân-pún hō͘ chi̍t-ki chhn̂g-thiāu cha̍h tio̍h ê lap-o nih. Tī kng-iāⁿ-iāⁿ tang-tiong, góa khòaⁿ tio̍h chi̍t-pak goân-pún bô chù-ì tio̍h ê tô͘. He sī chi̍t-pak tú tńg tōa-lâng ê ko͘-niû ê ōe-siōng. Góa lia̍h hit-pak ōe kín-kín gán chi̍t-ē, koh kā ba̍k-chiu kheh khí-lâi. Góa ná boeh án-ne chò, tong-chho͘ góa ka-tī mā m̄ chai. M̄-koh, tī ba̍k-chiu kheh-kheh ê sî, góa sim-nih siūⁿ-khí án-ne chò ê lí-iû. Che sī chi̍t-ê chhóng-pōng ê tōng-chok, bo̍k-tek sī boeh ū sî-kan thang su-khó -- boeh khak-tēng góa khòaⁿ-tio̍h-ê bô khi-phiàn góa -- án-ne ē-tàng ah-lo̍h góa ê hoàn-sióng, thang-hó koh-khah chheng-chhéⁿ, koh-khah khak-tēng koh kā khòaⁿ chi̍t-pái. Kòe chi̍t-ē-á, góa koh chi̍t-pái kim-kim siòng hit-tiuⁿ ōe-chok.

Chit-chūn góa khòaⁿ ê sī chèng-khak, góa bē-tàng hoâi-gî; in-ūi la̍h-chek chiò tī ōe-pò͘ ê tē-it tō kng, ká-ná í-keng pek-cháu goân-pún am-khàm tio̍h góa ê kám-koan ná bîn-bāng ê bê-bông, chek-sî hō͘ góa kiaⁿ chi̍t-tiô, chhéⁿ khí-lâi.

Góa kóng kòe, hit-pak tô͘ sī chi̍t-ê siàu-liân ko͘-niû ê ōe-siōng. I kan-ta sī thâu hām keng-thâu, ki-su̍t-te̍k lâi kóng sī sio̍k sió-phín hong-sek, hām Sully siōng kah-ì ê thâu-siōng hong-keh chin sio-kāng. Chhiú-kut, heng-khám, sīm-chì kng-sih-sih thâu-chang ê bóe-liu, lóng put-ti-put-kak iûⁿ ji̍p kui-ê pōe-kéng bông-biáu koh chhim-khek ê o͘-iáⁿ nih. Ōe-kheng sī ntn̂g-ti-îⁿ-hêng, chhiong-móa Moors hong-keh ê tō͘-kim hām khan-sòaⁿ. Chò chi̍t-ê gē-su̍t phín, siōng tit-lâng him-sióng ê tō-sī ōe-chok pún-sin lah. M̄-koh, hiah hut-jiân hō͘ góa hiah tōa kám-tōng ê, hoān-sè m̄-sī chit-ê chok-phín ê chip-hêng, mā m̄-sī lâng-bīn éng-chûn ê bí-lē. Koh-khah bô khó-lêng, káⁿ sī in-ūi góa ê hoàn-sióng, ùi pòaⁿ-khùn tang-tiong chhéⁿ lâi, kā hit-ê thâu khòaⁿ chò chi̍t-ê oa̍h-lâng. Góa chi̍t-ē tō khòaⁿ-chhut, chit-pak tô͘ ê siat-kè, vignetting (ūn-iáⁿ 暈影), hām ōe-kheng ê te̍k-sek, tiāⁿ-tio̍h chek-sî tō phah-siau hit-ê siūⁿ-hoat -- sīm-chì tiāⁿ-tio̍h mā chó͘-chí hit-lō chi̍t-sî ê sim-sek.

--

1. 少年姑娘 ê 畫像

彼座城堡, 我 ê 男僕使強冒險入去, 因為我 ê 傷勢, 伊毋肯予我 tī 外口過暝, 彼是 Appennine 山區, 久年來交插著鬱卒 kap 輝煌 ê 濟濟城堡其中 ê 一座, 袂較輸 Radcliffe Tt tī 小說所描寫 ê 城堡. Ùi 外表看, 伊已經暫時 tī 最近 hông kā 放棄. 阮蹛入其中一間上細, 家具上簡單 ê 房間. 彼是 tī 建物遠位 ê 角樓頂面. 房間有講究 ê 裝潢, 毋過已經破 koh 舊. 壁頂掛織毯, 排列各式各樣 ê 戰利品, 猶有非常濟猛醒 ê 現代畫作, 裝 tī 華麗金色 ê Arab 風格畫框.

Chiah-ê 畫作, 毋但掛 tī 逐面壁 ê 主要所在, mā 掛 tī 因為怪奇建築 ê 需要產生 ê 濟濟角落 -- chiah-ê 畫作, 凡勢因為我初期 ê 熱狂症頭發作, 引起我深深 ê 興趣; 所致, 我吩咐 Pedro 關房間 ê 窗仔簾 -- 因為已經天暗 ah -- 點 to̍h 我床頭 ê 懸燭台 ê 所有燈心, koh kā 包圍眠床 ê 烏天鵝絨, 牽花邊 ê 吊簾遠遠, 大大搝開. 我希望 án-ne 了後, 莫講欲睏, 上無會當予家治歇落來, 好好輪流欣賞 chiah-ê 畫作, koh 好好研究 tī 枕頭頂揣著 ê 一本小冊, he 講伊是對 chiah-ê 畫作 ê 批評 kap 描寫.

我久久 tī 遐讀, 專心 koh 虔誠. 時間緊緊 teh 過, 已經是半暝. 燭台 ê 位置我無佮意, 雖罔無真好勢伸手, 我 mā 無愛攪擾 tng-teh 好睏 ê 男僕, tō kā 伊徙一下, 通好予較濟光線照 tī 我 ê 冊.

毋過, 這个動作產生一个完全想袂到 ê 效果. 真濟蠟燭 ê 光線 (因為有真濟支蠟燭) 今照到一个原本予一支床柱閘著 ê lap-o nih. Tī 光焱焱當中, 我看著一幅原本無注意著 ê 圖. 彼是一幅拄轉大人 ê 姑娘 ê 畫像. 我掠彼幅畫緊緊眼一下, koh kā 目睭瞌起來. 我那欲 án-ne 做, 當初我家治 mā 毋知. 毋過, tī 目睭瞌瞌 ê 時, 我心 nih 想起 án-ne 做 ê 理由. 這是一个衝碰 ê 動作, 目的是欲有時間通思考 -- 欲確定我看著 ê 無欺騙我 -- án-ne 會當壓落我 ê 幻想, 通好閣較清醒, 閣較確定 koh kā 看一擺. 過一下仔, 我 koh 一擺金金相彼張畫作.

這陣我看 ê 是正確, 我袂當懷疑; 因為蠟燭照 tī 畫布 ê 第一道光, 敢若已經逼走原本掩崁著我 ê 感官 ná 眠夢 ê 迷茫, 即時予我驚一趒, 醒起來.

我講過, 彼幅圖是一个少年姑娘 ê 畫像. 伊干焦是頭和肩頭, 技術 te̍k 來講是屬小品方式, 和 Sully 上佮意 ê 頭像風格真相仝. 手骨, 胸坎, 甚至光 sih-sih 頭鬃 ê 尾溜, 攏不知不覺溶入規个背景茫渺 koh 深刻 ê 烏影 nih. 畫框是長株圓形, 充滿 Moors 風格 ê 鍍金和牽線. 做一个藝術品, 上得人欣賞 ê 就是畫作本身 lah. 毋過, hiah 忽然予我 hiah 大感動 ê, 凡勢毋是這个作品 ê 執行, mā 毋是人面永存 ê 美麗. 閣較無可能, 敢是因為我 ê 幻想, ùi 半睏當中醒來, kā 彼个頭看做一个活人. 我一下 tō 看出, 這幅圖 ê 設計, vignetting (ūn-iáⁿ 暈影), 和畫框 ê 特色, 定著即時 tō 拍消彼个想法 -- 甚至定著 mā 阻止 hit-lō 一時 ê 心適.

--

1.

THE CHATEAU into which my valet had ventured to make forcible entrance, rather than permit me, in my desperately wounded condition, to pass a night in the open air, was one of those piles of commingled gloom and grandeur which have so long frowned among the Appennines, not less in fact than in the fancy of Mrs. Radcliffe. To all appearance it had been temporarily and very lately abandoned. We established ourselves in one of the smallest and least sumptuously furnished apartments. It lay in a remote turret of the building. Its decorations were rich, yet tattered and antique. Its walls were hung with tapestry and bedecked with manifold and multiform armorial trophies, together with an unusually great number of very spirited modern paintings in frames of rich golden arabesque.

In these paintings, which depended from the walls not only in their main surfaces, but in very many nooks which the bizarre architecture of the chateau rendered necessary--in these paintings my incipient delirium, perhaps, had caused me to take deep interest; so that I bade Pedro to close the heavy shutters of the room--since it was already night--to light the tongues of a tall candelabrum which stood by the head of my bed--and to throw open far and wide the fringed curtains of black velvet which enveloped the bed itself. I wished all this done that I might resign myself, if not to sleep, at least alternately to the contemplation of these pictures, and the perusal of a small volume which had been found upon the pillow, and which purported to criticise and describe them.

Long--long I read--and devoutly, devotedly I gazed. Rapidly and gloriously the hours flew by and the deep midnight came. The position of the candelabrum displeased me, and outreaching my hand with difficulty, rather than disturb my slumbering valet, I placed it so as to throw its rays more fully upon the book.

But the action produced an effect altogether unanticipated. The rays of the numerous candles (for there were many) now fell within a niche of the room which had hitherto been thrown into deep shade by one of the bed-posts. I thus saw in vivid light a picture all unnoticed before. It was the portrait of a young girl just ripening into womanhood. I glanced at the painting hurriedly, and then closed my eyes. Why I did this was not at first apparent even to my own perception. But while my lids remained thus shut, I ran over in my mind my reason for so shutting them. It was an impulsive movement to gain time for thought--to make sure that my vision had not deceived me--to calm and subdue my fancy for a more sober and more certain gaze. In a very few moments I again looked fixedly at the painting.

That I now saw aright I could not and would not doubt; for the first flashing of the candles upon that canvas had seemed to dissipate the dreamy stupor which was stealing over my senses, and to startle me at once into waking life.

The portrait, I have already said, was that of a young girl. It was a mere head and shoulders, done in what is technically termed a vignette manner; much in the style of the favorite heads of Sully. The arms, the bosom, and even the ends of the radiant hair melted imperceptibly into the vague yet deep shadow which formed the back-ground of the whole. The frame was oval, richly gilded and filigreed in Moresque. As a thing of art nothing could be more admirable than the painting itself. But it could have been neither the execution of the work, nor the immortal beauty of the countenance, which had so suddenly and so vehemently moved me. Least of all, could it have been that my fancy, shaken from its half slumber, had mistaken the head for that of a living person. I saw at once that the peculiarities of the design, of the vignetting, and of the frame, must have instantly dispelled such idea--must have prevented even its momentary entertainment.

--

 

C33b 來和阮做伙食寡物

2. Lâi hām goán chò-hóe chia̍h kóa mi̍h

Hit-kho͘ tián soah i ê hhàu-phùi kang-hu, kiâⁿ khui. Jiân-āu, góa khai-sí ná teh thô͘-kha pê ná khioh ùi góa ê hêng-lí-siuⁿ lak chhut-lâi ê chhiú-kó hām chiâu-sī phòa-khang ê saⁿ-á-khò͘. Góa kā in siu hó-sè, kā poaⁿ kàu tiâⁿ ê hit-pêng. Chhù piⁿ ū chi̍t-ê chng-á chàu, téng-bīn ū chi̍t-ê oe-á teh chú ti-bah; he ian ê khoán hām hn̄g-hn̄g chng-kha ê goán-tau kāng-khoán, chū án-ne, iau-ki ê kám-kak hām bô-pí ê ko͘-toaⁿ kau-chhap chò-hóe. Góa kō͘ ta-chháu khàm hêng-lí, án-ne tòng-chò chím-thâu, tō tó-lo̍h, tha̍k Pravda (Chin-lí) Pò khan ê Lenin tī Kiōng-sán Kok-chè Tē-jī-chhù Tāi-hōe ê ián-káng. Ji̍t-kng ùi āu-bīn koân-koân kē-kē ê soaⁿ-lūn chiò tī góa ê sin-khu, Cossack lâng ta̍h góa ê kha kiâⁿ kòe, kāng hit-ê siàu-liân put-toān chok-lōng góa, i he siū kah-ì ê ōe-gí iân ū-chhì ê lō͘ hiòng góa lâi, m̄-koh bô hoat-tō͘ kàu-ūi góa chia. Āu-lâi, góa kā pò-chóa khǹg chi̍t-pêng, khì chhōe tī têng-á-kha se̍h-lâi se̍h-khì ê chhù thâu-ke-niû.

"Thâu-ke-niû," góa kóng, "góa su-iàu chia̍h-pn̄g..."

Lāu hū-jîn kā he pòaⁿ chheⁿ-mê ê ba̍k-pe̍h gia̍h chi̍t-ē, koh pàng lo̍h.

"Tông-chì," tiām chi̍t-ē liáu yi kóng, "chiah-ê ū-ê bô-ê pìⁿ kah góa siūⁿ boeh cháu khì tiàu-tāu."

"Thiⁿ ah, góa ē kā lí jôe sí, cha-bó͘," góa àu-náu án-ne liām, koh kō͘ kûn-thâu-bó tháⁿ lāu hū-jîn ê heng. "Góa lâi kái-soeh hō͘ lí chai-iáⁿ..."

Hit-sî, chi̍t-ē oa̍t-sin, góa khòaⁿ tio̍h lī góa bô hn̄g ê só͘-chāi ū chi̍t-ki kiàm. Chi̍t-chiah ui-hong ê gô iô-iô-pái-pái tī tiâⁿ-nih kiâⁿ, koh ná teh an-chēng chéng-lí i ê mo͘. Góa jiok tio̍h gô, kā sak tó tī thô͘-kha, kō͘ bé-hia chàm gô-thâu, khiak chi̍t-ē, hoeh khai-sí lâu. Pe̍h-sek ê ām-kún tó tī sái nih, si̍t khai-sí tī sí-thé téng phia̍t.

"Thiⁿ ah, góa ē kā lí jôe sí, cha-bó͘!" góa ná kóng, ná kā kiàm chhah-ji̍p gô. "Thâu-ke-niû, che the̍h khì chú hō͘ góa."

Lāu hū-jîn ê chheⁿ-mê-ba̍k hām ba̍k-kiàⁿ chò chi̍t-ē kim sih-sih, kín kā gô khioh khí-lâi, pau tī ûi-su-kûn, chah ji̍p-khì chàu-kha.

Tiâⁿ-nih ê Cossack lâng í-keng ûi in ê oe-á chē leh. In tiām-tiām chē thêng-thêng, ná-chhiūⁿ sī bo̍k-su, in bô khòaⁿ hit-chiah gô.

"Hit-ê siàu-liân-ke bē-bái," kî-tiong chi̍t-lâng kóng khí góa, ba̍k-chiu ná nih ná iúⁿ pe̍h-chhài thng.

Hiah-ê Cossack lâng khai-sí chia̍h-pn̄g, tòa chi̍t-chióng chng-kha-lâng khek-chè ka-tī, hō͘-siong chun-kèng ê iu-ngá; góa kō͘ soa-á lù chheng-khì góa ê kiàm, kiâⁿ chhut tōa-mn̂g, āu-lâi koh kiâⁿ tńg-lâi, thiám oaiⁿ-oaiⁿ. Goe̍h kòa tī chhù-tiâⁿ téng, ná chhiūⁿ chi̍t-ê chho͘-sio̍k ê hīⁿ-kau.

"Heh," Cossack lâng tiong-kan siōng-lāu ê Surovkov, hut-jiân tùi góa kóng, "lâi hām goán chò-hóe chia̍h kóa mi̍h, ná tán lí ê gô chú hó."

I ùi bé-hia giú chi̍t-ki thng-sî, kau hō͘ góa. Goán tō lim he in ka-tī chú ê chhài-thng koh chia̍h ti-bah.

"Pò-chóa ū siáⁿ-mi̍h bô?" iûⁿ-môa thâu-chang hit-ê siàu-liân mn̄g, kheh chi̍t-ê ūi hō͘ góa chē.

"Lenin tī pò-chóa siá kóng," góa kóng, the̍h chhut Pravda Pò, "Lenin siá kóng, bo̍k-chêng ta̍k-hāng to khiàm-khoat..."

Tōa-tōa siaⁿ, ná-chhiūⁿ tek-ì ê chheⁿ-mê-lâng án-ne, góa kā Lenin ê ián-káng liām hō͘ Cossack lâng thiaⁿ.

Boeh-àm ê phú-kng kō͘ chùi-lâng ê khì-hun kā góa pau-ûi, hông-hun kō͘ i un-jiû ê chhiú-pôaⁿ tah tī góa hoat-sio ê hia̍h-thâu.

Góa ná tha̍k ná hoaⁿ-hí, tī hoaⁿ-hí ê tang-tiong mā chù-ì Lenin kóng ê ti̍t-ōa tiong-kan ê pì-bi̍t oan-khiau.

"Chin-lí chóng-sī ē hō͘ lâng phīⁿ-khang ngiau," Surovko tī góa tha̍k liáu án-ne kóng, "būn-tê sī án-chóaⁿ ùi chi̍t-tui lāi-té kéng tio̍h he, m̄-koh i chi̍t-ē tō chhōe tio̍h, ná-chhiūⁿ ke-bó khioh chi̍t-lia̍p chhek."

Che tō sī chham-bô͘ tiong-tūi ê pâi-tiúⁿ Surovkov tùi Lenin ê kóng-hoat, jiân-āu goán tō khì chháu-liâu-á nih khùn. Goán la̍k-ê lâng khùn tī hia, chò-hóe kheh-sio, kha-thúi sio khòe, chhù-téng ū chē-chē ê khang, khòaⁿ ē-tio̍h thiⁿ-téng ê chheⁿ.

Góa bîn-bāng, tī bāng tiong tú tio̍h súi cha-bó͘, m̄-koh góa ê sim-koaⁿ, in-ūi khui sat-kài bak tio̍h hoeh, khia̍k-khia̍k kiò, it-ti̍t lâu-hoeh.

(Soah)

--

2. 來和阮做伙食寡物

彼箍展煞伊 ê 臭屁功夫, 行開. 然後, 我開始 ná teh 塗跤爬 ná 抾 ùi 我 ê 行李箱 lak 出來 ê 手稿和齊是破空 ê 衫仔褲. 我 kā in 收好勢, kā 搬到埕 ê 彼爿. 厝邊有一个磚仔灶, 頂面有一个鍋仔 teh 煮豬肉; he 煙 ê 款和遠遠庄跤 ê 阮兜仝款, 自 án-ne, 枵饑 ê 感覺和無比 ê 孤單交插做伙. 我 kō͘ 焦草崁行李, án-ne 當做枕頭, tō 倒落, 讀 Pravda (真理) 報刊 ê Lenin tī 共產國際第二次大會 ê 演講. 日光 ùi 後面懸懸低低 ê 山崙照 tī 我 ê 身軀, Cossack 人踏我 ê 跤行過, 仝彼个少年不斷作弄我, 伊 he 受佮意 ê 話語沿有刺 ê 路向我來, 毋過無法度到位我遮. 後來, 我 kā 報紙囥一爿, 去揣 tī 亭仔跤踅來踅去 ê 厝頭家娘.

"頭家娘," 我講, "我需要食飯..."

老婦人 kā he 半青盲 ê 目白攑一下, koh 放落.

"同志," 恬一下了她講, "chiah-ê 有 ê 無 ê pìⁿ 甲我想欲走去吊脰."

"天 ah, 我會 kā 你挼死, 查某," 我懊惱 án-ne 念, koh kō͘ 拳頭母挺老婦人 ê 胸. "我來解說予你知影..."

彼時, 一下越身, 我看著離我無遠 ê 所在有一支劍. 一隻威風 ê 鵝搖搖擺擺 tī 埕 nih 行, koh ná teh 安靜整理伊 ê 毛. 我逐著鵝, kā 捒倒 tī 塗跤, kō͘ 馬靴蹔鵝頭, khiak 一下, 血開始流. 白色 ê 頷頸倒 tī 屎 nih, 翼開始 tī 死體頂 phia̍t.

"天 ah, 我會 kā 你挼死, 查某!" 我 ná 講, ná kā 劍插入鵝. "頭家娘, 這提去煮予我."

老婦人 ê 青盲目和目鏡做一下金 sih-sih, 緊 kā 鵝抾起來, 包 tī 圍軀裙, 扎入去灶跤.

埕 nih ê Cossack 人已經圍 in ê 鍋仔坐 leh. In 恬恬坐騰騰, ná 像是牧師, in 無看彼隻鵝.

"彼个少年家袂䆀," 其中一人講起我, 目睭 ná nih ná 舀白菜湯.

Hiah-ê Cossack 人開始食飯, 帶一種庄跤人克制家己, 互相尊敬 ê 優雅; 我 kō͘ 沙仔鑢清氣我 ê 劍, 行出大門, 後來 koh 行轉來, 忝 oaiⁿ-oaiⁿ. 月掛 tī 厝埕頂, ná 像一个粗俗 ê 耳鉤.

"Heh," Cossack 人中間上老 ê Surovkov, 忽然對我講, "來和阮做伙食寡物, ná 等你 ê 鵝煮好."

伊 ùi 馬靴搝一支湯匙, 交予我. 阮 tō 啉彼 in 家己煮 ê 菜湯 koh 食豬肉.

"報紙有啥物無?" 楊麻頭鬃彼个少年問, kheh 一个位予我坐.

"Lenin tī 報紙寫講," 我講, 提出 Pravda 報, "Lenin 寫講, 目前逐項 to 欠缺..."

大大聲, ná 像得意 ê 青盲人 án-ne, 我 kā Lenin ê 演講念予 Cossack 人聽.

欲暗 ê 殕光 kō͘ 醉人 ê 氣氛 kā 我包圍, 黃昏 kō͘ 伊溫柔 ê 手盤貼 tī 我發燒 ê 額頭.

我 ná 讀 ná 歡喜, tī 歡喜 ê 當中 mā 注意 Lenin 講 ê 直話中間 ê 祕密彎曲.

"真理總是會予人鼻空 ngiau," Surovko tī 我讀了 án-ne 講, "問題是按怎 ùi 一堆內底揀著彼, 毋過伊一下 tō 揣著, ná 像雞母抾一粒粟."

這就是參謀中隊 ê 排長 Surovkov 對 Lenin ê 講法, 然後阮 tō 去草寮仔 nih 睏. 阮六个人睏 tī 遐, 做伙 kheh 燒, 跤腿相蹶, 厝頂有濟濟 ê 空, 看會著天頂 ê 星.

我眠夢, tī 夢中拄著媠查某, 毋過我 ê 心肝, 因為開殺戒沐著血, 噗噗叫, 一直流血.

(煞)

--

2.

The fellow exhausted his unsubtle talents and walked away. Then, crawling on the ground, I started to collect the manuscripts and my old clothes, full of holes, that had fallen out of the trunk. I collected and carried them to the other end of the yard. By the hut, on a stove made of bricks, was a pot of cooking pork; it smoked as my far-away home in the country smoked, and hunger became confused with my unparalleled loneliness. I covered my trunk with hay, made a pillow of it and lay down on the ground to read Lenin's speech at the Second Congress of the Comintern in Pravda. The sun fell upon me from behind the jagged hillocks, the Cossacks stepped on my feet, the same young fellow did not tire of making fun at my expense, the beloved lines were approaching me along the thorny path but were unable to reach me. I then put the newspaper aside and went to see the landlady who was spinning on the porch. 

"Landlady," I said, "I need to eat ... "

The old woman raised the spreading whites of her half-blind eyes and again lowered them.

"Comrade," she said after her silence, "all of this makes me want to go and hang myself."

"By God I'll strangle you, woman," I muttered irritably and shoved the old woman with my fist to her chest. "I'm supposed to explain it to you ... "

And, when I turned around I saw somebody's sword lying around not far away. A tyrannical goose was waddling around the yard and was serenely preening its feathers. I caught up with it and pushed it down to the ground, the goose's head cracked under my boot, snapped, and blood began to flow. The white neck lay in the dung and the wings began to flap over the dead body.

"By God, I'll strangle you, woman!" I said, rooting in the goose with my sword. "Landlady, cook it for me."

The old woman, sparkling with her blindness and glasses, picked the bird up, wrapped it in her apron and carried it to the kitchen.

In the yard the Cossacks were already sitting around their pot. They were sitting motionlessly, erect, like priests, and didn't look at the goose.

"The fellow's okay," one of them said about me, winked and ladled the cabbage soup.

The Cossacks began eating with the restrained elegance of peasants who respect each other, and I cleaned the sword with sand, walked out through the gate and came back again, weary. The moon hung over the yard like a cheap earring.

"Hey," Surovkov, the eldest of the Cossacks, said to me suddenly, "come and have some grub with us until your goose is done."

He pulled an extra spoon out of his boot and gave it to me. We guzzled down the homemade cabbage soup and ate the pork.

"Anything in the newspaper?" the fellow with the flaxen hair asked and he made room for me.

"Lenin writes in the newspaper," I said, pulling out Pravda, "Lenin writes that there's shortages of everything ... "

And loudly, like an exultant blind man, I read Lenin's speech to the Cossacks.

Evening wrapped me in the intoxicating liquor of its twilight sheets, evening put its maternal palms to my enflamed forehead.

I read and rejoiced and was on the watch, while rejoicing, for the secret curve in Lenin's straight line.

"Truth tickles everybody's nose," Surovkov said when I had finished, "but the problem is picking it out of the heap, but he hits on it right away, like a chicken with a piece of grain."

That's what Surovkov, the platoon commander of the staff squadron, said about Lenin, and then we went to bed in the hayloft. The six of us slept there, sharing our warmth with each other, our legs entangled, under the roof, full of holes, which let the stars in.

I dreamed and saw women in my dreams, and only my heart, stained with the blood of the killing, creaked and bled.

--

// 2022-2-20

C33 Góa ê Tē-it-chiah Gô | 我 ê 第一隻鵝 - a 目鏡 tī 遮無較縒

My First Goose /by Isaac Babel /Eng trans Ronald Meyer
https://www.thefreshreads.com/my-first-goose/

Góa ê Tē-it-chiah Gô | 我 ê 第一隻鵝

--

1. Ba̍k-kiàⁿ tī chia bô-khah-choa̍h

Tē-la̍k su su-tiúⁿ Savitsky khòaⁿ tio̍h góa ê sî khiā khí-lâi; i hó-khòaⁿ ê koân-tōa hàn-chháu hō͘ góa kiaⁿ chi̍t-tiô. I khiā tio̍h, he bé-khò͘ ê kiô-á-sek, he sió-khóa oai-oai tì ê bō-á ê chhim-âng-sek, he heng-chêng kòa ê hun-chiong, chi̍t-châng lâng kā chhù phòa chò nn̄g-pêng, tō ná-chhiūⁿ kî-koaiⁿ kā thiⁿ phòa chò nn̄g-pêng.

I ū chi̍t-ê phang-bī, sī chin tāng ê sin-sian sap-bûn bī. I he lò-sia̍k-sia̍k ê kha-thúi bē-su nn̄g-ê kā kim-sih-sih bé-hia lom kàu keng-thâu ê ko͘-niû. 

I tùi góa chhiò chi̍t-ē, kō͘ bé-pian kā toh-á kòng chi̍t-ē, koh kā tú-á ùi chham-bô͘-koaⁿ thiaⁿ-siá ê bēng-lēng ngiáu kàu i bīn-chêng. He sī boeh hō͘ Ivan Chesnokov ê bēng-lēng, kiò i chhōa i só͘ sut-niá ê thoân, hiòng Chugunov-Dobryvodka khì, khì chiap-chhiok te̍k-jîn, khì kā in siau-bia̍t...

"Koan-î hit-ê siau-bia̍t," su-tiúⁿ khai-sí siá, kā kui-tiuⁿ chóa siá ba̍t-ba̍t, "góa mā kiò kāng hit-ê Chesnokov taⁿ oân-choân chek-jīm, góa ē-tàng tong-tiûⁿ kā chhú-koat, che, Chesnokov Tông-chì, lí í-keng hām góa tī chiân-sòaⁿ chò-tīn kúi-ā kò goe̍h, eng-kai bē hoâi-gî."

Tē-la̍k su su-tiúⁿ tī bēng-lēng téng-bīn chhiam chi̍t-ê hoe-hoe ê miâ, kā kau hō͘ thoân-lēng-peng, chiah kō͘ i hit-tùi oa̍h-thiàu ê phú-sek ba̍k-chiu khòaⁿ góa; góa kā góa tam-jīm su-pō͘ chham-bô͘ ê bûn-kiāⁿ kau hō͘ i.  

"Teng-kì bēng-lēng!" su-tiúⁿ kóng. "Teng-kì bēng-lēng, kau hō͘ i chi̍t-ê chiân-sòaⁿ í-gōa ê jīm-hô khin-khó hāng-bo̍k. Lí ē-hiáu tha̍k hām siá bô?"

"Ē," góa ìn, ná him-siān chit-tōaⁿ chheng-chhun ê kian-kiông kap to-chhái. "Góa ū Petersburg Tāi-ha̍k ê hoat-lu̍t ha̍k-ūi..."

"Só͘-í lí sī chi̍t-ê siù-châi ah," i chhiò-chhiò án-ne hoah, "mā ū khan ba̍k-kiàⁿ neh. Chin-chiàⁿ òe-sòe! In bô mn̄g tō sàng lí lâi, ba̍k-kiàⁿ ē hāi-sí lí. Tī goán chia, lí kham ē-khí bô?"

"Góa kham ē-khí," góa kā ìn, tō hām keng-lí-koaⁿ tâng-chê khì chng-nih chhōe kòe-mê ê só͘-chāi.

Keng-lí-koaⁿ kā góa ê hêng-lí giâ tī i ê keng-thâu, kiâⁿ hiòng bīn-chêng tn̂g-tn̂g ê chng-kha ke-lō͘, sí-sng ê ji̍t-thâu îⁿ koh n̂g, ná-chhiūⁿ chi̍t-lia̍p kim-koe, kā mûi-kùi-âng ê chòe-āu kong-bông boah tī thiⁿ-téng.

Goán kiâⁿ óa chi̍t-keng ōe hoe-khoân chng-sek ê sió-chhù; keng-lí-koaⁿ thêng-kha, hut-jiân pháiⁿ-sè pháiⁿ-sè chhiò-chhiò kóng:

"Ba̍k-kiàⁿ tī chia bô khah-choa̍h, mā bô lâng ū i ê hoat. Siù-châi tī chia bē chhut-thoat lah. M̄-koh, lí nā ē-tàng khùn chi̍t-ê cha-bó͘, chi̍t-ê súi koh chiàⁿ ê cha-bó͘, hiah-ê hiaⁿ-tī tō ē tùi lí hó kah..."

I giâ góa ê hêng-lí tiû-tî chi̍t-ē, kiâⁿ óa góa, iū-koh kín-kín tò-thè, cháu kàu siōng-kīn hit-ê chhù-tiâⁿ. Tī hia ū Cossack lâng chē tī ta-chháu téng-koân, teh hō͘-siong thì-thâu.

"Chù-ì thiaⁿ, hiaⁿ-tī," keng-lí-koaⁿ kóng, kā góa ê hêng-lí khǹg lo̍h thô͘-kha. "Kin-kì Savitsky ê bēng-lēng, lín tio̍h hó-hó tùi-thāi chit-ê siàu-liân-ke, bē-sái lām-sám, in-ūi i sī chi̍t-ê ū-ha̍k-būn ê lâng."

Keng-lí-koaⁿ ê bīn âng kah hoán chheⁿ, bô hôe-thâu tō sûi lī-khui. Góa gia̍h chhiú kàu bō-á, hiòng chiòng Cossack lâng kiâⁿ-lé. Chi̍t-ê iûⁿ-môa-sek tn̂g thâu-chang, iân-tâu bīn ê siàu-liân kiâⁿ óa góa ê hêng-lí, kā i phiaⁿ chhut tōa-mn̂g. Jiân-āu i oa̍t kha-chhng-táu ǹg góa, kō͘ kiaⁿ-lâng ê ki-su̍t, khai-sí chhut chi̍t-chūn hō͘ lâng kiàn-siàu ê phùi siaⁿ.

"Chún-pī bú-khì, Khòng-khòng Hō," chi̍t-ê khah lāu ê Cossack tùi i hoah, tō khai-sí chhiò. "Liân-sio̍k khui-chhèng..."

--

1. 目鏡 tī 遮無較縒

第六師師長 Savitsky 看著我 ê 時徛起來; 伊好看 ê 懸大漢草予我驚一趒. 伊徛著, 彼馬褲 ê 茄仔色, 彼小可歪歪戴 ê 帽仔 ê 深紅色, 彼胸前掛 ê 勳章, 一叢人 kā 厝破做兩爿, tō ná 像旗杆 kā 天破做兩爿.

伊有一个芳味, 是真重 ê 新鮮雪文味. 伊彼躼 sia̍k-sia̍k ê 跤腿袂輸兩个 kā 金 sih-sih 馬靴 lom 到肩頭 ê 姑娘. 

伊對我笑一下, kō͘ 馬鞭 kā 桌仔摃一下, koh kā 拄仔 ùi 參謀官聽寫 ê 命令 ngiáu 到伊面前. 彼是欲予 Ivan Chesnokov ê 命令, 叫伊 chhōa 伊所率領 ê 團, 向 Chugunov-Dobryvodka 去, 去接觸敵人, 去 kā in 消滅...

"關於彼个消滅," 師長開始寫, kā 規張紙寫密密, "我 mā 叫仝彼个 Chesnokov 擔完全責任, 我會當當場 kā 處決, 這, Chesnokov 同志, 你已經和我 tī 前線做陣幾若個月, 應該袂懷疑."

第六師師長 tī 命令頂面簽一个花花 ê 名, kā 交予傳令兵, 才 kō͘ 伊 hit 對活跳 ê 殕色目睭看我; 我 kā 我擔任師部參謀 ê 文件交予伊. 

"登記命令!" 師長講. "登記命令, 交予伊一个前線以外 ê 任何輕可項目. 你會曉讀和寫無?"

"會," 我應, ná 欣羨這段青春 ê 堅強 kap 多彩. "我有 Petersburg 大學 ê 法律學位..."

"所以你是一个秀才 ah," 伊笑笑 án-ne 喝, "mā 有牽目鏡 neh. 真正穢涗! In 無問 tō 送你來, 目鏡會害死你. Tī 阮遮, 你堪會起無?"

"我堪會起," 我 kā 應, tō 和經理官同齊去庄 nih 揣過暝 ê 所在.

經理官 kā 我 ê 行李夯 tī 伊 ê 肩頭, 行向面前長長 ê 庄跤街路, 死酸 ê 日頭圓 koh 黃, ná 像一粒金瓜, kā 玫瑰紅 ê 最後光芒抹 tī 天頂.

阮行倚一間畫花環裝飾 ê 小厝; 經理官停跤, 忽然歹勢歹勢笑笑講:

"目鏡 tī 遮無較縒, mā 無人有伊 ê 法. 秀才 tī 遮袂出脫 lah. 毋過, 你若會當睏一个查某, 一个媠 koh 正 ê 查某, hiah-ê 兄弟 tō 會對你好甲..."

伊夯我 ê 行李躊躇一下, 行倚我, 又閣緊緊倒退, 走到上近彼个厝埕. Tī 遐有 Cossack 人坐 tī 焦草頂懸, teh 互相剃頭.

"注意聽, 兄弟," 經理官講, kā 我 ê 行李囥落塗跤. "根據 Savitsky ê 命令, 恁著好好對待這个少年家, 袂使濫摻, 因為伊是一个有學問 ê 人."

經理官 ê 面紅 kah 反青, 無回頭 tō 隨離開. 我攑手到帽仔, 向眾 Cossack 人行禮. 一个楊麻色長頭鬃, 緣投面 ê 少年行倚我 ê 行李, kā 伊抨出大門. 然後伊越尻川斗 ǹg 我, kō͘ 驚人 ê 技術, 開始出一陣予人見笑 ê 呸聲.

"準備武器, Khòng-khòng 號," 一个較老 ê Cossack 對伊喝, tō 開始笑. "連續開銃..."

--

1.

Savitsky, commander of the sixth division, stood up when he saw me, and I was surprised by the beauty of his gigantic body. He stood up and the purple of his breeches, the crimson of his hat, tilted to one side, the medals pinned to his chest, cleaved the hut in half as a standard cleaves the sky. He smelled of scent and the cloying, fresh smell of soap. His long legs were like girls sheathed to their shoulders in polished riding boots.

He smiled at me, struck the table with his whip and drew toward him the order that had just been dictated by the staff commander. It was an order for Ivan Chesnokov to advance with the regiment under his command in the direction of Chugunov-Dobryvodka and, after making contact with the enemy, to annihilate the same ...

"For which annihilation," the commander began to write and smeared the whole sheet, "I am making entirely responsible the same Chesnokov, whom I will strike down on the spot, of which you, Comrade Chesnokov, who have been working with me at the front for some months, can have no doubt."

The commander of the sixth division signed the order with a flourish, tossed it to the orderlies and turned on me his gray eyes, dancing with gaiety; I gave him the paper that ordered my appointment to the division staff. 

"Register the order!" said the commander. "Register the order and sign him up for any amusement except the front. Can you read and write?"

"Yes," I answered, envying the iron and flower of this youth. "I have a law degree from Petersburg University ... "

"So you're one of those scholar-kids," he shouted, smiling, "and glasses on your nose too. What a mangy specimen! .. They send you without asking, but here you could get killed for those glasses. Going to make it with us?"

''I'll make it," I answered and left for the village with the quartermaster to find lodgings for the night.

The quartermaster carried my trunk on his shoulders, the village street extended before us, the dying sun, round and yellow as a pumpkin, breathed its last rosy ray on the sky.

We approached a hut decorated with painted wreaths; the quartermaster stopped and said suddenly with a guilty smile:

"It's a bad business here with glasses, and nobody can put a stop to it. No place here for a distinguished fellow. But you go and bed down some lady, a nice upright lady, then the boys'll be good to you ... "

He hesitated with my trunk on his shoulders, came up close to me, then jumped back in despair and ran to the nearest yard. Cossacks were sitting there on hay and were shaving each other.

"Here, soldiers," the quartermaster said and put my trunk down on the ground. "According to Comrade Savitsky's orders you have to take this fellow in and without any fooling around, because this fellow's got a lot of learning."

The quartermaster turned purple in the face and left without turning back. I raised my hand and tipped my hat to the Cossacks. A young fellow with long, flaxen hair and a handsome Ryazan face went up to my trunk and threw it over the gate. Then he turned his back to me and with surprising skill he began to emit shameful noises.

"Weapon No. Zero-Zero," shouted an older Cossack to him and then began to laugh. "Rapid fire ... "

--

C32b He 聲是一个生份人

2. He siaⁿ sī chi̍t-ê chheⁿ-hūn lâng

"M̄-koh, nā sī kóng, lán ū sio-tú, góa koh sī o͘-lâng neh?"

"Nā án-ne, lí khó-lêng í-keng hām chi̍t-ê o͘-lâng cha-po͘ teh kiâⁿ ah." I the̍h khí chhiâng-chúi-thâu chōaⁿ gîn-khì. chúi sio kah kim-sio̍k piàn-chò chhián-nâ-sek, āu-lâi koh piàn tńg-lâi gîn-sek.

"Ká-sú góa m̄-sī án-ne," yi kóng. "Ká-sú góa sī o͘-lâng, bô hām lâng teh kiâⁿ, jiân-āu lán sio-tú, lán sio-ài."

I lia̍h yi khòaⁿ chi̍t-ē. Yi kim-kim khòaⁿ i, bak-chiu kim sih-sih. "Góa kā lí kóng," i kóng, kō͘ chi̍t-chióng lí-sèng ê siaⁿ-tiāu, "án-ne chin gōng. Lí nā sī o͘-lâng, lí tō m̄-sī lí ah." Ná án-ne kóng ê sî, i ì-sek tio̍h che choa̍t-tùi sī sū-si̍t. Yi nā sī o͘-lâng, yi tō m̄-sī yi ah, che sī bián sio-chèⁿ ê sū-si̍t. Chū án-ne, i koh kóng: "Lí nā sī o͘-lâng, lí tō m̄-sī lí ah."

"Góa chai lah," yi kóng, "m̄-koh lán tō án-ne lâi kóng khòaⁿ-māi."

I suh chi̍t-ê tōa-khùi. I í-keng chèⁿ iâⁿ ah, m̄-koh iáu-sī kám-kak siám bē-lī. "Kóng siáⁿ?" i mn̄g.

"Kóng, góa sī o͘-lâng, m̄-koh iáu-sī góa ka-tī, iá lán sio-ài. Lí ē boeh chhōa góa bô?"

I siūⁿ chi̍t-khùn.

"Án-nóa?" yi kóng, kiâⁿ óa i.

"Góa teh siūⁿ," i kóng.

"Lí bē lah, góa ē-sái kā lí kóng. Lí tit-boeh kóng bē."

"Kì-jiân lí án-ne kóng..."

"Mài koh siūⁿ, ē a̍h bē?"

"Thiⁿ ah, Ann. Hó lah. Bē."

Yi kóng chi̍t-siaⁿ "To-siā," tō ùi chàu-kha kiâⁿ khì kheh-thiaⁿ. Kòe chi̍t-khùn, i thiaⁿ tio̍h yi teh hian cha̍p-chì ê siaⁿ. I chai, yi khì kah bô chin-chiàⁿ teh tha̍k he, m̄-koh yi m̄-sī chhiūⁿ i kín-hian ê hit-chióng hian hoat. Yi hian bān-bān ah, bē-su yi teh gián-kiù múi chi̍t-ê jī. Yi teh tián-sī yi tùi i léng-tām, án-ne hō͘ i chai-iáⁿ yi boeh ài ê hāu-kó. Che hō͘ i thiàⁿ-sim.

I bô siáⁿ hoat-tō͘, chí-hó mā tián-sī tùi yi ê léng-tām. Chēng-chēng, thiat-té-te̍k, i kā chhun ê óaⁿ-pôaⁿ sé hó. Jiân-āu i kā in chhit-ta, siu hó-sè. I koh chhit kūi-tâi, lô͘-á, koh kā tih-lo̍h tē-pán ê hoeh lù chheng-khì. Teh án-ne chò ê sî, i koat-tēng, kui-khi kā kui-ê tē-pán lóng lù-lù leh. Tán i oân-sêng, chàu-kha khòaⁿ tio̍h ná sin ê, ná chhiūⁿ in chho͘-chhù khòaⁿ chhù hit-sî ê khoán, he sī in iáu-bōe lâi tòa chia chìn-chêng.

I the̍h-khí pùn-sò-tháng kiâⁿ chhut-khì. Àm-iā ê thiⁿ chheng-chheng, i ē-tàng khòaⁿ tio̍h sai-pêng ê chi̍t-kóa chheⁿ, hit-hiòng ê thiⁿ khah bô hō͘ siâⁿ-tìn ê teng-kng iāⁿ tio̍h. El Camino Lō͘ ê kau-thong ún-tēng, khin-khó, pêng-hô kah ná-chhiūⁿ khe-lâu. Ín-khí bó͘ hām i ka-tī sio-chiàn, i kám-kak kiàn-siàu. Koh liōng-iok 30 nî in tō lóng í-keng sí ah. Kàu hit-sî, chit-lō tāi-chì ū siáⁿ ì-gī ah? I siūⁿ-khí tâng-chê tō͘-kòe ê chit kúi-nî, in sī gōa-nī chhin-kīn, gōa-nī hō͘-siong liáu-kái, i ê nâ-âu tīⁿ-tīⁿ, kiông boeh bē chhoán-khùi. I ê bīn hām ām-kún khai-sí bán-ân. Heng-khám chi̍t-chūn sio. I tī hia khiā chi̍t-khùn, hiáng-siū chit-chióng kám-kak, jiân-āu koh the̍h-khí pùn-sò-tháng, chhut āu-tiâⁿ ê mn̂g.

Ke-lō͘ ê hit nn̄g-chiah cha̍p-chéng káu iū-koh lâi tī pùn-sò tui hia. Kî-tiong chi̍t-chiah thán-chhiò tó tī thô͘-kha nòa, lēng-gōa chi̍t-chiah chhùi nih kā chi̍t-ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ. Ná chhut-siaⁿ, yi ná kā mi̍h-kiāⁿ hiù hiòng thiⁿ, thiàu khí-lâi koh kā sîn tio̍h, koh chhut-siaⁿ, thâu-khak hiòng siang-pêng hàiⁿ. Tán in khòaⁿ tio̍h i chhut-hiān, in sûi kín ta̍h sió-pō͘ cháu khui. Pêng-sî i lóng ē kā in tìm chio̍h-thâu, m̄-koh chit-pái i pàng in cháu.

Tńg kàu chhù ê sî, lāi-bīn àm-àm. Yi tī e̍k-sek. I khiā tī mn̂g-kháu, kiò yi ê miâ. I thiaⁿ tio̍h kan-á sio-kho̍k ê siaⁿ, m̄-koh yi bô ìn siaⁿ. "Ann, góa chin-chiàⁿ phō-khiam," i kóng. "Góa ē pó͘-sióng lí, góa pó-chèng."

"Án-nóa pó͘-sióng?" yi mn̄g.

I bô siūⁿ tio̍h che. M̄-koh ùi yi ê siaⁿ-sàu, he sī i chheⁿ-hūn ê siaⁿ-tiāu kap kháu-khì, i chai, i tio̍h the̍h-chhut chèng-khak ê tap-àn. I phēng tī mn̂g. "Góa boeh chhōa lí," i khin-siaⁿ kóng.

"Lán chiah khòaⁿ-māi leh," yi kóng. "Lí seng khì khùn. Góa liâm-mi tō chhut-lâi."

I thǹg hó saⁿ-khò͘, khàm tī mî-phōe lāi. Lo̍h-bóe i thiaⁿ tio̍h e̍k-sek ê mn̂g khui koh koaiⁿ.

"Kā tiān-hóe koaiⁿ tiāu," yi ùi kòe-tō kóng.

"Siáⁿ?"

"Kā tiān-hóe koaiⁿ tiāu."

I chhut-chhiú khiú chhn̂g-piⁿ teng ê khai-koan. Pâng-keng piàn àm. "Hó ah," i kóng. I tó tī hia, m̄-koh siáⁿ to bô hoat-seng. "Hó ah," i koh kóng chi̍t-piàn. Jiân-āu i thiaⁿ tio̍h pâng-keng lāi tín-tāng ê siaⁿ. I chē khí-lâi, m̄-koh siáⁿ to bô khòaⁿ tio̍h. Pâng-keng lāi chēng-chēng. I ê sim thiàu kah ná-chhiūⁿ in chò-tīn ê thâu chi̍t-mê, mā thiàu kah ná-chhiūⁿ tī o͘-àm tiong thiaⁿ tio̍h siaⁿ chhéⁿ-lâi, i tán boeh koh thiaⁿ ê sî-chūn -- he siaⁿ sī ū-lâng tī chhù-lāi kiâⁿ-tāng, sī chi̍t-ê chheⁿ-hūn-lâng.

- -

2. He 聲是一个生份人

"毋過, 若是講, 咱有相拄, 我 koh 是烏人 neh?"

"若 án-ne, 你可能已經和一个烏人查埔 teh 行 ah." 伊提起沖水頭濺銀器. 水燒甲金屬變做淺藍色, 後來 koh 變轉來銀色.

"假使我毋是 án-ne," 她講. "假使我是烏人, 無和人 teh 行, 然後咱相拄, 咱相愛."

伊掠她看一下. 她金金看伊, 目睭金 sih-sih. "我 kā 你講," 伊講, kō͘ 一種理性 ê 聲調, "án-ne 真戇. 你若是烏人, 你 tō 毋是你 ah." Ná án-ne 講 ê 時, 伊意識著這絕對是事實. 她若是烏人, 她 tō 毋是她 ah, 這是免相諍 ê 事實. 自 án-ne, 伊 koh 講: "你若是烏人, 你 tō 毋是你 ah."

"我知 lah," 她講, "毋過咱 tō án-ne 來講看覓."

伊欶一个大氣. 伊已經諍贏 ah, 毋過猶是感覺閃袂離. "講啥?" 伊問.

"講, 我是烏人, 毋過猶是我家己, iá 咱相愛. 你會欲娶我無?"

伊想一睏.

"按怎?" 她講, 行倚伊.

"我 teh 想," 伊講.

"你袂 lah, 我會使 kā 你講. 你得欲講袂."

"既然你 án-ne 講..."

"莫 koh 想, 會 a̍h 袂?"

"天 ah, Ann. 好 lah. 袂."

她講一聲 "多謝," tō ùi 灶跤行去客廳. 過一睏, 伊聽著她 teh 掀雜誌 ê 聲. 伊知, 她氣甲無真正 teh 讀彼, 毋過她毋是像伊緊掀 ê 彼種掀法. 她掀慢慢 ah, 袂輸她 teh 研究每一个字. 她 teh 展示她對伊冷淡, án-ne 予伊知影她欲愛 ê 效果. 這予伊疼心.

伊無啥法度, 只好 mā 展示對她 ê 冷淡. 靜靜, 徹底 te̍k, 伊 kā 賰 ê 碗盤洗好. 然後伊 kā in 拭焦, 收好勢. 伊 koh 拭櫃台, 爐仔, koh kā 滴落地板 ê 血鑢清氣. Teh án-ne 做 ê 時, 伊決定, 規氣 kā 規个地板攏鑢鑢 leh. 等伊完成, 灶跤看著 ná 新 ê, 若像 in 初次看厝彼時 ê 款, 彼是 in 猶未來蹛遮進前.

伊提起糞埽桶行出去. 暗夜 ê 天清清, 伊會當看著西爿 ê 一寡星, hit 向 ê 天較無予城鎮 ê 燈光焱著. El Camino 路 ê 交通穩定, 輕可, 平和甲 ná 像溪流. 引起某和伊家己相戰, 伊感覺見笑. Koh 量約 30 年 in tō 攏已經死 ah. 到彼時, chit-lō 代誌有啥意義 ah? 伊想起同齊度過 ê 這幾年, in 是 gōa-nī 親近, gōa-nī 互相了解, 伊 ê 嚨喉滇滇, 強欲袂喘氣. 伊 ê 面和頷頸開始挽絚. 胸坎一陣燒. 伊 tī 遐徛一睏, 享受這種感覺, 然後 koh 提起糞埽桶, 出後埕 ê 門.

街路 ê 彼兩隻雜種狗又閣來 tī 糞埽堆遐. 其中一隻坦笑倒 tī 塗跤 nòa, 另外一隻喙 nih 咬一个物件. Ná 出聲, 她 ná kā 物件 hiù 向天, 跳起來 koh kā 承著, koh 出聲, 頭殼向雙爿幌. 等 in 看著伊出現, in 隨緊踏小步走開. 平時伊攏會 kā in 頕石頭, 毋過這擺伊放 in 走.

轉到厝 ê 時, 內面暗暗. 她 tī 浴室. 伊徛 tī 門口, 叫她 ê 名. 伊聽著矸仔相硞 ê 聲, 毋過她無應聲. "Ann, 我真正抱歉," 伊講. "我會補償你, 我保證."

"按怎補償?" 她問.

伊無想著這. 毋過 ùi 她 ê 聲嗽, 彼是伊生份 ê 聲調 kap 口氣, 伊知, 伊著提出正確 ê 答案. 伊 phēng tī 門. "我欲娶你," 伊輕聲講.

"咱才看覓 leh," 她講. "你先去睏. 我 liâm-mi tō 出來."

伊褪好衫褲, 崁 tī 棉被內. 落尾伊聽著浴室 ê 門開 koh 關.

"Kā 電火關掉," 她 ùi 過道講.

"啥?"

"Kā 電火關掉."

伊出手搝床邊燈 ê 開關. 房間變暗. "好 ah," 伊講. 伊倒 tī 遐, 毋過啥 to 無發生. "好 ah," 伊 koh 講一遍. 然後伊聽著房間內振動 ê 聲. 伊坐起來, 毋過啥 to 無看著. 房間內靜靜. 伊 ê 心跳甲 ná 像 in 做陣 ê 頭一暝, mā 跳甲 ná 像 tī 烏暗中聽著聲醒來, 伊等欲 koh 聽 ê 時陣 -- he 聲是有人 tī 厝內 kiâⁿ-tāng, 是一个生份人.

- -

2.

"But if we had met, and I'd been black?"

"Then you probably would have been going out with a black guy." He picked up the rinsing nozzle and sprayed the silverware. The water was so hot that the metal darkened to pale blue, then turned silver again.

"Let's say I wasn't," she said. "Let's say I am black and unattached and we meet and fall in love."

He glanced over at her. She was watching him and her eyes were bright. "Look," he said, taking a reasonable tone, "this is stupid. If you were black you wouldn't be you." As he said this he realized it was absolutely true. There was no possible way of arguing with the fact that she would not be herself if she were black. So he said it again: "If you were black you wouldn't be you."

"I know," she said, "but let's just say."

He took a deep breath. He had won the argument but he still felt cornered. "Say what?" he asked.

"That I'm black, but still me, and we fall in love. Will you marry me?"

He thought about it.

"Well?" she said, and stepped close to him. Her eyes were even brighter. "Will you marry me?"

"I'm thinking," he said.

"You won't, I can tell. You're going to say no."

"Since you put it that way—"

"No more considering, Yes or no."

"Jesus, Ann. All right. No."

She said "Thank you," and walked from the kitchen into the living room. A moment later he heard her turning the pages of a magazine. He knew that she was too angry to be actually reading it, but she didn't snap through the pages the way he would have done. She turned them slowly, as if she were studying every word. She was demonstrating her indifference to him, and it had the effect he knew she wanted it to have. It hurt him.

He had no choice but to demonstrate his indifference to her. Quietly, thoroughly, he washed the rest of the dishes. Then he dried them and put them away. He wiped the counters and the stove and scoured the linoleum where the drop of blood had fallen. While he was at it, he decided, he might as well mop the whole floor. When he was done the kitchen looked new, the way it looked when they were first shown the house, before they had ever lived here.

He picked up the garbage pail and went outside. The night was clear and he could see a few stars to the west, where the lights of the town didn't blur them out. On El Camino the traffic was steady and light, peaceful as a river. He felt ashamed that he had let his wife get him into a fight. In another thirty years or so they would both be dead. What would all that stuff matter then? He thought of the years they had spent together, and how close they were, and how well they knew each other, and his throat tightened so that he could hardly breathe. His face and neck began to tingle. Warmth flooded his chest. He stood there for a while, enjoying these sensations, then picked up the pail and went out the back gate.

The two mutts from down the street had pulled over the garbage can again. One of them was rolling around on his back and the other had something in her mouth. Growling, she tossed it into the air, leaped up and caught it, growled again and whipped her head from side to side. When they saw him coming they trotted away with short, mincing steps. Normally he would heave rocks at them, but this time he let them go.

The house was dark when he came back inside. She was in the bathroom. He stood outside the door and called her name. He heard bottles clinking, but she didn't answer him. "Ann, I'm really sorry," he said. "I'll make it up to you, I promise."

"How?" she asked.

He wasn't expecting this. But from a sound in her voice, a level and definite note that was strange to him, he knew that he had to come up with the right answer. He leaned against the door. "I'll marry you," he whispered.

"We'll see," she said. "Go on to bed. I'll be out in a minute."

He undressed and got under the covers. Finally he heard the bathroom door open and close.

"Turn off the light," she said from the hallway.

"What?"

"Turn off the light."

He reached over and pulled the chain on the bedside lamp. The room went dark. "All right," he said. He lay there, but nothing happened. "All right," he said again. Then he heard a movement across the room. He sat up, but he couldn't see a thing. The room was silent. His heart pounded the way it had on their first night together, the way it still did when he woke at a noise in the darkness and waited to hear it again - the sound of someone moving through the house, a stranger.

- -

// 2022-01-28